Sunrise
by sampire
Summary: Bella dies, and, as the wolf legend predicted, she is reborn as someone new. When Jacob finds her, he has a difficult decision to make. Should he tell Edward as he promised he would? Or will new bella even remember any of them at all? insane drama. read!
1. Invitations and Accusations

**(Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer Owns these characters. I unfortunately do not.)**

_Please leave reviews if you're reading this. I tend to never finish what I start writing,  
and if I got a few reviews, I think it'd help me break the habit. Thank you for reading!_

Invitations and Accusations

"Look at these ones!" Alice chirped. She was leaning over the back of the passenger seat of the Volvo, looking over my shoulder at the wedding magazine she had just thrown at me. "I really like those crystal ones. They're gorgeous, don't you think so? Or do you like the other ones?"

"Er…" I looked at the picture she was pointing at. One set of cups was taller than the other. There was no other difference. I pursed my lips. "Does it really matter?"

"Of course it matters! This has to be perfect. Come on, you have to pick one." She looked at me with the saddest expression on her angel's face. It was one that I was beginning to know very well. "Don't you want me to be happy Bella? Just pick one itty bitty picture, and I'll be happy. You won't have to do anything else, I promise." She stared at me, her lower lip jutting out, and blinked innocently. I scowled at her and pointed without looking.

"Oh come on Bella, you just pointed at a picture of candles! You have to start taking this a little more seriously! This is your wedding we're talking about!"

"Are you sure? It sure doesn't feel like it." I muttered, looking away from her. Edward squeezed my hand.

"Bella! Do you want me to do this or not?" She snapped.

"Yes, of course I want you to do this, Alice. But is my opinion really necessary?"

She rolled her eyes, sighing dramatically. "Yes, it's necessary. Now pick one!" She ordered, her musical voice unusually loud in my ear. I flinched back from the sound of it before pointing to the taller glasses.

"Happy?"

She grinned. "Yes. Now we just have to pick out some more napkins." She sang, flipping eagerly through a different, thicker magazine. I groaned.

"What do you mean _more_ napkins?"

I had spent the whole entire previous night confined in Alice's room surrounded by wedding magazines. After hours of picking out the fanciest silverware and napkins, I couldn't take it any longer. Who would have thought that there were so many different types of napkins? And now she wanted _more?_

"Yes. I was thinking that we should have different types of napkins for different people. One set for friends, one for family, one for soon-to-be-family, like me," She paused to smile hugely. "And then one for you and Edward, of course."

"That's hardly necessary, Alice." Edward's voice made me jump. He hadn't spoken since we had left the library in Port Angeles. "Bella and I don't need our own napkins, and I don't think anyone else will be upset that all the napkins match." He smirked at his eccentric sister. She made a face at him and went on as if he hadn't spoken.

"Don't even think that you're skipping out on Rosalie and me tomorrow, either, Bella. We want this to be perfect, and you have to incorporate, too." She continued. All of this wedding stuff was really starting to take its toll on me. I sighed, trying feebly to block her out, and contented myself with watching Edward watch me. His probing eyes flickered to Alice's face and turned into a pair of topaz daggers.

"Alice. That's enough." He hissed through clenched teeth. "Bella needs to get home to Charlie. She has some sleeping to catch up on. Now out." He reached back and opened her door for her. I looked around, stunned to realize that we were already in front of their house. Alice stuck her tongue out at him before dancing out of the shiny vehicle and bolting gracefully to the steps of the big white home. His mouth twitched at the corners, fighting a smile. Then she turned around and gave him a strange look. Her eyes narrowed as though in warning and she pursed her lips. His features hardened.

"What was that about?" I asked, curious, watching her disappear through the doorway.

"She wants you to pick out more napkins, that's all." Edward turned back to me and sighed, his expression back to normal, stroking my face with the tips of his fingers. "We could still go to Vegas, you know." He reminded me for the hundredth time. His eyes were intense; they made it very hard to think. Somehow I managed to get my mind working properly enough to respond to him.

"No. I've already made the decision."

"It isn't too late to change your mind." He insisted, taking my hand in his. He was already backing out of the long, hidden drive, on his way back to Charlie's house. I rarely even thought to remind him to keep his eyes on the road anymore. What with his being able to read minds and react faster than any one person in the world can, it was not something that I needed to worry about-especially compared to the many other problems that had been threatening my sanity lately. Sure, the wedding was high on the list of things that were making me mentally decompose, but there were other things that I found to be much more menacing.

There was the Volturi, the huge royal vampire clan in Volterra, Italy, that was intent on making sure that my heart stop beating and my blood run cold one way or the other. And Jacob-the most difficult of my problems. He was the most difficult because, well, it isn't exactly easy trying to be friends with someone you're in love with when you're marrying someone else whom you love more. It didn't help, either, that I missed him. I knew that I shouldn't, and I tried not to, but I did. I tried to avoid the subject with Edward, too, but that also wasn't easy. It was something that was constantly on my mind ever since the last time I'd seen him the day of the fight. The only updates I got on Jacob's recovery came from Charlie, and I hadn't exactly been on the best of terms with him, either, so my information was very limited.

"Bella? Are you alright?" Edward's voice startled me again and I jumped in my seat, smacking my head on the window.

"Ouch." I muttered, rubbing it. I scowled out the window and was not surprised to find that we were parked in front of Charlie's house. It had started to rain. I sighed, looking at Edward. His copper hair was blowing slightly in the wind that entered through the open window; his golden eyes were fixated on me, his eyebrows pulling together in worry, but his mouth twisted slightly with humor. Even when making faces he was many more degrees beautiful than I could ever hope to be. I stared at him for a minute before answering.

"I'm fine, why?" I asked, somewhat dazed.

"Well first of all, you just smacked your head against the window." He chuckled once and pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh again. "And you've been very quiet." He murmured, a little more sober, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into the back of my hand. "Are you still upset about Alice?"

"No," I shook my head. Alice was the very least of my worries. "I was actually worrying…." I paused, biting my lip. Edward's eyes narrowed slightly. "About Charlie." I concluded. It wasn't exactly what I had been worrying about at the moment, but it was definitely something to think about. It was obvious that Edward didn't need to hear about Jacob.

Charlie had been being very difficult, anyway. I _should_ be worrying about him. If I had thought he didn't like Edward before, he hated him now. I'd never seen him so completely irate before. I'd known he would act this way to an extent, but he pushed the limits. Even Edward was surprised.

"What do you mean, '_married'_!?" He'd shouted at me. He continued to harass Edward, pointing a finger in his face and accusing him of corrupting my morals and my intellect. Edward just sat there, politely nodding all the while, his eyes always on my face, measuring my reactions.

"You're so wrapped up in this…this…_boy," _He spat at me, completely oblivious to the irony of questioning the word. "That you can't even see how blind you're being! Do you honestly think that he'll want to be with you twenty years from now? No! It doesn't work like that. You don't just hop out of high school and get married at eighteen! Be sensible Bella! You're being completely ridiculous!"

Despite the menace in his voice, I also detected the pain and the fear that he kept hidden there beneath it. I knew that he was terrified that I'd wind up like him or Renee. After all, they had been in the same predicament, and Renee had up and left, taking me along with her, and leaving Charlie in the cold, lonely rain that my mother despised so much. I sighed, wondering when he would get over her and move on. He couldn't remain committed only to his work and his fishing pole. It wasn't healthy.

"Don't worry about Charlie, Bella. His thoughts are comparatively calm as to what they were yesterday. I don't think that he'll give us much of a problem. Besides, if he does, you can always stay at my house again." He offered.

I groaned, throwing my head into my hands, trying to block the memory. Though I did enjoy my time spent with the Cullens, I did not want to play the moving-out card again - not so close to the time when I actually would be moving out. It wouldn't be fair to Charlie to do that again. Of course, it had helped, a teensy bit, when I left and stayed at Edward's house for the week last week. When I returned to Charlie's yesterday, at least he'd seemed to have learned that I was not joking about moving away from him. At least I had that much going for me when it came to Charlie.

A cold white hand slipped under my chin, forcing me to look up. I sighed, focusing on Edward's face again. He seemed pretty confident about Charlie not being in too bad of a mood. He smiled at me, coaxing me to smile back. When it didn't work, he reached over with his other hand to pull up the side of my mouth with his index finger.

"Come on, Bella. It'll be alright. I won't let go of you for a second, I promise." He smiled my favorite crooked smile. I blinked, trying to remember the sarcastic remark I had been about to make.

"Yeah, that will really make Charlie happy. Great thinking." I rolled my eyes, secretly rejoicing in the triumph of my memory.

"Fine then. I won't touch you once." He shrugged, his face smug, his hands pulling away from me. I grabbed them quickly and held them in my own.

"You won't let go of me?" I confirmed, leaning toward him.

"Not once." He grinned again, taking back one of his hands. He held my face to his and smiled before kissing me lightly on the mouth.

We got out of the car and walked up the short drive. Charlie's police cruiser was in its usual place next to my rusted red pickup. I sighed. I hadn't seen much of my truck lately. I kind of missed it. I supposed that I could deal with it as long as I was with Edward, though. Just then he squeezed my hand, looking down at me and winking, something he had not done since back when I had first met him. I blinked at him in wonder, but his expression quickly changed to confusion as his eyes flickered back to the house.

Charlie opened the door before we could get to it.

"Charlie?" I called to him, confused. "Where are you going?" He barely looked at me as he continued on to his car. He had his fishing pole in one hand, cell phone in the other. He was just snapping the phone shut. Since when did Charlie have a cell phone?

"Fishing with Billy. I'll be back later." He replied vaguely. Then he paused, looking at me curiously. "Unless you're here to tell me something." The way he said this was strange, more like a question instead of a statement, and I couldn't quite detect the undercurrent in his voice. I waited before answering, trying to dissect his expression and make sense of his words.

"Not really. Why?" I asked hesitantly, unsure of what he was getting at. He had an odd expression on his face. It was an almost comical combination of doubt, hope, anger, annoyance, and suspicion. He shrugged.

"See ya." He called to us from the window of his car. Then he peeled out of the driveway.

"What was that all about?" I asked Edward. I was thoroughly confused. Sure, fishing was usual for Charlie, but not so much when it was seven thirty at night and raining. I shook my head at the enigmatic behavior my father displayed.

"He called Billy the minute we pulled up. He's decided to give us the silent treatment, sort of. I don't think he'd care if we were smack dab in the middle of a tornado. Nothing could have made him stay here, except of course, you canceling the wedding." He glanced at me hesitantly from the corner of his eye. I gasped.

"What are you talking about? What did you hear?"

He pursed his lips, obviously debating whether or not it was right to tell me. Edward was oddly moral in that he didn't like to share other people's thoughts. He tried not to listen to others thoughts at all. He said that it was a lack of privacy and respect. People's thoughts are in their heads for a reason. They are not meant to be heard, otherwise they would be spoken. I rolled my eyes, tapping my foot impatiently.

"When he… asked if you had something to tell him, he was hoping that you had maybe come to tell him that we were calling off the wedding." He finally told me, smiling reluctantly. My eyes widened.

"How could he be so hopeful?" I asked, more to myself than anything. I shook my head in disbelief. Charlie knew how I felt about Edward. He should know better than to think that I might change my mind.

Edward shrugged, leading me through the door of the house. The lights were still on in the kitchen, the dinner dishes dirty in the sink.

"Wow. He left in a hurry, huh?"

Edward smiled. "Like I said, he is avoiding us like the plague. He wants to show you what its like to be on your own. Or, at least, that is how he justifies his behavior to himself. He is hoping that you will realize how naïve you're being."

I snorted. Yeah, like that would ever happen. Charlie was so clueless sometimes. I went to the sink and began scrubbing at the remainders of scrambled eggs and bacon left on the plate as Edward sat at the table, staring pensively out the window. Something about his expression was off. I scrubbed harder, thinking about any possible causes for his stress.

After several long minutes of silence, I gave up and tried focusing on a different curiosity entirely.

"What did you do last night?" I asked.

"Er…what?" He looked at me suddenly, a slightly shocked expression on his face. My eyebrows pulled together. He was acting funny.

"Last night, when I was looking through magazines with Alice. Where did you sneak off to?" I watched him carefully, looking for clues in his expressions. He must have realized what I was doing, because his face quickly became a serene mask. I pursed my lips and dried the dishes, waiting for his response.

"I was hunting." He answered after a moment. His eyes narrowed, reading my expression like I was reading his. For some reason that I couldn't quite understand, I didn't believe him. Though it would not be the first time he had lied to me, trust had never really been much of an issue before. I wondered why he might lie to me about this as the conversation died and I returned the dishes to their rightful places.

Edward sighed. "So…" He started to say something else, but the phone cut him off. I watched as his eyes flashed quickly to the receiver. Why did he look panicked?

I picked up the phone, still watching Edward carefully. His expression was back to the suspiciously unreadable mask again. "Hello?" I said into the phone.

"Bella?" The voice on the line was not one that I had been expecting. I stared at the phone for a second, startled. "Bella?" The voice repeated.

"Sam?" I gasped. I did not miss the anxious look that came into Edward's eyes as I said this. He was in my face in a second, reaching for the phone. I blinked, handing it to him without thinking.

"Sam." Edward's voice was smooth, alert. He said nothing else as he listened to the reply. I wondered what Sam Uley would be calling Charlie for. Then suddenly, suspicion took over and it all fell into place. Sam was not calling for Charlie; Sam had been calling for me. And whatever it was that Edward had not been telling me, Sam surely knew. I gasped, looking up at Edward accusingly.

"What is it? What aren't you telling me?" I demanded, grabbing at the phone. Edward spun around quickly, dodging my attack, and I narrowly avoided smacking my face into the counter. I heard Sam's voice get louder and was surprised to hear the new accusatory tone that colored it. He sounded just as angry as I was. I glared at Edward's anxious face. His lips pressed into a tight line as he listened to whatever Sam was yelling at him.

"Let me talk to him!" I shouted at him, my hands curling into fists. Edward only glared back at me.

"No. No, I didn't." He said grudgingly to Sam. There was a pause. "I think that you should be able to connect the dots, don't you think?" The acid in his voice only made me angrier. What was going on? Why was Sam calling? Was Jacob okay?

"Let me talk to him, Edward!" I repeated, my voice now a shrill shrieking. It hurt my ears, but I continued to scream at him anyway. "Edward Cullen! You hand me that phone right this instant! This is not nice!" I stomped my foot again like I had that time with Jacob. If I wasn't so angry, I would have laughed at the memory. Edward raised his eyebrows in surprise. His jaw flexed.

I could still hear Sam yelling on the other end of the phone, but Edward cut him off. "I'll have her call you back." He said, pressing the 'end' button.

My jaw hurt from grinding my teeth so hard, but I waited, teeth clenched, for him to say something to me. He stood there, staring at me with worried, uncertain eyes for a long moment. He didn't say anything.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I shouted, unable to keep from screaming anymore. I smacked my fist against the counter. It hurt. "Why do you always do this!? Just tell me!" The tears slid from my eyes, the first sign of weakness. I silently cursed the horrible tendency, turning my back on him. Why did I always have to cry?

Cold arms suddenly wrapped around my waist, turning me and pulling me to the body they belonged to. I pushed against him, turning my face away.

"No." I tried to make my voice sound assertive, but the sound that escaped my lips was awfully frail. "Tell me, Edward. Now." I looked up at him. He was looking at the floor, his face crumpled in what appeared to be shame.

"I'm sorry." He murmured. "I didn't think you'd be able to handle it if you knew…" His voice trailed off and his eyes flickered to my face. I was shocked to see the pain in them, but not calm enough to comfort him yet.

"What are you talking about?" I yelled, not in the mood for a long explanation. I just wanted the answer-straight and simple.

"Jac-" He started to explain, but I couldn't stop myself from responding once I heard the first syllable.

"What happened to Jacob?" My heart pounded unevenly and I suddenly felt very dizzy. Not this again. Not Jacob, again.

"Bella," Edward's voice was slightly panicked, like a victim trying to calm down an attacker who was undergoing an episode. "Bella, calm down. Please, calm down."

I closed my eyes, trying to do as he said. Leaning against the counter, I attempted to breathe evenly through my mouth. "What happened to Jacob?" I repeated. My voice was bleak, monotone.

"You're going to be very angry with me, but I need you to stay calm, okay?" His voice sounded nervous. My stomach dropped and I nodded weakly. He sighed, reluctant. "Bella…I sent Jacob a wedding invitation." He started again. My eyes popped open in shock and my jaw dropped. I had not been expecting this. He cautioned me with his eyes before continuing. "I thought that he deserved to have a choice. I would have liked to have had the choice if I were in his position…." He paused. I stared at him, frozen in an inescapable lake of emotions, as he thought.

"Jacob ran away, Bella." He watched me carefully as he said this, afraid, I assumed, that I would have some kind of an outburst. My hands shook.

"What do you mean, he ran away?" My voice sounded different. It didn't sound like me. Edward pursed his lips, his eyebrows pulling together in worry.

"Last night Billy called me." He put his hand over my mouth when I opened it to accuse him. "Yes, I lied. I'm sorry. Billy called me and told me that Jacob was gone. He left as a wolf, so no one had worried about it. They would all know where he was. But…" He stopped to sigh. "They can't hear his thoughts anymore when they're wolves. They don't know whether he has just gone back to his human form again, or if maybe he is too far away for them to be able to hear him anymore."

I blinked. It was all that I was capable of. I couldn't decide who to be angrier with: Edward or myself. I couldn't help but be angry with Edward for sending Jacob that invitation. He should have known that Jacob wouldn't be able to handle it. But even more so I hated myself for having let it come to this. What had I done? I needed to find Jacob.


	2. Death Wish

**(Disclaimer- Still don't own anything. Still wish that I did. Still SM's creation. adios.)**

_Still looking for reviews. Show some love, people! I'm offering a lifetime of servitude. :D  
I know. I'm a Jacob copycat._

Death Wish

"Bella?" Edward's voice was panicked. "Bella, breathe." He ordered me. I tried, but the air stuck in my throat and choked me. His eyes widened. "Bella!" He grabbed me by the shoulders, shaking me lightly.

"I'm fine," I managed between gasps. "Let go of me." I growled at him, pulling frostily from his loosening grip. His face crumpled with a pain that left me staggered. His eyebrows met sadly in the middle and pulled up over his tortured gold eyes. His mouth puckered. He looked particularly vulnerable. I shook my head, looking away from him. I could not give in to him. As much as I wanted to comfort him, I knew that I couldn't. He was safe; he could take care of himself. Jacob was the one that needed comforting, wherever he may be.

I stumbled into the hallway, grabbing at the light brown coat I'd hung by the door. Although I couldn't hear him behind me, I knew he would be there. I didn't turn around to face him. I couldn't bear to see his expression again. The tears were freely flowing from my eyes, making it very difficult to see. I wiped them quickly with my hands before I tried the handle on the door, but my hand kept slipping.

"Ergh!" I shouted in annoyance, roughly wiping my hands against my jeans. I tried again and succeeded.

"Wait!" Edward called to me from the door. I had already made it halfway down the driveway. I wondered why he wasn't coming after me, but I still didn't face him. "Bella! Please wait!"

"No." I grumbled crossly. Though it was quiet, I knew he'd hear me. I ripped the truck door open and slung myself onto the driver seat, fuming and worried. I couldn't believe it. Once again, I had caused Jacob pain. To what extent was I willing to go to please myself? How selfish could I possibly be? It was my fault that Jacob had run away. My fault that he had felt the need to leave all of this behind. And it was my job to find him, to make it better-even if I killed myself in the process.

My hand reached out quickly to start the engine but grasped only air. "Damn it." I muttered to myself. I forgot the keys. I glared at the empty space between my fingers, about to get back out of the truck, when a motion in my peripheral vision made me jump.

Edward took a deep breath, his long white hand slipping through the open window and placing my keys on my lap. I carefully avoided looking at his face. I knew that if I did, I would not be able to leave him. I couldn't risk that happening right now. I couldn't risk Jacob's safety like that. I pushed the key into the ignition, satisfied with the roar of the engine, and spun the truck out of the driveway, almost running over the mailbox. I sped down the road, trying still not to look at him, but my eyes faltered. He stood, lean and tall, a white figure in the dark rain, expressionless. Only his eyes gave him away and had my foot itching for the break.

_No._ I told myself, pressing harder on the gas pedal. The truck wheezed as I pushed it past fifty-five.

"Bella!" Sam Uley greeted me from the doorstep of Jacob's house. Along side him was Seth Clearwater. I hadn't even parked yet, but I could understand why they knew that it was me so quickly. Jacob couldn't have been the only one in La Push who'd grown accustomed to the groaning of the ancient truck. I parked quickly on the side of the road, a little further out than necessary, and fussed with my seatbelt. My impatience was making me frustratingly helpless, and unsurprisingly, Sam was opening my door before I even had it off.

"Bella, Jacob is gone." He started. He no longer wore the calm expression that I had so often seen Jacob try to mimic, but instead he looked afraid. This startled me. "He ran into the woods…after…Well, do you know about the invitation?"

"Your stupid bloodsucker sent Jake an invitation to your-"

"I know. I know everything already. He told me." I said curtly, cutting Seth off. I didn't have time for long explanations. I came here for one reason and one reason only. I needed to find Jacob.

"Jake? You've seen him?" Seth stared at me with incredulous eyes. I raised an eyebrow, not quite following. Then I realized the misunderstanding.

"No. I meant Edward. Edward told me." I made a face at the name. Sam appraised me with curious eyes, but he didn't ask. I was grateful for that. I got out of the truck in silence, my hair dripping down my back, and trudged through the mud to the little red house. "Is Billy here?" I asked him, suddenly remembering that Charlie said he would be fishing with him.

He shook his head. Then he darted off into the woods, leaving me standing there, frozen still with shock, in the rain. Seth shook his head, looking after him.

"That was rude. Jake wouldn't have liked that." He murmured more to himself than to me. Then suddenly, he looked at me. "Sam went to join the search. He's worried about everyone, you know, what with all of the hunters and everything." He explained.

"What hunters?" My eyebrows pulled together, confused again. "And I thought that you couldn't read each other's thoughts unless you were wolves?"

"Uh. We can't." He smiled slightly. "I just know that he's thinking about that. Once you spend so much time hearing someone's thoughts, you get to know how their mind works." His eyes tightened and he looked up at the dark sky. "Why don't we get you inside so that I can explain more?" He grabbed my arm, tugging me along with him into the house.

"Why are you here?" I looked around at the small empty living room. "I mean, why are you not out with the others?"

"Well, they told me, since I'm young, that I needed to stay behind and "protect the land". They gave me a specific role- keeping an eye on you, making sure that you know what's going on. The other "young ones" are with Emily. Sam is kind of a maniac when it comes to her. I don't see why she'd really be in any danger…but whatever."

"Wait-keeping an eye on me? What do you mean by that?" I asked, slightly insulted. I knew that I was not the most emotionally stable person around, but I didn't think that a preteen babysitter was exactly necessary.

"My orders are to not let you do anything irrational. Sam says that Jake wouldn't have wanted you to get all emotional and do something stupid trying to save him. So," He paused to shrug. "I just have to make sure you don't."

I pursed my lips angrily. Who was Sam to say what Jake would have wanted? And what was with all of this past tense stuff? Nothing had happened to Jacob. He was fine. No past tense necessary. "Jake always lets me do what I want, Seth. I'm a big girl. He knows that. I mean…seriously. Don't you think that Sam is being just a little over protective? Really, I mean, does he let you do _anything_?" I spattered, pulling at strings, trying to convince him to let me leave. His face twisted and for a moment, he looked truly angry. His eyes narrowed.

"You're right. Jake would have let you do what you wanted. I don't know what Sam's problem is anyway. Jake was more of a leader than Sam is. Sam just wants everything done the way he wants it done. Everything's gotta be perfect. Jake would have let me go. He would've let me go on the search. Well…I mean…if the search wasn't for him. He would have." He grunted in agreement with me, nodding his head, and continued his anti-Sam rant. I grinded my teeth impatiently. "Jake would have let you go, too. I don't see why not."

"Seth." I interrupted him, pulling him from his thoughts. He raised an eyebrow at me, not quite paying attention. "Where are they looking for him? Where are they looking for Jacob?"

He shrugged. "They saw him last in the woods a little ways south. These woods here." He pointed outside. "Why?"

"If this was where he was, then how come they couldn't hear him?"

"Well, they could at first, but…we were at Emily's after they saw him. We decided to give him some room, to let him, ya know, grieve a little. Then the next day, Embry went into wolf form and poof," He threw his hands in the air dramatically. "No more Jake. No one could hear his thoughts, we couldn't find him anywhere. We had no idea what happened. That's when Sam called your bloodsucker. We figured that he'd be able to hear Jake's human thoughts and tell us if he's close by or not. That didn't work. He couldn't hear him either."

I sat listening as he explained this to me, horrified. If neither the wolves nor Edward could hear Jacob, what did that mean? Could I have possibly hurt him so badly that he'd run away from his family for good? I wouldn't believe that. I couldn't. There was still time to find him, and I knew that it had to be me who did it. I had to make this right. "That's all I needed to know, Seth, thanks." I said, hurrying to the door.

"Hey, wait, no! Where are you going? You're not allowed to leave here without me!" He complained. There was an edge to his voice. Anxiety, maybe.

"I'm going to find Jacob." I told him, slipping through the door.

"Oh no, you're not! I promised Sam that I wouldn't let you do that!" He shouted at me from the doorway. His voice was almost pleading. I felt bad for him.

"You just said that Jake would've let me go." I retorted, looking back at him from where I stood in the driveway. He was much faster than I was, and much less clumsy. I knew that I could never outrun him. I bit my lip, thinking of an excuse to make him stay where he was.

"But I have to obey Sam!" He cried. His body was leaning toward me. I could tell that he was about to chase after me if he needed to. Crap. I needed something that would trap him. _Think Bella!_ I shouted at myself. _Think!_

"Exactly! Sam told you that you couldn't leave here, didn't he? You have to obey." I stared at him, measuring his expression, seeing if it would work. He pursed his lips, his eyebrows pulling together in complexity.

"But…" He started. I didn't let him finish. The defeat was plain on his face. I turned and dashed into the woods, kicking mud up behind me.

I tore off, heading south, or at least in the direction I thought was south. In my head I had only one destination, and the rest didn't matter. I would find him. The direction I was going didn't matter, each path was just another way to Jacob. I didn't care if it took me days or months or even years. I would find him. That's what I told myself. I ran faster.

In reality, I was lost. I had no idea where I was going. I had no idea how to even begin looking for Jake. If Sam and Quil and Embry and the others were already out there looking for him and could not find him, how could _I_ find him? I didn't have the keen senses they did- the powerful sense of smell that would make tracking down Houdini a piece of cake. I was just a desperate, blubbering fool that continued to idiotically run around in circles in the vain attempts of correcting my own mistakes. What a selfish idiot.

I continued like this for a long time, tripping often and crying always. I had no idea how long it had been since I left Billy's house. The sky darkened and with the dim light, my hope also went. I persisted to run, my legs wobbly and unstable as each hour raced by. Each tree and each stone looked exactly the same to me and I realized what a fool I had been. Sam had been right in telling Seth to keep an eye on me. What if they had already found Jake and I was just running around out here making everything worse? Poor not-so-little Seth Clearwater. I bit my lip. He would probably be in a lot of trouble thanks to me.

I kept running, internally debating with myself whether or not I should just turn around and go back. Then suddenly awareness hit me and my stomach dropped. I didn't even know which way back _was_. I froze, suddenly dizzy, and slipped to the cold, muddy earth. The sky was unexpectedly a dim gray again, spinning around me, taunting me, making me queasy. My head throbbed, and with it, so did my heart. My eyelids felt heavy, and my brain refused to work right. I tried to count back the hours in my head, to guess what time it was, but I could only think of Jacob. I squeezed my eyes shut, dropping my head into my hands, and rolled into the muddy ground beneath me.

I sat here like this for a while, knees to my chest, face pressed into the dirt. My face was tight where the tears had dried and my mouth felt dry. I wondered how one person could be so completely dense, how I ever could have thought that I would have been able to make the difference. That I could be the one to find him. Coming here had been nothing more than a death wish. I could never survive out here alone. I was helpless. An idiot.

"Bella?" A familiar husky voice cut into my wallowing. It was Jacob's voice. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, remembering how this had happened when Edward had left me. It was only when I was being foolish, putting myself into danger, but it was a way to hear his voice when I needed it. I realized later that by hearing his voice, my heart was trying to tell me that he still loved me. I wondered what hearing Jacob could mean.

"Bella!" The voice called again, only this time it was closer. I opened my eyes to see a pair of russet colored feet about 30 yards away from me. I pushed up from the ground, covered in mud, staring incredulously at his face. I was shocked to see him in his human form. Why was he here? Had he come to find me? "Bella, are you okay? What are you doing out here?" His voice was panicked. He did not come any closer. I stood quickly, staring at him in awe. His long black hair was blowing slightly in the morning breeze, his chest bare. I did not miss the feeling that took over me when looking at his face. My heart beat awkwardly in my chest. More than anything I wanted to hug him, to feel his big, warm arms around me. I wondered how he would react to that as I took a step toward him.

"Jacob…" I whispered, my hand stretched out toward him. I could hardly see through the tears that were building in my eyes, but I didn't look away. His eyes tightened, and I could see that they were filled with tears, too. He pursed his lips.

I took one more step toward him, feeling hope for the first time. He would forgive me. Though I did not deserve it, Jacob loved me. And he always would. I could see it in his eyes, the way he watched me. He was still hurt, but he loved me. I took a deep breath, trying to soothe the odd sobs that were escaping from my chest, and took another step.

Suddenly many things happened at once. A strange noise came from the distance, and Jacob and I both flinched. It was a loud sound that hurt my ears. As I stood staring at Jacob, his eyes widened with what could only be described as terror, and he screamed my name. My eyebrows met in confusion, wondering what had caused him to be so afraid. I opened my mouth to question him, but no noise came out. I gasped, an abrupt pain taking over all of my senses, hitting me hard in the chest. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I stared at Jacob, who seemed to be running to me in slow motion, his expression a combination of fear and anger and sadness. I sunk to the ground, my mouth filling with a warm liquid that made me dizzy, and Jacob was gone.


	3. Jacob's Goodbyes

**(Disclaimer- I own nothing, still, and always :( oh well. oh. and this is Jacob's pov, by the way.)**

_Reviewwwwsss. :D Please and thank youu._

Jacob's Goodbyes

The sky was a dark gray, the sign of day coming to a close. My heart closely matched in shade, but it was darker. The noises of the scene around me whirled in my head, but I shut it out. I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't believe what had happened. My hand was frozen to Charlie's back, shaking slightly with the motion of his sobbing body. My eyes stuck to the bloody mess, but my mind was back in time, back with Bella.

I hadn't expected to see her there, lying there, broken. I thought she was…. My jaw clenched. Stupid Seth. He should have listened to Sam. He should have made her stay there. He should have known not to let her leave like that. Stupid, stupid Seth.

No. It wasn't right to blame Seth. I couldn't do that. I exhaled, and the sound was a growl. This couldn't be happening. How could this have happened? She was standing right there. _Right there._ She was stepping toward me, reaching for me. All I had to do was go to her. Go to her and hold her close. She'd be here right now. Warm, flushed, beautiful. She'd be Bella, not another bloody stone on the forest floor. If I'd have just been there, next to her. It could have been me. It could have been me…

"Jake…?" Embry's voice was sympathetic, wary. I didn't want to listen. I shook my head, jaw clenched, fists ready.

"Shut up, Embry." I spit at him. My eyes tightened. It wasn't right to take this out on Embry, either. Damn it. All I wanted was to get out of here. Why did everyone have to be sitting around, staring at each other and crying? Didn't they have their own homes to mourn in? No. Let's all sit in the woods around her lifeless body. Reminisce.

Screw this.

I stood, ready to get away from it all. I could feel my arms beginning to shake. Charlie looked up at me, face red, tears everywhere. It was all I could do not to glare at him. Where was he? Fishing with Billy, when his daughter needed him most? _No!_ Stop blaming people. Stop. Blaming. People. I shook my head, biting my tongue, desperate. Where was the way out?

Leah stood on the fringe of things, her face down. Sam was there, too. His eyes were on the hunter and the policemen. All the policemen, aside from Charlie, were circled around the hunter and his friend, questioning. Stupid hunter. Stupid, _stupid_ hunter. How could he not have known it was a girl? _How could he not have known?_ I bit down hard, my jaw aching with the sudden pressure, and looked back at Sam. His jaw was tight, his arms folded across his chest. Everyone was here. Everyone. The whole pack, that twit Mike Newton, standing there with this stupid blank expression on his face, Angela Weber, sobbing…the Cullens, each one posing in some strange display of stress and mourning.

I saw him in my peripheral vision, on his knees, beside her. He had his hand over her heart; Carlisle had already removed the bullet. "_I've done all that I could have done, Edward."_ He'd said to him. "_It was straight to the heart. Nothing could have happened to prevent this. I'm sorry…"_ I shook my head. Something could have been done. Something could have been done…

His sister, Alice, in some stupid attempt to comfort him, I guessed, put her hand on his shoulder. He shook it off. How dare he sit there and cry his tearless cries? How dare he sit there and mourn her when he was prepared to do just the same to her? He was willing to make her just as cold, just as still. He, the one prepared to take away her heartbeat from the get-go, _he_ was _crying?_ How dare he? How fucking dare he.

I pushed through the crowd of paramedics and pathetically expressionless onlookers, shaking from head to toe. I saw Quil take a step forward. _No. Don't follow me. Stay the hell away from me_, I wanted to scream at him. I glared, pushing deeper into the woods. Sam grabbed Quil's arm, restraining him. _Good._ I broke through the deep brush of the forest just in time, finally out of sight, and started running.

I ran fast, throbbing, darting out of the hell that was reality. _Bella_. I froze, dropping to my knees. _No, _I told myself. I didn't want to do this. I just wanted to get the hell away from here. Go away again, emotionless, empty, but I remained human. Why the hell couldn't I change? _Just turn to a wolf already, damn it! _I crushed my eyes closed, throwing my head into my hands, keeling over. _No, please._

The tears came, and I dug my fingers across my face, leaving traces of her blood behind, pushing them away. The shaking didn't stop, but I realized that it wasn't coming from any kind of transformation. It was from the flood of emotion that wouldn't leave me alone.

I pounded my fist into the earth, the dirt flying back and hitting me in the jaw. Why the hell did she have to die? Why the hell did she have to come and look for me? Couldn't she have just realized that I didn't want to see her? Why? Why….Why Bella?

I rolled into the dirt, giving in, letting the emotions take over me for the last time, and closed my eyes, wishing for sleep. I didn't ever want to wake up.

--

The funeral. I sat there, in the very back, by my self, the whole time. I didn't want to go. I argued with Billy for three hours straight about it after Sam came and dragged me out of the woods. I begged him. I bribed him. Nothing worked. He said that I couldn't do that to Charlie. More like _he_ couldn't do that to Charlie. I didn't give a damn. I didn't want to be there.

Edward sat in the back, too, on the other side, with the rest of them. He didn't look at anyone. He just stared at the floor. His jaw was tight and his eyes were dull. _Get over yourself_, I wanted to say to him. _Who gives a damn what you feel?_

I shook my head angrily, looking away from him. I couldn't figure out why I blamed him so much. Maybe it was the fact that she would have ended up more or less dead because of him anyway. Maybe it was because he was sitting there acting like he had seen her die in front of him. He didn't. Screw him. As I was thinking this, his eyes flashed to my face. They were infuriatingly sympathetic; there wasn't even a hint of anger in his eyes. _Don't fucking look at me,_ I thought to him. His eyebrows pulled together, and he looked away.

I balled my hands into fists, avoiding another broken-chair accident. I didn't need to break the church pew and cause a big scene. Screw you people. Go the hell home. Let me out of here.

Billy turned around and looked at me from his place next to Charlie in the front of the church. I glared at him. He sighed, and turned back around. I sat there, numb, as Charlie rose, and walked to the front of the church, a damp yellow piece of paper in his hand. He sighed, turning to face the sniffling crowd, and began to read from the paper.

"Bella was a wonderful daughter, friend, and person. Losing her will affect all of us, there is no doubt in my mind…" I tuned him out. _Stop talking about her._ _Just shut up. _I looked over at Edward again, and he was looking back. I glared and pushed up from the bench. Then I turned around and walked out.

--

I was sitting on my bed, looking at the wall with a blank expression, when the door opened and my dad came in. I glared at the wall, refusing to look at him. He sighed, rolling the chair closer to the bed.

"How nice of you to knock." I muttered bitterly.

"Jake, I didn't shoot her." I flinched. His voice was even, but I knew that I wasn't being fair to him. He'd already lost Harry Clearwater not so long ago. I doubted that my attitude was helping anyone. Oh well. So shoot me.

"There's something I need to talk to you about…but I'm not sure how you're going to take it." He continued. He sounded uncertain now. I rolled my eyes, collapsing back on the bed.

"What, did Embry die now, too?" I snorted, still not looking at him. _Yeah, that's right_, I thought to myself, _Joke it off. Idiot._

"Jacob. You're not helping anything, acting like this. You can't keep pretending it didn't happen-"

"Oh. I know it happened." I cut him off, pushing off of the bed, my hands balling into fists again. "Her blood was on _my_ hands, remember?"

"You can't stay angry like this. It isn't healthy."

"You didn't see what I saw. You didn't see it. You didn't see her _die_. So, you know what? Screw. You." I spit in his face, pushing past him. He followed me into the living room. His chair squeaked. It made me angrier.

"Jacob!" He yelled at me. "She could come back."

I stopped where I was, spinning around and facing him. Had he gone insane? "What the hell are you talking about?" He sighed.

"Sit." He pointed at the couch. I sat, glaring at him.

"Spit it out." I snarled. His eyes narrowed.

"There's a story, a legend, that you don't know about yet." He started. He paused, waiting for me to interrupt. I flung my hand out angrily, dramatically encouraging him to continue.

"_What?_"

"Reincarnation." He watched me closely, measuring my reactions. I snorted.

"Screw this, Dad. I'm not _completely_ stupid." I got up from the couch, heading for the door.

"Jacob Black." His voice was stern. I turned slightly, my jaw clenched, nostrils flaring in anger. I didn't need to hear his bullshit stories. I just wanted to get out. Why was it so damn hard to get away from here? "Listen to me. Now. I'm not joking with you."

Just then the front door opened, and Sam came in. He pressed the door closed and stood in front of it, pressing his back against it. He nodded his head toward my dad. I glared at him.

"What are you trying to tag team me now?" I shouted, cornered. _Let me out_.

"Listen to Billy." He said. I snarled at him; he glared back. I turned to the left, looking for an escape. He was there before me. "Don't even try it." He warned.

"Sit on the couch." My dad ordered me again. I clenched my teeth, fuming. _Fuck them._ I smacked my fist into the wall. It went through it, but I didn't care. Sam grabbed my arm and flung me onto the couch. I shook, visibly fuming, and sprung, tackling him to the floor. He snarled at me, already on top of me, his hands around my neck.

"Calm the hell down, Jacob." He growled at me. My angry expression faltered, and my face puckered with pain. I clenched my jaw, rolling out from under him.

"What do you want?" I tried to make my voice angry, but instead it sounded weak. Not this again. I needed to get out of here. I shook my head. I wanted to leave.

"Just listen to us, please, Jake." My dad looked at me with pleading eyes. I stared back, waiting for more bullshit stories.

"Bella will come back, Jake. The legends say so." Sam said it like he believed it. I snorted again.

"That isn't one of the legends. And who the hell cares? Screw the damn legends. It isn't true. Reincarnation? Are you stupid?" I rolled my eyes, itching to get out of the room, to escape the tension, the emotion. I needed the forest air, the feel of my muscles as I ran. I needed to transform. I needed to get the hell away from this drama. No. I needed Bella.

"We never went over this legend with any of you," Billy started, staring at me. I looked away. "Because we never thought it was true. We thought it was just some made up story…But we also thought that a lot of these legends were just made up stories…and look at how many of them have actually happened."

My jaw tightened. It made sense, as much as I didn't want to believe it. But to think that Bella would be back….I shook my head. I couldn't think that. I couldn't do that to myself. No.

I stood up. Sam mimicked the movement, watching me. I glared. The phone rang. Sam's eyes flickered to my dad's face and they exchanged a weird look. "What's going on?" I growled. They weren't telling me something.

Sam picked up the phone, handing it to Billy. Both of them watched me as my dad answered the voice on the line.

"Hello, Carlisle." His voice was even, but his eyes were wary of my reaction. My eyes opened wide, my jaw clenching. What the hell was Dr. Fang doing calling my house? "They're on their way."

He hung up the phone. "You're going with Sam to talk to Edward." He informed me.

"Is this some kind of joke?" I shouted at him. I noticed the delirious tone of my voice. He had to be joking. What the hell was going on here?

"Jake. Edward wants to go see…the…Volturi. You remember what Bella told you about that?" I flinched at the sound of her name, reaching out and punching Sam hard in the arm. He grabbed my fist. "Do you remember or not?" He spit in my face.

"Yes. I remember." I growled at him. "I just don't quite get how that filthy bloodsucker has anything to do with _me_."

"You have to help me stop him." He said, simply. As if I would _ever_ go to any measures to save that leech. Yeah fucking right.

"Jake. Think about it. Do you really think that Bella would have wanted you to just let him die?" Sam's voice was too persuasive. He was trying too hard. I glared at him.

"How dare you bring her up again? What the hell is wrong with you?" I stepped toward him, my hands already in fists, ready for another fight. I needed a way out. I needed to escape.

"Jacob. Please." My dad interrupted, giving me a stern look. I bit my lip hard.

"Why should I help him, huh? Why should I help that leech? Why, because he's _soooo_ sad that he's lost his precious Bella? Yeah right. He was going to do that to her eventually. Tough luck." When I said the words, they hurt. Again, I wished for a way out. I didn't want to face it. I couldn't.

"You owe Carlisle. If he hadn't helped you, our secret would have been out. Do you really think that the whole town of Forks finding out about the neighborhood _werewolves_ would have ended nicely? No. Jake, come on." Sam was still trying to convince me. I tried to tune him out.

"You're the only one that he'll listen to Jacob. You're the only other person that was as close to Bella as he was. He trusts you. You have to tell him about the legend. Please, Jacob. Do it for Bella." Billy's voice was soft, like he was trying to convince an armed psychopath to drop the gun. I hated it.

"Don't you spring that on me, dad. That isn't fair. That whole 'do it for Bella' shit. Screw you." I tried to make a run for it, but Sam was just as fast. I dashed to the right, almost knocking over my dad, when Sam pinned me against the wall.

"You fucking listen to me, Jacob. You have to do this. For once, think about someone other than yourself. Do you want Bella to come back? Edward is the only one who could help you find her. Him and his sister, that short one."

"Alice." I interrupted, my voice gruff. He raised an eyebrow at me. I shrugged, still angry, but more angry with myself. I was getting my hopes up, listening to him. Damn it.

"If you want her back, you'll have to do this." He finished. We glared at each other for a long moment, before I finally sighed, raising my hands in surrender.

"Let's get this over with."

"Quil and Embry are waiting in the car." He told me.

I raised an eyebrow at him as he dragged me out the door, shaking my head incredulously.


	4. Blaming Games

**(Disclaimer- I do not own these characters or anything still.)**

_I'd really love for whoever reads this to leave reviews, please. I spent quite a bit of time with this chapter.  
__I'd really appreciate it. Thank you for reading!_

Blaming Games

We pulled up alongside the road where Carlisle told Sam we'd find him. It wasn't a long hike to the little meadow, but it hurt my stomach. I remembered trying to find this place so many months ago. I hadn't known the significance of the place before now. I tried not to think of it.

We reached the field quickly, our eyes swiftly scanning over the strange spherical piece of land. I had to admit it was sorta pretty. It was a weird shade of green, the sun filtering in through the surrounding trees, highlighting all of the multicolored flowers. I could see why Bella would like it here. I blinked, shocked by the impact her name had on me and I shook my head, pursing my lips. It was hard not to think about her. She was always there, on the surface, popping up and choking me. I cringed at the emotions that threatened me, wishing once again that I could just leave. I hoped that this would go smoothly. I didn't need to be here all day.

Just then, I saw him. He was standing on the fringe of the circle, looking at us with an odd expression on his face. He was frowning, his face drooping, his eyes dead aside from the mild curiosity. He must have heard our thoughts as we were coming, but he didn't move away at the sound of our approach. I instinctively knew that Sam, Quil, and Embry were hiding their real motive for being here, just as Dr. Fang had instructed. He'd said that Edward would stay if he didn't know why we were looking for him. He said he'd be curious. I did the same as the others, hiding the motive. It wasn't hard. I didn't really care too much about whether or not he believed. I didn't believe either.

We continued further, closing the distance between us and him. We were about a foot away from him now. I watched him watch us, noticing that he didn't look at me directly. That was good. I didn't know what to expect from myself if he looked at me. I could feel the hatred in the back of my throat, inching its way up like bile. It was important to stay calm. I hoped he kept his eyes away from me. Of course, the second I thought this to myself, he did the opposite of what I wanted him to.

His eyes were confused but gentle when they rested on me, understanding and sympathetic. I wanted to kill him. How dare he fucking try to identify with me? Embry noticed the sudden tension, appraising me with worried eyes. I clenched my jaw, trying to calm down. I couldn't explain the anger to myself. I couldn't deal with it. I turned away from him. _Don't fucking look at me._

"Jacob?" Edward said simply.

And I lost it.

As he said this, my eyes narrowed, and I spun around to face him, my entire core shaking violently. His jaw was tight as he glared up at me in shock. My nostrils flared, my hands balled into fists. I noticed Quil and Embry tense out of the corner of my eye. Their eyes were wary, alert, expectant. They exchanged a frantic glance.

"Jacob." Sam's voice was composed, but there was an undercurrent. He was afraid. I didn't want to admit it, but I was too. I felt like a lunatic. I couldn't control myself. I lurched forward, tackling Edward. His eyes widened, his hands going out in front of him. I was flying through the air backwards before I could even close the distance. I landed several feet away.

"Hey! Keep your hands to yourself." Sam warned him, glaring. I glared at him, too, and stood again, preparing myself. He seemed barely provoked. It irritated me.

"He attacked me." Edward replied curtly, glowering back. I grinded my teeth, irate, and walked back to Sam's side. I kept my eyes on Edward. I wasn't finished yet.

"Go on, leech. Kill me. You know you want to." I spit in his face, bending down so that my face was just inches from his. His jaw strained, his nose wrinkling the way mine probably was. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"No." The word was brusque, spoken through clenched teeth. I snorted, smiling antagonistically. I realized how insane I was being, but I couldn't stop it. I couldn't get the idea from my mind. All I could see was Bella, cold and still. He was the one who was going to do this to her if fate hadn't taken her beforehand. I noticed his eyes twitch slightly as he looked at me. He was probably reading my thoughts. That made me angry, too, and soon the words flowed freely from my mouth, betraying my better judgment.

"Go on. It's okay. Bella isn't here anymore. It doesn't matter. You don't have to play the good guy anymore. Game over." I recognized how cruel the words were when they came from my mouth, but I didn't care. I wanted to tear his head from his neck. Filthy fucking bloodsucker. My whole body was shuddering now. It would be seconds before I lost it. I hoped I did. I hoped I killed him. Right here. Right now.

His jaw stayed tight, but his eyes softened slightly. He looked at his feet, probably thinking of Bella. Her name was still burning on my tongue. I wanted to hit him. Hard. "I won't hurt you Jacob. I promised Bella. Whether she's…here or not… I made her a promise and I intend to keep that promise."

I bit my lip in anger. Why was he being such a coward? I could see that my words had hurt him, and it made me angry, but at myself. Bella would be yelling at me if…I stopped mid-thought, my mind automatically shutting down in reaction to the pain that her name triggered. His eyes flashed to my face in response to my thoughts. It annoyed me. _Get out of my head! _My form trembled and I turned quickly, snapping a branch off the closest tree and throwing it at him. He neatly dodged it, raising one eyebrow at me. The branch crashed into another, skinnier tree, knocking it down. I screamed in anger, barely in control.

"Jacob! Control yourself. I am not joking." Sam grabbed my arm, flinging me back at Quil and Embry. They were quick to grab onto me. I glared at them all.

"Whose side are you on anyway?" I spit at them. "Look at him playing like he's so fucking innocent! You know what you were going to do to her!" I shouted at him, writhing like a wild animal. "You…you…" I shook my head, the anger not quite dissolving, but more so making me incapable of speech. It hurt, looking at him; it reminded me of her. Everything did. I thought I'd had the no-thinking thing down. Apparently I didn't. I took a deep breath, trying not to feel. I didn't need Edward looking at me like that again.

He took a step toward me, his hands up as though to reassure me. _Get away from me, _I screamed in my head. I couldn't open my mouth. I was clenching my teeth too hard. He shook his head, still coming closer. I wondered what would happen if he got too close. Sam stepped slightly in front of me, protective. Quil and Embry stiffened. He looked at each one of our faces, measuring our expressions and our thoughts. I hated him.

"I'm not going to hurt anyone." He assured us, looking at me. His eyes were too kind. I didn't want to trust them, but I did. That irritated me. A lot. I gritted my teeth. He sighed, looking away again. "Do you mind if I speak to Jacob alone?" He asked Sam. Sam's eyes widened. I'm sure mine did too.

"I don't think that's the best idea." He replied. He looked back at Quil and Embry. They exchanged a confused glance before looking back at Edward.

"Don't worry. I won't hurt him." Edward said again. His hands were still in the air. He looked like an idiot. I hoped he heard that. He looked at me, his eyebrows pulling together in disapproval. He heard me. I snorted. _Good_.

He looked at Sam suddenly, probably reacting to one of his thoughts. "No. I won't let him hurt himself, either. I don't intend to fight you, and I know that you didn't come here with that in mind either- and I am quite curious as to why you're _really_ here- but I need to have a word with Jacob."

They looked at each other and at me. Sam looked a little less calm than normal as his eyes raked over me. I could tell that he was afraid I'd have another breakdown. I was just as unsure about this. The anger was filling my entire being, taking over. I couldn't swallow it down, suffocate it. Instead I was drowning myself in the images of her. They resurfaced every few seconds while looking at him. Every bit of effort I'd put into repressing the memory, his presence somehow negated it all. It made me angry. It dredged up the image of her face, cutting me like the broken splinters of the heart she'd worn on the bracelet I gave her. His heart. How I wanted to rip that lifeless heart from his chest. Stomp on it. Stupid fucking Edward. Why was he doing this to me? I could kill him. I wanted to.

Quil pursed his lips, looking back and forth from my face to Edward's. Embry had his eyes on Sam. They were all nervous. Everyone but Edward. He just looked impatient and sad. _Get over yourself._

"Jake…" Sam addressed me doubtfully. "Can you handle this?"

"Pfft." I rolled my eyes at him. Edward raised an eyebrow at me again. _Stop doing that, dammit!_

"Seriously, Jake," Embry cut in. "Are you going to try and kill him again?"

"Naw. Trying isn't necessary. If I was gunna kill him, he'd be dead by now." I rolled my eyes again, breaking free from their grip and crossing my arms angrily across my chest. I sighed, angry with myself for my stupid joke, but not as angry as before. No. That was a lie. I was just as angry. I was just trying really hard to cover it up. I glared at Edward as he sighed, shaking his head at my immaturity. I pursed my lips, refusing to admit the truth in the gesture. Immature or not, I hated him.

Embry and Quil backed away from me, following Sam's lead. They turned back several times to look apprehensively at both of our faces before disappearing into the trees. I looked back at Edward. His lips were pressed into a tight line, repressing laughter. The amusement was plain on his face, but there was pain there too. His eyes narrowed, probably listening to me, and the amusement was gone. He sighed, stepping closer.

"Jacob…" He started. His voice was uncertain. I cut him off.

"Don't." I said, backing away from him. "Don't you act like that." I was sick of it, sick of him. Sick of the way he pretended to be so innocent when he was going to do it to her anyway. He would have killed her by himself. I shook my head. His eyes narrowed.

"I wasn't going to kill her." His voice was gruff, limiting the emotion. I could tell he was trying to act tough, but it didn't fool me. I played that act on my own. It was transparent to me. I snorted.

"_Right_."

He shook his head again. "I tried to avoid it, but I couldn't keep hurting her anymore. I was always trying to protect her, Jacob. I was trying to protect her from that, too…but all that I wound up doing was hurting her. The more I did, the more pain she felt. I wanted to give her what she wanted…I didn't want to hurt her anymore."

"But you did it anyway. You tried to protect her when you didn't tell her about me running away. So, basically, the decency in your argument is _crap_." I interrupted. He raised his eyebrows.

"I see that you've been talking to Sam..." He paused, staring off into the distance. "You're right, though. I did do that…I made a mistake. I've made a lot of mistakes. But the intent was good, though that hardly negates any kind of bad-mannered actions on my part. I just …couldn't deny her that anymore. That is what she wanted. I would have given her anything, Jacob, anything." His voice cracked and he paused, looking away from me once more. I sucked in a big gulp of air. _Damn you._ I thought. _Don't do this._ He pursed his lips.

"I apologize. I know that you wanted to be with her. I know she wanted you, too. I know that you would have been better for her. I guess that I knew this all along, but I'm a selfish… person. I would do anything to protect her, as I said. I tried to stay away from her, but I couldn't. I loved her too." He stopped there, his eyebrows pulling together in concentration. I guessed that he doing what I was doing: letting the past tense sink in. "I know you blame me for having been in the way and for almost…"

"Killing her yourself?" I spit at him. He flinched. My eyebrows pulled together. It was too easy to get to him. I felt like a bully. He looked down again and sighed.

"I regret sending you that invitation. I did it because, at the time, I thought that it was what was best for you, but I realize now that it was not the best idea for anyone. I'm sorry that I didn't tell her when you left, as well. It was foolish of me to have kept that from her. Maybe if I'd have told her I could have been there with her when she went looking for you…" He stopped, thinking to himself. "It took forever for Sam to actually let me onto your territory to go looking for her. He was very angry with me for not telling her about it….but that isn't the point. I'm sorry that all of it happened. If I had just listened to her, let her do what she wanted… If I hadn't sent it…If I was not so worried about protecting her when I found out that you had run away…No." He shook his head to himself, his eyes narrowing. "I know that you think that I did that to protect her, but that wasn't quite it. I did want to protect her, I did, but…I suppose I was worried, also…that she would choose you over me once she found out." He pursed his lips, silently considering this to himself. I blinked.

"Really, Jacob, I'm sorry." He looked at me again, his expression repentant. I staggered back, completely stunned. Wait a minute.

"You seriously blame _yourself_ for what happened to her?" I asked incredulously. He had to be joking. Either that or he was just trying to play Mr. Innocent again. I watched carefully as his expression became confused.

"I'm not trying to play…_Mr. Innocent_…Jacob. I'm truly trying to apologize for all that I've done to you." He looked at me, raising his eyebrows, trying to convince me. I raised an eyebrow. How could he blame himself? Sure, he'd made a lot of mistakes, but she loved him anyway. More than she'd ever loved me. So he sent an invitation. So he lied. I was the one who was standing there, staring, when she was….My breath caught in my throat. It was my fault. I was there. I could have done something. But I was too wrapped up in my own distress. At least he was thinking of her. I was only thinking of me.

I stood, frozen, as the memory of that morning flooded my mind again. How many times today would this happen? I didn't think I could take much more. My heart beat slowly, painfully, and each and every single beat was her name. _Bella_, _Bella, Bella, _it taunted me.

I looked back at his guilty face, tasting my very own guilt inching its way into the self-accusations burning my mouth. I killed her. I might as well have been the one with the gun. It was my fault. I stepped back, shaking my head, nauseous and dizzy and dazed. How the hell could he possibly blame himself?

He looked at me then, a pained look on his face. I couldn't look at him. I didn't need to see the sympathy in his eyes. _Save it for someone who gives a damn._ I blinked again, turning away, and picked up a rock, chucking it into the distance. I was confused and angry with myself. I didn't know why I was defending him. I used to blame him. Now suddenly my emotions were reversed, turned inward. The more I realized that there weren't any good reasons to hate him, the more I wanted to.

"Jacob. There wasn't anything that you could have done. You didn't know that someone was going to be there…that she would be shot." He stepped closer to me. I backed up. "It isn't your fault."

"No. Don't you try to feed me that shit, Edward." I growled at him, suddenly livid again. I wondered briefly if I was developing multiple personality disorder. "She was so close to me. All I had to do was take a few steps and she could have been safe." He was shaking his head before I'd even finished the sentence. I didn't give him a chance to say what he was thinking. "Don't. You weren't there. You didn't see. The way she was looking at me…The look on her face. She looked so sad…so broken. And all I did was _stand there_. I didn't even move a muscle to comfort her until it was too late. If I hadn't been so stupid…If I had just gone to her…" I stopped there, the emotions getting to me again, and clenched my jaw. "You weren't there. You didn't see." I repeated. "Don't even try to tell me that it wasn't my fault."

He sighed. "Jacob. I _have _seen it. I've seen it in your head numerous times. It's like a broken record playing over and over again in your mind. That day…when I found you there with her…I saw it all. I thought that you were going to kill that man. If Charlie and your dad hadn't arrived so quickly…I was afraid you would actually kill him. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't far from it myself…but you were so out of control. The images that haunt you, Jacob…they haunt me too. Remember that. I know what happened. I know every bit of what happened. None of it was your fault." He stopped, letting me absorb the crap he'd just given me, and watched me cautiously. I tried to restrain it, but the tears spilled into my eyes, and I spun around, biting down hard on my quivering lip. I knew the action was pointless. He'd already have heard the panicked thoughts in my head. There was a moment of silence.

"Why are you telling me this?" I turned back to him, frustrated with what I knew he was thinking. I didn't want him feeling bad for me. "Why do you care if I blame myself? What's it to you? Bella is _dead_, Edward. There's no one here to watch your stupid _act_. Give it up." I bit my lip again, fighting with myself. I'd just gotten the tears to stop; now I was repeating the same irritating cycle. _Stop it. _I told myself. I could feel the control slipping, but anger wasn't what was pulling me under. I wanted to run away again. It irritated me that he knew every thought, every emotion; that he was _sympathizing_ with me. I didn't need that. I needed him to get the hell away from me. I needed to disappear. His eyes narrowed in contemplation.

"I don't hate you Jacob. I know that you may feel otherwise for me, but, as much as I hate to admit it…I can see why…why she…trusted you. I hated it, I still do, but I can understand. I'm not playing any kind of game. I'm sorry if you can't admit to yourself that you believe me…but it isn't your fault." He paused, watching and waiting, listening to my thoughts, but my mind was void. I didn't respond at all. I just stood there, frozen. Minutes passed. He sighed. "I have a flight to catch, if you don't mind." His eyes flickered behind me, and I followed his gaze. Sam and the others were standing there, watching. Sam looked at me and nodded once. Edward snorted as his eyes widened with disbelief.

"You came here to…_stop me?_ Are you serious?" He looked back and forth at our faces, waiting for a response. He already knew the answer. No one replied. He shook his head doubtfully, turning against the wind.

"Edward." Sam spoke to him. He turned slightly, looking back at him, an eyebrow raised. He still looked slightly amused… and kinda mad too. Then suddenly his expression faltered, his eyes widening, all signs of anger and amusement gone. I wondered what Sam was thinking to him. I probably knew.

"Bella's coming back." I said to him, saying the words out loud. My voice was surprisingly confident for someone who didn't believe his own stories. His eyebrows furrowed, eyes narrowing. I continued to explain, but I bet he already eavesdropped in each of our heads and knew more of the story than I did. "It's one of the ancient legends. Billy never told us," I paused to shrug, thinking about how to phrase it. "He said he thought it was just a stupid story, like he thought about lots of the legends. But welp, as you know, almost every one of the legends has come true so far…so who's to say this one won't, right?" I shrugged again. My voice sounded weird. Kind of dead, falsely persuasive. I realized that most of the convincing was for me anyway. I wanted to believe it…but I also didn't. I tried to believe the story without getting all hopeful. I didn't think it was working. Was that even possible? I looked at my feet, contemplating.

I could see in the corner of my eye that Edward was pacing, but my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about her. Again. I was thinking about being able to see her face again, to hold her hand and tell her that I'm sorry. To be the friend she needed without complicating things. There were so many things I would've done differently. Everything. I wanted more than anything for it to be true, but there was still that less hopeful part in me, the cynical part. That part believed too, I think, but it tried hard not to. Thinking about it hurt me, a repetitive death from the pain and rebirth as a zombie, my own inner reincarnation, every time I pictured her face. I hoped that the process wasn't really this painful.

When I looked up, my stomach twisted uncomfortably and my mind shut down from the pain, he was looking at me. I pursed my lips, thinking about him hearing everything I was thinking about. I wondered what he thought about that. Maybe he'd pictured it, too. Picture seeing her again, like I had. Maybe that would sell him. I sighed. I just wanted this to be done with. _Just stay here,_ I thought to him. _Just stay and wait for her…like me. I'll be waiting, too. It's gunna suck, yeah, but…_I shrugged, struggling for words. I didn't know what to say to him. Sam watched me, probably wondering what I was thinking to Edward. I looked away from him quickly, self conscious. I gave up on the thought, taking a new route. This time I actually said it.

"Listen, Edward. I can't find Bella without you. If she comes back…I wouldn't know for sure if it was her. I…" I stopped, making a face at the thought I didn't want to finish. I didn't want to say I needed him. I knew he'd heard me think it already, but I didn't want to say it. So I didn't. I took a deep breath. "If you can't do it for me, do it for Bella. Think about it…wouldn't you want to be here when she came back? I'd really hate to tell her you didn't exist anymore." I used the excuse Billy'd used on me.

"No you wouldn't." He argued, looking at me doubtfully. "You wouldn't hate that."

I sighed. "Not so much, no." I chuckled once, not very amused, but settling for a false emotion rather than the real thing. That hurt too much. "But, I don't think she'd be very happy if you didn't…."

He pursed his lips, seeming to consider it. I hoped he'd just listen to me. That he'd go home so I could run away again. I couldn't break the promise to Billy or Carlisle. I had to get him to stay…not really because I wanted to, but more so because I just didn't have an option. They'd probably send me to the Volturi, too, to stop him if this didn't work. That'd be a great situation. I snorted.

"So." I said, looking at him hopefully. I didn't really care if he killed himself or not. I really just wanted to get the hell away from here. There was too much Bella here. I could feel it. I could see her face, remember the kiss we'd shared. It burned my lips, like the memory of her mouth on mine was pure fire, encircling me and drowning me in its crippling waves. I clenched my jaw, trying to resurface. "What's the verdict?"

He stared at me idiotically. "Go home." He said to me. Then he turned around and started to walk away. _Wait a second_, I thought. _You can't leave. Seriously. Where the hell are you going?_ He didn't respond.

"Get the fuck back here, Edward!" I shouted at him. Sam and the others looked at each other, probably deciding whether or not they should chase him. I didn't wait for them to decide. I was already running. Just as I reached him, he turned around. His glare was ice. I wrinkled my nose, pushing him hard. He swayed backwards, taken off guard. Then he tackled me to the ground, holding me there, bearing his teeth, a feral snarl coming at me from his too-close mouth. Sam yelled at him to get off of me, but I drowned him out. "Stop being a coward! You're stupid, you know. You keep running away from the pain. Get over yourself. I just told you that she could be back, that she'd be here. _Bella_ would be here. _Bella!_" I screamed in his face. His eyes tightened. "And you still insist on running off and getting killed because, _what?_ You feel _guilty_? You feel _pain_? What _is_ it? What's so _fucking_ important that would keep you from staying here, from waiting for _her_? You say you love her, now _prove it_. Stop being a fucking coward!" When I spoke to him, I realized that the angry words were meant for me, too. I heard the conviction in them. It stung as I screamed in his now vulnerable face, pushing hard against him, taking my self hatred out on him. It was me that needed to hear this. I didn't care if it worked for him or not. _I _was the coward. I was the one willing to run away, just to escape the pain, instead of waiting. I didn't want to wait. I didn't want to feel. I was a coward. A selfish fucking coward. I couldn't help it. I couldn't take it.

And so I started to cry.

It was stupid. I didn't mean to. I felt like a baby, but I couldn't stop it. The pain ripped at me, pulling me under. I couldn't escape it this time. My chest felt hollow, a hole where my angry heart had been, and I suddenly realized why Bella used to hug herself so much. I needed her. I needed her here. _Please, no._

Edward's eyes widened, zeroing in on the tears, looking terrified and stunned, and he quickly flung himself from me, stepping away. His eyes darted to Sam and Quil and Embry. No one seemed to know what to do. They all looked at me like I was crazy. Quil looked desperately from Sam to me and back, probably wondering how to comfort me. I didn't need comfort. I didn't want comfort. _Give me Bella._ The tears turned into sobs. Great. Now not only was I a selfish, idiotic coward, but I was also a cry baby. _Great job Jacob_. _Great fucking job._

I kicked up from the ground and tore off, heading no where in particular. No one followed.

I was a coward, but I couldn't help it. I needed to be away from it all. I just needed _one day_ to myself. Just one. One day without any pain or any hope or any pretending. One day of pure muscle and running. One day of nature and inhuman emotions. I envied the real wolves for not having to feel this. I envied them for not having to live such complicated lives. I clenched my jaw as I ran away from them, the hole in my chest widening beyond belief, almost pulling me under. The words that'd come from my mouth were still etched in my head, scratching at the hole and burning me. The tears stung in my eyes, the angry wind slashing them as I bolted past the trees, desperate. I felt hopeless, like I'd never be able to feel whole again, but as I ran, quivering from head to toe, I saw my escape. I shuddered again and the pain was gone. For the moment, I was safe.


	5. Long Wait

**(Disclaimer- Still do not own a thing. Dang.)**

_I'd still really like some reviews. This is the last Chapter of Jake's POV.  
:D Woo! Tell me what you think. Oh and sorry it took so long to get these last two chapters up.  
I was kind of grounded for being on here for so long. For a week. But luckily I had time to work on the book more.  
So, yeah. Review pleasssseee! :D_

Long Wait

Billy was in the kitchen when I got back. He didn't talk to me for several minutes as I stood in the doorway, rain dripping from my hair and shoulders onto the patch of linoleum floor with an annoying sound. I met his gaze evenly, waiting for him to talk. It was ten minutes before he even opened his mouth.

"There's pizza in the oven." He said. His voice was too careful, too flat. He didn't even blink. I nodded, walking past him slowly, and retrieved it, stuffing half a slice into my mouth at once. I stood there, chewing quickly and gulping down the food, still waiting for him to yell at me. He stared vacantly at the living room floor. I paced back into the living room, two slices of pizza in my hand. I'd already inhaled my second piece.

"You're not eating much." He observed. And he was right. Normally I'd have had the whole pie. But my stomach was weak today. I sat on the couch. I didn't reply. He nodded to himself, his eyes still on the floor.

"Charlie was just here." He said to the carpet. I looked at him, trying to see if he expected a response or not. I pursed my lips. "He asked where you went again."

"Oh," Was my intelligent answer.

"I told him you went back to California, like I told him the first time." I tried to imagine how Charlie had taken that, but I didn't ask about it. To explain my absence, my dad had told him…that night…when they'd gone fishing…that I'd gone to California for vacation. That was before the accident. I tried to guess what he thought about me going on another vacation after what happened. Would he think that I didn't care? I bit my lip, looking back at my dad. He was still staring at the carpet. I wondered just how upset he was with me. Maybe it was best he didn't look at me. I sunk down further on the couch, staring at the carpet, too.

After several minutes of silence, I got up and went to my room, leaving my dad to his staring contest with the stain on the brown living room carpet, distracting myself briefly, entertaining the idea of who'd win. I laid down on the bed, thinking over the last three days. It hadn't helped as much as I'd thought it would, running away. Somehow the thoughts were still there, hanging over me, painful and depressing. Her face seemed to be plastered to every inch of my memory, every thought consisting of a combination of the life we'd never have had and the last moments of hers. In a way, I felt as though those moments were my last, too. I hadn't really been living since then.

I sighed, pressing my feet against the wall, my head hanging off the end of the bed. There was one marginally positive outcome of the spineless act of running away. Some of the anger had dissipated, at least. But I wasn't sure if I should be happy about it or not. Now, instead of the anger, there was just an unnerving emptiness. It was inescapable, a black hole that was bound and determined to strangle me to death with the vision of her bloody little figure. I cringed at the thought as the door slowly swung open.

My dad wheeled himself in, his wheelchair screeching when he pushed it over the dirty sock obscuring his path. He looked at me, expressionless, and then at the dirty sock. It was almost like he couldn't look at me. He'd rather talk to inanimate objects than his own son. I could understand that. I was more or less inanimate myself.

"You really should think about cleaning your room." He said to the sock. I shook my head, staring at him. He looked weird upside down. I would have laughed at the sight of him like this, but I couldn't remember how to. I imagined I looked hauntingly similar to how she had looked that time…back when things were simpler for me. I was now only starting to realize just how serious her pain was then.

"Is that what you came in here for?" I asked him. My voice was a dead monotone. Finally, he looked at me.

"Did it help?" He asked. I knew what he meant. I shrugged. He sighed. "He listened to you, you know." He informed me after a couple of minutes. I didn't have to ask to know that he was referring to Edward.

"I know." I replied. I'd heard it in everyone's thoughts when they attacked me later that first day. Apparently they were all too afraid to leave me alone for too long. They were worried that I'd run away for good. It was annoying. Especially seeing myself in their eyes. It was unsurprisingly comparable to how I saw myself. _Pathetic_. But they'd never admit to the word. They'd sugar coat it. Not to mention all the fucking sympathy. All the apologies and the 'is there anything I can do, Jake?' _Yeah. Lend me a fucking time machine._ I shook my head, sighing. Stupid werewolves.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. He was talking to the sock again. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. The movement made me dizzy and I clenched my jaw. He sighed. "How about taking a nap?" He suggested. His voice was still way too composed. It made me sort of nervous, I think. I couldn't really be sure though. The emotions were restricted for the most part. The only thing that I could feel was the emptiness, the loneliness. The only thing I could focus on was her.

I shook my head again. I was afraid to do what he said. I was afraid to close my eyes. I knew that she'd be there when I did. Whether it was a happy memory or a sad one, a fabricated one or a real one, it'd hurt me. It sucks when you know that you want to be with someone but you can't because they're with someone else. Especially when they love you back. It does. But at least you get to hold their hand on the rare occasion that they come to see you. When you want to be with someone and they're dead, there's nothing to look forward to. No hand holding, no conversations on the phone. Just a lingering memory infused with a combination of too-strong emotions that pull you under and make you want to disappear.

I rolled off the bed, collapsing on the floor with a loud thud. My dad's eyes flickered to my face, probably wondering why I'd done that. I didn't give him an explanation. I just stayed there, sprawled out on the floor next to him, one foot caught on the little dresser. I stared at him. I didn't really have an explanation for my actions anymore. I just kind of did things. This time I did this to pick up the sock, though, I think. A late reaction to his earlier statement of cleaning my room. It was something to do, after all. Something that was bound to take up at least a little bit of my attention. It was worth a shot, to take away the emptiness.

His eyebrows pulled together as he waited for me to say something, but I didn't. Five awkward minutes later, he left, mystified and confused. I grabbed the sock from my place on the floor and pulled it onto the foot that was hooked on the dresser. There wasn't another sock on the floor, so I just left the one sock on. I pulled myself up to a sitting position when the phone rang, hearing the one sided conversation without really attempting to.

"Hello…." Pause. "Yes…." Another pause. "I can't be sure…." Longer pause. "I'll see…." I heard him set the phone down, and then his chair squeaked its way to my room again. I sighed, staring at the door expectantly. I wondered who was on the phone, and if they wanted to die or not. I wasn't in the mood for talking to anyone. I didn't see how that would change any time soon. Stupid, stupid people. If it was just another blubbering idiot sputtering apologies in my ear, they were going down.

"Jake, Edward's on the phone." He said from the hallway. I shook my head. That might be worse than a blubbering idiot. He sighed. "I think it's important, Jake. Just talk to him for a minute. Then I'll disconnect the phone line."

"Sure, sure." I said bleakly, pulling myself from the floor. It took a lot of effort. I picked the phone up in the living room, sinking onto the couch, resting my face against it. "What?"

"Jacob." His voice sent little tremors down the length of my spine, but other than that, the anger didn't return. I was a bit pleased by that fact, but not really. I sighed, waiting for him to continue his pointless conversation. "I know you're not interested in speaking with me, so I'll keep it short, but I need you to make me a promise." I raised an eyebrow. This was a peculiar start to the chat.

"Promise you what?" My voice sounded bored, not even the tiniest bit interested. There was a pause. I wondered if he was thinking what everyone else was. Probably.

"I'm not sure about this legend of yours. I know that you aren't completely convinced either…but I'm going to wait. I do have a slight problem, though. I need to make sure that I'm doing this for a reason. I need to make sure that I'll be informed of her return. I need you to promise me that if you ever find her, you'll tell me. Even if you are not sure that it is Bella. You have to promise that you will let me know. I will certainly return the favor." I didn't speak for a long time. I was almost shocked by how seriously he was taking it. Almost. But I agreed anyway.

"Yeah. I'll tell you. If it ever happens." As I was saying this, a thunderous engine sounded outside the house, and I saw a flash of red. Could it really have happened this quickly? I involuntarily hopped up from the couch, a vain hope swelling in my chest and making the pain ten times worse. Before I was even up from the couch, I knew that this would kill me. I knew that by discovering that little slice of hope left over, I'd be ripping and tearing at the hole in my chest, increasing its size. It was stupid to be so hopeful. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The sudden action pulled the base of the phone from the side table, and it came crashing down to the floor. Billy stared at me from his place by the door. He'd seen the whole thing. I felt like an idiot. I guess I couldn't say that I didn't believe in the legend anymore. It was pretty blatant that I did. Painfully blatant. I was pathetically hopeful. I glared at the floor, swinging the phone back to my face with the cord.

"Jacob?" Edward was saying. He sounded worried. I made a face at the wheel of my father's wheelchair and sighed.

"Yeah. I'm here."

"Oh….What happened?" He asked kind of hesitantly. I didn't like this. Talking to him on the phone. I felt like I was in some kind of parallel universe where we were actually friends. He better not expect me to be all devoted and loyal now. I was not Bella.

"Phone fell. So…is that all you needed to say?"

"Yes, and thank you for stopping me Jacob. If what you say is true, and she does come back, I'll be forever grateful to you. You have no idea how much it would mean to me," _Yeah, yeah._ I rolled my eyes. _How touching_. _Really_. I snorted.

"Kay." I cut him off. "Great talking to you." And I hung up. My dad narrowed his eyes at me. I attempted a side smile at him-'attempted' being the operative word-knowing he wouldn't be too mad at me for being rude. Even if he was, I didn't care. He'd just have to deal with it.

I lifted myself from the couch and grabbed at the black t-shirt hanging over the back of the chair, slinging it over my head and pulling it over my chest. Then I headed for the door. My dad watched me carefully, his eyes alert, probing. Probably looking for signs of pointed metal objects sticking out of my pocket. I wasn't suicidal. Or maybe I was. But I couldn't feel enough to be sure. I was too numb.

I opened the door and pushed past him into the fresh air. I was almost down the steps when he called my name. I froze, hanging my head, and waited.

"Where are you going?" He asked. I shrugged. "How long will you be gone?" I shrugged again. He sighed.

"I'll be back before dark." I said, looking at the morning sky and then down at my feet. I still had only the one sock on. I thought briefly about getting another one and some shoes, but I didn't feel like it. I waited another minute for him to respond, but he didn't. I started running. I was thinking about Edward and myself. I was thinking about the promise I made him, considering my options. How angry would he be if I didn't stick to my side of the bargain? Probably angry enough. I would be too, if she'd really come back and he didn't tell me. I sighed. _There's really no use in thinking about this_,I told myself. _It's never going to happen._

I slowed to a walk, already to my destination. The waves crashed down along the shore in a comforting rhythm. I remembered that first night here at the bonfire, her with all of her friends. Where it all started. I didn't want to get my hopes up in thinking that she'd come back to me. I didn't want to go through the pain of figuring out that it really was just a stupid story. But I _did_ want to believe. Just subtract the pain that follows. I'd wait forever. I wanted her to be here. Even if it took a hundred years. I'd just never stop phasing. I'd stay here for several lifetimes, waiting, it that's what it took. I didn't doubt that Edward would, either. I sank down onto the familiar white driftwood tree, resting my head against it.

We had a long wait ahead of us.

**OH! Please please pleeeeease take my poll. I'm desperate for help in picking out  
RebornBella's new name. If you don't like the options, PLEASE give suggestions.  
I repeat. Please.**


	6. Annabelle

**(Disclaimer- No ownage. None ever. Son of a gun.)**

_Again. I'd really appreciate it if those of you who are reading this would leave me some reviews.  
I know a lot of you aren't reviewing.. it's kind of sad. I write these hoping that you'll enjoy them.  
So, please leave reviews. It would really make me happy if you did. You obviously don't have to, but if you'd be so kind..  
And sorry this is so short, but a very talented writer advised me to not have such long chapters. :)_

Annabelle

I stepped out of the car, squinting. The rain was coming down on a slant, smacking me in the face, the wind whipping my hair back. I was excited. This was my kind of town. I shut the door behind me, stepping into the moss-covered earth and smiled. I left the hood of my black jacket down, soaking in all the rain I could, letting it dampen my long brown hair. I walked into the street. The sky was a pale gray. It was welcoming in an odd way. I couldn't rationalize my own preferences to myself.

I did not mind the chilly, damp weather. I actually preferred it to the hot, sticky weather of my old home state. Houston, Texas was a nice place, don't get me wrong. It was pretty in a lot of ways and there were a lot of nice people, but it wasn't my kind of place. It was too hot there, far too buggy. And the sun. I glared into nothingness. This was something that I could not explain, either. Year after year, I'd been asked the same question, received the same incredulous expressions. Apparently, no one had ever heard of another person disliking the sunshine. I guess I was just the one person in the world who did. The sun made me anxious, lonely, in an absurd, unjustifiable way. I'd never tell anyone that, of course. I didn't need any more strange looks.

I was standing there, in the rain, face up to the sky, when a horn honked. I jumped, yelping, and stared wide-eyed at the blue minivan sitting there in front of me. The driver was impatiently waiting for me to get out of the street. I blushed and hurried to the side of the road, stopping there and staring ahead. The house was white. It was two stories tall, but not very large. There was one single tree in front of it, obscuring the view of the right half of the house. There was a forest to the left. I looked at the picture that I'd printed out on my computer back in Houston, stepping back, making sure that it was the same home, but knowing that it was unnecessary to do so. I knew this house. I didn't know why, and I didn't know how, but I did. This was it. I hurried to the front door, tripping twice, fumbling with the new keys I'd just gotten copies of.

The door opened with a soft creak and I stepped inside, hanging my coat on the rack without even looking at it. I followed the hallway into the living room, looking around. It was exactly as described in the online ad, minus the sudden appearance of my furniture. It was of average size with white walls. It was square. I could see myself sitting here reading. My couch was already up against the wall thanks to the movers. Apparently they'd gotten here before me. Very nice. I nodded to myself, happy that most of the work had been done for me, but I momentarily wondered whether or not I should be worried about them having had the house all to themselves like that. They'd already given the key back to the town, which was now in my pocket-the key, not the town-but what if they had gotten copies? Planted a camera? I shuddered, shaking my head quickly, attempting to rid of the paranoia.

I went on to the kitchen next, practically running I was so excited. The refrigerator was closest to the entryway, next to it, the sink. The sink basin was large, square, and deep. Good for washing dishes. I looked around for a dishwasher. Of course, there wasn't one. I knew there wouldn't be. The ad had specifically said that there was not a dishwasher, but idiotically, I had still hoped that maybe one would magically appear, or that someone would be nice and surprise me with one. I sighed, trying to take my mind away from it, slightly disappointed, irrational as it was to feel that way.

The stove was on the other side of the sink. The movers had also placed my table in the center of the room already. That was good, too. There wasn't a lot of counter space, but I didn't really need a lot of counter space anyway. I ran up the stairs. Straight ahead was the bathroom. It was small, but nice. The sink to the left of the door, a striped pattern was coloring the walls. It was a light shade of purple. This was not how I'd pictured it, but I smiled anyway, continuing on to the room that was to the left of the staircase, a little further down the short hall. Though there were no pictures of the upstairs rooms in the online ad, I instinctively knew that this would be the master bedroom. I also knew, somehow, that this would not be the room for me. This room was big, bigger than I knew the other room would be, confirming my suspicions. It was definitely the master bedroom. My bed was already placed against the wall just under the window that overlooked the nonexistent backyard. I shook my head, wondering how to get my bed out of there. I wondered briefly if I still had the moving company's number.

The last room was the one just to the right of the stairs. It was perfect, just as I knew it would be. The walls were a light blue, as I'd imagined them to be, the curtains a dingy shade of yellow. I think they were originally white, but they were discolored and grimy with time. The window overlooked the front yard and the street. The tree was in front of it, partially obscuring the view. Without thinking about it, I walked to the window, pushing it open as far as it would go. The tree would have come in handy if I'd have had a reason to sneak out…or actually. Probably not. Chances are I would have fallen.

There was also no carpet in this room. That was good. It meant fewer things to trip over. My bed would look quite nice against the wall opposite the window. It wouldn't look so small in this room. I pursed my lips, wondering again how I'd move the bed, and sighed.

After I'd brought all of my luggage in, I dragged the dresser and the desk from the master bedroom to the smaller one, my bedroom, stuffing my clothes and other belongings into the drawers. I also managed to grab the desk chair and get that situated as well. It was quite a struggle, getting them in there, though, and I almost fell down the stairs in the process. There was definitely no way I'd be moving that bed on my own. I sat on the floor in my new room, looking around. I supposed that I should finish rearranging my furniture in the rest of the rooms, but I was tired. Leaning against the wall where the bed should have been, I started to fall asleep.

--

The next morning, I woke up on the floor of my new bedroom. I felt queasy, my head throbbing, and my chest hurt as though someone had pushed their entire arm through me, angrily squishing the organs in their way. I had to take several deep breaths before the pain would subside, before I could remember the reason for the pain. I'd had one of the dreams again. I'd seen a psychiatrist for this already, explaining and discussing these dreams in full detail. My mother didn't think it normal to have such realistic dreams so continuously, especially when they weren't really realistic at all. They'd haunted me every night for the past eighteen years, and had just started to come less often, up until just a few days before. There were several repetitive dreams, but each time that they came to me, they were exactly the same as the time before. Only this time was different.

I was in the car with the nameless boy again. It had always been dark outside the car, so I hadn't seen the surroundings before, but this time, I realized that we were outside of this house. I recognized the rectangular white building, the surrounding forest, the single tree. I looked back at him, and he was looking at me, a yearning look plastered to his russet-colored face. I could not see most of his features, only his eyes, really, but even so, the feeling of recognition never left me. It never did. I knew this face. I remembered feeling confused, debating with myself whether or not to kiss him. I remembered the feeling inside of my chest, the subtle ache, the ruthless sense of self-betrayal. I remember him sighing, opening the door. Then, with a wild gasp, he muttered the same unintelligible words that he always did. As always, I sat in my seat, suddenly terrified, but I still couldn't comprehend why. All I knew was that it wasn't good, that I was in danger. He spun the car around as I scanned the streets. I was looking for something in particular, but I didn't know what. Then I saw the car.

"Stop!" I shouted at him. In my dream, I knew that car. In reality, it could have been any car. It was a black car, a car that made my heart pound in my chest, the wings of a hummingbird. With this, a feeling of ease came over me, a piece placed back into the puzzle that was my totaled heart. He looked at me like I was crazy, anger in his eyes, and then the dream shuddered slightly, and I was alone on the street.

_Author's Note: She isn't REALLY in the street. She is in the street in her dream,  
__just in case there is any confusion on that matter.  
OH. and uh. Does this dream sound familiar to anyone? :D IT SHOULD.  
If you recognize this dream, tell me so! I want to see how many people actually remember._


	7. Groceries and Cart Boys

**(Disclaimer- I'm never going to own anything. I'm ownership-less. Sadness.)**

_So, this may strike you as a little boring. I just needed a little boring, common day stuff to alleviate the drama a little.  
"Anna" Is Annabelle, by the way. And this John fellow may seem a little familiar. :) I did this purposely.  
The good stuff is getting closer, though! :D woooo!  
please leave reviews. thankkkk you very very much!_

Groceries and Cart Boys

It wasn't long before I discovered I needed to pay a visit to the grocery store. The only thing in the house was the box of pop tarts I'd taken with me on the trip, and I scarfed the last two down quickly. I dressed hastily, throwing my hair into a pony tail, ready to explore the town. Then I threw myself down the stairs, glancing around at the new home, smiling. I needed to remember to thank my parents for that tuition money.

I sighed as I grabbed my jacket from its place on the hook. I didn't know what was happening to me; some strange rebellious phase, maybe. It wasn't good. I felt bad lying to my mother about this. She'd put a lot of faith in me and a lot of money in my pocket. She'd done it so that I could get the education that she'd never received. I really wasn't happy with myself for deceiving her, for letting her believe that I was using her money for educational purposes instead of buying a house. But, the truth was, I wasn't really the college type. In fact, I found it to be completely unnecessary. Everyone always said that there wasn't any other plausible option other than college, but I didn't believe that. I knew that there had to be something else. Besides, what would I do there? _College_. I snorted.

I stepped out into the cool morning air, trying to ignore the repentant thoughts buzzing in my head. Instead I focused on the gray sky, lighter today than yesterday, the single tree in front of the house, covered in moss. I'd never climbed a tree before, but how hard could it possibly be? One foot up, reach up and grab a branch with your hand…but there really weren't any low branches, and I was only 5'4". I shook my head as I scrambled into the black pickup truck, wondering why I'd even thought of climbing a tree. It was too covered in moss to give any kind of traction anyway-not that traction would help someone like me.

As I drove down the road, on my way to the grocery store, I passed several small houses. Each was placed just far enough apart to provide a good amount of privacy, but not far enough to make you feel like you were living out in the middle of no where. I smiled, pleased with everything that I saw. The roads were void of debris; I didn't spot any graffiti, except on this one store…Everyone on the streets seemed to be very happy, simply dressed, chatting with each other in front of the few shops. I could tell that the town of Forks was small, very small. I liked it. I preferred the small town feel as opposed to the big city lights. Who needs big numbers?

I came to a stop in front of the grocery store, slightly dazed. I was still smiling like an idiot, staring out the windshield, when I realized that the cart boy was staring at me. Crap. I bit my lip, hurriedly trying to get out of the truck, undoing my seatbelt and making sure that my wallet was still in my back pocket, keeping my eyes carefully away from his face. Then, as I was climbing out of the truck, I froze. The boy stood there with his collection of carts, a slightly confused expression on his face, not far from where I stood, but I paid him no attention. I was trying very hard to remember something.

Maybe I had a photographic memory. Maybe I'd seen a map somewhere online. Maybe I'd looked up all of the grocery stores around here… I was almost certain that none of these options were likely, but there was no other way I could explain it to myself. I didn't see any other way that I could have gotten here so quickly. I should have gotten lost at least a little bit…I hadn't even been paying attention to where I was going. My eyebrows furrowed.

"Er…are you alright, Miss? Do you need help with something?" The boy called to me, taking one uncertain step toward my truck. I shook my head at the distant voice, stepping completely out of the truck. I realized that I must have looked strange, standing there with one leg in the truck and one out of the truck. I didn't take offense to his assumptions. I was used to this.

I sighed as I made my way into the store. I'd probably been paying more attention than I realized, I decided. I doubted that it would be difficult to find your way around a town as small as this one. There were probably many indications that I'd seen…that my subconscious had picked up on, even though my mind had been elsewhere. I pursed my lips, still doubtful, but nodded to myself, grabbing a cart. I needed to focus on getting food into my new house. Now was not the time to question my sanity.

I finished my shopping quickly, using the tuition money my mother had given me. I wasn't parked very far from the entrance, and I didn't have _too _many bags, but I struggled with them anyway on my way out the door. My clumsiness didn't help either. Before I could even get off of the sidewalk and into the parking lot, I dropped one of the bags, the box of pasta sliding out and soaring into the air, smacking into the wall of the building. _There goes the spaghetti I was going to make…_I bent down to pick up the bag and sighed, glaring at the cart boy as he ran over to help. What a nuisance. I admit I probably did look a little helpless, dropping things like that, but I didn't think it was necessary for him to leave the carts right in the way of traffic just to come and pick up my noodles for me.

"Hey! Need any help with that?" He offered, breathing heavily. He didn't give me time to respond; he was already grabbing four of the five bags from me, smiling pleasantly. He had strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. He was slightly attractive, but I could tell that his annoying personality took a lot away from it. My eyes narrowed, looking for the hidden motive behind his actions. He appraised me as I did this, his smile wavering slightly, probably wondering why I was glaring the way that I was. I pursed my lips.

"Thanks," I mumbled. He smiled again and started to walk, heading for my truck. I trailed along behind. He looked back three times on the short way there, smiling at me. Then he tripped. I couldn't contain myself; I burst out laughing. "Are you okay?" I asked, trying ineffectively to sober up. I covered my mouth with my hand to suffocate a giggle. He looked at me, smiling a sheepish grin, and picked himself up from off of the concrete. Surprisingly, he didn't drop a thing.

"No harm done," He replied, chuckling at himself. He watched me close the distance between us as he stood by the truck, hesitant. "Where do you want these?" He asked.

I looked at the pickup. I was thinking about having him put them in the bed of the truck, but the drizzle that dampened my clothes made me reconsider. "On the passenger's seat, I guess." I told him.

I stood there, waiting for him to put them where I'd told him, but he just looked at me like an idiot and blinked. I raised my eyebrows expectantly.

"You have to unlock it first." He reminded me. I blushed, pressing a button on the key. It really was a handy little device, that button. I smiled slightly as he turned around to take the last bag from me, already having put the others on the seat. "Are you new here?" He asked me, following me around to the other side of the vehicle. I sighed quietly, getting into the car. I'd been hoping he would just leave me alone now, but of course he was going to ask me that. This town was too small to not be able to tell who belonged and who didn't.

I nodded, not looking at him. "Thanks for the help." I said, pretending to look for something in the stray papers that I'd left on the dashboard. I was still hoping that he'd leave, but I could see in my peripheral vision that he hadn't moved an inch.

"I'm John. I'm eighteen." He said to me. I rolled my eyes at the papers so that he couldn't see. Wasn't the proper response "you're welcome" and not some full-blown introduction? Someone was going to wind up hitting those carts while he was over here socializing. What did he want with me anyway? I pulled my eyes away from the fictitious paper-searching, smiling at him tentatively in response. "What's your name?" He asked.

"Anna." I looked away from him again, out the windshield, uncomfortable with his game of twenty-questions, and spotted a bright yellow flyer sticking out from under my windshield wiper. I raised an eyebrow. He must have seen what I was looking at, because his hand reached out and caught it, handing it to me through the open window.

"Are you going, Anna?" He gestured to the paper. I looked at it. _La Push Fourth of July Bonfire Party_, the paper said in bold at the top. I just stared at it and then back at him, a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. "It's tomorrow," He informed me. His expression was just a little too hopeful. He kind of creeped me out.

"What's La Push?" I asked him. I felt stupid for asking. Though I didn't really know what it was, I found the name to be oddly familiar. He smiled reassuringly at my confusion, placing his hand on the side of the door, leaning against it. _Don't get too comfortable_, I thought to myself.

"It's the little Indian Reservation not too far from here." He said. "It's really nice. Big beach and everything. It's usually pretty empty, deserted for the most part, but kids occasionally throw little bonfire parties down there. This one's big, though. The whole town is invited. I don't really know how many people are going to show up, but from what I've heard, everyone's going."

"Oh." I was intrigued by what he'd said, not so much about the party, but more about the beach, though I normally didn't like even the idea of beaches. I was reassured, however, when he'd said that it was deserted for the most part. That was good. One of the worst things about beaches was how crowded they always were. The other thing about beaches that I despised was the sun, but I didn't really have to worry about that here. This beach was starting to sound very nice to me.

"So…you should go. I'd introduce you to a couple of people, you know, help you get acquainted with the town." He leaned in closer, now resting both arms where the window should have been. I had a sudden urge to roll the window up on him, but I clasped my hands together, controlling myself.

"I don't really think that I'm going to, sorry. I'm not that into beaches." I told him quickly. I was really a horrible liar, but this was true, for the most part. I truly didn't want to go tomorrow, not with him there. I didn't want to contribute to the chances of running into him, though I figured I'd probably see him here a lot. This was a small town, after all. A horn honked in the distance and we both looked back to see a blue minivan stopped in front of the carts that were blocking the path. I wondered if it could be the same van, but didn't linger on the thought. I took this as an excuse to escape. "You probably should move those…" I suggested, smiling slightly when his smile turned into a faint pout. I could tell though, that he knew I was right. "I have to go now, anyway." I started the car and he stepped away.

"See you around." He said, watching as I backed out of the space. His eyes were just a little bit too intent. I worried about him memorizing my license plate number and stalking me. I shuddered.

"See you." I called back, speeding up. I was happy to be out of there.


	8. Unwelcome Companions

**(Disclaimer- I do not own a thing.)**

_A little long, and a little boring. I apologize. Reviews? :D Thanks for reading, by the way!  
It's really exciting to know that people are reading my writing._

Unwelcome Companions

The phone was ringing when I opened the door to the house, returning from my treacherous grocery shopping. I ran for it, dropping the groceries by the door, wondering who it could be. I didn't remember giving anyone my number. As I was running, I tripped over my own foot, crashing into the counter and knocking the phone to the floor. I heard it beep as it turned itself on and skidded away from me.

"Dang it." I muttered, reaching for it. "Hello?"

"Hello. This is Larry, from the moving company. You called?" Oh, right. The bed.

"Yeah." I breathed, picking myself up from the floor and settling into the kitchen chair. I sighed. The phone base was dangling from the counter, inches from the floor, hanging on only by the cord. I pursed my lips together, not quite willing to get up. I stared at it as I continued to talk to the man on the phone. "I was wondering if maybe you could get someone to come and help me move my bed into the other room."

"The other room?" He sounded confused. "They put it in the wrong room? I told them to make sure that they put it in the master…" He trailed off, mumbling to himself about following directions. I shook my head.

"No, no." I reassured him. "They did exactly what you told them to. I think I'd just prefer it in the other room."

"You don't want the master bedroom?" Again he sounded confused. I sighed.

"Nope. So do you think someone could get out here to help or not?" I bit my lip as there was a moment of silence. I could almost hear him raising his eyebrows at my reproachful tone of voice. I closed my eyes, pressing the fingertips of my free hand to my temple. "I'm sorry. I'm a little tired." I apologized.

"Oh, it's fine." He assured me, but he didn't sound very sincere, and I didn't feel very assured. I looked at the floor, wondering why I was in such a bad mood. "Uh… I actually don't think we'll be able to get out there until at least Monday." He said it slowly, probably wary of my reaction. I pushed my lips into a tight line. I didn't like the idea of having to wait three days. The big room just wasn't my room. It just wasn't. And I didn't want to have to sleep on the floor.

"Oh. Really, that long?" My voice was carefully polite.

"Yes, I'm sorry. Tomorrow is the fourth of July, so I gave them the weekend off." I sighed, leaning back in the chair, tired already. If the clock on the microwave was correct, it was only twelve-thirty in the afternoon. All I'd done was rearrange my things and go grocery shopping. Could I really still be this tired from the trip?

"Oh, okay. That's fine. Thank you."

"No problem, I'll have someone there first thing Monday." He hung up.

I sunk down in the chair, leaning my head against the table. I really wanted to sleep, but it was so early and I hadn't done much yet. I sat there, staring at the swinging phone base, thinking about what I could possibly do to entertain myself. I supposed I could read some, but I'd already finished and reread all of the books I owned at least three times. Maybe I could just read them again…just for something to do for today. Then tomorrow I could go meet up with that John kid…

No. No way. I wasn't that desperate for entertainment. But today _had_ been strange. John definitely reminded me of someone. I couldn't pinpoint it, exactly, but he did. It was absurd, the amount of attention he'd paid to me. Back home no one ever really seemed that interested, or…well, that wasn't exactly true. There had been a couple of boys who took notice, but I'd never really cared for anyone. They just didn't seem right. Not right at all.

I sighed, drumming my fingers against the tabletop, racking my mind for ideas. Then I remembered something John had said about that little Indian reservation, La Push. That had definitely sounded appealing. Maybe I would find a map and go for a swim. With a look outside, I quickly reassessed my plan. Walking the beach wouldn't be totally boring, either.

After putting the phone base and the actual phone back where they belonged, as well as the groceries, I slung my coat over my arm and headed out, locking the door on the way. I briefly considered bringing an umbrella, but I never really used one, so why start now? I stopped off at Newton's, a camping store of sorts that I vaguely noticed on the way to the grocery store. It was a really run down store, by the looks of it, very old. The inside, however, was nice. I didn't waste my time admiring the boots and camping gear, though, instead I went right to the counter for a map.

"Excuse me?" I called quietly to the man behind the counter. He had his back to me, a baseball cap on his head, a bright yellow apron tied around his neck and waist. He didn't respond, so I just stood there like an idiot for a couple of minutes, not wanting to attract unnecessary attention. That plan failed miserably. The people coming in looked at me weird, like I was missing something obvious. Finally someone pointed at the counter. I looked, and there was a bell. Oh. I pressed the little button and it buzzed, scaring the man behind the counter. He jumped, turning around. My eyes widened.

"Hey, Anna!" John greeted me. I blinked. What was he doing here?

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I stuttered. It probably was rude to ask that, especially when I was staring at him like he was some sort of monster. He chuckled.

"I work here." He said, pointing at his name tag. "Family business. My great grandfather owned it. Then my grandfather, now my dad." He shrugged.

"Oh." I quickly added this to my mental list of places to avoid. "I thought you worked at the grocery store." It came out more like a question, and he chuckled again. I just stood frozen at the counter, reconsidering the need for a map. Maybe this town was _too_ small.

"I work two jobs. I'm saving up for a really nice car." He smiled hugely, about to go into further detail, but I didn't give him the chance. I was already getting sick of talking to him. It was kind of sad, in a way. He seemed to be a very nice person, I just wasn't in the mood for excessively friendly boys today.

"Oh. That's cool. So, er…do you have any maps of the local area?" I asked hesitantly, hoping that he would just do his job without feeling the need to mingle. I could tell by the sudden enthusiasm in his eyes that I would not get my wish.

"Checking out the area, huh? Well, hey, why don't you just let me show you around? I get off work in about an hour. I could pick you up or something…" He suggested, shrugging again. I fought the urge to throw the mints on the counter at his hopeful face.

"Thanks, but I really kind of wanted to start now. Do you have any maps?" I repeated. He pouted a little, but eventually gave me a map. I paid and left quickly, stumbling the whole way. I pushed open the door and ran to my truck, getting in and closing the door behind me securely. Then I locked the doors. I didn't understand why I was so completely annoyed with this John fellow already. I mean, it wasn't as if he'd been doing much of anything. So he'd asked me to come and hang out with him twice already in the thirty or so minutes that he'd known me. It wasn't like he'd been doing this forever, but for some reason it felt like he had been. I shook my head, opening the map. I found it quickly, knowing where the street would be on the map without even thinking about it. It was a small town, though, I reminded myself. It shouldn't surprise me that it was so easy to find.

I started the truck, butterflies in my stomach. I didn't really understand why I was so excited. Part of the excitement was apprehension, which I explained to myself in that I was just really shy. What if John was waiting there for me? What if he'd gotten out early and decided to wait for me? Could he have possibly found out where I was going?

"Ergh." I growled slightly, pushing the thoughts from my mind. I just needed peace and quiet, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. Who knows, maybe I'd find some stray moving company men.

The little reservation was exactly as I thought it would be. The houses were small, relatively close to each other, the roads familiar and easy to follow. I made my way to the beach effortlessly, parking on the side of the road. The walk down to the beach was longer than it should have been-I tripped over my own feet often-but when I got there, I suddenly felt much better. There wasn't much sand, only a slim strip of it that wrapped around the miniature waves that slid calmly over it, dragging bits of it away, sweeping the sand into the ocean along with my worries of the day.

I walked for a short while before I found a driftwood tree to sit on. Across from this tree there was another strange looking white driftwood tree, its roots sticking up into the air like the legs of a spider. I felt a sudden pang of solitude and looked away, back at the other tree, and sat on it gingerly. It was moist, either because of the moisture in the air caused by the ocean or the consistent drizzle, so I laid my coat down over it before sitting back down.

I wondered what my mom was doing right now, whether she was worrying about me or not. I didn't want to have to lie to her about homework and the hardship of college life. I was still feeling bad about having to keep the truth from her; we'd always been close. We told each other everything. We were a lot a like, both very responsible, both mature. I took after her a lot more than my father. He was the immature, irresponsible, and slightly annoying one. I'd never really been close with him. Though he was always there, beside my mother, trying feebly to throw me into the sports he'd hoped he'd had a son for, we just never really connected. He was loud, too. Too loud.

Everyone I knew in Houston was loud, actually. Loud and friendly and exceptionally spirited. The girls were all painted up dolls, their hair done perfectly in pigtails or wavy down their tanned backs, completely different from myself. The boys were mostly cocky, rude, and just plain annoying. My school had been generally made up of cheerleaders and jocks, the occasional chess-club type. I was always the outcast. I didn't have many friends, not that it bothered me. No one seemed to understand or relate to me, they couldn't comprehend my aversion to the sun, to the game of football, or to all sports in general. While everyone else was chatting excitedly about the game or the prom, I was the one sitting in the corner reading and observing. I didn't make an effort to fit in, and no one reached out to accept me.

I yawned suddenly, a blanket of stupor enveloping me, and leaned back against the tree. I felt very safe here, like it was some kind of second home, some long lost friend I'd never known I'd missed. I closed my eyes, breathing in the rich scent of the forest and the sea, and as the sounds of the gulls overhead became distant, I drifted off to sleep.

As I slept, I also dreamt. I dreamt of this beach. It was nice out, partially sunny. There was a slight breeze, the wind carrying the briny scent of the ocean, the sound of laughter and squealing filling the air around me. I was leaving my place around a fire with a bunch of laughing teenagers, following after a younger boy. We made our way to the absurd white driftwood tree, sitting down. He was telling me a story. I knew that his tales were meant to scare me, though I couldn't hear what he was saying, and to please him, I pretended to be frightened. The only thing that confused me about this dream was that I didn't really have to pretend. I _was_ frightened.

The dream flickered to another scene, one that didn't stay with me very long. What I saw this time was more of a series of pictures rather than a reality. I saw myself in a dark alley, a tight feeling in my stomach. I was terrified and alarmed as four dark figures sprung at me. My breath caught in my throat and the dream jumped to another image, a terrible, unwelcome image. A familiar one. In this one I was in a meadow with a pale boy. I'd had this dream before. He stood away from me, on the fringe of the circular piece of land, staring at me with ambivalent gold eyes. Like the other face, I could only make out his eyes, and the look I saw in them was enough to kill me. Hurt and torment tore through my chest as he stared at me, and again, the dream flashed to another illustration. I didn't like this dream.

It felt like someone was shutting on and off the power, flipping through the channels on a television, showing me only bits and pieces instead of the whole thing, teasing me. In a matter of seconds, several more pictures flashed by me like cars passing by an immobile object on a freeway. I saw a cliff, the water, the black car, a glimmering hand, a white dress, two black haired children scurrying into the forest, a big white house, a long hidden drive, a hospital room, a dance studio, an ancient city. The images were there and gone quickly, and the emotions that they left behind lingered with me, bruises left by a powerful hand of agony. At the very end, a loud, booming sound reverberated in my head and I was on my knees in the mud, a rusty taste in my mouth. And then it all disappeared.

--

I woke up on the ground beside the tree, looking up at the sky, and was very surprised to see that the sun was already setting. I didn't know how long I had been here, but I didn't want to leave. The feeling of unease was still rocketing through me, leftovers from the nightmares that were my constant companions. I groaned as I stretched, using the driftwood seat to steady myself as I lifted myself from the ground, and turned around. In the distance, I saw a boy. I couldn't see his face in the shadows that now obscured the view, but from what I _could_ see, he appeared to be staring at me. Immobile, I stood there, a stunned look on my face. It was a minute before either of us moved, but then slowly he took a step toward me, into the light, what was left of the sun illuminating his russet-colored face. My eyes widened. _Whoa._


	9. Strangers

**(Disclaimer-I am no Stephenie Meyer.)**

_Soooooo, hello lovely people. I have read this over and over so many times that I'm no longer able to tell  
if this makes any sense at all or if it just makes sense in my head. haha. I hope it makes sense! pleeeeeeeeease leave reviews.  
I was kind of hoping that I'd get some reactions with this one. I want to know what you think! :D Honestly. The fact that people  
are even reading this just blows me away. Thanks so much! by the way. this may be a little short. sorry._

Strangers

I couldn't believe it. I stood there, completely motionless, as the boy came closer still. His eyes were dark and tight, cautious of my absurd reaction. He stopped a foot away, his head bowed slightly, studying me. I couldn't breathe. I could tell that my eyes were wide with fear, looking up at him, but there was nothing that I could do about it. The feeling in my chest was too strong. I felt as if I took a step, a breath….if I _blinked_, I would burst into a thousand little multicolored pieces of confusion and vulnerability.

He stared intently at me, his jaw clenching and unclenching, clenching again, before he closed his eyes, scrunching his face up in the process. He seemed to be thinking very hard. After a moment, he opened them, slowly…as if afraid of what he'd find when he did. His eyes widened a little as he took in my motionless figure. Then he smacked himself hard across the face.

My eyebrows rose as he repeated the process of closing and opening his eyes two more times. My heart beat so loud and hard against my chest I was afraid that maybe I was having a heart attack. My mind felt far away, my vision becoming a tunnel, focusing in on the face that was so much higher than my own. I couldn't feel anything below the waist, everything had gone numb with the combination of shock and horror and disbelief that was making my head spin. I wanted to move, to look away, to close my eyes, but I was a statue in front of the impossible boy.

He blinked at me, his eyes wide with surprise, as though stunned by the sudden affirmation of my existence in front of him, and then he fell to his knees, an audible gasp escaping his beautiful mouth. I had a strange urge to reach out and touch him, to slide my fingers across the russet skin, but my arm didn't respond to the message my baffled brain had sent it, probably too afraid that he would disappear beneath my fingertips.

Instead my eyes widened further as my heart dropped with him to the ground. He reached to me with his imaginary hand, a figment of my imagination born into a harsh and perplexing reality. He looked up at me with tears that made me shake from head to toe. He looked so completely tormented, so completely stunned, so completely…rejoiced. I couldn't understand it. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't move. I huffed out a strangled breath as his hot fingers brushed against my hand. It was the same as in every one of my dreams. The heat that sprung from his skin struck me in waves, leaving with it a strange homesickness that had me hyperventilating in bewilderment.

Finally, my arm got the message. I grabbed his hand, pulling it to me, and he stood, the tears streaming down his face; his expression was painfully happy. He pulled me against his chest, filling every inch of me with an intense heat. The cool of the misting evening sky evaporated beneath the wrap of his strong arms, and I nestled against it, burying my face into his chest. I'd never have guessed that it would be this nice to hug an illusion. A flash of remembrance hit me as I saw the dream in my head again. _He was standing several feet away from me in the forest, running to me in slow motion, screaming to me. _What was it that he'd called me?

"Bella, oh Bella." He whispered above me, breaking into my train of thought with his soft sobs. I stiffened. This wasn't an illusion. I was really, truly standing here, holding on for dear life to a complete stranger. _No_, I argued with myself. I knew this boy. He was not a stranger; he had accompanied me through the many lonely years of my life, though it had only been while I was sleeping. _But_, the more logical version of myself disagreed, _I'd never actually seen his face._ But even so, even without seeing his face, how could I explain this feeling that overpowered me? How could I explain the similarity between what I felt in my dream and what I felt now? How could I explain the longing, the happiness, the fear? And the heat…what could explain the heat?

He said the name again, stroking my hair tenderly. Why did he keep calling me that?

"Who's Bella?" I choked out. My voice sounded small as the name rolled off my tongue in an absurdly familiar way. Something clicked in my head, one piece out of a thousand in a puzzle, but it did nothing to help me. I rubbed at my head. This pointless attempt at trying to make sense of what was happening was bound to result in a migraine.

He looked at me then, responding to my words, his eyebrows pulling together, staring at me like I was some kind of enigmatic delusion. Maybe I was, but he was too. He leaned down, pressing his warm lips against my forehead. "I can't believe you're back…that you're really here. I almost didn't believe it…" He murmured, his voice was sad. The sound of it hurt me, but the words left me confused and staggered.

"Do I know you?" I asked him. He let me go, stepping back and looking at me with a devastated expression before taking me gently by the shoulders, looking into my eyes. He seemed so immensely hurt by my words that I almost took them back. Was it insane to pretend that you know someone so that they'll be happy? Was it insane to be willing to go to such lengths to make a stranger happy to begin with?

"I know you're mad at me, Bella. I know. I'm so sorry. I wish I hadn't left to begin with. It was stupid. I'm so sorry." He pulled me once again to his chest, his long dark arms circling me, but I pulled away from him, stumbling backwards. Was he insane? I had no idea who this boy was. Sure, he seemed familiar, in a strange way, but it was unjustifiable…the way that I trusted and wanted him. I shook my head, closing my eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I muttered, looking away. It felt like hell, pushing him away. I felt like I'd been waiting forever for this, and now I was suddenly frightened. I wasn't afraid of him so much as I was alarmed by the fact that I was completely comfortable standing here in the arms of a stranger. Maybe I was the one who needed to be smacking myself across the face. Was this another dream? I closed my eyes, still backing away.

Though he said nothing, I could sense the hurt he was feeling; I could feel the pain running through my own veins… his pain, my own pain, a mutual compilation of various emotions that were determined to break me, to break me until I could no longer see straight. It wouldn't take long.

I took one faulty step backwards and tripped over a tree branch, landing back in the freezing water. I shivered, preparing myself to get up from the pool that was soaking through my shirt, but I didn't get a chance. He was in my face within seconds, much quicker than he should have been. I gasped, pushing his hands away from me. I hadn't even heard him take a step.

"Get off of me!" I shouted at him, leaping from the ground and running toward my truck. He didn't seem to be following me, but with a glance back, I realized that he was right there. He reached for me, tears back in his eyes. He looked so heartbroken. I felt sick to my stomach. I spun around on him, twisting from his grip. "Don't touch me! Stay away!" I shouted.

"Bella," He mouthed, his hands falling limp. His face crumpled. I wanted more than anything to reach out and comfort him, to tell him that it was okay, but I had to keep reminding myself that it was irrational to want this, that he was a stranger, a possible threat to my life, or, at the very least, my sanity. I shook my head, grinding my teeth.

"Just stay away from me, Jacob." I spit at him, the confusion causing me to lash out. His eyes widened, matching the expression I could feel on my face.

"You know me…" He whispered. His voice was full of hope. It devastated me, shocked as I was at myself. Where had that name come from? Was that his name? Had he said it in the few moments we'd shared? He hadn't. I knew he hadn't. My head hurt, the ground swayed beneath me. I needed to get out of here. I needed to escape the madness. What was going on here? _Somebody wake me up!_

I shook my head again, still trying to get away from him. I felt like a child being hunted down by a nice, loving murderer. I could sense that he was nice, that he cared for me, but he'd eventually kill me, one way or another. _No, stay._ I fought with myself, an internal battle that was tearing me to shreds. I'd never been so confused in my life.

"Bella…"

"My name is not Bella! Stop calling me that! Just leave me alone!" I pushed him hard, but he barely even swayed under the force of my feeble hands. His face crumpled again with the ache that my words had caused him, and this time, I knew that he would listen to me. My heart sped as I ran for the truck, pushing myself harder and harder, fighting for control of myself, running faster. The tears streamed down my face as I raced away, leaving behind my heart and my imagined companion. Climbing into my truck, I collapsed into an unavoidable abyss of confusion and pain. What had just happened to me?


	10. Kidnapped

**(Disclaimer- I am samantha. I am not stephenie. Poor me.)**

_Hello again friends and fellow twilight worshippers. These last two chapters that i've concocted may  
be a bit too on the dramatic side. I can no longer tell. I've been staring at them for too long.  
And I love all of your reviews so far so PLEASE keep them coming! Thank you very much for reading. It makes my day. :D_

Kidnapped (title)

Annabelle

It'd been four days. The fourth of July had come and gone. John Newton hadn't talked to me. I'd stayed in the house. I hadn't gone shopping, I hadn't gotten the mail. I hadn't moved an inch in the past four days besides the occasional visit to the refrigerator and the bathroom. I just sat on the floor where my bed should have been. The moving company never showed up. I thought about complaining to that Larry guy, but I didn't feel like it. I couldn't get over what had happened to me, what might not have happened to me at all.

I hadn't seen the dream boy since that night. I didn't even remember the drive home. I was beginning to think that maybe I'd just dreamt it all. I _did _have very vivid dreams. Believing that it was just a dream was much easier than accepting that the boy was real, that I'd really had him in my arms. That the heat that emanated from his strong, enormous frame hadn't just been my imagination running wild. But then again, the pain in his eyes…the pain I'd felt for him and for myself…how could that have been something conjured up in my sleep? _No_, I told myself. I didn't want to think about it being real. It couldn't have been. That couldn't have happened. It must have been a dream.

I'd had other dreams since then. None of them had seemed even slightly as real as that one had, but they'd been about him. Not just him, but also the other one- the other boy with the golden eyes and the bronze hair. I'd had these dreams all my life, but never before had they forced such strange reactions out of me. I kept waking up in the middle of the night, slick with sweat, breathing heavily, keeling over, nauseous. I had to lean against the wall for a couple of minutes, just so that I wouldn't fall over. Sure, falling over was never out of the norm for me by any means, but this was different. I couldn't stand straight, couldn't see straight. It was like an out of body experience, seeing things from someone else's eyes, feeling with someone else's heart. The pain I felt was beyond any other thing I'd ever felt throughout my entire existence. It paralyzed me, left me standing still in the middle of the hallway, frozen with shock and confusion and a heartache that hit me like a ton of bricks, over and over and over again. It wasn't normal. It just wasn't.

The worst thing, the least normal thing, was that I was homesick. I wasn't longing for my old home in Houston, but for something else entirely. I couldn't pinpoint it. I couldn't decide what it was that I was missing, but I could feel it. I could feel the big empty space invading every inch of me, taking over, leaving me lonely and cold and hollow. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. The dream, the emptiness it'd caused, it alerted something in me, activated some kind of nonstop flood gate. Every time I thought I was finished, I'd see him in my head again, feel the pain in my chest again, and it'd start all over.

Frequently I experienced absurd urges to go back to La Push and find the boy. Find Jacob. I grinded my teeth as I thought of the name, another impossibility. This was one other piece of evidence leaning towards the dream theory. If it hadn't been a dream, could I really have just known a stranger's name as I had? That was entirely _not_ possible.

I'd had other urges, too, other fierce cravings that left me staggered and dazed. I'd had dreams of a big white house, one on a never-ending road that wound and wound through the darkness. The more that I ran through the winding roads, the further away the house became. Even though I knew somewhere in my mind that making it there would be completely unattainable, I kept pushing myself, running and running. I'd spend forever in this reoccurring dream, chasing whatever it was that I could find there, whatever it was that made me twitch in agony. I'd run ceaselessly just to reach it, though in my head I knew that it was not feasible. But dreams normally _aren't_ feasible- especially this one. It made my heart hurt. It made me cry. Even when I wasn't thinking about it, even when I was completely engaged in something else, it'd come creeping back up from the back of my mind, popping up and catching me off guard, disabling me for hours at a time. I hated it. I absolutely despised it.

--

Jacob.

Another day passed and I couldn't take it anymore. It'd been six days since I'd seen what I'd thought I'd seen. Since I'd seen what I'd been waiting for. I couldn't stand it. I'd been standing there, again, not thirty feet from her. This time, I'd done something more than stand there, though. I'd tried to go to her, to apologize, to make things right. But apparently, I hadn't done enough. I couldn't, really. I was a little more than disabled by the sight of her. I was dumbfounded. I'd never thought it would happen, and then there she was. I couldn't handle it. And what I couldn't handle even more was that she didn't want me anymore. She never really did, but this time it struck me worse than ever. I'd sworn that I wouldn't cry anymore, but after just that one moment with her I was right back at the beginning, crying every five minutes like she'd died all over again. It was hell on earth.

Embry was in the house waiting for me when I got home that next night. He'd asked me what was wrong, coming over to where I stood, wrapping his stupid arm around my shoulder, taking on the father role. He could tell that something was wrong. Either that or Leah had already told him. I'd bet on the latter option. That was all either of them would talk about. Leah had heard it in my head when I'd gone away as a wolf, and she'd followed me back to our house. She and Embry circled me, obviously attempting something that resembled a bizarre form of unsuccessful comforting. It was stupid. I'd gotten comfort and I'd gotten sympathy and I'd gotten annoyingly sad eyes pointing in my direction for the past ninety years. Nothing good had ever come from any of it.

I shook my head, gunning the engine to the motorcycle angrily. I understood that she didn't want me. I got it. I just couldn't get over the feeling in my stomach. It was much more than that I wanted to see her, to confirm that I wasn't completely insane, that she hadn't just been some illusion that my mind had fabricated to give me a rare spill of the happiness that so constantly avoided me.

I needed her.

I needed to hold onto her and to kiss her and to look at her. If I couldn't get the first two, I'd settle for just looking at her. I'd look at her forever. If I could wait for her for ninety years, I could surely look at her for just as long. I'd search this town from top to bottom. I'd tear it apart. I needed her. I'd find her. Please let me find her.

The tears trailed down my face as the realization hit me again. Bella was here. Bella was breathing and pink-faced and beautiful and _alive_. Bella was so close to me, but she'd never want me. This was just something I'd have to get used to. I'd had to do it before, I could do it again. It'd be hard, but I'd give anything just to look at her. Even if I knew that she hated me. Even if it killed me. And it would. I could feel it. It was tearing at my heart in ways that weren't ever going to heal. I knew that nothing, not even the fact that I could heal faster than anyone alive, could save me from this break. But I'd do it. Just to look at her face. I'd do anything.

--

Annabelle

I was in the truck driving when I saw the form on the fringe of the woods. I'd never seen anything like it. It was huge. I slowed down, staring at it like an idiot, almost driving into the ditch on the side of the road. It blinked at me, and then it turned around and ran away. My eyes widened. I was frightened by the enormous creature, but I didn't move. I waited. I didn't know why I was waiting, but I expected something. I just didn't know what it was that I expected exactly. The truck rumbled beneath me, annoying me. I couldn't hear anything above the uproar, and I didn't like having to rely on my sense of sight alone while waiting for whatever it was I was waiting for.

I waited for five minutes before I started getting antsy. I was really fidgety today. I'd been out on the road since this morning. I'd been looking for something. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I was. In fact, I was in such denial that I'd gone as far as saying that I was looking for John, but I knew that wasn't it at all. I wanted to find that big white house. I wanted to find something. I just had no idea where to look, nor did I even have any idea if it even existed outside of my head. I sighed, looking ahead, back at the road, making sure that nothing was coming, when there was a knock on my window. I screamed. A girl was standing there at the passenger window, smiling at me. She pulled on the door handle and settled into the seat while I stared at her in shock. What was this woman doing getting into my truck?

"Hey." She said, smiling genially, raising her eyebrows. Something about her struck me as snotty, though she was being rather nice. Not to mention that I had no idea who she was, and again, like everything else in this town, she was familiar. That bothered me. And now she was suddenly sitting in the front seat of my truck like she'd belonged there all along. What was it with these local people? Was there something in the water?

I watched her as she rolled down the window, letting her long black hair fan out into the golden sun that rarely lit up the sky here. She gazed back, looking somewhat smug, tapping her fingers on the dashboard.

"So, I have to admit that I'm surprised. I didn't really believe in the legend anymore than Jake did. But, we'll discuss it another time. Now, Bella, you need to listen up." She used the name that the dream boy had used to address me. I gasped, terrified and bewildered. Why was she calling me that? I pursed my lips, reaching for the door handle. I was ready to make a run for it, though I knew I wouldn't make it far. She looked very agile, graceful. She was beautiful, dark skinned, obviously much more skilled than me in many more ways than one. I narrowed my eyes.

"Here's the plan." She continued. "You are going to quit the shit and come home with me. You're being really mean to Jacob. He's waited forever for you, Bella, and I'm tired of listening to him whine. Do you even understand how incredibly annoying it is, waking up having had dreams of you? I'm a girl. I do not like you. I do _not_ want to be grieving over you for the rest of my life. You're here, you're alive, and you're being stupid. So just stop it and go see Jake, okay?" My eyes widened and my jaw dropped, but all that came out of my mouth was a strange whooshing sound. My mouth felt dry. My head spun.

"Don't even try to fight me, Bella. I'm stronger than you. You know that. I'll get you there one way or another. Or I'll just have Embry help me if you really put up a struggle. But I don't expect that from you. And the black is nice." Her words twisted my stomach, disorientated my mind. Who was Embry? What did she mean, Jacob had been waiting for me? I chose the most trivial of my questions to start with. My head was pounding.

"Black?"

"The truck. I like it." She half-smiled, smug again. I scowled at her. I could tell that she was not someone I'd get along with, but I felt bad for her in some unexplainable way. Maybe _I_ should stop drinking the water.

"Speaking of trucks…get out of mine. Now." I growled at her, shoving at her arm. I didn't understand what was going on here, but I couldn't deal with it. My chest felt as though it'd been planted with a dynamite stick, and my heart beat was just counting down the seconds until it'd explode. I thought I might pass out.

"Nice try. Move over." She lifted me easily from the driver's seat, taking my place. Then she hightailed it to La Push. I never even got a chance to interrupt.


	11. Remembrance

**(Disclaimer- I can guarantee that I'll be wishing that I came up with this series when  
I blow out the candles on my birthday cake.  
THE MOVIE COMES OUT IN MY BIRTHDAY MONTH! I'm sure they knew that I was having  
a birthday then. That's why they set it for that date. mhm.)**

_Againnnn, thanks for the reviews. Apologies for how long these last two are, and for them maybe being  
over dramatic and strange. bahhhh. I love Jacob and Edward. They're heaven. Okay, sorry. Continue please. :D_

Remembrance

I glared at the girl from where I sat tied to the wooden chair. I couldn't believe that she'd actually kidnapped me. I was slightly afraid, but the annoyance fiercely overshadowed it. She chuckled at my expression, walking casually over to me, tightening the rope that was wrapped around my left wrist. I grimaced.

"If I ever get out of this, I'm going to slap you really hard across the face." I warned her, thrashing. She giggled, obviously enjoying the entertainment I was providing her with.

"Remember what happened to your hand when you tried to do that to Jake?" She laughed again. "It isn't the best idea. And I _seriously_ doubt that you'll ever get out of that." A big grin took place on her pretty face. I scowled. Again she mentioned the boy. Was I being set up? Were they purposely trying to make me insane? Maybe the goal was to make me as crazy as possible so that I'd be sent away to some kind of insane asylum. Could they really be that opposed to newcomers?

"_Who_ is Jacob?!" I shouted at her for the millionth time. Her smile faltered and she narrowed her eyes at me, irritated. She shook her head, sitting opposite me in another wooden chair.

"That isn't nice, Bella. If I'm correct, aren't _you_ the one to blame here? Don't go giving Jake the cold shoulder on behalf of your own rotten mistakes." She growled, crossing her arms in front of her chest, glaring. I was about to yell at her to cut it out when the door opened. A boy came in. He was tall and slender, pretty in a way. He had short black hair. He stepped inside the door, looking at me with wide eyes, shoving his hand in his pocket and leaning against the now closed door.

"Wow." He breathed. The girl smiled at him as if to say _I told you so_. She raised an eyebrow, dipping her head in his direction. He shook his dark head in response, pursing his lips. "Hey there." He said to me. I blinked. There was something in the back of my mind that was eating at me, desperately trying to break through, but as hard as I tried, I couldn't get to it. My head hurt. I wanted sleep.

"She's refusing to acknowledge the existence of any of us." The girl spit, glaring quickly at me before looking back at the boy. His eyes narrowed as they took in the ropes that were hindering any kind of movement on my part. He grinded his teeth and his nostrils flared as he looked at her.

"What the hell are you doing, Leah?" He said under his breath. "Does Jake know about this?" She seemed a little taken back by the tone of his voice, but she stood from the chair, going to face him. When he said her name, my breath caught in my throat. I knew that name. What was going on here? The room spun.

"No. That's why you're going to get out there and tell him." I watched as they stood face to face, almost touching, staring each other down. After what seemed like forever, he shook his head, pushing past her, coming to stand beside me.

"I'm sorry about this, Bella. Leah's obviously having too much fun with this. But really, you should try to give Jake a chance to apologize. He's been waiting so long. We all have, actually." He smiled warmly, beginning to unwrap me.

"No!" Leah crashed into him, knocking him onto the couch.

"What the hell is your problem?" He shouted at her, pushing up and glaring wildly.

"She'll just run away, Embry. Jake needs to see her first. Give him his chance to talk to her. She won't give him the chance, but we can." As she said this, he seemed to calm down a bit, appraising me with critical eyes. My heart pounded. Embry?

"I'll get him." He said quietly, dashing out the door. Leah stood there silently, listening, waiting. I didn't really know what we were listening for, but I did as she did, just so that she wouldn't attack me. This girl was lethal.

A low howl sounded from beside the little red house I was trapped in and a slow smile spread across her face. Then she turned back to me. "Jake's coming." She said slowly, the smile still etched on her face. I wanted to smack her.

It was ten minutes before anything else happened. She just sat there, looking blankly at the wall, yawning every few minutes. I glared. Then finally the door opened and Embry stepped into the doorway. He motioned to her with his hand, and she went to him. Then I was alone. I pursed my lips, waiting. I knew that he would be here. The boy from my dream. He'd be in this room with me. The thought of it twisted my mind, hurting me. The pain in my chest grew as I waited, impatient as always. I wanted to know what was going on.

The door opened again, slowly. He walked in.

We stared at each other for a long time. No one said a word. No one breathed. His eyebrows were linked together, worried and sad. I couldn't breathe. Again, he started to cry, but when he did, he turned away from me, shaking slightly. I wanted to go to him, but I was tied to the chair still.

"Jacob…" I whispered. He froze, probably stunned by the sound of my voice. Even I was shocked by the sad tone that my voice held. I sounded heartbroken, and I was. The tears fell freely from my eyes as he turned back to me, slow and cautious. He swallowed, clenching his jaw. I looked pointedly from his face to the ropes around my wrists.

As he untied me, my heart raced. Just being so close to him was driving me insane. I couldn't keep lying to myself. He wasn't a dream anymore, he was real. I could feel the heat again, feel the pain, his pain. I could see that he was afraid and that he was hurt. I could see that it was my fault, but I didn't understand why. It killed me to look at him. It killed us both. I could sense it. He was so close to me, but he felt far away. The concept boggled my mind. The second that the ropes fell to the ground, I attacked him.

"Jacob." I repeated, hugging him fiercely. "I have no idea who you are, but I missed you." As the words toppled from my mouth, I laughed - sort of. It was an odd sound, a mixture of laughing and crying. A sad amusement. I shook my head into his chest, feeling delusional, feeling like a lunatic. I didn't want to move, but he pulled away from me.

"What do you mean, you don't know me?" He whispered. His eyes were worried. I shrugged.

"I don't know you." I said simply. His face crumpled, his mouth quivering. He looked like a child, as odd as it was to compare him to one. He was not at all like a child. He was much more than six feet tall, big and strong. Beautiful.

"You have to know me, Bella…" There was an intense agony in his voice as he murmured this to me. The bomb in my chest was about to erupt. I was dizzy.

"My name isn't Bella." I told him quietly, watching him, wishing he'd just hold me and quit the conversation. I needed him. "My name is Annabelle."

As I said this, his hands dropped from my arms and he took a step backwards, looking at me with wide eyes. "No…" He argued. I could barely hear him. He was so quiet, so hurt. I couldn't believe myself. How could I hurt him like this? I didn't know how I was hurting him, exactly, but I was. It killed me. "No, you're Bella. I know you are."

"Who is Bella?" I asked him.

"You are." His voice was strangled as he fell to the floor, staring off into space. He looked fragile. I was afraid to say anything else. I was afraid he'd break into a million pieces right in front of my eyes. The pain swelled, taking over me completely. I couldn't remember where I was. I couldn't see anything but him, the tears building in his eyes. I was floating.

"You are Bella." He continued. "You're Isabella Marie Swan. And I love you. I always have and I always will. I can't stand being without you, Bella." He looked at me and he was sobbing. My heart tore into shreds. I started to choke. "I've waited for you. I've sat here in this room as everyone around me died. I've sat here needing you, living only for you. You're all I think about, all I dream about. They told me you'd come back. I didn't believe them. I didn't believe it. And you're here. You're here. Please." He begged me. He was losing control of himself, he and I both could see that. He started to rock himself back and forth. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run. I wanted to hug him. I did.

I threw myself at him, curling up in his lap, pulling his face to mine, leaning against him. "Oh, Jacob." I cried. "Jacob, don't cry." I pled. "Please, please, Jacob. Tell me."

"You died." His voice broke, going an octave higher, and he wrapped himself around me. His tears hit my face, burning me in many ways. I could feel every bit of his pain, the anger, the torture, the deep scarring that we shared. I couldn't control myself. I felt like I'd been here in his arms all along, but I'd always been somewhere else. He'd always had me, I'd always had him, but we'd never had a thing. We'd never had anything. I started to shake.

"I didn't." I argued. I couldn't listen to this. It was killing me. I didn't understand him. I didn't want to listen. I couldn't listen. I couldn't breathe, I didn't want to. I didn't want to feel these emotions, his emotions. I didn't want to look into his sad eyes and feel him next to me. I wanted him to return to being the dream instead of the boy. I could feel him in my veins, burning me. I wanted to run away.

"You are!" He shouted at me, shaking me lightly. I broke from his arms, standing and stepping away from him. I was looking for an escape. He was desperate. He needed me. I needed him. I hated him and I loved him and it killed me. It killed me. The room was spinning, I was spinning. I wanted to run away. "You _are_ Isabella Swan! You loved me! I know that it wasn't enough. I know you loved him more. I know you love Edward more. You always will. But I can't stand it. I can't deal with it anymore Bella. Please. You loved me. You did, Bella. Please, just listen to me. You have to remember. Please. I can't…I can't…."

I didn't want to listen to him, but I couldn't help it. As he said this, a dozen images flashed in front of my eyes, like I was stuck on some kind of too-fast merry-go-round, each and every single dream that I'd ever had, swirling in the air around me, taunting me, making me nauseous, screaming in my head. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. I was stuck in an abyss of confusion, staring straight ahead, seeing nothing and everything all at once. It was all so out of focus, but somehow it felt clearer than before, purifying… fresh air after a gas leak, remembrance after amnesia.

I looked at him in shock, my eyes darting around the small, familiar living room. Everything had seemed so recognizable: the town, the house, La Push, _my_ house, that John kid- all of it, familiar. And the urge to come here, the loneliness that the sun inspired, the love of the rain, my unexplainable preferences, my strange reactions-everything seemed to click into place. And his face…I remembered his face. It had been in so many of my dreams, so many of them. I gawked at him, at the black eyebrows that pulled close together over his dark eyes, the quivering full lips, the hopeful expression on his lovely russet face. I felt the waves of heat roll off of his skin, hitting me like they always had in my dreams…Jacob. I'd known his name…this was my Jacob.

My breathing, which had become very shallow, completely stopped. I remembered the other face…The snow white face with the bronze hair, the cold touch, the gold eyes…for this face to be given a name…Edward…

I couldn't finish the thought. My heart thumped unevenly as the room and the images spun around me in confusing, truth-bearing circles. And suddenly it hit me. These had never been dreams at all. No. They had always been memories. And I knew that I couldn't deny it anymore. I knew that what he said was true. I could feel it. I was Isabella Swan. The images closed in as the room began to sway around me, the heat getting stronger. And then it all disappeared.


	12. Fire

**(Disclaimer- this is getting tedious. i own nothing.)**

_Mah. This is somewhat long. My apologies. please leave reviews. The next chapter is coming soon.  
More kissing. :D mwahahaaa. but yes. All you Edward lovers will get your bit of the vamp soon enough.  
Patience, friends and werewolves. Patience._

Fire

I stretched my arms out, slowly. I was sore. The drowsiness had not at all dissipated, though I intuitively knew that I'd been out cold for at least a day now. Several thoughts popped to the surface as I floated slightly closer back to consciousness, but I repressed them. I didn't want to deal with anything. I wanted to sleep. I pulled the covers close around my neck, cold now that the heat of my dreams was gone, and rolled over, wishing that I'd drift into at least another hour of slumber. Then I fell, landing on the hard wooden floor with a thump, smacking my cheek against it. I huffed.

"Ugh." I moaned into the floor. My lip dragged against it when I did so, and I made a face. The floor didn't taste good.

There was a soft chuckle from behind me and I quickly scurried to a standing position, tripping over the covers around my feet, falling again, only to be caught mid-fall by Embry. My eyes searched first his face, then behind him in the doorway, looking for the face I'd rather see. When my heart came up empty and disappointed, I looked around the small room. Jacob's room.

"Hey there. Sleep well?" Embry questioned genially, still chuckling a little as he steadied me. I smiled tentatively at him, much more comfortable than I realized I should have been around him. He felt absurdly like family. It should have been unnerving, but it wasn't. I smiled wider. I opened my mouth to speak to him, but no sound escaped my lips. My eyebrows pulled together in bewilderment. My throat was dry.

"You probably need something to drink. I think Jake's making you breakfast." At the sound of Jacob's name, my eyes widened and my heart thudded. By the looks of the smirk that emerged on Embry's face, he could hear it. Darn my stupid heart and its irrational responses. I followed him out of the room, quietly clearing my throat, stumbling some, still lethargic. "You may need to put some ice on that." He murmured to me, watching me rub at my sore cheek. I wrinkled my nose. It hurt to do so.

"What happened?" A husky voice came from the kitchen. I spun away from Embry, looking in the direction of the lovely sound, and saw him. He stood there by the table, watching me, a white chef's apron tied around his neck. He smiled sheepishly as he watched me watch him. Embry laughed behind me, pushing me gently over to the couch, probably worried that I'd fall over. I was wobbling.

"She fell out of bed." He grinned at Jake who in turn bit his lip, hiding a smirk. Then Jacob's eyes rested on me again. They were soft, dark, inviting. I missed him. "So, what did you make for breakfast?" Embry interrupted our ogling. He sniffed at the air, a look of faint disgust on his face. "It doesn't smell too good, no offense." I had to agree. It _didn't_ smell very good. It smelled more like someone had stuck a piece of plastic in the oven, but I didn't say anything. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Jake laughed anyway at the comment. He didn't seem hurt by it. "Welp. I attempted to make pancakes." He half-smiled, shamefacedly, holding up the frying pan where the clump of mush stuck. Embry grimaced.

"Got anything else?"

"Nope. It was Leah's turn to go shopping." Jake replied to his friend, but he was looking at me again. I smiled, wishing that he'd come and sit by me. I missed the warmth. I bit my lip, gazing. I felt lightheaded, giddy…I could even go as far as saying that I felt almost _whole_. It was an odd feeling. "Maybe you should go get some." He said to Embry, his voice trailing, staring intently at me still. There was a wicked glint in his eye that had my stomach flipping insanely. I blushed, fighting a smile.

Embry was about to object to Jake's suggestion, but then he quickly took in the look on both mine and Jacob's faces and shook his head, a slow smile breaking on his own. "Later." He called to us as he closed the front door behind him. I heard a quiet chuckle just before the door clicked shut. Jacob was next to me in seconds.

"Still remember me?" He teased, taking my hand in his. I nodded, smiling slightly. "How's your face?" As he asked this, he took my face carefully in his other hand, inspecting it. My eyebrows pulled together over my narrowed eyes, trying to concentrate.

"What are you talking about?"

"You fell." He reminded me, smiling. He stroked my cheek with the tips of his fingers, leaving traces of warmth behind. "Want me to get some ice for you?" I shook my head, leaning my cheek against his chest instead. He lifted me from the couch, settling into a more comfortable position, and placed me back on the couch beside him, laying my face against him. It still seemed like it should be a little more awkward to me. I couldn't get over the fact that just yesterday he'd been a stranger. How much could change in a matter of twenty four hours?

"So uh, the pancakes are off the menu, huh?" I joked, laughing. The laugh was off. I wondered if he noticed.

"Yeah, pretty much." He chuckled back. He played with my hair. I smiled back at him, but as he did so, I wasn't thinking of him, but someone else entirely. It reminded me of a dream I'd had. In my dream I was in the kitchen of my new home, in an earlier century. I was standing with the striking bronze-haired god. Edward. I was on the phone. I looked up at his beautiful face as he toyed with my hair. As I hung up, he kissed me. A feeling of longing ripped through my chest and I started to gasp.

A soft shake woke me from the daydream. The memory.

"Bella?" Jake was staring at me with large, dark worried eyes. They immediately melted the confusion and the pain that had left me crippled. I clenched my teeth, forcing my breath to come more evenly as I closed my eyes and leaned into him again. "What's wrong?" He whispered. He sounded cautious. Maybe he already knew what was wrong.

"Nothing, really, though I _am_ hungry." As I said this, he snickered, pulling me up into his arms and carrying me to the refrigerator. I'd had a dream like this, too. He'd been carrying me through the woods. We'd ended up at a tent. Edward waited there for us. It was cold in that dream.

I involuntarily shivered, remembering it, and Jake gave me a puzzled look. I shook my head at him, not in the mood for explaining things. I supposed that I would have to get used to this. Everything would be setting off memories now that the cat was out of the bag. Now that I was Isabella Swan. I looked away from him, my eyebrows pulling together. Another thing I'd need to get used to: him calling me Bella, _everyone_ here calling me Bella. I _used _to be Anna. It was still weird for me.

"How about some…" He bit his lip, standing in front of the open refrigerator, still holding me in one arm. His eyebrows met in contemplation. He sighed. "I have no idea what to feed you."

"Aren't _you_ hungry?" I asked him, smiling. From what I could remember, he was always eating something. Had that changed? He laughed.

"Sure, sure. I'm always hungry." He replied, confirming my memories. I grinned at him. It was nice to be able to look at him like this. Nice to go from dreaming of a face every night of your life to having that face in front of you, tangible, beautiful. I didn't see how I'd be able to go home after this. Would he ever _let_ me go home?

"When am I going home?" I asked him, tentative. His happy expression faltered, and for a split second there was pain on his face. My breath caught in my throat, but he quickly changed his features into a calm, cool mask that dredged up an old resentment in the pit of my stomach. I didn't know what it meant.

"Do you want to leave already?" His voice was even. Too even. I detected the pain beneath it, and it stabbed me. I shook my head against his chest, stroking his russet cheek.

"No, of course not. I was just wondering… But I don't have anyone to talk to there anyway." He smiled halfheartedly at my attempt to soothe him.

"You can go whenever you want. The car is gone, but I could run you there." He shrugged. My eyebrows pulled together in confusion at his words.

"Run me there? Wouldn't you get tired?"

"Uh, not really, Bells." He snorted, then suddenly his face became serious, his eyes widening in surprise. "You know…you remember…that I'm a….a werewolf, right?" I gasped, my eyes bugging out of my head.

"_Werewolf?_" My heart thumped in my chest, horrified and shocked, but I realized that I wasn't as horrified or shocked as I _should_ have been. I clenched my jaw, again in need of managing my hyperventilation. I blew out a long breath of air before continuing. "I…I guess that I knew that, actually."

He raised his eyebrows, doubtful. "You sure about that?"

"As sure as I can be." I replied simply. He snorted.

--

The next four days were wonderful. I spent each of them with Jacob, Embry, and Leah. Leah had gotten on my nerves several times, but Jake had taken care of her. I thought back to the day before. We'd been riding our motorcycles when Leah and Embry had popped up out of the woods.

"Hey, Psycho Smella. How's the memory?" She'd shouted, laughing. Embry had lightly smacked her arm.

"You're so immature." He'd muttered to her.

"Go jump in front of a bus, Leah." Jacob had growled, parking his bike next to mine. He hopped off, grabbing me by the waist and dragging me over my own bike and into his arms. "You smell fine to me," He whispered in my ear, sniffing playfully at my hair, winking. I giggled. I heard Leah gag. Embry glared at her, shaking his head.

"What? It's gross." She'd defended herself, crossing her arms in irritation.

"Yeah, right. You're just jealous." He chuckled, poking her in the side. She smacked him, her eyes narrowing. After watching them run back into the woods, I'd asked Jake if they were together.

"Ha!" He laughed at me, a huge smile on his face. "According to Leah, no. Embry thinks otherwise, though." He rolled his eyes, shaking his head at me, grinning. "If you ask me, I'd say yeah. They're together. But Leah refuses to accept that she could ever want anyone other than Sa-" He stopped mid-sentence, looking at the ground, his face going somber.

I bit my lip at the memory. He'd told me about Sam and Emily. They'd passed away a long time ago. A lot of people had: Billy, along with all of the other parents and elderly Quileutes, Paul. Most of those who'd passed away were those who'd imprinted. Sam had stopped phasing so that he could grow old with Emily, as had Quil, who'd left the pack for Claire, and Jared, who'd left for Kim. Paul had never imprinted, however. He'd just met a nice girl and decided that she was all he'd want. I could tell that discussing the death of his friends and family was causing Jake a lot of pain, so I changed the topic, focusing only on the imprinting. It was weird. Jake had to explain it to me again, because it apparently was something that my memory was in disagreement with. I had no recollection of it.

We'd sat on the couch as he'd told me, my hand in his. My eyes had widened and butterflies had taken control of my stomach as he described the power of this wolfy love. To think that some kind of…werewolf thing…could compel you to love one person completely, forever, was weird, but cute. He described it as being like gravity, something that you had no control over. I'd bitten my lip, looking at his hands.

"Did you imprint on me_,_ Jacob?" I asked quietly, staring still at his hands. He shook his head, his eyes on my shoes. "Not on anyone…" He'd whispered. It was quiet for a while after that.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice came to me now from the driver's seat of the Rabbit. "Bella, what are you doing?" He chuckled, watching me in the rearview mirror.

I looked around, confused to see that I was in the backseat. I must not have been paying attention when I'd climbed into the car. I smiled sheepishly at him. "I don't know." I admitted, blushing.

He gestured with his right hand for me to get into the passenger's seat, but locked the doors when I tried to open the one closest to me. I looked at him in confusion, about to question his actions, but he cut me off. "Don't be such a girl, Bells. Just climb over the seat!" He'd teased me, chuckling. As he said this, though, he contradicted his own words, jumping into the backseat with me, tackling me. I laughed, pushing against him.

"Cut it out, Jake!" I screeched, searching frantically, on the lookout for Leah and Embry. There was no doubt they'd have heard me, seeing as they both had such impossible hearing. I could feel the blush color my cheeks just thinking about it.

He laughed hysterically, an evil glint in his eyes, hugging me to him. No matter how much I struggled, he wouldn't let me go. It reminded me of a dream I'd had about Edward. I tried not to think about it.

"Oh, no! Somebody help me! I've been attacked by a wolf!" I shouted, laughing crazily, still pushing against him, trying to get away. I knew that it was a wasted effort, but I was stubborn.

He snickered, finally freeing me, leaning back against the seat and clutching his stomach. I sat smiling at him, watching. He really was beautiful. The reddish brown color of his skin, the dark brown eyes, long black hair. He'd grown it out. It was a little past his shoulders, tied into a pony tail. I bit my lip to hide my stalkerish smile when his eyes met mine. Then something happened.

The air around us changed, suddenly very intense. He stared at me as his smile disappeared, the expression on his face replaced by a fierce longing. It tore at my heart, encasing me in fire. And then he kissed me. He leaned into me, pressing his warm lips against my cheek, but I wasn't having it. I turned my face so that our lips met, breathing in the woodsy scent of him. He was wonderful. He was my Jacob. I loved him. I wasn't ready to let him go.


	13. Wants and Needs

**(Disclaimer- nooooo ownageeee.)**

_This is really short. I'm sorry. More will come soon, I just thought that it should stop there.  
Please leave reviews, I really appreciate all of you who have been reviewing. It is very nice of you.  
_

Wants and Needs

"Bella," Jacob whispered, his mouth moving with mine in a way that I'd never imagined. Even in my dreams, never had I felt anything like it. The heat seeped into me, overpowering and wonderful, the color of passion. In that moment, he became not only my every dream, but my _everything_. He was all around me, the air that I breathed, the hectic thoughts in my head, the heart that beat wildly in my chest. He was my world. My everything. I couldn't control myself. _Jacob_.

I pulled him to me, my mouth crushing his, my hands gripping his hair. I knew that I was being a little too forward, I'd never been like this before, but I didn't care. He didn't seem to mind. He eagerly pressed against me, stroking my face with his large hands gently. I kissed him fiercely until, after several minutes, he pulled away from me, looking at me with sad, hungry eyes. The breath that I'd been holding came out in a rush and suddenly I was hyperventilating. My heart beat was too loud, trying to express the thoughts in my head, screaming them at him. I figured I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn't. I grasped his shirt frantically, attempting to drag him back to me.

He didn't give me my wish. Instead, he kissed my hand, placing it on the seat above my head. His breathing was just as loud as mine as he reached for my shirt, pulling it over my head. Again, I realized that I shouldn't be allowing this. Realistically, I'd just met him. And again, I didn't care. I loved him. This was my Jacob. Theoretically, I'd known him for well over ninety years. That granted me valuable kissing time, didn't it?

He pushed me back against the seat, his mouth soft and tender as he left a trail of kisses down my shoulder. He paused with his forehead against my stomach, his breathing erratic. I writhed beneath him, trying to will his mouth to mine with my mind. It didn't work.

"Bella," He whispered against my skin. I was shocked by the pain in his voice. _Oh no._ I froze. "Bella, you love him." His fingertips brushed against my side.

I stopped breathing, running my hand through my hair as the tears materialized in my eyes. My arms dropped to the seat above me. I felt sick. I stared at the ceiling.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see him lift his head from my stomach, waiting for my response. He was in pain, I could feel it right there along with the burn. I was in pain too. I felt disabled. I kept my eyes on the ceiling of the car.

He let out a shaky breath as he pushed up from the seat, sitting with his back against the door. He shook his head, his eyes full of a tortured anguish that had the sharp ache in my chest threatening to slice me open. I started to gasp. "I can't do this. You love him. Leah was wrong. I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry, Bella. I love you, but…but you love him more. There's no point in fighting it. I can feel it when you kiss me. I know you love him more. When you kiss me…it's wonderful, Bella. I love it. I love everything you do. But I know that you're thinking of him." He paused to draw in a long breath. He couldn't. The breath shook and he gasped a little. "You might not want to admit it, to me or yourself, but I can _feel_ it. I can feel you needing him, not me. You need him… I was stupid to think it could have changed…That you'd need me more." His voice broke and he bit his lip, throwing his vulnerable face into his hands.

The agony that broke into his voice had me sinking in guilt. I felt like a monster. I crawled to his side, throwing myself at him, tugging at his arm, trying desperately to get him to look at me. His skin burned me, the pain seeping through like molten lava. I winced.

"I love you, Jacob." I murmured against the hand that covered his face. He peeked at me from between his pointer and middle fingers. I pushed away from him in shock when I saw the look in his eyes. It was an odd mixture of anger, misery, and hopelessness. I choked on the apologies scorching my mind. _I'm so sorry, Jacob._

I braced myself against the car door, feeling the pieces of my shattered heart wrench from my chest. He took those pieces with him as, with terrifyingly sad eyes, he opened the car door and walked away, dragging himself from the garage, leaving me broken and alone. He didn't look back.

--

(Jacob.)

When I was out of her view, behind the closed door of the garage, I started to run. I knew that I'd hurt her. I knew that I'd wind up crawling back to her like the pathetic fool that I was. I didn't mean to hurt her, but I couldn't take it. I could still feel her against me, longing for someone else. It hurt me when she said my name, when she pulled me to her like I'd always hoped she would, it hurt me to know that she was settling. That there was someone she'd rather be with. Someone that wasn't me. The sour taste in my mouth lingered as my legs pushed me forward, launching me into the woods.

I'd had a talk with Leah before. A talk about Edward. I'd planned on telling him about Bella all along, but Leah had provided me with a second option. I liked the path she'd placed in front of me. She'd showed me that I didn't have to tell Edward anything. Why should I? Everything that I wanted was right within reach. Bella was alive and willing to be with me. So what if she would rather be with him? I was the one here. She could be mine. The idea of it made me dizzy with happiness. I wasn't used to feeling so good. Bella _wanted_ me. _Me._ She wanted _me._ And I could have her. She'd let me have her. Leah said that Bella loved me. She knew me. She loved Edward too, but I was the one sitting beside her, helping her through the mess that was her memory. That would count for something. That's what Leah said. The beautiful picture she'd painted for me was so alluring, too alluring. I knew that it would blow up in flames, but I held onto it anyway.

I'd taken that option and tucked it away in my heart, putting too much trust into the lovely delusion that was my future with Bella- more vain hope than I ever should have allowed myself to feel.

I was tired of running away from my pain. I wished that it would all just go away. Couldn't anyone just let me be happy? Wasn't there some way for me to be content? Was there a parallel universe in which I'd be with her? Happy, with her? There was no other way for me to be happy. She was the only thing that could ease the ache that poisoned my heart. But to what length would I be willing to go to get my ending? Would I risk her happiness for mine?

I shook my head as I raced further, sprinting past the trees in my way, angry with myself. I knew the answer to my question. _Never. _

_(Author's Note: I don't know if that makes sense. I thought it did, but apparently it doesn't. haha. sooo. basically what I meant  
by that is... Jacob wants Bella. She is the only thing that can make him happy, but he would rather give up his own happiness  
so that she could be happy. Because he doesn't think that she can be happy without Edward. Make sense?)_


	14. Whispers and Wonder

**(Disclamier- i am stephenie meyer. mwahhahh. not.)**

_Gah. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore! ahaha. I'm a fickle person. But. I hope you like this. Maybe?  
Please leave reviews! thank you all verrrrry much. You know I appreciate it. :D  
and if you're an Edward lover, don't be disappointed! keep reading! don't give up on me!_

_**this is all Jacob's POV.**_

Whispers and Wonder

When I arrived back at the house, I could hear them. I could hear Leah and Embry in Billy's old room, talking about me. Leah was whispering something about not wanting to have to listen to me crying all the time anymore, how it was going to suck for her, that she wouldn't benefit from my pain. Embry was calling her a selfish brat. I slammed the front door shut as to make them aware of my appearance. The whispering stopped.

Embry inched out of the room, alone, slowly, cautiously. His eyes were full of pity. I sighed. What a tedious cycle of sympathy. I wondered how long this would go on.

"Jake, I'm sorry." He murmured, coming over to where I stood, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, shaking his head. A familiar anger ripped up my spine, causing intense urges to push him to the ground, but I controlled myself.

"'S not your fault." I responded quietly, staring at the floor. After a couple of minutes, he sighed, realizing that I wasn't going to look at him, that I wasn't going to fall to pieces. I didn't need his comfort now any more than I'd needed it any other time. I was a big boy. I could handle myself.

"Bella's in your room." He told me, removing his arm from my shoulder and walking back to his and Leah's bedroom. He turned around once to look at me, but when I still refused to accept his comfort, he continued through the door, shaking his head.

I relaxed a bit when the door shut, glad to be alone. But there was a bigger part of me that cringed internally, not happy with the only option I had. I had no choice but to face her now. I didn't want to. I wanted to run away again like a chicken. I couldn't do that. I pursed my lips, my hand on the doorknob, hesitating.

"Jacob?" I heard her whisper. I clenched my jaw. _Dammit._ She must have heard me talking with Embry. I really had no options now. I couldn't leave. I sighed, turning the doorknob.

She was sitting on the bed, her knees to her chest, chin resting lightly on her knees. There were tear stains on her cheeks. I bit my lip. "Bella." I greeted her politely. I didn't look at her eyes.

"Jacob, I'm sorry." She apologized. I'd expected this. I knew she'd blame herself. She'd probably been sitting here for hours banging her head against the wall, cursing herself. I closed my eyes, leaning against the wall.

"It's not your fault. It's mine. I shouldn't have let myself think that you would just forget him." I knew she'd argue with me. I waited, eyes closed, for her to begin. There was silence. It surprised me. My eyes opened and I glanced at her face. She was staring at me, pursing her lips.

"Can we have one more day, Jake?" She whispered. The pain there in her words took me off guard. I swayed a little, blinking.

"For what?"

"For you and me. I'm not ready to leave you, Jacob." She slid off the bed, standing awkwardly in front of me. I could tell that she was uncomfortable as she waited. She was obviously wondering if I'd accept her or not. It was stupid to wonder this. Of course I would. She was Bella.

I wrapped my arms around her. "As many days as you want."

--

She'd slept in my bed, I'd slept on the couch. It was a restless night for both of us. I could hear her tossing in my bed, occasionally sighing in irritation. I could understand why _I'd _be having a hard time sleeping there. The bed was much too small for me. I couldn't comprehend why she'd be having such a hard time, though. I tiptoed to the door, listening to see if she was still awake. Leah and Embry were fast asleep.

I heard footsteps on the other side of the door. I froze as they got closer, too shocked to move. I didn't breathe. She opened the door and stumbled backwards, her eyes huge, opening her mouth to scream. I'd frightened her. Woops.

I leaped at her, my hand clasping her mouth, trying to hide the scream that was on her lips. Thankfully she only squeaked for half of a second before her body went limp and I felt a big gust of breath against my hand. My lips formed into a tight line, attempting to contain my snickering. I didn't manage well.

"You scared me." She accused in a whisper, glaring. I chuckled.

"Sorry." I covered my own mouth this time so that she wouldn't see my smile. Her eyes narrowed further. They were little slits now. I bit my lip. "So…what are you doing up?" I asked her. I was pleased to see that her face had returned to normal. She didn't look as evil anymore, though it had been amusing to see her that way.

"I couldn't sleep." She said. _Obviously._

"Me neither." I half smiled, suddenly feeling awkward. She looked away. There was a long, uncomfortable moment of silence before she reached her hand out to me. I looked at her skeptically. Her eyes moved from my face to her hand and back as she stretched her arm further, offering her hand to me. I took it lightly, letting her pull me to the bed. We sat on it carefully, looking in different directions. I swallowed hard. I wasn't ready for the pain.

"How did you stay here?" She asked suddenly. My eyebrows pulled together, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean…Didn't people recognize you?" She murmured slowly. I nodded to myself, understanding.

"I stayed home a lot." I chuckled once without humor, remembering the years after her death. At first I hadn't needed to hide away, but once everyone around me started getting noticeably older, I'd had to pretend that I'd moved. I didn't really. I'd always been here. I hadn't wanted to risk missing her if in fact she'd come back. I supposed that was a good decision on my part, otherwise I might not have had her hand in mine at the moment.

"Oh." She replied softly, staring at my hand. My stomach tightened. I knew the real question burning the back of her throat. I waited for it, but she seemed to be determined not to ask me. "Charlie…what happened to him?" Her voice was almost inaudible.

"Do you remember him?" It was weird, not knowing whether or not she'd remember the parts of her life that I remembered. I wondered if it hurt her to think about him, to think about the people that she'd missed out on… the people that I'd watched die. Would she miss them?

"Sometimes. I remember him in little pieces." She looked at me then, and there were tears in her eyes. We stared at each other for a moment, the room was still. "What happened to him, Jacob?"

"He…passed away….a while after you did…" I stopped to think, wondering if what I was about to say would hurt her or make her happy. "You know, your mother…she left the man she'd married. Phil. She went back to Charlie." I half-smiled, remembering when Billy had told me about it. I'd never seen Charlie so happy. "Your…death…it brought them together. They needed each other." I bit my lip. It was still hard to think about when she died. I glanced back at her face to see that the tears had spilled, but there was a smile on her face.

"They loved each other a lot. I'm glad…" Again there was an instant of quiet. My fingers trailed along her hand as she held it on my leg. It hurt, how much I loved and needed her. I understood how Charlie had felt. I marveled briefly at how they'd wound up together in the end, but I disconnected from the thought immediately. We wouldn't have that type of ending. I clenched my jaw.

"How did….the Cullens…er…" She'd finally started the question I'd been waiting for, but she didn't seem to know how to ask it. I sighed silently as my heart gave a little squeeze, preparing itself.

"They don't live here anymore." I told her. She looked at me, a shocked expression on her face. I pursed my lips before continuing. "They've been trading places with the…Denali Clan…on and off for the past ninety years. They didn't have the choice that I did. They're too noticeable." I paused to gauge her expression. She looked a little overwhelmed. "They're in Denali now. The other ones…the other clan…is staying at their place." I stopped there. She used to consider that home _her_ home. It'd always made me angry. That wasn't her home. I clenched my jaw, trying to calm myself, the pain eating at me. My mind wandered to her real house, to all of the people who'd tried to buy it. I chuckled to myself. "A lot of people wanted to buy your house. The Cullens never allowed it, while they were here, anyway. That's why nothing has changed about it." I thought for a second, realizing that what I'd said wasn't completely true. "Well, except the bathroom. You can thank Alice for that. She was always complaining about it."

A dozen expressions crossed her face: amusement, yearning, torment. It settled last on confusion. "What….how did they stop them?" She asked. The question made me smile.

"That big one, Emmett." I snickered. "He'd hide in the closet and make all kinds of noises. It was funny, actually. Everyone thought the place was haunted." She waited, a grin on her lovely face, as I tried to sober up. Then I froze, taking in the expression on her face. My heart shot through my chest. I knew that look. The pain ripped at me as I debated with myself. I loved her so much, I wanted her. But the pain…

She didn't give me time to decide. She leaned in and pressed her lips against mine, pushing me back on the bed. I almost died. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the ache in my chest, the searing pain that she caused me. I didn't want to hurt her, but I didn't think I could handle much more of this. I thought about pushing her away, but I couldn't force my hands to follow through. Instead I ran my fingers through her hair, my other hand gripping her waist, holding her to me. _No._ _Oh, no._

Her lips moved with mine, our emotions pouring into each other, her breath hot on my tongue. I could feel the adoration she felt for me, but I could also sense the confusion and the pain and the guilt. I could feel the hesitation behind her bold moves. Why was she doing this to me? As much as I wanted her to leave me alone, I never wanted her to go. I needed her. She kissed me in a way we'd never kissed before. There was so much passion, too much passion. She was going to kill me, a female spider, decapitating her lover, using him. My mind screamed at my heart to let go, but my heart had too much of a hold on me. _Dammit._

"Jacob," She whispered, her lips brushing against mine. My heart thudded. I felt her own heart plummeting through her chest. I couldn't breath. I started shaking. I felt weak; I wasn't in control of myself. All of me was hers. She had too much of a hold on me. She was going to break me, I could feel it. "Jacob. Don't tell him." She murmured. Her voice trembled. I pulled my mouth from hers, my eyes bulging out of my head. _What?_

"Wh-what do you…what…?" I stuttered. She stroked my face, but I didn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything. I was going numb from the pain. My mind was trying to protect me from myself, but I still wasn't allowing it. I was terrified by her words. I shivered.

"Don't tell him about me. Let me be with you, Jacob. I love you. I need you. Don't leave me."

I froze.


	15. Siren Calls

**(Disclaimer- i'm still not stephenie meyer.)**

_Soooo. No idea what anyone is going to think of this one. It starts off a little slow.  
I'm so psyched for my next couple of chapters, though. I have everything planned out in my head.  
mwaaaahaaahaahaa. laughs wickedly :D kay. enjoy!  
and remember to review if you're reading it, **please**. I know a lot of people still  
aren't reviewing. :( i work hard on this story. I'd really like the support. please and thanks._

Siren Calls

Jacob's POV

"Hey," She said casually, leaning against the wall of my house, tilting her head to the side, smiling hugely at me. Her hair was a mess. I grinned back, my heart stuttering for a second as I took the necessary steps to where she stood waiting for me.

"Hey." I swept her up into my arms, pulling her close to me, and kissed her on the cheek. She bit her lip, gazing at me. "Nice hair," I commented. I could tell she'd just woken up. She blushed, still smiling, and struggled to reach my face. I held her up higher. She kissed me.

Though I wanted desperately to believe what she'd said last night, I didn't really. She'd said that she could be with me, that she didn't need him. She'd looked at me with tears in her eyes. I could see the pain that her own words were causing her, but she seemed determined to follow through with her plan. She told me not to tell him, that it'd be easier for everyone if he didn't know. That way no one would be hurt. She'd said this to me. I yearned to believe her words. They were all I'd ever wanted to hear. But in truth I didn't trust them. I couldn't. There was always that little part of my mind that screamed warnings at me, telling me to run, and to run far.

As of the moment, I was choosing to ignore that.

"Hey, lovebirds." Embry called to us from the woods. My eyes tightened as I took in the smile plastered to his face. I had a creeping suspicion that he was going to be a jerk about what he'd heard in my head. Though I hadn't _spoken_ to him all morning, he'd heard every thought I'd had when we were scoping out the reservation, on the lookout for any possible threats. I tensed.

As Bella watched the smile on his face spread from ear to ear, her expression changed. Her eyes widened and she let out a low gasp, her breath stuck in her throat. I pursed my lips, cursing the cons of being a werewolf. She obviously understood the reason for his grin, and I could tell that she was embarrassed that he knew what had happened- not that it was much. After she'd told me she wanted to be with me, we'd spent the night just lying there. I'd held her hand in mine the whole time, she'd curled up into my side, her little fingers trailing along my stomach. I'd kissed her a couple of times, but most of the time I just stared at the ceiling until she fell asleep. I was fighting with myself, arguing with the warnings in my mind.

It was the best night of my life, and also somehow one of the worst. He knew that, though I could tell that he was focusing more on it being the best night of my life. He'd teased me since we'd been out there together in the woods, playfully complaining about having to leave the house soon…before me and Bella got more personal. Saying he didn't want to hear anything that would scar him for life. I'd _threatened_ his life.

What he didn't seem to get was that this _was_ personal, maybe not _his_ kind of personal, but it was still personal for both me _and_ Bella. I sighed, looking down at her, trying to express my apologies with my eyes, and gave her waist a gentle squeeze.

"Hey, Embry." I said to him slowly. He was still grinning. It made me nervous. "Where's Leah?"

"Store." He smirked, looking pointedly back and forth between mine and Bella's faces. I clenched my jaw. If he said _one_ thing…_One. Thing._ I would punch him. I swear I would. "Got any plans for tonight?" He snickered, winking at her. I freaked out.

"Cut it out, Embry!" I growled at him, placing Bella back on her feet. She glanced at me, her eyes wary, biting her lip. She appeared to be slightly embarrassed still, though I could tell she was trying to hide it.

"I can't help it." He chuckled. "It's just so _cute_." I knew he was teasing, but I wanted to knock him out. I'd warned him about doing this. Why was he being such an ass? I glared at him as he tried to contain himself. "Alright, I'll stop." He promised.

I sighed, starting to relax a little. Just as I was about to take Bella back inside, he ruined it. Like a stupid little child, he wiggled his eyebrows at her, a stupid impish smile on his face. "I'll ask Leah to pick us up some earplugs." He laughed.

"Dammit Embry! Shut the hell up! Stop acting like Quil!" I spit at him. The second the words were out of my mouth, I wished I could take them back. Embry's mood changed immediately. His face fell and he stared away from me, at the ground, his eyebrows hooking together. Without acknowledging me, he rushed past us into the house. I stared at the door he'd closed in my face, blinking. I felt like a horrible person. It was cruel to do that to him. He missed Quil so much, we both did. We'd promised each other that we wouldn't bring him up anymore. It caused too much pain. Leave it to me to break the pact. I groaned, pressing the heel of my hand against my forehead.

Bella tugged on my arm, looking up at me with reassuring eyes. I clenched my jaw. "Its okay, Jake. He knows you didn't mean it. Don't worry." She raised her eyebrows, trying to be persuasive. Keeping her eyes on mine, she stepped to her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around my waist, trying to get closer to my face. She was still several inches shorter than me. I smiled halfheartedly, trying to do as she said, picking her up again.

"We haven't gone to our driftwood tree in a while…" I whispered into her hair, changing the subject. I wondered if she'd know what I meant. That tree had a lot of history. It was the same tree that'd brought us together time and time again. I smiled as I remembered the first day we'd met there. It was so long ago, but I remembered it clearly. She'd been at the beach with her friends. I'd told her the Quileute legends, trying to scare her…I shook my head. I didn't want to remember much more than that. It still angered me to think that I'd been the one to tell her. That she'd found out about Edward because of _me._ Instead I focused on our second meeting, the other night, when she'd been…Annabelle.

The tree had significance. Would she understand that?

She pressed her lips against my jaw, nodding.

"You remember?"

"Mhm…" She murmured, pulling away from me. She looked at me with sad eyes that I understood all too clearly. Could she be thinking of him? "Where we met." She mouthed.

We stayed like that for a while, standing there in front of the house. I was nervous. She was cradled in my arms, staring at me, her eyebrows pulled together, concentrating on something. I wondered what she was thinking about- _worried_ what she was thinking about. Maybe she was just trying to figure out the thoughts in my head like I was trying to figure out the thoughts in hers. Hopefully. I doubted it. I knew what was on her mind. My stomach hurt.

I tried for several minutes to dissect the expression on her face when suddenly, she sighed. Her body was tense against mine, no longer comfortable in my arms. It frightened me.

"Let's go, then." She muttered emotionlessly, looking at the ground. Her mood swing bewildered me. A moment ago she'd been staring at me with love in her eyes, holding onto me like she needed me. What had happened? The little voice in my head shouted at me, more warnings. I clenched my jaw, trying to drown it out. It was hard to do. I could feel the anxiety starting to pick at me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked her timidly, tucking my fingers under her chin, turning her face to mine. I didn't really want to know, but I waited for an answer anyway. She looked at my mouth. Why wouldn't she meet my gaze? My heart beat was slower than it should have been. I felt insecure. I ducked my head, forcing her to make eye contact with me. Her eyes tightened as they locked on mine.

"Nothing." She muttered. I didn't believe her. The look on her face said something completely different than her words. She looked irritated, sad. I gulped. The little voice in my head was getting louder, a siren call, stinging my ears, making me flinch.

Just as I was about to accuse her of lying, she kissed me. Her mouth was eager, almost angry. I didn't like the feeling that came into my stomach when she did this. I knew that this was an attempt at subterfuge, just her way of getting me to stop asking questions, to distract me. This realization caused me only more stress, but even so, I didn't break the kiss. I was determined to forget my fears. Trust her, even if she broke me in the process.

I pulled her tighter against me, sinking into the kiss, letting myself think only of her lips against mine.

"I love you, Bella." I whispered to her. She didn't respond.

--

_**Author's note: **You have no idea how much I wanted to just stop it there! But the next thing is just too short to make it into  
a chapter all by itself. :( dang.. kay. keep reading! sorry for the interruption. :)_

--

Annabelle/Bella's POV

"I love you, Bella." He whispered to me. My heart sunk in my chest. I could tell that I was upsetting him. I didn't know how to make him believe me. I couldn't change the expression on my face. I kissed him a little more persuasively. _Please let him forget_, I though desperately to myself. I didn't want him to be distressed and worried. I hated myself for being so…so readable. Why couldn't _I_ manage a poker-face?

His lips were hesitant on mine. I could tell that he was trying, but he was afraid. It hurt me, to know that I was making him feel this way. He had every right to be afraid, of course. I'd hurt him so many more times than I could even begin to realize. I didn't want to hurt him again. I sighed inwardly, knowing that I was doing exactly that.

I could guess what he was thinking. He was thinking that I was going to hurt him again, that I'd changed my mind about Edward. My heart fluttered a little at the thought of his name, but I ordered it to control itself. _No more Edward,_ I commanded it. _Jacob. You love Jacob._ But I didn't have to convince my heart of that. I _did _love Jake.

Edward wasn't what was bothering me at the moment, though. Of course it was always difficult to think of him, because I _did _love him, _too_. Not more than Jacob, I realized, but just as much. It upset me to think that he would go on in misery, wondering if I'd ever come back. To think that I could be here holding onto Jacob, kissing him, happy with him, while Edward suffered… It made me cringe. I really was a dreadful person.

I shook my head, breaking away from the thoughts. What was _really_ bothering me was that Jacob loved me. He did, more than anything. I could feel it in the way he kissed me, see it in the way that he watched me. It was more than I could have asked for, more than I deserved. But I knew that there was a chance that one day he _wouldn't_ love me more than anything. There was a chance that he could imprint. That he could leave me. I shivered against his unbelievably hot skin.

He pulled away from me, looking at me with cautious eyes. I could see the damage I'd done to his ego. I really needed to get my emotions in check before I injured him further. I didn't want to cause him pain. His eyes were careful, watching me think to myself. I sighed.

"Jacob…" I said slowly. His eyes tightened and the rest of him tensed. Did he honestly believe that I was going to break up with him again?

Probably.

I nestled into him, pressing my lips against his neck. "Jake, I love you. You know that, right?" He eased a bit with my words, but I sensed he wasn't convinced. He didn't answer me. "Put me down, Jacob." I ordered, my voice stern, my mood abruptly changing to anger. He placed me on the ground, his eyes wide.

I glared at him, taking his hand firmly in mine. "I'm not leaving you, Jacob." I told him. My voice was steady. My grip was tight. He blinked. "I told you I love you and I mean it. Please just believe that."

He stumbled back a bit, stunned by the intensity of my actions and words. Then his black eyebrows pulled down over his eyes, casting them in their shadow, looking at me with passion and determination. "I'm trying." He whispered.


	16. Secrets

**(Disclaimerrrrr- it doesn't change. i can't just skip back and forth from samantha  
to stephenie. i am no shape shifter. i am a werewolf though. RAH!)**

_Another chapter that could potentially bore you to tears. It might not make sense either, but it isn't supposed to.  
No one knows whats going on besides the wolves, and in this chapter, we're Bella. So we obviously will not understand.  
BAHHHH! I am so hyper today. So pleeeease leave REVIEWSS! And I'll dedicate my next chapter to anyone who  
guesses correctly what the answer to the question that will be at the bottom of this page is.  
Leave your guesses in a review!_

Secrets

"Hurry up, Jake!" I shouted from the car. I looked at the digital clock on the dashboard. It'd been fifteen minutes since he'd told me to sit in the car. What was taking him so long? It normally would have been strange for me to say this to him, seeing as he was ten times faster than me and everyone else that I knew, well, besides one. I fidgeted impatiently on the passenger's seat, smoothing the annoying skirt that one of the new werewolves had given me. I hated skirts.

There were two new werewolves. They'd been with Jake, Leah, and Embry for a while now. They consisted of one of the great, _great_ grandchildren of Sam and Emily, and Quil and Claire's great grandkid, too. _(**author's note**: I have no idea if my math is correct. I'm horrible with numbers. I apologize.)_ There was one new boy, one new girl. The one who'd given me the skirt was Emily's great grand-daughter, Jennifer. The resemblance was uncanny. The only difference was the lack of a scar, not to mention that her hair was somewhat lighter in shade. I recognized her instantly, though she wasn't exactly the girl I'd seen in my dreams of La Push.

That was where we were headed today, to see Jennifer and the new boy, Craig. She was the only one that I'd met; Craig had been at Emily's old house. They lived there, or, at least she did. I think maybe Craig lived in a different house. Jacob hadn't really been too clear on that. But we were going there, to Emily's old place. Some sort of wolf meeting, he said. Secretly I thought maybe this had only been thrown together so that they could meet me, the girl that they'd heard about in Jacob's thoughts for the past twenty or so years. They had to have been curious.

They weren't the only ones curious. I was _beyond _curious - I couldn't control the anxiety I was feeling. My stomach was past nausea now, on to a completely worse feeling. I couldn't describe it. Everything was so out of the ordinary today. I usually wouldn't have had to tell Jake to hurry up, but today wasn't usual. He was busy going over something with Embry all morning, leaving me in the kitchen with Leah. That hadn't been fun. We'd both just sat there, her scowling at the wall, me staring at the table. She didn't like me very much. She reminded me of…well, Rosalie. I wondered why she was like that.

When the quiet conversation outside had grown inaudible, I'd tiptoed to the window, peeking through the curtains at Jake where he stood whispering to Embry. They were still talking, but much too low for my human ears. It made me suspicious. What did they have to hide? As I was thinking this, Jake looked at me, glaring playfully, shaking his head. My stomach dropped, a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar before dinner. I heard Leah stand behind me and I tensed, waiting for punishment.

"Leah!" He'd called to her, and I'd been dragged away from the window. Leah made me sit on the couch.

Just then Jacob opened the door to the car, sitting beside me, interrupting my memory of the day. I watched him speculatively, still as wary as this morning in the kitchen. What was with all of the sneaking around behind my back? As Jacob's…girlfriend…or whatever I was, I should have a right to know what was going on. I pursed my lips, watching him as he started the engine of his car.

He looked over, smiling a mischievous grin, his expression cocky. My eyes narrowed. He seemed to be enjoying his little game more than necessary. It irritated me. I pouted, feeling left out. He pretended not to notice, but his mouth twitched, fighting against the amusement he was trying to hide.

"Dammit, Jake!" I growled at him. I couldn't take it anymore. Every time that I'd asked him a question today, all that I'd ever gotten back was a question in return. Either that or he'd pretend he couldn't hear me. That was going to change, I would make sure of it. I glared at his wide, angelic eyes. "Tell me what's going on already! What's with all the secrecy?"

"Secrecy, what secrecy?" He blinked at me, a falsely innocent expression on his deeply tanned skin. My eye twitched. He was honestly irritating me, but I couldn't help but notice how attractive he was, especially today. He was wearing a gray t-shirt, tight over his strong arms and chest, and some old jeans. I didn't really understand why, but it was alluring. Instead of wanting to smack him, like I should have, I wanted to kiss him. I pressed myself against the passenger door, keeping my distance. There was no way I'd give up now. I wasn't going to kiss him. He was going to tell me what was going on. That was final.

"You _know_ what secrecy." I spit through my clenched teeth. My right hand was starting to hurt from gripping the door handle so hard, but I couldn't move it. I needed to keep myself here, and I wasn't sure if I could count on my self control so much at the moment. He smiled at me, a flash of white teeth on red-brown skin. He knew what he was doing to me. My heart thumped. Darn him. "Stop playing with me, Jake."

He raised his eyebrows. "Who's playing?" He had one hand on the wheel, his body turned slightly to the right, to me. The seat was back much farther than would have been safe for anyone else, but it was good for him. His legs were impossibly long…and beautiful, like everything else. Ah! I shook my head, closing my eyes. No more thinking about him. No more looking at him. I was on a mission.

"Jacob Black you _tell me_ what is going on _right this instant._ Do you hear me?" I sounded like my mother. Well, not my old mother. My…new one, from Houston. My latest mother. The concept was mind boggling. I couldn't quite get a grip on it. I sighed in frustration. "Jacob!" I whined, accentuating the 'o' sound. I sounded like a little kid now instead of a mother, but I didn't care much. I heard him snicker.

"Bella," He chuckled. His voice was closer than it should have been. I opened one eye, my face scrunching up in preparation. He was leaning in; his face was close to mine. "Want to know what we were talking about?" He murmured. I nodded, my eyes large, inhaling the scent of him, hand still clinging to the door. My ribs hurt from the strange position I was sitting in, but I didn't move an inch.

He tilted his head forward, pressing his lips against my jaw. "You really wanna know?" He whispered. Again, I nodded, swallowing hard. I was having a hard time breathing. Then suddenly, not helping the butterflies building in my stomach, a big magnificent grin lit up his face and he moved away from me, returning his torso to the proper position. "Ah, well, that sucks." He snickered at his joke, looking out the windshield with a smug look on his face. I clenched my teeth together hard, my hands balling up into fists. I felt the heat rise into my face as I smacked his shoulder, hurting myself.

"JACOB!" I screeched. His black eyes flickered to my face, his mouth a restraining tight line. I made the most horrifying face that I could manage, hoping it would look at least semi-lethal. I wasn't good at scaring people. Intimidation wasn't an ability of mine either.

When the not-well concealed snickering didn't subside, I realized I'd better give up on trying to scare the truth out of him. Time for plan two.

I had no idea what I was doing – at all. I'd seen girls do this type of thing all the time in Houston. They used this little tactic to get whatever they wanted, and surprisingly, it seemed to work every time. I fixed my expression to match what I'd seen on their faces, pouting a bit, my eyes wide and sad, tilting my head downward. I probably looked like an idiot, but it was worth a shot.

"Jacob?" My voice was pleasingly pitiful, very sad, just as I had hoped it would be. He looked at me again, his smug smile faltering a bit, taking in my expression. For a split second he looked surprised, but then his expression became cautious, his eyes tightening, flickering back and forth between my own eyes, trying to figure out what I was doing. He must have realized something was up. I tried to control the automatic tightening of my jaw as I looked down at my lap. "Jacob, can you pull over please?" I almost smiled at the sound of my voice. My eyes stayed on my lap, afraid he'd see the happiness in them and realize the misery in my tone was a farce.

He pulled the car over slowly and waited for me to speak. I didn't. I wanted to make him sweat a little. Then after a few wonderfully tormenting moments of silence, I looked up at him, blinking, peering innocently through my eyelashes. I sucked in a long breath as I realized I wasn't only stealing the move of the girls from my old school. I was stealing Edward's move.

"Jacob, please tell me?" I pleaded sadly. I crossed the fingers of my left hand behind my back, my other hand sweeping across his arm. _Please let this work_, I thought to myself.

It didn't.

Instead, Jacob smiled at me, amused with my performance. His expression was doubtful. "Did you seriously think that would work, Bells?" His voice was sarcastic. He raised an eyebrow.

"Ergh!" I huffed, crossing my arms and sitting back hard against the seat.

"Fine, fine, fine." He raised his hands in the air, signaling defeat. "I won't torture you anymore." His comical expression still had me a little irritated, not sure as to whether or not he was going to be a jerk and trick me again, but I sighed in relief anyway, my stomach loosening a bit. I stared at him expectantly, making eye contact.

He stared back at me, and while he did, his expression turned soft, turning my insides into a gymnastics performance, my heart flip-flopping, my stomach doing cartwheels. I gulped as his warm eyes turned unbelievably affectionate, feeling a little shaky. It wasn't normal to be able to lose control of yourself just because someone makes a face at you.

"I love you, Bella." He said. I waited. This was no secret. My eyebrows pulled together.

"I love you, Jake…but what does this have to do with the secret?" I crinkled my nose, trying to figure it out. What was going on? My head hurt. He stroked my cheek, pressing his lips together, trying to hide his amusement at the uncertainty in my voice. I bit my lip as he chuckled.

"_Everything_." He said.

_**Author's note: **What is the secret? GUESS!_


	17. Sun, Meet Universe

**(Disclaimer- Me no Stephenie Meyer, mon.)**

_Mwaaahahahaaa! :D I hope you like it. PLEASE leave reviews. I am serious about this.  
If you're reading my story, leave a review. There are many more people who've added me  
as their favorite story and even receive emails telling them when I've updated, but still I receive no more reviews.  
Come on people! Show some love! _

Sun, Meet Universe

"Nope, that's all I'm giving you." He snickered, his eyes lighting up. He was very excited, about what I had no idea. I pursed my lips furiously. We'd been arguing for an hour now. The plans had changed. We were no longer going to Emily's. I was a little disappointed by this bit of information, but content that I was still going somewhere with him, even though I had an overwhelming urge to hit him over the head with a cinder-block. He didn't tell me where we were going, just that it was far away. He wouldn't tell me _anything._

"Come on, Jacob." I tried for the millionth time. He was determined not to tell me any more than he'd already let slip, but I was determined to make him tell me everything else nonetheless. Did he really think that he could out-stubborn me? Ha. _Think again, Jake_. "What do you mean that you loving me has everything to do with the secret?"

"I mean that it has everything to do with it."

"So…what? You're keeping something from me because you love me? Are you afraid of my reaction?" And I froze.

My heart pounded suddenly, worried and shocked by the idea that popped into my head. Could he have decided to disregard my request for peace and tell Edward anyway? My heart stopped. Oh no.

"Isabella! I _will_ win this." He turned his face to me, his eyes a pair of dark wondrous daggers and his face a display of pure humor. Not even his smile could take away the ache in my heart. I was still a little shaken up by my new theory. He continued to speak, not aware of the mask of horror on my face. "I am _not_ going to tell you any more about it. You can whine and complain and carry on all you want. I won't say a word." He pressed his lips together, pretending to lock them, tossing the imaginary key over his shoulder. My eyes flickered to the back seat as if to watch it drop.

"D-don't you think I have a right to know?" I stuttered. The beats in my chest matched my voice in rhythm as my heart scraped itself back up from my stomach and doubled in speed. Would Jacob do this to me? "Don't you think I should have a say in this?!" I screeched, my tone colored with panic. His eyes widened, stunned by my sudden mood swing, and his head whipped to the right. The car swerved. "Jacob!" I shouted, grabbing the dashboard.

He seized the steering wheel with both hands, pursing his lips, eyes narrowed and confused. He kept his gaze carefully focused on the street unfolding beneath us, as to make sure that I wouldn't scream at him again, and spoke to me slowly. "What are you talking about, Bella? What should you have a say in?" His eyebrows pulled together over his eyes. The amusement he'd had earlier had vanished. I gulped. Did he seem nervous, or was I just imagining things?

"You're not…taking me to see any…old friends…" I started. Before I could finish we were parked on the side of the road, my face in his hands. I blinked, stunned by how quickly it had happened. He looked into my eyes, measuring my expression. I identified the pain in his, but it was buried behind something unrecognizable. Determination, possibly.

"Is that what you want, Bella?" He asked seriously. He didn't move or blink or breathe. He waited patiently for me to answer, his expression probing and comforting all at once. His shoulders were rigid; his face was inches from mine. I looked at him incredulously.

"No."

Jacob took a quiet breath, relaxing immediately, his dark brown eyes softening. He leaned in, gently brushing his lips against mine. The heat hit me hard and my heart dove out of my chest into a puddle of passionate red, the color of my thoughts, the color of Jacob. He pulled away from me and I fell toward him a bit, my breathing unsteady. His eyes narrowed faintly, pure fire. "Good. That wasn't the secret at all. You're a horrible guesser."

"Oh." I managed to murmur a couple of minutes later. It was a late response, but I really had no control over the timing. We were back on the road again, driving to our unknown –to me, anyway- destination. My hand was in his, resting on the seat beside my leg. Every few seconds his eyes flickered from the road to my face and back. Each time they were just as loving as before. I leaned in then, against his shoulder. I wondered briefly if this would affect his driving abilities, but I didn't want to move. I was content and selfish. I relished in the close proximity between us. I'd been waiting for him for ninety years, too, like he'd been waiting for me. I just hadn't realized it. There was no longer a single doubt in my mind that I'd always known, though. "I love you, Jacob." I said. I felt like I'd been saying this a lot today, but I didn't mind much.

He glanced at me, his eyes lingering on my mouth before returning to my eyes. "I love you, too." His arm wrapped around my waist, steering only with his left hand now. This should have worried me. He was right handed.

It _should_ have worried me, but it didn't.

A few minutes of comfortable silence ticked by as the concrete path underneath stretched on. "So," I said quietly, nonchalantly. "What _is_ the secret?" With a quick peek at him, I saw the smile break on his face like sunrise. I felt warm and happy. He'd been right about what he'd said so many years ago. It was easy, like breathing, being with him. Just to look at his face was enough to get my heart pumping, to fill me with a delight so intense it almost hurt, like seeing the sun after many sad, tedious years of rain. He shook his head, smirking.

"Nice try." He chuckled.

--

We pulled up to a quaint little restaurant about thirty minutes later. I had no idea where we were. I probably should have been paying more attention. Embry appeared at the door with an enormous smile, looking completely elated. Again, I felt the familiar suspicion take place. I narrowed my eyes at him, studying him, hoping that he'd do something, say something, gesture _something_ that would give me a hint. Jake hadn't told me anything else.

Jacob appeared at the passenger door, holding it ajar, offering me a hand. I took it gingerly, stepping out, unsteady in my new heels. The formal attire also had my teeth on edge. I wasn't the only one dressed nicely. Jennifer emerged from the entrance of the building, a tall lanky boy by her side. He had pale brown hair and dark skin. It was strange, to see him with such a light hair color next to all of his black-haired friends. I wondered if the color was natural.

They were both dressed rather nicely. Jennifer was wearing a deep purple dress, short and flowing, matching heels; Craig had on what seemed to be a new pair of jeans and a pin-striped button-up dress shirt. As I met them at the door, I caught a glimpse of Leah, who was waiting inside. She, too, was wearing a skirt. My jaw dropped and I spun around, wobbling, my heel twisting. Jacob caught me as I hurriedly checked over his and Embry's outfits. Embry was wearing new jeans and a dressy jacket. My breathing became shallow.

I'd noticed that Jacob had looked even more attractive than usual, but could it be considered formal? As I reassessed his appearance I realized that it could. He'd added a black dress coat to the outfit, completing the modern tux. Flash backs of the prom I'd been dragged to left me dizzy. Jacob's eyes widened as he gripped at my waist, keeping me upright.

"Bella, what's wrong with you?" He whispered into my ear, smiling at his friends with an apologetic expression on his face. He seemed embarrassed. I glanced up at him, realizing how incredibly crazy I must have seemed. I could still feel the alarm on my face.

"You're not taking me to the prom, are you?" I whispered to him quickly, feeling slightly ridiculous. His eyebrows pulled together as he shook his head at me in response. I nodded, taking a deep breath, calming myself. Craig, Jennifer and Embry stood opposite us in front of the entrance, looking at the ground awkwardly, pretending that they couldn't hear mine and Jacob's conversation. I blushed. I was an idiot.

Jacob cleared his throat. "Craig, Jen, this is Bella." He gestured to us with his free hand. The other was still wrapped around my waist. Jennifer nodded at me, smiling warmly.

"We've met." She reminded him. He grinned at her as she shook my hand, pleased with the fact that we seemed to get along, unlike me and Leah. Craig followed in her footsteps, taking my hand in his, shaking it confidently. He had high cheekbones and a distinct jaw. He was pretty, like the rest of them.

"Hey, Bella. Nice to finally meet you." He nudged Jacob with his elbow, giving him a weird look that I didn't quite understand. Then he winked at him. I looked at Jake questioningly, but he just shook his head at me. Wait a minute. Was _Craig_ in on the secret, _too?_ No. Way.

This was getting out of hand.

Jen bit her lip, trying to hide her own grin. They all seemed happy in a sneaky, alarming kind of way. I felt myself cowering into Jacob's side, suddenly self-conscious and afraid. I didn't like the present situation as I knew it. Mostly because I didn't know it at all. I was completely unaware of the plans for the evening. I didn't know what was going on. I was out in the cold while everyone else was laughing at my expense. I frowned. Jake wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.

"What are you worried about?" He whispered as Embry waved the others back into the restaurant. I clung to him, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

"Everyone knows what's going on, don't they? I'm the only one who doesn't! I don't like this, Jacob." I complained squeakily. My voice had risen in pitch due to my nerves. Great. Another reason to feel embarrassed. I already had them staring at me all the time. I didn't need any eyebrows rising because I sounded like a chipmunk, too. He chuckled.

"Bella, its fine. They're just excited to finally meet you. They've been waiting for you, too, you know."

I took a deep breath as he dragged me into the building, knowing that I couldn't argue with that, preparing myself. The inside was even nicer than the outside, the walls a deep caramel in color, the lighting dim and exclusive. The place was vacant aside from the six of us, completely private, silent for the most part. I could hear dishes faintly clanging somewhere in a backroom, the chef busy at work. This must have been expensive, to arrange a private dinner such as this.

We all sat at a large table in the center of the room, covered in a long white tablecloth. There were four candles decorating the top of it along with various different plates. The most disturbing of all was the number of silverware wrapped in silk napkins. I glanced around with wide eyes, confused and nervous still.

This wasn't very Jacob-like at all.

Jacob tugged on my hand and I sat down hesitantly beside him, Jen to my left. Craig was seated to the right of Jacob, across from me was Embry. Leah was situated across the table from Jacob. She cleared her throat quietly, stealing rapid glances of first my face and then Jacob's slyly- or at least I think that's how she was hoping it would appear. Jacob looked down at me suddenly, his eyes tightening as he watched me watch her. He then, too, trying to be subtle, bent his head to mine, kissing my temple lightly.

His plan didn't work, though. He hadn't distracted me as well as he'd hoped. I'd managed to catch a glimpse of Leah jumping slightly, her head rocking backwards, eyes widening. Kind of like she'd been kicked under the table. Had Jacob done that? I threw him a reproachful glare.

The dinner went on like this for an hour, awkward and quiet. Embry and Jake attempted conversation occasionally, but most of the conversations that anyone started would die off clumsily and the air in the room would thicken again with discomfort. I wanted to go home…to Jacob's home, throw on some sweats and sit outside with him on the lawn, just lying there in the grass. We'd done that yesterday. Why did he have to go all fancy on me now?

I sighed as the dessert came out, a big chocolate cake. I had to admit it looked pretty good, though I normally preferred vanilla, but I just wasn't hungry. My stomach was too twisted from all of the tension in the room, my heartbeat too irregular, up in my throat. The silence in the room was terrifyingly loud in my ears. It reverberated in my mind, making the pain in my stomach that much worse. Finally Jacob cleared his throat again, turning to me and staring at me with a strange expression on his face. I didn't even care about the fact that the expression on his face made me a little afraid, I was just happy that someone was doing something other than staring at their plate with a distressed expression on their face.

"Bella," He started. At the sound of his tentative, husky voice, the rest of the pack straightened in their seats simultaneously, their eyes watchful and alert, on my face. Embry gave Jacob what seemed to be an encouraging smile, nodding his head once. Jacob smiled a tight grin back at him before turning back to me. I raised an eyebrow.

Taking my hand in both of his, he pursed his lips, staring intensely into my eyes, taking a deep breath through his nose. "Bella Swan, I love you more than everything in this world combined. You're everything I've ever wanted, all I'll ever want. I've waited ninety years for you to come back to me, and now that you have, I'm never letting go. No matter what, I'll always want and love you. I may be your sun, but you're my world, my universe, Bella. Will you marry me?"

I snorted once, looking around the room, but no one else was laughing. My eyes widened. "_What?"_

_**Author's note:** This chapter is dedicated to Megavamp for having been the first to guess correctly. Nicely done, kid! :D  
Were you surprised?_


	18. Home, Where the Heart Is

**(Disclaimer- I own nothing at all ever.)**

_ARGH! I can't even control my fingers anymore. I start off with one idea in mind and wind up typing up these  
weird chapters that have me sitting in front of my computer screen with a dumbfounded expression on my face.  
i don't know what happens. i become like... possessed while typing up my chapters. djgjkdg.  
anyway, sorry. This is long, and I apologize. Again, I have no control over it. leave reviews, please. I got more  
reviews than usual for the last chapter. I really appreciated it. So, if you want more chapters, continue leaving the  
reviews! thank you all for reading. :D_

Home, Where the Heart is

The next thing I knew I was hyperventilating. I did not expect this. Not at all. Not if he was serious, which he was. I could tell. I'd thought otherwise at first, but after looking at everyone's cautious eyes, intent on my reaction, my jaw had dropped and I'd started panting. I couldn't control myself.

Jacob's eyes widened as he bowed his head to mine, coming down to eye level. I could sort of hear him asking if I was alright, but it was faint, far away, down a tunnel. My head continued to shake back and forth, my mouth forming the word 'no' repeatedly. I wasn't okay. I was in shock. How could he be serious?

And then I was angry.

"No, Jacob! What is _wrong_ with you?!" At the thunderous sound of my voice, the bystanders at the table scooted back a little in their chairs, stunned and incredulous. I could see Leah out of the corner of my eye; her bottom jaw was almost on the table in front of her, and her eyebrows were pulled together in disgust for me. I could see that she was about to say something, to probably insult me for being so inconsiderate and rude, but Embry grabbed a hold of her arm, silencing her. Everyone's eyes flickered from my face to the table uncomfortably as Jacob flinched, his face crumbling as though he'd been smacked.

He didn't say anything. He pursed his lips and his eyebrows laced together over his dark eyes. He leaned away from me. I tried to control my breathing.

Embry cleared his throat, gesturing with his head for the others to leave the room. They did as he had silently suggested, gathering their things with quick and quiet movements, rushing out the door, side glancing in our direction, worried about their friend. Worried about what I'd do to him. I clenched my jaw.

"We'll uh…we'll see you at home, kay, Jake?" He said hesitantly. It was clear that he was avoiding eye contact with me. He didn't take his eyes off of Jacob. In response, Jacob nodded once. The movement was small and dead, his eyes resting on the table, not focusing. My teeth clicked together as Embry placed a hand on Jake's shoulder, tapping it lightly. He left with his gaze set on the floor.

Forever passed by in silence.

It had probably only been five minutes, but it seemed like forever to me. I was just at the point where I couldn't handle it anymore when Jacob quietly pushed his chair out from under the table, standing. My hand was still in both of his, but he took one of them away, placing the bill on the table. I didn't even glimpse at it. I was focused on his expression. It was dead. It frightened me. He led me away from the table, out the door of the restaurant, taking his jacket off and placing it over my shoulders before he lifted me into the passenger seat. I watched as he made his way around the front of the vehicle. I watched as he got into the car, as he started it. I watched as his hand stretched out as if to turn on the radio, and as he quickly pulled it back, wrapping it tightly around the wheel instead.

The silence continued on as he started to drive down the road.

What had I done?

I didn't want to be the first to speak, but it didn't seem like I had much of a choice. He wouldn't even look at me. "Jacob?" I murmured, still staring. His mouth twitched and his fingers tightened on the wheel, but other than that, he didn't respond. I sighed. "Jacob, are you mad?" It was a silly question. Of course he was. He had every right to be. It was beyond cruel to react the way that I had. Still, there was no reaction. I closed my eyes, pressing my cheek against the cold window, pursing my lips.

"Is there anything you need before you go home?" He asked suddenly. His voice was bleak. My eyes fluttered open, searching his face. It was just as blank. It did nothing for me. My heart screamed profanities at me. I wished it could hop out and knock some sense into me.

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly, trying not to upset him further. I was confused. His question didn't make any sense. What would I need?

"Is there anything you left at my house that you'll need tonight?" He explained just as impassively as before. My eyes widened and my mouth popped open, understanding. I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach, hard.

"We're not going back to your house?"

"If you can't wait for your stuff until tomorrow, I guess we could go and get it now, if you want." His focus flipped to the ceiling of the car for a second, not quite rolling his eyes. It appeared as though he was fighting tears, though there wasn't any moisture in his eyes that I could see from where I was. I gasped as the realization hit me.

"You…don't want me there?" It was like that time in the woods again with Edward. Another person who didn't want me. But it was my fault. I'd done this to him. I deserved it. I took a big breath through my nose, trying to control the emotion that was gnawing at me. I didn't want him to see me cry. I didn't want him to feel bad about what he was doing. He wasn't the one in the wrong here.

His eyes flashed to my face, wary. "Wouldn't you rather be at your place?"

I didn't want to be at my place at all. It was lonely and empty and …sunless. I needed to be with Jacob. Despite every word that came into my mind, telling me to say no, that I wanted to be with him, I fought it. Why push him further? He didn't want me there. I shouldn't make it harder for him. "If you want me to be."

He nodded. I felt my heart deteriorate in my chest.

I didn't want to make it harder for him. I really didn't. I tried as hard as I could to just leave it at that, to let him have that little bit of sanity that I hadn't destroyed yet. But I had no self-control. I was control-less. Naturally, I fell to pieces.

I didn't cry, yet. I just started to half-shout at him. "How can you not want me anymore? Can you seriously just stop caring just like that? I mean, I know you're mad at me because I said no, but Jesus, Jacob!" My hands were flying all over the place, over-gesticulating everything in the tension of my sudden outburst. I was being completely unruly. My hands shook. And then it was his turn.

He pulled the car into the breakdown lane, his hands balling into fists as he put the car in park. Then he turned on me, his eyes full of fury. "You're stupid if you think that I don't want you, Bella. _Of course_ I care. Don't freaking tell me that I don't care. I _do_ care. _You're_ the one that rejected _me_, remember?"

My eyes bugged out of my head. He'd never yelled at me like this. And then I surprised both of us. I smiled. He looked at me like I was insane. "What is wrong with you?" He hissed at me. The smile vanished.

"Jacob. I love you. I've said it so many times. But you asked me to _marry _you! _Marry you!_ What kind of shit is _that_, Jacob?! And the restaurant? The dress clothes?!" I pointed at the shoes that were beginning to permanently damage my feet. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been pushing my feet as hard as possible against the floor of the car in anger. "That is _not_ you, Jacob! Who the hell was that?! You would never do that. Who are you trying to be? That isn't you. I refuse to marry an imposter."

He leaned back in his seat, staggered. He blinked, his eyes lingering on my hands. "I thought you'd like…I thought…" He couldn't seem to finish his thought. I was shaking my head before he'd even gotten the fourth word out anyway.

"No you didn't. You didn't think I'd like it. You know me better than that. You were trying to be like Edward." I accused. His eyes shot up to meet mine in astonishment. I glared at him. How could he do that? Was he mentally impaired? He didn't answer, but I could tell from his eyes that I was correct. I ground my teeth together in frustration. "What is _wrong_ with you, Jacob? Why would you try to be like him? I've chosen _you_. How can you possibly not understand that!?"

"You love him." He whispered.

"I love you." I argued back. My hands were in fists still. His eyes remained locked on them. My knuckles were white.

"But…you love him still."

"And I always will, but I love you. That won't change, either. I want to be with you and I can be with you. I _can_ be happy with you."

"You don't have to sacrifice yourself for me, Bella."

"I'm not sacrificing anything. You're all that I need." And it was true, what I said to him. I'd chosen him. It was easy to do so. I'd thought maybe that I'd only been trying to convince myself that I could be with him so that he wouldn't be hurt, but really, the truth was that I _could_ be with him. Happily, easily. I loved Jacob. I may not have been able to forget Edward or my feelings for him, but they didn't cast my love for Jacob in any kind of shadow. I could live with Jacob. I could be with him for as long as I lived.

There was no convincing involved. It was the truth.

We sat in silence. We were staring at each other. I was staring at his eyes, he was staring at my hands still. Then he reached into his pocket. It was hard to see in the dark, but it appeared to be silver, shapeless, limp. He placed it in my hand.

After further inspection, I recognized the piece of jewelry. My bracelet. I gasped.

"I snagged it at the beginning of your funeral when no one was looking." He chuckled half-heartedly before his expression turned sour at the memory. I knew it must have been hard for him to think of that time. I couldn't begin to imagine it. I'd never had to remember my own death. I remembered how I died, sort of, but it was hazy. I wasn't there for the aftermath, either. It made me uncomfortable just thinking about the whole thing. To think that he'd been there…that he'd seen me die. I was _dead_. And...alive.

I shuddered, breaking away from the thoughts as he slipped it on my wrist. Both charms were still intact. I thought about removing the diamond heart, but decided against it. He might not have been the path I'd chosen this time around, but he was still a part of me, like Jacob had been so many years ago.

"Does it freak you out?" He asked quietly.

"Does what freak me out?"

"Wearing a dead girl's bracelet." He smiled at me, but his eyes were sad still. I raised an eyebrow, thinking it through. I guess it did kind of freak me out. I'd died in this bracelet, and here I was again, wearing it. Alive.

Okay. It definitely freaked me out.

I nodded, smiling back at him. "It's creepy." He chuckled as my voice shook slightly, taking my hand in his. It was warm and lovely. I watched as his fingers stroked the top of my hand. I liked the look of our hands together, the light ivory against the russet skin. His hand was several times larger than mine.

"So, no weddings then?" He asked casually, putting the car in drive again. I grinned.

"Not with an Edward-impersonator."

He smiled back kindly, but then he sighed, looking back at the road. It was quiet for a long while as the impact of the evening hit us both. I could tell that he was confused. I was a confusing person. But I wouldn't hurt him anymore. He deserved that much. My strange reactions were a thing of the past. Or…at least I was going to try to make them a thing of the past. I sometimes surprised myself.

"Do you want me to take you to my place, then?" His words cut through my perplexing thoughts. I smiled again, knowing that he was trying to do what I wanted. He would have taken my to Egypt if I said I wanted to go there. I squeezed his hand.

"No, I want to go home." I said, toying with him a bit. My smile grew wider as his eyes flickered to my face in confusion. I snickered, enjoying the fact that I was probably making him think that I was insane. "Your home is my home, right?"

And with that a beautiful smile broke on his face, happier than I'd seen him in days. I wasn't afraid as he tore his eyes from the road, completely unaware of the street unwinding below us. He leaned in and kissed me, whispering in my ear. "Always."


	19. Interruptions

**(Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer so did not come up with any of this. It was me, all me! not.)**

_Okay so, I see that everyone has their panties in a bunch about Edward having not played a major part in this story.  
:D Do not worry, fellow Edward lovers. He will have his turn. I won't say much more than that, though. As for who ends  
up with Bella, I'm not saying anything about that either. You'll just have to continue to read if you want to know.  
And I'd also like to say that yes, in this story I am favoring Jacob. In real life I love both Edward and Jacob equally, and  
I am a total fan of EdwardxBella, but you have to rememeber. This isn't Bella Swan anymore. This is Annabelle. She  
may be the reincarnated Bella, but she isn't exactly as she was before. Things change. So, on that note, Don't kill  
me if Edward isn't in the next couple of chapters. You'll get him when you get him. :D  
Oh, and also don't be angry with me for this being so boring. I just thought that Jake and Bella deserved a little  
bit of alone time where we got to see how they're uh...connecting. :D tehe. kay. go on. read. _

_  
_Interruptions

So I'd been thinking about it. I'd been sitting here on Jacob's bed staring at the ceiling, my fingers wrapping and unwrapping around the quilt he'd bought so I could stay warm when he was out protecting his tribe from harm. He was doing that tonight. I could hear him every once in a while, howling outside the house, letting me know he was safe still. I worried about him. I'd told him to do that.

I sighed, my eyes tracing the dark images on the ceiling that my mind had fabricated in exhaustion. I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about it. I was thinking about how he'd asked me to marry him. I'd said no, but I couldn't be sure whether I just wasn't willing to marry him at all or if I'd only declined because of the way he went about it. I couldn't figure it out. If he'd done it another way…if he'd asked me another time; if he'd asked like _Jacob_ would ask…Would I have said yes?

I groaned, plopping back, bouncing a little. I couldn't understand myself. My mind was an enigma, even to me.

The door opened suddenly, scaring the crap out of me. I screamed, jumping up from the bed and whipping the hairbrush that was next to me through the air, trying to protect myself. My eyes were tightly shut as I attempted to use the brush as a nunchuck.

"Wow, Bella. Nice fighting techniques. I'm sure that brush would do some major damage." Jacob chuckled as my eyes flew open and the brush dropped to the floor with a loud thud. I blushed, running to him, hugging him fiercely. He hugged me back for a moment before I slapped his hand.

"Don't you make fun of me." I scolded. "You need to warn me before you just come in like that. You could have been a murderer or something." It sounded stupid, but it was true. How was I supposed to know that it was only him? He _did_ have a point, though. I don't think the brush would have done much else than make my murderer look a little more stylish.

"Bella, what do you think I was just doing? Does the phrase 'looking out for danger' mean nothing to you?" He snickered. "Nothing could have gotten to you. Except me, of course." Then he tackled me, an evil grin on his exquisite face, scooping me up into the air. He let go mid-scoop, pretending to drop me, catching me right before I hit the ground. I gripped at his arms, clinging on for dear life.

I supposed he was right. He wouldn't let anyone hurt me. There really wasn't any need for my worries. But still, if he wanted to keep my heart beating he'd need to warn me before he just ripped the door open and gave me a heart attack. "Still, I need a little bit of a warning ahead of time."

"I need to knock first?"

I pursed my lips, staring at his incredulous expression. "Yes."

Laughing, he rolled his eyes, carrying me to the bed and placing me on it so that my head was resting on the pillow. Two gentle hands tucked the quilt in around me. "Why aren't you asleep, anyway?"

"I was cold. I need warmth." I said, wrapping my arms around his neck as he bent down to kiss me on the forehead. He then frowned, his eyebrows pulling together in slight confusion. He lifted the corner of the quilt, pinching it between his fingers, measuring the thickness of it.

"I thought this would be warm enough…" He murmured more to himself than to me. His dark eyes scanned the room, searching for something else to cover me with. I sighed, shaking my head. He didn't understand me at all. Was he really that oblivious, or was my flirting just that undetectable?

"That isn't the kind of warmth I was referring to," I took his hand in mine, dragging him to me, kissing his palm. A smile spread across his face, a beautiful clash of white on red-brown, and he plunked down beside me. His feet hung off the edge.

"So, are you planning on ever going to sleep, or were you planning on something else?" He grinned impishly at me. "We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow, but you know, we could always postpone." His nose brushed along my shoulder, his lips trailing along the skin there and making me shiver slightly. It took more effort than necessary to concentrate on his question, but I was eventually able to speak.

"No, I don't plan on sleeping." I pulled his face to mine, kissing him on the mouth. I really wished he'd just skip the conversation and move on to the kissing, but his words had sparked my curiosity. "And what are you talking about, a long day ahead of us?" He pulled away from me then. My face slipped into a pout.

"We're going cliff-diving." He said excitedly. With a large brown hand, he lifted my hand to his face, pressing it against the warm skin of his cheek and closing his eyes contentedly. He was so beautiful. I watched him for a moment before suddenly his eyes opened again, looking at me. They were soft, but his expression was stern as he added onto his announcement. "_Safely_ this time, please."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't need a lecture. That was a long time ago." He narrowed his eyes at me, his mouth opening slightly to say something, but I hurriedly pressed my pointer fingers against his full lips, silencing him. His expression changed, awakening the butterflies in my stomach. I bit my lip, pulling him closer to me, taking advantage of the little time I'd have while he wasn't talking.

Then I kissed him again. His mouth was barely gentle as his fingers grasped at my hair. The fingers of his other hand grazed my arm as he melted against me. This kiss reminded me of the second time we'd kissed, when he'd tricked me into kissing him. The time from another life, my past life. It was a lot like that, the passion, the warmth. He was everything again. He was sight, smell, touch, sound, taste. He was my every thought. The only difference was that there was no longer any sadness. There was no pain in this kiss. It was wonderful, happy. I was happy.

Too soon, he pulled away from me. I struggled to keep him close, but he broke through my grip easily. I sighed, scowling at him. His eyes were still full of fervor as he gazed at my face.

"Dammit." He muttered, his eyes flickering to the door, glaring. He growled quietly. "I'm sorry." He whispered. His voice shook a little bit. "Embry and Leah are back. Stupid Embry and Leah."

"Oh." I whispered, my expression going blank with moderate surprise. I looked away from his face, slightly embarrassed of my reaction. I'd thought he was trying to be like Edward again. I was much more content with the real reason for his actions. It made my heart thud to know that this was the only reason he'd not continued to kiss me. I ordered my heart to remain calm.

"Maybe you should sleep now." He suggested, rolling onto his back beside me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me against him. He readjusted the quilt. Like I'd even need that with him there. I sighed. "Or we could always get a hotel room." He added, grinning at me. I grinned back.

"I guess I should sleep." But I didn't really want to, and he could tell by the annoyance in my voice. Dammit was right. Damn Leah and Embry. Stupid interruptions. I mimicked his growl, but it was ten thousand times more pathetic. He chuckled quietly as I forced my eyes closed, my hand in his, trying to sleep.

_(**Author's Note: **I forgot to mention this before, but, again, thanks for reading, and for the reviews.  
__I've really enjoyed reading them all and I love you all for your opinions. Especially WideEyedMonkey,  
who had me snickering for like ten minutes because of her last one. And please keep the reviews  
coming, because whats the point in typing everything for everyone to read if I don't get reviews?)_


	20. Cliff Diving and Heart Plunging

**(Disclaimer- I have no amusing or clever ways of doing this anymore. I'm giving up. I'm not Stephenie Meyer.)**

_Kay sooooo, AGAIN. I apologize. This is just another chapter like the one before it, where we get to see  
how jake and bella are together. there will be more drama in the next chapter, guaranteed, I just dont  
think it'd be too cool to have all the drama come rushing out at once. I need to give little boring chapters in between.  
but basically i'm just focusing now on the chemistry between our two lovebirds. so no one freak out on me. please and thanks. :D  
and leave reviews! everyone has been being REALLY good about that lately, and I realllly appreciate it. Round of applause for  
me for updating so quickly, too. :D haha. okay. enough narcissism__. read!_

Cliff-Diving and Heart-Plunging

I sighed, watching her sleep. It was early morning, and I was hungry. Normally I wouldn't have gotten up so early, but my stomach had woken me up. I was kind of surprised she hadn't heard it. I inched to the side of the bed, trying not to stir her, but her arm was wrapped around my neck. I pursed my lips, looking at the ceiling as though it'd tell me what to do. It didn't.

The door creaked open and Leah's stupid little head popped into sight. Her eyes flickered from my face to Bella's sleeping figure and back. I glared at her like the idiot she was. I didn't need this. I'd already had enough of her crap in the past twenty-four hours. She half-smiled, conceited and supercilious. "What are you doing?" I hissed. "Get the hell out of here!"

"Oh come on, Jacob. She's out cold. Just get up." She rolled her eyes, standing in the doorway with one hand on her hip, checking out the nails of her other one. I shook my head at her in loathing, gently pushing away Bella's hand, rolling to the side. I tumbled out of the bed, catching myself just in time. I peeked at her face, making sure that I hadn't woken her, and looked back up to see that Leah was snickering at me. I glared again.

I pushed her through the open door, closing it silently behind me before I grabbed her hand and dragged her through the living room and outside. The second we were through the door and into the morning air I was shouting at her. "What is your problem? Don't you have any decency at all?"

"Calm down, Jake. Jeesh." She hardly even looked affected by my words. She just continued to look at me with that apathetic expression. If she wasn't a girl I would have hit her. "You better be right about the drama being over." She threatened, referring to the conversation we'd had last night via thought. "I don't think I could take it anymore. I've never seen two people more dramatic. Not even on a soap opera. It's ridiculous."

"Oh, right, like you and Sam weren't dramatic." I spit at her. She flinched, her face becoming murderously angry as she stepped closer to me.

"Go to hell, Jacob." She snarled.

"I'd rather _not_ be where you belong, if you don't mind."

We glared at each other for several minutes until Embry stepped in between us. I hadn't noticed him sitting on the top of his car watching. He had a smirk on his face as he put one hand on both mine and Leah's shoulders. "Calm yourselves, children. There's no need for a smackdown." He snickered. "Now, Leah, where's my breakfast?"

Her glare ripped from my face, directing itself at him now. "Make your own breakfast, stupid!" She shrieked, smacking him upside the head. I smiled, amused at how they acted together, and watched as they stalked away, arguing like an old married couple. I sighed, relieved now not to have Leah in my face anymore. Thank God for Embry.

All last night she'd been in my head, whining, spitting complaints, cackling madly like a witch. Okay, she wasn't really cackling, but she might as well have been. She'd told me the generic "I told you so" about the whole proposal situation. Even though I hated to admit it, she was right. She _had _told me so. The night before, when I'd informed her and Embry of my plan to ask Bella to marry me, she'd laughed in my face.

"She'll never say yes, Jake." She'd said to me. She said that I was trying to be someone I wasn't. She said Bella would see past it, that I was being stupid and rushing into something I normally wouldn't so that I wouldn't lose my property. I glared at the memory. I didn't like when Leah talked about Bella being my property, about how I shouldn't even give her the choice. She kept telling me to just make Bella deal with her unhappiness, give myself a little chance at my own. She was like the evil part of the two-sided conscience that you see on cartoons, two little people, each floating over a person's shoulders. There was always the good one and the bad one. That was her. The bad one. I snorted at how ridiculous she was.

But I guess that she was right about one thing, though. I guess that I was just rushing into it. I didn't like to think of it that way, but in reality I suppose that I was just trying to…mark my territory, so to speak, to get her into a binding commitment with me so she couldn't change her mind. It was stupid to have felt the need to do this. She'd already told me it was me she wanted. She'd chosen me. My heart beat chaotically in my chest thinking about what that meant. It meant that every single day for the rest of my life, she'd be mine. _Mine._ And she wasn't doing it for my benefit. She wanted this. She wanted _me._ I grinned.

Today I was supposed to take her cliff-diving. The thought of it made my stomach twist in a familiar way, an easy response to the memory that the idea triggered. The last time we'd done this, she hadn't been able to wait for me. She'd gone by herself and had almost drowned. I'd almost lost her. I'd better not make her wait today. I didn't need to lose her again.

A short while after mine and Leah's confrontation I wandered back into the house, my voracious hunger and the smell of simmering bacon leading me into the kitchen. Somehow Embry had miraculously persuaded Leah to make breakfast, and there were four plates of eggs and bacon on the table.

"Wake up your freak." Leah instructed me with a glare. My hands balled into fists. I could tell that she was being obnoxious because she wasn't pleased with having to make breakfast for everyone, but there was no need to insult Bella.

"Ah, ah, Leah. What did we just talk about? Be nice." Embry tilted his head to the right a bit, shaking a finger at her. Just as he and I both knew she would, she pounced, swatting at his face. He neatly dodged her attacks, hissing playfully. "Catty." He observed. I grinned at him. He had too much fun teasing her. I didn't see how he could stand her.

I grabbed a slice of bacon from the table, shoving it into my mouth, before I went to fetch Bella. The door opened silently, and I saw that she was sitting on the bed cross-legged. She grinned up at me, her brown hair flowing with the wind that blew in from the small open window. The sun had tinted it red, and her cheeks were flushed. Even in the morning she was beautiful. I shook my head, admiring her.

"Morning." She said nonchalantly, her dull voice contradicting the animated look on her face. She bounced slightly where she sat on the bed, fidgety. I chuckled.

"Why are _you_ so keyed up, huh?" I questioned. She pressed her lips together, trying to control her squirming, her cheeks deepening in color.

"Cliff-diving." She answered. Then, without seeming to be able to help herself, she launched herself at me, sticking like Velcro.

"Nice attack move." I snickered, picking her up. She must have really liked the idea of cliff-diving. I hoped she wasn't excited enough to not be able to wait for me this time. I groaned inwardly. "Hungry?"

--

After we ate and changed our clothes, Bella half-dashed out of the house, her change of clothes in hand. She stood by the car waiting as I said my goodbyes to Leah and Embry. They didn't look too unhappy about being left out. I sensed they wanted some alone time anyway. The thought made me cringe.

I climbed into the car, Bella dodging the front of it, tripping, trying to keep up with me. I chuckled at her clumsiness, starting the car as she clicked her seat belt on. Then suddenly, her eyes lit up further, if possible, and she started to take her seat belt off.

"What are you doing? Put that back on!" I ordered her. My eyebrows pulled together over my eyes. I didn't understand her. She was something from another planet. But I liked it anyway.

"Can we take our bikes, instead?" She asked. Her face was enthusiastic, thrilled with her idea. She was very entertaining today. I nodded at her, watching as she slid out of the car and stumbled quickly to the garage.

I hadn't thrown anything away. I still had the two bikes that she'd brought to my house so many years ago. I even had the bike helmet and the jacket that Edward had given her, though I didn't like remembering that they were his idea. I should have thought of them, since they were only used when she was with me. They'd been hanging in my garage unused for the past ninety years. It was good to see them finally back on their owner.

She strolled out of the garage, helmet on her head, jacket on her shoulders. She pushed the bike in front of her, grinning widely at me as I watched her through the windshield. She looked hot.

"Come on, silly!" She called to me, waking me from my trance. I hurried to get my bike.

--

The cliff-diving was incredible. I'd never done it before. After promising her so long ago that I'd go with her, I hadn't been able to motivate myself to do it alone once she was gone. It hurt too much, knowing that I didn't have the option of having her by my side. Now that the option was back in tact, I took full advantage of it. We jumped at least fifteen times, laughing and screaming.

She was afraid the first time. I didn't see how she could be, thinking back to when she'd gone alone. Where had the fear been back then? It would have done her some good to have been hesitant before. This time hesitation was unnecessary. I'd told her so. Then I'd picked her up, ignoring the kicking and screaming, and I'd dove off of the cliff as she clung to me for her life. She was terrified. I think she bit me. She'd gotten over it the second time though. Soon enough we were having contests to see who could jump the furthest. Of course I'd always won. I chuckled.

We were back on the side of the road now, near where we'd dropped the bikes, laying in the grass, holding hands. She pointed up at the sky, her expression child-like.

She seemed so alive. After having had to wait for this for ninety years, I couldn't even explain the emotion it stirred in me. It made me so happy that it hurt.

"What does that one look like to you?" She asked me, pointing at a particular cloud. The sky was irregular today, mostly clear with only specks of white dotting the endless blue. The sun was shining brightly.

"It looks like a dog." I told her, inspecting it.

"A werewolf kind of dog?" She grinned, squeezing my hand, pushing closer to me.

"Are there any other types of dogs worth mentioning?" I chuckled, ruffling her hair. She shook her head.

"Nope." She smiled an irresistible smile as she gazed at me, and I couldn't help myself. I rolled her into the grass, holding myself above her, and kissed her hard on the mouth. She grasped at my hair, pressing against me, her lips moving with mine in ways that had my head spinning.

Ninety years of waiting had done nothing for my impatience.

I yanked at her wet sweater, pulling it off of her shoulders and tossing it to the ground beside her bike, my mouth moving against her neck now. Her fingers trailed along my exposed back, pulling me closer. I could hear her heart beating. I liked the sound of it.

"Jacob," She whispered to me. Her breathing was uneven. I smiled when I heard it, looking at her expectantly, ducking my head to kiss her shoulder quickly.

"Yes?"

"Do you love me?" She asked. How could she sound so unsure? My eyebrows pulled together, completely bewildered. Could she honestly ever think that I didn't?

"Of course I love you. What are you talking about?"

"I'm just making sure." It wasn't necessary. Why would she need to make sure? I rolled off of her, sitting up, staring at her with a confused expression on my face. There was no way that I was going to do this if she didn't know that I loved her. _How could she not be convinced?_

Before I could ask, she grinned at me. "I know that you do. Don't go defending yourself. I was just trying to get you off of me." Then she tackled me. I fell back, completely stunned as her lips found mine. She pressed herself against me, giggling slightly when she pulled her face briefly away from mine. It was so unlike her, but she'd changed in other ways, too.

"Tease." I accused of her, rolling her back underneath me again. She fought against me, laughing. I grinned. "You only want me for my body."

"Hey, you're my slave for life, right?" She kissed my hand. My heart plunged out of my chest as she kissed me again.

Then the sudden blare of an engine made us both jump. She screamed.

"Ew! Knock it off!" Leah called to us from Embry's car, climbing out. Bella scrambled out from underneath me, picking up her jacket and wrapping it around her shoulders, blushing from head to toe. I growled at the intruders.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed at Embry as he approached me. He threw me a repentant look, begging for forgiveness with his eyes.

"Leah wanted to go cliff-diving, too." He grimaced.

"Nice." I muttered, pulling Bella by the hand back to our bikes. This had better end, and soon. Otherwise there would be two less werewolves in La Push. And that was no joke.


	21. Old Ladies and Hotel Rooms

**(Disclaimer- I don't own anything, though I'd still very much like to.)**

_MWAAHHHAAAHAH! :D So. Everyone kept telling me to do this, so I did. :D I hope you like it.  
And don't kill me for the lack of detail in the certain...parts. I just think its a little too personal  
to write about. For this time, anyway. ;) ahaha. read it, **review it. **I'm working on the next one now.  
oh. and as for me saying there would be more drama in this chapter...i guess i unintentionally lied.  
hopefully there will be more...well, I was going to say action, but .. ahah. I don't think I should.  
There will be more drama in the next one. now read!_

Old Ladies and Hotel Rooms

I couldn't stand Leah and Embry anymore. I knew that Embry hadn't wanted to interrupt us, but Leah surely had. For someone who was always telling me to look out for my _own_ happiness, she sure didn't help much. I sighed, trying to focus more on the wind that was hitting me hard in the face. I'd ridden the bike many times while Bella was…gone, but nothing compared to when she was here. She made every little thing seem ten thousand times better than it would have been.

As I was thinking this, I turned back to see that she'd pulled over to the side of the road, pulling her helmet off and shaking her hair out. I raised an eyebrow. _Holy crap, she looked hot when she did that_. I stared at her, unable to look away.

And I drove off the road into a ditch.

"Jacob!" She cried, running over to me as I pushed the bike off of my torso. She tripped over a branch on her way, tumbling the rest of the way to my side. "Jacob, are you alright?"

I snickered at the both of us. "I'm fine. Werewolf, remember?" I brushed the dirt off of my pants and then her back before turning the bike off so that she could hear me better. She smiled hesitantly, still worried. She really needed to stop worrying so much. She was going to wind up giving herself an ulcer. "So, uh…why did you stop?"

She bit her lip, her face apologetic. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to distract you." I chuckled to myself, smirking. Her pulling over didn't really have much to do with the distraction. Her existence in general did, but I didn't tell her that.

"It's fine. Why did you stop?" I repeated, searching her face. She blushed, seeming to be a little embarrassed. This made me only that much more curious. I cocked my head to the side, gently coaxing her chin up with my right hand so I could see her better. She was looking at the ground, her cheeks a bright shade of pink.

"Did you… happen to mention something about a hotel room?" She murmured quietly, shyly. I froze. After what seemed like forever, she finally allowed her eyes to meet my gaze, and when they did, a smile broke on her face. I grinned back.

"That I did."

--

The man at the counter eyed us suspiciously as we tried to get him to give us the key to the room. He was obviously aware of the fact that we had no luggage. It wasn't hard to guess what the actual reason was for us being there if we weren't in need of a place to stay while we were out of town. I couldn't help but smirk when I saw that Bella was blushing like a tomato.

"I've given you the money. I think the key comes next, don't you?" The smirk enlarged. I couldn't control it. This was all very amusing. Bella blushed deeper at my impatience and the man behind the desk became even more apprehensive. His name tag said 'Albert.'

"How old are you?" Albert asked her. It wasn't a stupid thing to ask. I probably looked somewhere around twenty-five. She looked about sixteen with her slight frame and blushing face. Her eyes widened, her face completely youthful and innocent. I pursed my lips. Convincing him wouldn't be easy. I hoped she didn't screw this up.

"Ei-eighteen…" She stuttered, glancing at my face. I groaned inwardly. She wasn't convincing at all. I tapped my fingers on the countertop in annoyance, looking back at the line forming behind us.

"Look, Al, we'll send you her birth certificate later. Just give me the key before I complain to your manager about you harassing my girlfriend, alright?" Bella flashed me a disapproving glare. I pressed my lips together to hide my smile, but it didn't work well, and she looked away, a smile of her own coming into play. I snickered as he handed me the key, looking unsure. Then I grabbed her hand, bolting for the elevator.

I'd had it in my mind to attack her as soon as the doors closed, but my plan was hindered. A little old lady stood in the corner of the little box, smiling at us like old ladies do. She seemed nice enough. She had white hair that lay short and choppy around her sagging face, a cane in her right hand. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to smile back, but I don't think it was enough to work the irritation off of my face. Instead the grin probably looked more along the lines of sinister.

Her smile faltered and she looked at Bella worriedly, probably thinking that I was some kind of bad guy from a movie who'd stolen an innocent girl and threatened her so she wouldn't tell anyone. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head, my foot tapping on the floor intolerantly.

Mostly just to shove it in the old lady's troubled face, I kissed her- not the old lady, but Bella. It was probably a little more passionate than it should have been with our company, and Bella pushed my face back with her hands, her eyes going wide. "What are you doing?" She hissed, glancing frantically at the old woman.

The old woman gasped, her eyes matching Bella's in width, and she pressed the button on the keypad beside her, shaking her head at my unruly behavior. Again, I smirked as I watched her exit onto the floor that probably wasn't even hers. I guess she'd just have to take the stairs.

I chuckled impishly, taking Bella up in my arms, hugging her to me. "Finally," I muttered, my mouth finding hers. I could feel her smile underneath my mouth as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I had one arm wrapped around her back, holding her to me as she clung to my chest, wrapping both her arms and legs around me. My other hand was blindly searching the wall behind her, frantic for the panic button, trying to stop the elevator mid-ride. I didn't find it in time, and the doors slid open with a 'ding'. I heard a gasp from behind me as Bella squirmed to get back to the ground.

I loosened my grip, letting her hop to the floor and we spun around to see the same old lady staring at us angrily. She huffed, doing an about-face, and stomped to the stairs again. I could feel my eyebrows rising as I looked at Bella, an amused expression on my face. She burst out laughing before grabbing my hand and leading me out of the elevator. I smiled, allowing her to pull me through the door.

"Oh wait! My bracelet!" She pointed back into the elevator, a horrified expression on her face. Her wrist was bare. _Dammit._ I flew into the elevator, the doors closing slowly behind me, snagging her bracelet.

The doors were closed already by the time I'd turned around.

I leaned back against the wall, groaning loudly, smacking my fist into the wall beside me. The man who'd gotten into the elevator had pressed the 'down' button and was now staring at me with wide, alarmed eyes. _Why did there have to be so many interruptions?_

The second the doors opened I scrambled for the stairs, leaving the man shocked and confused, dashing up the steps as quickly as possible. I stopped half-way, my eyes locking on Bella who was standing at the top of the staircase smiling at me. Her eyes were full of humor. I chuckled as I hopped the rest of the stairs, scooping her up into my arms and spinning around.

"Where's our room?" I breathed, slipping the bracelet back on her wrist. She giggled, pointing down the hallway. I grinned.

I opened the door, throwing her down on the bed and kicking the door shut in one swift movement. She beamed at me as I approached her, slowly. I was too anxious. I needed to slow myself down. I breathed deeply through my nose as I watched her watch me. Then I attacked.

I hopped onto her gently, my hands already working to get her shirt over her head. She snickered, but I didn't mind. I would have been snickering, too, if I hadn't been so focused. Everything about today had been severely amusing. I threw the shirt to the floor, pressing my lips against her collar bone as her fingers undid the button on my jeans. Her breathing was erratic.

I attempted to kick my pants to the floor, but I was struggling with the left leg. After a moment of shaking my leg like an idiot, I pulled the pant leg off angrily, letting them slip to the floor next to her shirt. Then, as I looked at her face, I smiled. She was so beautiful. I couldn't get enough of her. She grinned at me, her arms wrapping around my neck, pulling me close, our breathing irregular and crazy.

Then, suddenly, as though someone had changed the channel on our emotions, the smiles left both of our faces, no longer as playful as before. I was so in love with her. I stopped breathing completely, no longer able to take a breath. She looked at me with so much adoration in her eyes that my heart nearly exploded at the sight of them. I bent my head to hers, slowly, pressing my lips against hers. One thought crossed my mind. _Finally._

--

I opened the door to the red house that I'd been living in for the past one hundred and seven years. For more than half of those years, there had been one thing that I'd wanted. Only one thing. And now I had her. She was mine. _Completely._

Embry was lying on the couch, his eyes on the television. When I stepped inside, his eyes flickered to my face, a smile spreading. There was no doubt in my mind that he knew what had happened. I sucked in a deep breath, beginning to worry. There was no way I'd be able to go out with them tonight…or any other night…protecting the Quileute land. This wasn't exactly something that I could just push from my mind, and I didn't need anyone hearing about it. I clenched my jaw, continuing on to my bedroom, Bella in my arms. She'd fallen asleep in the car.

As I quietly closed the door, stealing one last glance at her beautiful sleeping form, I backed out into the hallway - and right into Embry. He put a hand on my shoulder, raising his eyebrows at me. I glared at him halfheartedly, too tired to give him the full force of my warning. He smirked.

"So," He whispered once we were in the living room. "You've been gone for two days, you know." The smirk grew more pronounced as his tone changed suggestively. My teeth clicked together and I sighed, greatly annoyed with his pestering. My eyes slid closed as I fell to the couch, exhausted. I rubbed my temples with the tips of my fingers, hoping that I could rid of the migraine Embry was causing by doing so. He chuckled. "Leah isn't here. She went to Jen's. You can talk to me."

"I don't want to talk to you." I muttered harshly, plopping to the side so that my face was resting against the seat cushion. I could almost hear him raising his eyebrows at my tone.

"Did something go wrong?" His voice was confused. If my eyes hadn't been closed, I would have rolled them. I was too tired, though. I snorted at my idiotic friend instead.

In reality, they were the best two days of my entire life. I could imagine nothing better than having Bella lying in my arms, completely mine, wanting me like I was wanting her. The way that she'd kissed me...there was no hesitation, no sign of any other place she'd rather be. She wanted nothing other than to be right where she was, with me. It was an exceptional feeling. But Embry didn't need to know that.

"No. Nothing went wrong. Until you started annoying me, anyway." I sounded bored; I was already falling asleep mid-conversation.

"Oh, come on, Jake. You can't just leave me hanging like this. At least tell me a little of what happened. I'm not asking for details, just…come on! Don't make me have to guess." He was whiney. I think he'd been spending too much time with Leah. She was starting to rub off on him. I groaned in annoyance.

"Shut up Embry. Get your own life." My eyes flickered open just long enough to see his sour expression. Then I lost consciousness.


	22. Argumentative

**(reyeM einehpetS ton ma I-remialcsiD)  
in case you didnt get that.. its just backwards.**

_AGH! I am SO SORRY. This STILL isn't the dramatic stuff, though it is slightly dramatic, anyway.  
I truly apologize for being such an idiot and telling everyone that I'm going to have the drama  
in the next chapter...i just keep finding these little trivial things to write about.  
its horrible. but they do all lead up to the other thing. and I promise, if the next chapter  
__doesn't have the dramatic scene in it, you can shoot me. heck, I'LL shoot me. Not really.  
I actually can't even guarantee anything I've just said.  
My fingers regularly disobey me. but anyway. read and review. _

Argumentative

I woke to an empty house. No, that was a lie. Not everyone was gone, just the annoying ones. Jacob was sleeping on the couch. I snuck to his side, trying for something close to silent, though I knew I'd never achieve that. And I didn't. I tripped over a broom that was lying in the corner. It was loud.

My eyes flashed to his face, anxiety building in my stomach. Fortunately, he was still sleeping soundly. As my heartbeat reached a normal pace, I smiled. I loved the way that he looked when he was sleeping. It was the same old Jacob I'd met that day on the beach. Still tiptoeing, I perched myself on the arm of the sofa, above where his face was resting on the cushion. I stroked his glossy black hair, watching as his eyelids began to flutter open.

"Hey, sleepy." I whispered to him. He'd apparently been really tired from our two day excursion, so I didn't expect to wake him completely. Then, surprising me, he groaned softly, rolling to his side. A second later his eyelids flipped open as he realized what was going on and he rolled over again. He blinked up at me, smiling softly.

"Hey." He said groggily.

I smiled, leaving my place on the arm of the couch and climbing on top of him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me there. "I've missed you." I said to him. He grinned.

"Yeah, sure, I know you were really hoping to find Embry out here waiting for you. Don't lie to me." On his face he wore a playfully reproachful expression. He glared for a moment before his face sprung up, planting a kiss on my cheek. I laughed.

"You're right. Something about that Embry just really…I can't even explain it. He drives me crazy." This time his glare was genuine, and he rolled so that we fell to the floor, keeping his arms around me so that I wouldn't get hurt, but hoping that he'd frightened me. I pursed my lips, glowering back. "It's okay. I understand the jealousy. You and Embry have something special; it was cruel of me to come between you." At that he had to snicker, and he kissed me on the other cheek. "You love me." I accused.

He shook his head, a mock expression of disgust on his face. "Not really, no." Then he grinned again, rolling to the side. I squirmed beneath him, pretending as though his being on top of me was something I didn't enjoy. Secretly, it was a lie. I think he knew that.

The door opened then, and low and behold, Embry and Leah came bounding through the door. Jacob rolled his head back, letting go of me, clenching his jaw. His eyes were annoyed, and I could tell that he would be upset. I pursed my lips, looking at the floor, not wanting any trouble.

"Woo!" Embry shouted, helping Leah through the door. He hadn't looked at us yet. "Man! The water is _so _nice today!" He gushed enthusiastically. Then he turned around. "Oops, I'm sorry." He said, covering his eyes with his hand. The apology was blatantly heartfelt. But that didn't mean that Jake wouldn't be angry anyway. Leah snorted, pushing past him. Jacob sighed in irritation. I continued to stare at the wall, my body tense.

We'd talked about this last night, on the drive home, before I'd fallen asleep. He'd suggested moving out, but I didn't like the idea. This house was the one place that made me feel as though I wasn't insane. It helped me realize that the whole reincarnation situation hadn't just been some crazy dream I'd had. It was home. I didn't want to leave it, but Jacob had had enough with his pack members. I could understand why.

"Don't worry. Nothing was going on anyway." Jacob grumbled, scowling at the floor, grinding his teeth. I sighed, placing a hand on his back. He met my gaze and sighed, too. "Bella's moving in." He announced suddenly. My eyes widened and my breath escaped in a whoosh. Embry raised his eyebrows. Leah stopped short on her way to the kitchen.

"What are you doing, Jacob?" I hissed at him under my breath. I didn't like this plan. We'd gone over it, and I'd told him no. I didn't want to be the reason his friends ended up homeless. We hadn't agreed on this. _What was he doing?!_

He placed his hand over my mouth before continuing. I sat there, my eyes widening in alarm, my face going red. "You have four options." He told them, meeting both of their stunned expressions evenly. "One: you can move in with Jen or Craig. Two: you can get your own place. Three: you can move into Bella's old place. Four: you can come up with your own option. Point is, you have to get the hell out of here." At that, I swatted his hand away from my mouth, glowering at him. I pushed up from the ground, my hands balling into fists at my sides.

"Jacob! I told you not to do this! It isn't nice! I _refuse_ to be the impetus behind your _rude_ actions!" And I stormed out of the room.

I stopped short in the hallway, pressing against the wall, carefully out of sight, eavesdropping. I was waiting for him to apologize to them. I wanted him to tell them to disregard what he'd said about me moving in, that he needed to talk it over some more with me before he set any plans. Instead, he disregarded me all together.

"So, as I was saying, it's time to move out. I'm giving you until tonight to figure out what you're going to do, but after that, you're out. Got it?" Before I could control it, my mouth popped open, letting out an audible gasp. I clenched it shut in rage, feebly hoping that he hadn't heard me, but knowing that the wish was made in vain. Of course he'd heard me. They all had.

There was a moment of silence as Embry and Leah digested the _crap_ that Jacob had just thrown at them. I was having a hard time controlling myself in the hallway. My whole core was shaking, and for a moment, I thought that maybe I was turning into a werewolf.

"Seriously?" Embry finally broke the silence, his voice completely astounded.

"Seriously." Jacob replied curtly. For once, Leah was completely silent. She didn't even make a peep. I snuck my way closer to the room, inching along the wall, trying to get a look at her expression. I was in disbelief at what I saw.

Leah stood there, half in the kitchen, half out. Her expression held no anger, no irritation. She looked almost…repentant. Guilty. I felt my stomach drop. Seeing her like this only made it that much worse that Jacob was acting like such an asshole.

Before I could attack him, Jacob sighed, looking at Leah's expression. "I'm sorry that was so harsh. It's just that I'd really like to spend some time with Bella, and it's a little hard when you have two people constantly interrupting." He narrowed his eyes feebly at them, not quite glaring, probably hoping not to upset them more. My anger started to die out, but I was still slightly irritated. I rolled my eyes, biting my cheek, still pressed against the wall.

"It's okay. We understand." Embry said. I could tell by his voice that he was really working hard to not sound upset, but I had a creeping suspicion that moving out of the home he'd lived in with his two friends for such a long time was having an affect on him. I sank to the floor, letting my head roll back and smack into the wall. I closed my eyes. "We should go talk to Jen and Craig about this, Leah." He said to her. My eyes fluttered open just in time to see him grabbing her arm and leading her to the door, toward me. I scurried to Jacob's room on my hands and knees, still hoping to go unnoticed.

When the door shut behind them, I bolted into the living room, glowering at Jacob with the fiercest expression I could manage. I felt the heat rising into my face all over again as I watched him.

"That was an asshole-ish thing to do, Jake." I growled at him. He pursed his lips, looking at the door. He seemed determined not to admit to his jerkish ways. We stood there for several moments, him staring at the wall trying to ignore me, me staring at his face like one of the kids from Children of the Corn. I took a step toward him, willing him to apologize with my furious eyes.

Finally, he gave in, sighing, holding his hands up in the air, meeting my angered gaze. "Okay, I'm sorry. I know I should have discussed it with you. I'm just _so sick_ _and tired_ of them always barging in. They have no respect. This is my home. It is theirs, too, in one way, but they should at least have the decency to give me a little space. _Especially _Leah." He shook his head, his eyes darkening in irritation, focusing on the door behind me again.

"Just because you're irritated because they have…well... horrible timing…doesn't mean that you have any right to treat them like dirt, Jacob. They're your _friends_. Not your acquaintances, not your _doormats_. I want you to tell them that they don't have to leave. _I'll_ leave." I crossed my arms across my chest, daring him to argue. He did.

"No!" He squabbled, argumentative as always. "You're not leaving. You already told me, you like it here." He took a deep breath as he stepped toward me, trying to calm himself down. "Bella, I love you. So much. I want you _here_, where I am, where you told me you want to be. If you want to go back to your house, if you want to move out…Then fine. But I know that you don't."

"They shouldn't have to leave because of me." I wasn't changing my mind. I didn't like the way that this whole entire thing had panned out. It made me angry that Jacob would do such a thing. He rolled his eyes, his hand going to his forehead in frustration, his head rolling back so that his stare was on the ceiling.

"Bella..." He couldn't finish. He shook his head at the white ceiling as though it had been the one to cause all of the trouble.

"'Bella' what? You better make this right, Jacob Black. I mean it." And with that I stalked out of the room.

_(**Author's note:** Do not fret, young ones. Bella still loves him. :D)_


	23. Hallelujah

**(Disclaimer- no ownage.)**

_Kinda short, kinda crappy. I rushed. I apologize.  
Read and review. more soon. :D  
and sorry in advance for any mistakes._

Hallelujah

It'd been a week. That'd been our compromise. Bella had, in her adorable and annoyingly nagging way, whined and carried on for two days straight, no exaggerations. Finally we decided that a week should be a fair enough amount of time for my friends to pack up and depart. But even with this new agreement, Bella seemed to be worrying a lot about one person in particular.

I could not even begin to fathom her sympathy for Leah. Really, I couldn't. After Leah had incessantly bagged on her and even so much as insulted her to her face, Bella just didn't seem to care. But I guess she just didn't have as much reason as I did to want to banish her from my home. In fact, I wanted to banish her from my life, flicking the evil conscience from my shoulder, telling it to scram.

It wasn't as if I didn't feel bad for her. I did, in a miniscule way. When you've lived for as long as I did with someone like Leah, it takes a real toll on your patience and compassion equally. Leah wasn't the type of person who needed empathy. Leah was the type of person who would sit in a circle of kind-hearted people and tear each and every one of them down, slowly, painfully, just to ease her own pain. She was the type of person that'd get slapped down within seconds if she just so happened to step into the appropriate neighborhood. I'd be the first to stand and watch with a bowl of popcorn and the first to pick her up and wipe away the blood stains from her face.

It was a love/hate thing. We were family, so I cared enough to not want to upset her to the point of tears and depression, but not enough to care about hurting her fragile, egotistical feelings. She just didn't deserve it. But still, I tried my best to be nice to her.

I sighed, looking down at my feet. I was sitting on the white driftwood tree on the beach. This tree was the one that signified everything bright in my world. The one that sent images of her in front of my eyes and left scents of her breath on my tongue. I watched with hollow vision as the waves lapped at my feet, dragging away sand as they twisted away from me. In them I saw her face, her smile, her hair blowing in the wind. In the warm water I felt her touch. I puffed my face out like a balloon, slowly letting the air leak from my mouth.

Things had been so hectic lately, so hard to distinguish. I couldn't even let a single thought slip through without seeing there also the vision of her soft eyes. It was slightly disabling. It made it so much harder to think about other things. But I was beginning to believe that there might not be any other thing worth thinking about anyway.

Though she meant to be quiet, to sneak up on me, I was too attuned to the soft footsteps, the way that the air seemed to shift and lighten when she was close. It was like holding my breath forever, for ninety years, finally getting air back into my lungs at the sign of her presence. I whirled around. She froze.

"Hey." She smiled, one foot in front of the other, mid-approach. Her mouth twitched, irritated by the fact that she'd been caught. My mouth slipped into a sideways grin, my eyes narrowing as I focused on her face. The sun was streaming down at an odd angle, altering the color of her hair, transforming it into more of a brilliant red-brown. Her skin looked abnormally pale. It was creepy and beautiful in some kind of ethereal way. I took a deep breath, patting the natural bench beside me.

She raised an eyebrow at me, creeping playfully, stalking like a lioness on the prowl. I snickered. "Get over here, you freak." I called to her, grinning. And she bit her lip, quickening the pace.

As she sat down beside me, she leaned back, her head resting on my lap. I pulled her hair lightly, stirring her subtle irritation until she glared at me. Then she kissed my palm.

"So, how's your mom?" I asked her hesitantly. I waited as her body unintentionally tensed with the discomfiture of the subject. She was still a little weirded out about her double life. Who wouldn't be? It must have been awkward, not wanting to lie to your mother, but not really being presented with any kind of plausible second option. I mean, really, what would she do, call and be like "Hey, mom. So yeah, see, about ninety years ago, I died, and…." No. It didn't work that way.

"Okay. She just asked about…college and stuff." Her gaze drifted to the afternoon surf. The waves were rising by the second, collapsing angrily against the shore. Her jaw was tight. I picked up her hand, holding it to my face, trying to comfort her without bringing anything else up on the matter. It wasn't something she liked discussing.

She'd said to me, before I left the house, that I could stay with her while she was on the phone, but I thought that maybe my presence would just make it that much more uncomfortable. Trying to convince your mother of a much more believable reality, when your _true _reality, which, in all ways wasn't believable at all, was sitting there holding your hand, a live figment of your imagination… it just wasn't going to help things. I shook my head.

"Jake, if I'm moving in, we need to go get my stuff." I blinked as her comment startled me back to the present and a grin took over half of my face. It was true, what she said. We needed to get her stuff. She was moving in. Someone give me a hallelujah.

--

I growled as I picked her up, throwing her over my shoulder. I ran up the steps to her house, sliding the key of her truck into her back pocket. She attempted to slap my hand, but she couldn't reach it. I chuckled, continuing through the door.

"Home sweet home?" I said, throwing her gently onto the couch. She glowered at me, a smile playing on her pale pink lips.

"Not exactly."

I jumped to the couch beside her, rocking it backwards with the extra weight, and kissed her jaw. She hugged me to her, whispering something about oil paintings. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I think that she was mostly talking to herself. She rolled her head back, fixing her stare on the wall behind her.

"I want that." She released my neck with one hand and pointed at a small painting on the wall. It was bluish, an abstract painting of joy and pain and sadness all rolled into one. It had a sort of charm to it, I guess. I could see it on my wall.

"Okay." I murmured, my focus returning to the kisses I was planting on her cheek. She smiled tightly at me, flirty, and turned her head as to allow me to kiss the main target. My lips met hers eagerly, parting slightly, slowing time. After a moment of this, her small hands pushed against my back, pulling me closer. I lifted her from the couch, keeping her close, and made my way into the hallway, headed for the staircase.

She adjusted herself so that she wouldn't fall, though she must have known that she wouldn't have, hooking her legs around my back and tightening the strangle-hold she had on my neck. We were halfway up the stairs, lips locked together, when there was a light knock on the door.

We froze.


	24. Visitors

**(Disclaimer- I own a box of crayons. Actually, that isn't even true. :( i have no ownership)**

_Hello lovely lovely people! Seriously. You have ABSOLUTELY no idea how happy you people  
are making me. your reviews have been wonderful! thank you SO SO SO SO much.  
please keep them coming. i work hard on this story. i put it before basically EVERYTHING  
else in my life...much to my mother's dismay. but i really am pleased with all of the nice  
reviews. so again, thank you. and I hope that you like this next chapter.  
oh. and don't be too angry about my clifffffhangerrrss.  
i simply cannot stop myself. i am all too fond of those darn things._

Visitors

My eyes met his, both sets slightly alarmed. For some unknown reason, my body was tense, my stomach right up in my throat. I couldn't breathe. His hand rubbed gently across my back, trying to calm me. Then he placed me on the middle step, jogging quickly down the hallway and to the white door. The speed and grace was made awkward when compared to his giant body. It just didn't fit. Someone so big should not be so graceful. It left a sour feeling in my stomach, something that was close to jealousy, but not quite.

I pursed my lips, watching him slowly turn the doorknob, his eyes on me, a falsely frightened expression on his brilliant face. Trying to scare me again. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at him as though I was annoyed. Secretly, I was terrified. I just didn't understand why. I pressed my lower back against the step behind me, preparing myself, my fingers snagging the edge by my feet, holding me there as though afraid my nerves would lift me from the ground and carry me away. I watched with wide eyes as the door swung open in slow motion, an effect my mind had produced in it's attempts to scare itself senseless.

And there he stood, behind the door, his hair a mess, slightly blowing in the wind. He was wearing a white sweater, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, light blue jeans covering his lanky legs. The air escaped my mouth with a whoosh.

John Newton.

"Oh." He said, skipping back a step, his expression going blank with surprise the second that his eyes met Jacob's face, a foot above his own. My stomach let go of its death-hold on my nerves, my body loosening, my fingers tearing from the edge of the step. A smile crept onto my mouth. I was such a fool to have been worried. Jacob was right. I was going to wind up with an ulcer.

"I'm here to see Anna…" John said uncertainly. His blue eyes swept the inside of the house, searching for me, but his hunt was cut short as an arm stretched out in front of his face. He flinched as Jacob put his hand on the other side of the doorway, leaning there. I muffled a giggle with my arm, understanding why he would be intimidated. He looked like a pipsqueak next to Jake.

As I was thinking this, something else struck me. What did _I _looklike next to Jake? An ant, probably. I raised an eyebrow, my face slipping into a scowl.

"Anna?" Jacob asked, confusion on his voice. Then, from where I sat on the step, I saw him straighten out of his relaxed stance, realizing his mistake. I tensed, too, my head spinning slightly. I was starting to get used to this feeling. It happened often, every time that my two lives collided, bumper cars on an uneasy track. I clasped my hands together, my palms sweating a little, praying that he'd find a way out of the jam. Being Jacob, of course he did. "Oh," He said coolly, calmly, putting on a sham of narcissism to hide his flawed question. "_That_ Anna, _my_ Anna." His cheek lifted on the right side of his head. I couldn't tell whether or not it was a whole smile or a half of one. He wasn't facing me anymore.

I didn't even mind the fact that he had basically just shoved his ownership of me into John Newton's pathetic little face. Instead, I imagined in my head Jake's menacing, obnoxious grin, scaring the crap out of John till he was too afraid to even look in my direction. I grinned.

John's head bobbed, allowing him to briefly make eye contact with me on the staircase, peeping out from under Jake's arm. My eyes popped out of my head as I scooted back a little, trying to get over the step above me, out of sight. Jacob's arm lowered, covering his gaze once again.

"Is there something that I can help you with?" He asked, his voice pleasant and scathing all at once. My smile widened, envisioning the look on John's face. I couldn't see it anymore. I'd managed to successfully crawl backwards up the stairs without damaging myself in any way.

"No…I just wanted to see Anna. Is she around?" What a stupid question for him to ask. He'd obviously seen me. I narrowed my eyes at the wall, wondering if he'd asked that only because he was afraid of Jacob. Maybe it was making him nervous. I chuckled quietly. Of course it was making him nervous.

"Yeah, she is." Jacob responded, his voice still charming and mocking and great. I pressed my lips together, hoping that he'd just shut the door in his face right there. Instead, there was silence. I lowered my face, trying to see what was going on. Jacob was standing there, leaning against the doorframe again, perfectly at ease in my home. John stood awkwardly in front of him, uncomfortable. I could tell that he was waiting for Jacob to continue, but he didn't meet eye contact with anyone. His eyes wore holes into the doormat at his feet.

"So, can I see her?" He asked timidly, finally.

"Nope. Sorry, she's…indecent, busy." I could hear the smile in Jacob's voice as he spoke the last two words, see his cheek rise on the side of his head. I knew what kind of expression would be plastered there on his face. It was something that resembled mischief. I bit my lip, snickering as I watched John raise an eyebrow, looking Jacob up and down, probably questioning the depth of my relationship with the overgrown boy. "Well, anyway. I gotta get back to her. Can't keep her waiting, you know. Later." And he shut the door in John's unbelieving face.

"I can't believe this." He muttered, loping up the stairs, scooping me back into his arms fast enough to make my head hurt. "You're here for what - a month maybe? – and you've already got Newton drooling. And it isn't even the _same_ kid. His great grandkid? _Seriously?_ How do you do that, Bella?" I laughed as he shook his head incredulously, taking a right into my room. Then he stopped short. "Where's your bed?"

I looked around the room, remembering that the moving-company men had never showed up. My eyebrows met in concentration. It was strange to think that I hadn't even slept on my bed in my new room yet and I was already moving out. It didn't bother me, though. Sleeping next to Jacob had many more advantages. I blinked up at him, smiling with a sudden unnecessary embarrassment. The color rose into my cheeks and he brushed his hand over it.

"It's in the other room."

"Oh. Is that where you've been sleeping?" He glanced into the hallway, staring at the door on the other end. His face squished up in confusion. I knew what he must have been thinking. It was weird that I would ever sleep in my father's room. I felt the bumper cars crash together again.

"Actually, I've kind of been sleeping at your place, if you haven't noticed." I smiled brightly at him as his eyes widened. I swear I saw a hint of red pull up over his dark cheeks. Was Jacob blushing? He half-smiled, an attempt at masking his embarrassment, and he corrected himself.

"Before my place." His fingers streamed down the neckline of my shirt. My heartbeat flickered unsteadily, a candle in the breeze, threatening to go out. I stared at him.

"The bed's still in the other room. They put it in there and never came back to move it for me." I explained, my eyes taking in every inch of his face. I wasn't paying much attention to our conversation. Instead, I was soaking in the emotions he was stirring in my stomach, almost going under. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to steady my focus.

Abruptly, he put me on the floor, oblivious to my efforts.

"I can fix that." He tromped through the hallway and into the other room, reappearing with my bed in his strong, capable hands. My eyes widened, scooting into the corner of my room, giving him space. Though I knew he was much stronger than any other human, it still surprised me to see him lift the bed with such ease. He placed it on the floor, sliding it up against the wall, exactly where it should have been. Exactly where it _was._

Collision number three. In one hour. Wow. How many times could my lives crash into each other in one day?

He blew hot air from his mouth, his eyes scanning the room around him. Then, after a moment of familiarizing himself with the past, he walked to me, his hands gripping at my waist, and he settled me on the bed, handling me like a little doll…or an ant. My eyes tightened slightly at the thought, but I smiled kindly at him, the feelings in my stomach still lapping at me hungrily. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. This time he noticed.

His smile spread gloriously across his russet face, breaking my heart in a devastatingly lovely way. Then, too slow, he pressed his lips against mine, both of us sinking back against the bed. I inched back, not interrupting the kiss. He followed, leaning over me. His skin was soft and hot and incredible where it touched mine. It made the feeling in my stomach swell and overflow, puncturing my common sense and draining my control. I grasped at the back of his neck, pulling him hard against me. He pulled away, smiling at me lovingly for a second before he dipped his head back to mine, the scent of his breath hitting me hard in the face.

Sure, sometimes he was a jerk. Sometimes he was mean. Sometimes he was immature and sometimes I wanted to smack him in the face with a crowbar. But I loved him and needed him. He made me happy.

I continued to kiss him, our lips moving rhythmically, when suddenly, his face tore away from mine, scrunching up in incredulity, his nostrils flaring almost as though he were angry. I stared at him in wonder, my stomach sinking. I felt horrible. What had I done wrong?

What he said next had me realizing, thankfully, that I wasn't to blame.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me." He said. He must have heard someone knock on the door again. My face smoothed out, but I wondered briefly if John was insane for coming back here. He must have thought the same thing. "He's seriously back?"

He glared at the stairway with pure hatred staining his features. I could understand his dislike, but I didn't think that it was necessary to hate the kid _that_ much. I wasn't one to judge, seeing as I couldn't stand him, but I didn't exactly _hate_ him. I started to worry about Jacob's jealousy, shaking his arm, trying to warn him.

What happened after that is what _really_ had me sweating.

Jacob's expression changed so suddenly I thought someone had clicked a button on the back of his head. His body stiffened against mine, his eyes widening beyond belief. He looked worried, nauseous. He started to shake a little bit, whether this was because of the new anger that I saw in his eyes or the fact that almost all of the color had drained from his dark face like he was going to pass out.

It was the palest I'd ever seen him.

With a wrenching sickness in my stomach, I watched as his nose wrinkled up in a way that I recognized all too well. My breath stuck in my throat as he clenched his jaw. _Holy. Crow._


	25. Chances

**(Disclaimer- I am stephenie meyer on sundays, tuesdays, and rainy days. okay..so i'm lying.)**

_MAHHHH! I am so super excited I can't even contain myself. :D I REALLY hope that people are surprised by  
this, though i'm not sure about how many people actually will be. PLEASE leave reviews. I'm dying here.  
i need to know what you think! i'm actually not sure if i like how this is going. actually. i'm pretty sure that  
i do... seeing as i have this wildly chaotic plan in mind. :D you'll just have to wait for it.  
and as for everyone asking about edward coming and or if this will remain BxJ, I cannot tell you!  
i apologize for this, but it would give away the storyline. soooo. you'll just have to be patient.  
:) again, thanks for reading. and. this story is no where near being done. on my word  
program i have at least 107 pages of writing, but my story isn't near being finished. theres so much  
left that happens! rahh! and its all so dramatic. i'm sorry. im shutting up now so you can read.  
bye! :D LEAVE REVIEWS!_

Chances

My eyes locked on her face. I started to sway. I couldn't believe my eyes. Everything was spinning. I felt like I'd been stuck in a microwave, the heat up high, on revolve. I couldn't think of anything, couldn't hear anything but the pounding of my heart. But there was nothing else to hear. Nobody said anything. I just stared at her and she stared at me. Jacob's eyes flickered between us worriedly.

He'd told me to stay put. He'd shut the door in my face. But it was too late. I was determined to know who was at the door, who was making him the way that he was- anxious, sweating, pale, shaky. He didn't tell me who it was. He didn't _know _who it was. Not until he rushed down the stairs, me following not too far behind, and came face to face with her. She'd already let herself in.

I continued to stare, tears swelling in my eyes.

"_Bella?!" _Her voice was thick with surprise. Nonetheless, it was beautiful, musical, wind chimes on a sunny day. The room spun, my memories flowing up into sight, playing a cruel game of hide and seek with me, scurrying when I tried to push them away, returning when I gave up on trying. The ground rushed up to meet my face, a friendly hello. Jacob caught me, his eyes on her, his arms around me.

Alice's face scrunched up. She looked as though maybe she would be crying, if she'd had tears at all. My heartbeat was a loud drum, reverberating throughout the entire room. I could hear it, Jacob could hear it, she could hear it. The neighbors down the road could hear it. People in _China_ could hear it.

I started to choke.

Jacob patted my back, breaking his gaze from her childlike face and soothing me, pulling my face against his chest, brushing my hair with his warm palm. After listening to him shush me for a minute, I realized that I wasn't choking. I was crying. Hard.

_No, no, no, no, no, NO. _This would ruin everything.

My happy life threatened to crumble into pieces right in front of my tear-filled eyes, but I couldn't help it. I threw myself at her, breaking free of Jacob's grip. I would not have been able to get away so easily, but his arms slid away from me the second he realized what I was trying to do. The distance I made between us hurt me, burning, but not like fire. It burned like ice.

I tackled her hard form, hugging myself to her. The cold startled me, and I flinched as I made contact with it, but I stayed there, clinging like a child who'd just found her mother after being lost in an oversized supermarket. For a moment she stood motionless, looking up at me with huge, sad, disbelieving eyes. Then she, too, wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close. It was the saddest, happiest, most horrible reunion I'd ever had, ever imagined. My dreams had never done her any justice. She was the most beautiful thing my eyes had ever seen. A pixie angel, brought down from heaven. My tears poured down my face, dripping down her spiky black hair, hitting her on the forehead. At least the salt wouldn't stain her gray blouse.

She hugged me fiercely, gently, all at once, for a long moment. It was like being reintroduced to myself for what seemed like the eight thousandth time in the past month. Then suddenly, she pushed me to the side, her arm wrapping around my waist, and turned to face Jacob, an icy glare forming. My face shrunk in confusion.

"How could you do this, Jacob!?" She fumed hysterically. "How long have you known about her? Have you even thought to tell my brother? What is wrong with you? I always knew you to be a mutt, but I figured you at _least_ had an _ounce_ of decency in you. Do you know how long Edward has been waiting for this?" My mouth dropped to the floor at her lightning-fast accusations, at her her wildly furious tone, and I pulled away from her, stepping between them, fixing my eyes into a glare as I focused on her tiny face.

"Leave him alone." I told her. My voice was cold. Her eyes ripped from Jacob's guilty face and back to mine. Her eyes were wide. "He had every intention to tell Edward." The name scratched up my throat and chest as I produced it from my mouth. It was like regurgitating nails. I flinched, feeling my very own guilt. Though her words were wrong in the direction they'd been pointed, they were still true. Not for Jacob, for me. I was the mutt. I was the indecent, selfish, horrible, despicable person. I didn't deny that. I couldn't. My nails dug holes into the flesh of my palms.

"If you want to yell at someone, yell at me. It was my idea. I told him not to tell Edward." If I hadn't thought that her eyes could have gotten any larger, I was wrong. She opened her mouth, her bottom jaw drooping low, and let out a choked little gasp. I swallowed hard, watching as her mouth readjusted itself, snapping shut again, her jaw clenching.

"Why?" Her voice was polite, but it wasn't as it should have been. It was distant and cold, a stranger. An acquaintance. My stomach disappeared into the soles of my feet as I stared into her contained but furious deep gold eyes. I couldn't feel anything below the waist. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't even answer her question.

Jacob saved me.

"Please, Alice. She's had a rough week." He pleaded with his eyes, trying to assuage her anger. Her eyes flashed to his face, turning cold once again, but as she took in his tortured expression, her eyes went blank. She nodded infinitesimally, looking back and forth between the two of us, still slightly bewildered, still very angry. I could see a hint of affection in her eyes when she glanced at me, but mostly it was just loathing, or at least that's how I imagined it.

My breathing was hollow and mostly just noise. I felt nothing that reached my lungs. Only acid.

Her eyes darted a bit, narrowing as she looked around. "Who else is here?" She asked suddenly. Jacob's face scrunched up, completely staggered by her question. His hand was on my shoulder. I hadn't noticed it until then as I looked up at his confused and beautiful face. I felt horrible for him. I could feel the pain emanating from him. I could tell that he was nervous about me seeing Alice. I knew that he was worried that I'd change my mind. But I couldn't do that. I wouldn't. I didn't _want_ to.

"What are you talking about?" He asked quietly, his grip tightening on my shoulder, pulling me gently to his chest. I was swaying madly, being tossed around like a buoy in a sea of nightmarish dreams. I leaned hard against him until I was no longer supporting any of my own weight. He hugged my waist. "No one else is here." He said.

"That can't be right." She said, her eyebrows pulling together over her eyes. Once again, she surveyed the room, looking for something, someone. She raised an eyebrow, looking stumped. "I swear…there's someone else in here."

"Why do you think that?" Jacob asked her. His fingers were playing patterns into my sides, trying to console me. I was no longer rocking. I was now just completely still. Completely.

"I…I don't know. I just feel..." She stopped mid-sentence, her eyes squinting in concentration, looking around the room once more. Then her head swung back toward us, staring at me with a dazed expression. "Someone." Again she stopped, shock flitting across her perfect features as she took slow steps toward me. When she was less than a foot away, she froze, her mouth opening with an audible pop.

My heart stopped beating, thinking that something was wrong with me, that I'd made her stop, but the next word out of her mouth had me thinking otherwise.

"_Rosalie?!"_

And Rosalie submerged from the shadows behind us. Jacob pursed his lips. "Dammit! I knew there was more than one of you here!" He muttered, glancing frantically back and forth. Rosalie smiled a small, apologetic smile at him.

I could no longer feel the rise and fall of his chest against my back. He'd stopped breathing. I had too. Rosalie was surely a sight. Her golden hair waved down her back, a beautiful mane that any woman in the whole entire universe would have killed for. Her eyes were a deep gold, matching her sister's, her skin pale and beautiful against the light color of her locks. She was wearing a caramel colored top that hung close to her body, sweeping down her arms femininely. She wore blue jeans, too, like Alice did.

My heartbeat picked up quickly, a horrible pang of jealousy hitting me in the chest. I wanted to smack him for even looking at her, but I knew that it wasn't his fault. Still, I couldn't control the way that my lip curled slightly. He must have noticed this, because his grip on my waist tightened and he pulled me closer to him, though there was no distance to close.

"I'm sorry." Rosalie announced to a stunned Alice. Alice just stood there with wide eyes, stock-still. She didn't say anything. She asked for no explanations. Rosalie gave her one anyway. "I followed you here. I don't know why. I just did. I had this feeling…" She shook her head, starting over, turning to me and Jacob. When she looked at me, there was much more adoration than I'd ever imagined seeing. I must have died right then. "Bella, Jacob, I'm sorry. Alice came here from Denali…" She paused, looking at Jacob as if to confirm that I'd been aware of the Cullen-where-abouts. He nodded, dazed. I almost punched him. "She wanted to see who'd bought the house. She had a vision that someone would buy it, but she couldn't see who. So she took off to come here."

Alice cut in then, glowering at her blonde sister. "I had a vision about coming to the house, but the vision just…disappeared right there in the middle. I thought that it had something to do with you, Jacob…but I never imagined…" Her voice trailed off. Rosalie took it as her chance to take over again.

"I followed her. I didn't know why, but if you were here," She was looking at Jacob. My hands were in fists at my sides. "I knew that I should come. And it turns out I was right."

"How are you right?" Alice demanded, glaring at Rosalie. Jacob had been about to say something, but he shut his mouth quickly, his eyes darting to my face. He pulled me against him again, his hands tracing the length of my arms, soothing. "Why should you be here?" She insisted, her teeth grinding together.

"I'm not going to let you tell Edward, Alice." Rosalie snapped through clenched teeth. My eyes widened. Jacob stopped moving. The room went quiet besides the tiny snarl that came from Alice's taut jaw. "Bella is finally making the right decision. She is finally going to be able to live a _real_ life. This is her chance. She doesn't have to give it up this time. I'm not letting you take that away from her, Alice. You won't take that away from her."


	26. Urgency

**(Disclaimer- I own Jacob Black. OH YES I DO. ...okay. so I STILL don't. But I'd REALLY like to. ow owww.)**

_hellooooooooo again! I'm always so happy whenever I post things. haha. But anyway. I  
really appreciate all of the reviews from you guys, but I know that a lot of you that are reading  
STILL aren't reviewing. I can't comprehend why something would be good enough to spend time  
reading, but not good enough to review.. PLEASE review if you're reading this! A lot of the time  
my reviews actually help me with my story.. they give me ideas or help me realize which way  
I should take my story. So please, review. Show some love! Thank you! :D  
read, enjoy, review. _

Urgency

My fingers drummed against the tabletop, anxious and impatient. I was sitting there, my knees up to my chin, sneakers balancing on the edge of the chair. I was fidgety, shaking from head to toe. I couldn't hear them. I wanted to. Again I wished that I had the ability to have such fine hearing as my mythical friends. Again nothing happened.

I sighed, the beat increasing in tempo as I continued to bounce my fingers off of the faded wood. My mouth pursed with annoyance. The clock ticked. Slowly. I threw my head back, groaning in irritation.

"Jacob!" I whined, glaring at the stairs. He was up there with Alice. And Rosalie. My glare became slightly more threatening as I stared into the empty space in front of me. I still didn't understand what they'd needed to talk about that I couldn't hear. It wasn't like I wasn't already in on everything else. And there was also really no need for Rosalie to be up there. What did she have to talk about with Jacob that I couldn't know? Couldn't she have just talked to Alice? She didn't need Jake for anything.

Right?

I stood abruptly, the chair skidding out from beneath my legs, toppling over. I dashed to the bottom of the stairs, but Jacob was already there, taking me in his arms, his face full of consternation.

"Bella, what happened? Are you alright?" His worried eyes flickered to the chair lying on the floor about five feet from where it had originally been planted beneath me and he realized what happened. His face wiped clean of fear for me, changing quickly. He narrowed his eyes, suspicious and all-knowing. I pursed my lips again. His head cocked to the side, waiting for my explanation. I felt like a kid who'd been told not to play ball in the house. I'd been caught doing the opposite. I scowled.

In one way, I _had_ been caught playing ball in the house. Only I wasn't playing _ball_, exactly. I was just disobeying my orders. All three of them had told me to stay down here while they "talked things through." Since when was I a toddler, not able to listen to the adult conversations? I was _not _a child. I told him this.

"I'm not a kid, Jake! You can't keep me locked away from adult conversation. Why don't I get to hear?" At the tone of my voice, he smiled beautifully, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Are you sure about that? Can you even hear yourself?" He chuckled, his deep voice affecting my stomach in that same way that it had earlier. My mouth twitched. I supposed that he was right, though. I sounded like a little baby. Why was it that everything I could compare myself to was small and annoying? I ground my teeth together, annoyed with the entire situation.

"Why can't you stay down here with me? Can't they talk with themselves?" I threw my face into his shoulder, his warm hand smoothing the hair on my head. I blew out an angry breath against his warm skin. Then I realized something. He wasn't wearing a shirt.

I ripped my face away from his body, my face turning red with anger and accusations. "What are you doing up there? Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" I barked at him, my teeth clicking together. His eyes popped open wide before his eyebrows pulled down and together, looking at me as though I should be strapped into a straight jacket. Maybe I should have been, but as he'd said before, it'd been a long week.

"Bella." He took my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him. I'd looked away. "I spilled coffee on my shirt earlier when I was making it for you. You _know_ that." His lips pressed together, examining my expression. I blinked. _Oh._ I'd forgotten this. "What is going on with you? Why are you acting so…well, jealous?" My eyes widened at his correct assumption and my gaze slipped from his, color rising into my cheeks. I bit my lip.

I heard him sigh, felt his hair slide against my hands where they were strapped around his neck as he shook his head. I wiggled my jaw as he rested his forehead against mine. It was so warm.

"Bella," He whispered. "You have no need to worry about anything. You know what I want. You know that it's you." His voice was so sweet, so passionate. I couldn't help but look at him then. His dark eyes were right above mine, his face inches away. My stomach tightened as I watched his face slowly break away from mine, only to inch closer. Then he kissed me.

I heard a small gasp from behind us, from the top of the staircase. We broke apart quickly, jumping, and I peeked around his shoulder to see little Alice, a ferociously angry and disgusted expression marking her wondrous face. Rosalie was behind her, her face twisted with slight revulsion, but a small smile played on her full, pale lips. I swallowed hard, trying to loosen the ball of guilt that blocked my throat. Why should I feel guilty for being with someone that made me happy? Alice wasn't being fair.

Rosalie cleared her throat quietly, obviously warning Alice, but trying hard to be subtle. Alice wasn't having that though, and she whipped her head around, a vicious growl forming on her lips. She stopped mid-growl, her teeth pressing into her bottom lip. I stayed put in Jacob's arms, staring like an idiot. I couldn't tell what the expression was on my face, but I knew that some form of surprise would be found there.

I'd never seen her like this. She looked so angry, so…vampire-like. She wasn't my cheerful pixie Alice anymore. She was the beautiful, radiant spawn of Satan. It frightened me.

Jacob placed me softly back on my feet, his eyes fixed on the demon child's face. I was slightly comforted by his hand in mine, and also, more so, by the fact that the look on Alice's face was becoming much more relaxed – with some obvious effort. She let out a sigh, glancing away from Rosalie and making awkward eye contact with me.

"Bella," I blinked in astonishment as she acknowledged me. Her voice was soft, understanding this time. Rosalie watched her skeptically, her golden eyes flickering from her face to mine, wondering the same thing I was. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

After taking in the expression on Rosalie's warning face and seeing Jacob pull me slightly behind him, protective like Edward used to be, she quickly added onto her request. "Alone, please. Don't either of you worry. I can control myself. I'm not going to yell at her." Then she looked at me again, smiling a little. "I missed you."

She bounded down the stairs then, a little more herself. She had a large grin on her perfect face, but I could tell that more than half of it was forced. She grabbed my hand, dragging me along with her as she planted herself at the table. I looked back, a desperate expression on my shocked face, at Jacob and Rosalie. They were standing together on the bottom step, Rosalie looking like a golden Goddess, her eyebrow raised in doubt, Jacob watching me with careful eyes. I sucked in a gulp of air, my face puffing out like a blow-fish, and let it out slowly, turning to face Alice.

She sat before me, her chin resting in her palms, elbows planted on the table. Her expression was a mixture of determination and false excitement. I could feel the acid rising into my stomach as I sat watching her. Before I could stop myself, I began chewing on my fingernail in anxiety, an old habit that I'd picked up from my mother. I threw my hand down on the table, holding onto a loose pen, flipping the cap back with my thumb repeatedly instead. Jacob walked past with Rosalie, a foot away from her, headed for the door.

"Where are they going?" I asked Alice quietly. My stomach twisted at the thought of Jacob…alone with the most beautiful creature alive. Well, sort of alive, anyway. I couldn't control my jealousy. I wondered what had happened to make me this way. Maybe, due to her unbelievably good looks, it was normal to feel like this with her around your boyfriend. Especially when he wasn't related to her in any way. My eyes tightened.

"They're going to take your truck back to Jacob's house…so you can move in." Her eyes flashed to the table, working hard to keep her expression and tone light. She blew sweet smelling breath from her mouth, thinking. I had no idea that she knew about this. Maybe they had discussed it in one of their adult conversations. I snorted to myself, forgetting for a second that she was sitting in front of me, and was quickly embarrassed when her eyes flickered to my face in curiosity. I changed the subject.

"So…are you…I mean. Are you going to…?" Let me rephrase that. I _attempted_ to change the subject. I sighed, letting my face sink to the table, shaking my head at my stupidity.

"Bella, I'm sorry." She said suddenly. My eyes focused on her face, big and round, stunned at the intense emotion in her voice. "Really, I am. I want you to be happy. If you're happy with Jacob…which you seem to be…I can accept that. It's just so _weird_ for me, you know? I mean…you used to be with my brother. With Edward. And now…" She stopped, her hands drawing up to her face. She growled a tiny growl at her own inability to say the right things, her fingers sliding down her face, dragging her skin with them. Then, finally, she continued. "You must be feeling weird too. I'm sorry I keep making this about myself. It seems that Rosalie and I have traded places these days." I watched, immobile, as she shook her spiky head. "Reincarnation, huh?" She chuckled musically, looking at me with an apologetic expression.

I bit my lip, nodding. I wasn't able to speak at the moment. Every inch of me was filled with surprise and guilt and longing for the sister I'd once had. I didn't want her to go away. Would she leave now? Would I never see her again…now that I was with Jacob? I could feel the color draining from my face as my hands became clammy, slipping from the pen. I hid them under the table.

"I don't know what I'm going to do." She murmured to herself. I looked at her curiously, willing her to explain her elusive words. She sighed as she looked back at me. She looked sad. I felt sad. "About Edward. He'll definitely hear this in my thoughts."

And I panicked. The breath I'd just taken stuck in my throat and my heart plummeted through my chest. Edward couldn't know. _Edward couldn't know!_

"Don't worry." She assured me, her hands flinging out in front of her, faster than I would have thought possible. "I won't tell him. I just…I need to think of some _really_ time consuming things to think about instead." Her eyebrows pulled together.

The door opened. Jacob came in, holding the door in place for Rosalie. My expression matched Alice's in an instant, only there was much more irritation there. He looked at me, at the expression on my face, and pressed his lips together, his eyes narrowing in disapproval. Did I really make my jealousy that noticeable? I looked away, forcing my expression to go blank. But I was never any good with poker faces.

He came over to me, placing his big hands on my shoulders, standing behind me. Alice looked at him then, and though I couldn't see him, I _could_ see her nod her head at him, answering a question that I hadn't heard.

Then suddenly, Rosalie spoke, her voice urgent. Jacob's fingers tightened on my shoulders. "I called Carlisle." She said. "He doesn't know where we are, but he told me that Edward called him. Edward is going to be back at the house _tomorrow_. We have to go. We can't be here when he gets back. He'll be suspicious." Her eyes fluttered to mine and Jacob's faces, resting on mine with a sympathetic expression. My heart was beating hectically in my chest, terrified by the possibility that he could find us here. That he'd see me. That'd he'd be _near_ me. They needed to get back to Alaska. He couldn't come here.

He couldn't.

"What am I going to do?!" Alice threw at her sister, her eyes widening in alarm, her voice even higher than normal. My stomach had disappeared. I couldn't feel it anymore. I felt light. Like I should be floating, like I _would_ be floating, if only Jake's strong hands weren't holding me down. My breath came out in little gasps.

"Think of something!" Rosalie hissed at her, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her for the door, skipping back to hug me tightly. "I'm happy for you." She whispered to me. It was odd, Rosalie had never shown me so much compassion before. I blinked.

Alice mimicked her, sweeping back to lift me into her arms for an instant. She, too, whispered her goodbyes. The only response I could muster was the tears that slid down my cheeks. She let go, and Jacob grabbed onto my shoulders again. I felt my heart slide away with the two beautiful sisters, with my long lost family, as they walked at human-speed to the door. They were still discussing plans of avoidance. That was good.

I couldn't bear to be away from them, but I couldn't let Edward know about me. I couldn't leave Jacob. I needed Jacob. I didn't know how much control I would have if…if Edward were to know of my existence. He'd be in so much pain, knowing my decision. I don't think I could live with that. I shook my head. I couldn't think about it. I shut my mind down, watching with empty eyes as they floated closer to the exit.

"What are _you_ going to do?" Alice asked Rosalie.

"Take a honeymoon with Emmett." Rosalie replied simply. That would work. That wouldn't seem suspicious. But Alice…

She was quiet for a minute. "What about me?!"

"You better think of something good." Rosalie told her. And the door swung closed, leaving the room hot and shaky, an illusion in the desert, swirling around me.


	27. Answers

**(Disclaimer- all that I own are my dreams of owning everything. other than that.. i own nattaaaa thing.)**

_This is kind of short. i apologize for this. And also, I realized that I NEVER tell anyone who is speaking, as in whose  
POV the chapters are in. And I'm always changing the POV, too, so it isn't like it's always just Bella/Anna speaking.  
__haha. I am sorry about that too. But I think that you can basically figure it out. Let's see if  
you can figure THIS one out. It shouldn't be hard. LEAVE REVIEWS! :D  
it's DRAMA TIME, babyyyy!_

Answers

No one knew where they'd been. As I heard in Carlisle's mind, Rosalie had claimed to be away looking for honeymoon locations, but for some reason, I didn't trust that explanation. She and Emmett were gone before I'd even returned from Florida. Emmett had been just as bewildered as everyone else.

Alice was in her room, sitting with Jasper. _What is _wrong_ with her today?_ He was thinking to himself. I could hear in his mind every emotion she was feeling as he listed them off as though on a check list, trying to understand her.

Fear, worry, determination, doubt, sorrow, guilt.

Why did Alice feel guilty?

My eyes narrowed, focusing in on her thoughts once more before giving up. I shook my head. She had finished her brief minutes of long-term division and was now onto a wholly dissimilar subject. She was remembering the last movie she'd seen with Jasper, drawing out every single detail, translating each scene, each breath, each flash of color on the screen into words, as though writing a mental book. _He leaned in, looking at her with an intense expression. She wiggled her toes._ I shook my head at the narration she'd provided. What kind of movies did Jasper watch with her, exactly?

None of it added up. What were the odds of Rosalie and Alice disappearing at the same time, without telling any one person in this house? Why on earth would Alice have gone with Rosalie, if in fact, she had claimed she'd gone with her at all? She hadn't really told _anyone_ where she'd been, and Rosalie had barely given anyone time to even greet her with a hello due to the rush she'd been in to get out of the house. No one was able to get a question in edgewise. Everyone just seemed to assume that they'd been together, but Emmett normally went with Rosalie scouting for vacation spots. Not Alice.

I bit my lip, listening to Carlisle, to the flood of hectic medical terms bouncing around in his head. He was in his room, the lines of the book he was currently reading whistling through his mind like a freight train. Though he attempted to tuck his worries away, trying to concentrate on the book, he did not succeed well. Deep in the back of his subconscious, I heard his fretting. Not only was he worried about Rosalie and Alice and their strange behaviors, but he was distressing over me, his first son. This was not unusual for him. Not since after the accident.

I sighed, sinking onto my leather couch, closing my eyes, wishing that I could sleep. I didn't want to listen anymore. I couldn't listen. Nothing they said or did sparked any sort of new emotion inside of me. I was a lifeless shell, even more so now that she was gone. I'd spent the past week in Florida, looking for her. I did this every so often, visiting every state I could think of, every one that I could see her spending her time in.

At first I'd thought for certain that she would come back to Forks. I thought that she'd want to see me, that she wouldn't be able to stay away. I was beginning to think that maybe I was giving myself too much credit. Maybe she just didn't want to involve herself with something so deadly, so selfish. I wouldn't be able to blame her for her reasoning if it was in fact this. If she had a chance at a better life, I could not blame her for wanting to take it. Even with the pain that crushed me, pressing down hard on my vacant chest, I hoped that she took that chance. Even if it caused me all the pain in the world. As long as she was happy.

I leaned back against the couch further, sliding back so that I was laying with my head on the arm rest. I pictured her beside me, her beautiful brown hair draping over my arm, her sweet scent toying with my senses, teasing me. Everything about her called to the monster in me, the _two_ monsters in me. One of those monsters was very human. I could tell that this one had overpowered the other, pushing it below, suffocating it. Bella had made me much more human than I ever should have been able to be, than I'd ever hoped to be. I would forever be grateful to her for that.

I wiped a hand across my forehead, my head spinning with thoughts of her face, her touch, her scent. Every single image of her that I'd ever seen was displayed on a canvas on the backs of my eyelids, a lovely and destructive piece of art with the sole intention of massacring me. I wondered how long it would take for a vampire's brain to completely decompose, how there could be no heartbeat in my chest, and still be an ache so wild that I sometimes felt it would devour me, swallowing me whole, submerging me in the striking brown of her eyes. I stopped breathing, listening wistfully for a beat I knew I would never hear, when suddenly, something from Alice's mind leaked into my room, hitting me in the face like a cold hard hand. I froze, my eyes widening with complete and utter astonishment.

_Jacob._ She thought. In her mind, his face was displayed, a still-image of horror and shock. _Oh no!_ She shouted in her head, counting backwards from 2,000 in her head in German, trying to cover up for her mistake. I could tell by Jasper's thoughts that three of her emotions had increased in that single second. Fear, doubt, guilt. My mouth pulled into a tight line. She was keeping something from me.

Alice knew something. She knew something about Jacob. And she was keeping it from me. What did Alice know? What had happened to Jacob? I flew out of my room, heading for her door. I would take no excuses, accept no lies. I wanted answers. And I wanted them _now._


	28. The Kill

**(Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or any of the characters.)**

_BAHHHHHHHH! OH GOODNESSSSSSS. i am going insane writing this. I can't even think about it while  
i'm typing it or I start hyperventilating! oh nooo. aghh. okay. sorry. this is divded between edward's pov and jacob's pov.  
you should be able to distinguish which part is which. i hope..  
PLEASE REVIEW!! aghhh!_

The Kill

"How is this possible?! How could you not have seen it happen!?" I shouted at her. I'd forced her to give me an explanation. She'd already slipped up by thinking of his name. She was backed into a corner. She was defenseless. She had no choice. I shook from head to toe, leaning toward her, my face that of a monsters. I couldn't control myself. Jasper stood close behind her, watching my face, waiting. I knew that if I made one faulty move, he'd close in on me.

_If you take _…_one_…_step_…_ closer to her, I will tear you to shreds, _he threatened, his thoughts twisting into a snarl as they collided with my paralyzed mind. I could barely even think. I was no longer able to. I had become merely an emotion. Nothing else existed. I was pure hatred, grief, sorrow, insanity. I was pure vampire.

"I was waiting for Isabella Swan, Edward. This isn't Isabella Swan. This is Annabelle Hensley." She tried to keep her voice calm, but I knew that she was terrified of my reaction. I felt so wild, so very deranged. The one thing in this world that I cared about was alive. And I hadn't even known. I hadn't even known. My hands smashed through the wall beside her head. She flinched. Jasper sidestepped her, stepping in front of me, a menacing expression on his face. Somewhere deep inside of me I was able to understand the reasoning for his alarm, but it was overthrown by the hungry animal clawing at my chest. I could almost smell the fear that radiated from her little body. My nostrils flared. I wanted to kill. I wanted to kill.

I was going to kill him.

--

"You knew! You _knew_ that Bella was _alive_ and you didn't tell me! _You didn't tell me!_ You filthy fucking mongrel!" I'd never heard him swear before. My mouth popped open in surprise. This wasn't supposed to happen. Alice and Rosalie were supposed to keep their mouths shut. It'd only been two days. Two days. This wasn't supposed to happen. It shouldn't have happened. Bella should have been getting back from another phone call with her mother. She was supposed to come to me. She was supposed to take me in her arms and kiss me. She was supposed to want me. We were supposed to be happy. This couldn't be happening.

Before I could so much as blink, he attacked me, his hard, cold body slamming into mine, throwing me backwards into the air. I crashed against a piece of driftwood tree. It dug into my spine painfully. I gasped as blood gouged from my shoulder, beginning to shudder. The scene around me shivered uncontrollably until all of it vanished from my eyes. Suddenly, the world was different, a place of only sinew and bones, a collision of muscles and natural instinct. I watched him from the eyes of a wolf.

I backed slowly, tracing a circle with my brazen paws.

He sprung, lethal and insane. His hands rushed for something to cling to, something to rip and tear. What I saw in his eyes was hatred, what I felt from his grasp was death. Mine. He wanted to kill me. He wouldn't rest until he'd torn me to shreds. A guttural growl escaped my jaw, leaping into the air and tackling him to the ground. Before he hit the dirt below, I was dangling in the air, his cold hand clenched around my neck. A wicked smile enveloped his face as a whimper escaped from my mouth. I shook weakly. When he dropped me, my human body crashed into the shallow waves of the ocean. I blinked up at him as he walked slowly to where I lay sprawled on the beach, completely nude. I might have been embarrassed, my pants torn on the ground. Instead I only felt weak.

My hands worked quickly to push him away as he attacked, but there was too much force. He was angry, and the anger had taken over him. He was no longer in control. His hands reached for my arms, and I flinched, knowing what would happen next, trying to stop it. Somehow I managed to force one last bit of effort from my body. There was a splintering sound as I ripped out from under him, pulling with me the branch that'd been beside me. I chucked it at him, darting in the other direction. It struck him hard in the stomach. He staggered back. His glare was feral, his face was twisted in such a rage that for once, I actually felt a ping of fear in my stomach. My breath stopped right inside of my chest, leaving me swollen and immobile in front of the one man capable of killing me. I couldn't fight him anymore. I had no strength. I was too exhausted. I felt defeated. I'd felt this way since his family had shown up and intruded on my happiness. They'd stomped out each and every ounce of strength in me. I couldn't hold onto myself. I couldn't hold onto my life. I couldn't hold onto anything if it wasn't Bella. And she wouldn't be mine anymore. I couldn't even move one step. I couldn't transform back.

He lunged.

"_No_!" I heard the cry from the distance. My head snapped around, instantly terrified beyond belief. I saw the insanity in his eyes, I saw that his anger was beyond reason, and all I could think of was her body: limp, dead, frozen on the cold ground. I watched as the image of her death replayed itself in my mind. He wasn't himself anymore. He could do it.

I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't lose her again. Bella. Oh no, Bella.

My strength poured back in like a waterfall. I ran to her.

Her arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me to her. Tears ran from her eyes like streaks of pain and torment. She'd seen it all. I was sure of it. I tried desperately to shake her away, to tell her to run, but she clung to me as though her life depended on it. It may have. I wrapped myself around her, watching him close the distance between us still. His eyes were a ravenous black, focused entirely on my face. His lips were pulled back over his teeth, exposing his weapons.

Bella sobbed harder into my chest, her arms tightening with more strength than I'd ever expected she could muster. My heart plunged from my chest as Edward approached us, wild, a real life monster.

What would happen to us?

_No_. Nothing would happen to her. I would make sure of it. She would be safe.

I pushed her behind me, glaring into his coal black eyes.

I was ready. _Kill or be killed_, I thought to myself as he took the final steps.

Before I could even realize what was happening, Bella lunged between us, her eyes matching his in anger and in pain. I could tell that she was dying inside. I could tell that she was being torn apart, whether or not he'd even touched her yet. I hated it. I reached for her.

"Don't you dare touch him, Edward!" She screamed at his demented face, slapping my hands away. Her voice was thick with emotion, the tears covering her face like a blanket of misery. "You stay the hell away from him, you hear me?! Stay the fuck away from him! "

He froze.


	29. World Destruction

**(Disclaimer- I do not own twilight or any of its characters.)**

_I don't really know what to say in my author's note. I guess I'll just say what I normally do.  
Thank you for your reviews. Please read. Please review some more. Thank you very much.  
you're all wonderful. :)_

World-Destruction

Someone once told me when I was a child that I would be the one to end the world. She had said that my clumsiness in every aspect of life, let alone the clumsiness of my feet, tied in with my indecisiveness and stupidity, would end in world-destruction. Though she had said it out of anger that I'd ruined her new high heels, trying feebly to walk in them, I was beginning to think that maybe she was right. That maybe her words had held much more truth than she'd ever realized.

I stood there in front of the man that I loved. The man I once was to be married to. The man who made my heart flutter and my pulse scream. The man that now was about to kill the only thing in this world I could allow myself to live for. I had no idea what to do. I screamed at him. I was shaking. My head was throbbing.

The heat from behind me glanced across my back like licks of fire, the cold from before me blew in like the stinging drafts of the artic. They collided around me, sending what seemed to me like trails of smoke into the air above my head. My mind played for itself a dream in which the two became one, the ice and the fire, combining and splashing into a mixture of calm, of serene. A peaceful lake in which I'd bathe my battered mind and heart. The movie screen was slashed into two as Edward fell to his knees.

Jacob's fingertips struggled for my arms, but I stepped forward. I stepped toward Edward, watching as his features contorted into shame and sickness. It looked as though maybe he'd puke, but I knew that this wasn't possible. His eyes were flowing with ripples of jagged pain; his lips were numb with shock. His hands were stretched in front of him like he'd seen God for the first time, like he was trying to touch him, but too afraid that he'd disappear beneath his fingers. My heart wasn't beating.

I could feel Jacob tense behind me as I stepped further away from him, closer to the cold man in front of me. Edward's wide eyes contracted for a second, almost as though my approach had made him flinch. He gaped at me in wonder as I stared him down. My face was angry, determined. I knew that it was. I could feel the heat on my skin as I glowered at his beautiful face. He was so unbelievably stunning that I was afraid I'd faint right there. My dreams had never allowed me to see his face, only his eyes. But these eyes were different. They were not the deep caramel that I often longed for, they were a deathly black. A frightening darkness sprung from his cold skin, glowing as it was in the gloomy light of the evening sky. I felt my fists begin to tremble, my bones taking on a melting sensation. I closed my eyes. Counting to ten. Thinking of Jacob. Thinking of the happiness I'd had with him.

_One_.

Jacob stepped closer behind me. His footsteps were quiet, but his breathing was not. My hair, now slick with the rain that poured from the gray sky, whipped across my face with the wind that carried the smell of the sea. I tried not to breathe it in. I tried not to breathe at all. I could smell that deliciously sweet scent. I could smell _him_.

_Two_.

The air around me ripped at my skin, thick with tension and emotion and fear. Most of all, it was thick with pain. I felt as though maybe I'd taken on the gift of Jasper. Like I'd borrowed his talent. The pain around me sunk into my pores, mixing into my thoughts and disabling me. I could feel the pain from Jacob. It hit me like bricks in the back of the head. He was terrified. For my life. For his. For losing me to Edward not only in death, but in heart. He was so afraid.

_Three_.

Edward's pain. From where he knelt before me, I was able to see it in his eyes, was now able to feel it drifting from his body. This, too, hit me with much more force than I'd ever intended to feel. He was ashamed of himself, angry with himself. He had promised me that he would never hurt Jacob. He had promised, and he had destroyed that promise. Stomped it into nothingness. And he loved me. He loved me and he wanted me. But I had found peace with Jacob. I had found life livable without him. I didn't need him. His sorry, lifeless heart was sewn together by the sight of my living body, only to be torn apart by the sound of my apathetic heart. I was killing him.

_Four_.

My pain. It was echoing inside of me, right alongside the pain of the men that I loved. It swirled, pivoting in and out, confusing me, consuming my logic. The crevice that tainted my hesitant heart broke way, becoming a trench. I didn't want to hurt them. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I'd thought that by keeping Edward uninformed, I'd be protecting him. Jacob had known about me, he'd found me. There was no way around hurting him now that he'd already known of my existence. But Edward hadn't known. I could have gone on happily with Jacob, painlessly. Edward could have survived the neglect, had he not been aware of it. He shouldn't have been aware of it. He shouldn't have had to feel this ache.

I couldn't count anymore. I hadn't even made it halfway. I was going insane. I couldn't think anymore. This world, my world, was gone. I'd killed it, destroyed it, just as my childhood had predicted. I was the murderer of all things good, the slayer of happiness. I wished I'd never been reborn. I wished I could crawl back into the arms of my creator and beg and plead with him to make me Annabelle Hensley again. I didn't want to be Isabella Swan. Please somebody, change me back.

I lifted my face into the sky, opening my eyes, feeling the splattering rain drops glance off of my face, becoming one with the tears that rose from my eyes and traveled along my cheeks. I didn't flinch when they descended like missiles into my misting eyes. I could feel the anger disappearing with the drops of moisture as I looked toward the clouds. The resentment slowly inched away and the pain took its place, stronger by the second. Somehow I was aware of Jacob behind me, and that he was oddly naked, stepping closer, watching me. I was aware of Edward on the ground before my feet, cradling himself, my indifference breaking him slowly.

Though I was conscious of these things, I could not bring myself to react to them. This was too much for me to handle. I couldn't bring my mind to focus. It shut itself down, my fingertips slipping away from my palms, my fists falling limp. My knees began to shake, threatening to crash below. My heart slid into the ground beneath me, a much-needed burial from the pain that gradually devoured it, a steady murder. I heard Jacob's breath catch in his throat as my eyes fell closed, my fatigued body slumping to the ground. My head met the cold, hard, trodden earth just in time and the darkness closed around me. I welcomed it happily.

_(**author's note:** don't worry. she isn't dead. she's just REALLY freaked out. if you'd just found out that you were the  
reincarnation of another person, realized that the men that you loved were vampires and werewolves, had just witnessed  
them fighting to the death, and had to stop them, you'd be fainting a lot too. :D oh and uh, jake is naked because he turned  
into a wolf. he doesn't just randomly walk around completely naked. half-naked, yes. completely, no. haha.)_


	30. Loss

**(Disclaimer- I own a toy ant farm. and an ant named Cicilia...ehh)**

_So, I'm sorry that a lot of my latest chapters are incredibly short, it's just that they're so dramatic and  
crazyyyyy that I kind of feel like I have to make them shorter. Besides, there are just these places that  
I feel the need to stop at...most of them being cliffhangers. ahah. :D I'm sorry. I'm really into describing  
all the types of emotions and trying to make people cry and then leaving them like "wait! what?!" :D  
but yeaahhh. so please leave reviews, like I always say. I'm going to start tracking people down who  
add my story to their story alert things and never review. :D no joke, man. REVIEW IT if you read it!  
good gracious childreeeeennnn. but i love you all anyway. :) read and enjoy._  
_this is Jacob's POV by the way._

Loss

I rushed forward, lifting her head onto my lap, tears filling my eyes. I didn't want to lose her, but I was so very close. I didn't know just how bad this collapse would be, but even if she were fine after this…I could lose her. I _would_ lose her. Now that he was here, I didn't know what to expect. He'd been the one she'd chosen before. She hadn't been able to tear herself away. I'd been eclipsed by him completely. Maybe this is all I would ever get from my tedious life: random spurts of happiness every now and again. Maybe they'd never last. Maybe happiness just wasn't a permanent destination on the map of my too-long life. A tear spilled from my eye, splashing down on her innocent face. I brushed it away with the tip of my pointer finger.

Edward stood, staggering a step or two away from us with a forlorn expression. I felt bad for him, in a way. He'd been right to have attacked me with his words, but killing me was another thing entirely. I may have broken a promise that I'd made to him, but he could surely see that he'd done the same. He'd broken his promise to Bella. He'd told her that he'd never hurt me, and he'd not followed these self-designed guidelines. He knew that. I could tell by the way that he shook his head in disgust, by the crushed and ashamed look on his face. He was horrified by himself and by the fact that everything he'd been waiting for was right here in front of him, but he couldn't have any of it. Because it belonged to me.

My sympathy stopped short there. Because it wasn't true. Though I did have her now, in my arms, cradling her like the broken porcelain doll that she was, I wouldn't have her forever. I could feel that, and it killed me. She belonged to him in some horrible, unhealthy way that I didn't understand or like to think about. She could have been happy without seeing his face, she'd had her chance with me, but now that the true love of her life had stepped back into view…She'd leave me.

My breath caught as I watched his eyes flicker from her face to mine. He looked so completely devastated and horrified that I almost felt the need to console him.

Almost.

But I didn't. I couldn't. I was the one that was causing this fresh pain to appear on his face. I didn't mean to. I honestly didn't. I tried not to, but I couldn't control my mind. It swirled out of control, every image, every memory of her ricocheting around inside of me like firecrackers. I remembered the way that her mouth felt against mine, the way that her small body clung to mine. I remembered every feeling that exploded in my heart when I saw her face, every smile she'd ever sent me. I remembered the feeling of her heart beating against mine that very first time. I remembered the soft, honey tone of her voice as she whispered her affections. I couldn't help it. Though it killed him to see how much she cared for me, how much I cared for her, how much we'd had together, I couldn't stop the thoughts from expanding in my mind. If this was the last moment I'd have with her, I'd want to remember it all. No matter what.

I closed my eyes, feeling my face collapse in pain and vulnerability. I was slightly aware of the fact that I should be embarrassed. I didn't like showing him how very weak I was. Also, I was still naked, which made it only that much worse, but I couldn't think of such trivial things. Losing her was the one thing that I'd wanted to avoid. Before, I'd been okay. I'd sealed up my heart and locked it away somewhere it could never feel the pain. I'd successfully managed to dislocate all feelings from my chest so that I could be prepared to ship her off to him the second that I found her. But that was before I'd seen her face.

The second that my eyes took in the lovely sight that night on the beach, I knew that my success had not been what I thought it had. It had only been a fabrication that my mind had allowed me to use, pretending that I was in fact much stronger than I ever really was, than I ever will be. Even so, even after realizing the frailty of my heart, I was still prepared to let her go. But she'd killed me. She'd shattered every wall that I'd ever built to protect myself. She'd stolen every guard that I'd put up, torn away every inch of security that I allowed myself to keep out the pain. She'd obliterated it all into nothing with the soft touch of her hand, the sweeping sadness of her sweet words as she told me she loved me. She'd promised me that she'd stay, but now I couldn't hope that she'd keep that promise. I had no doubt in my mind that she'd intended to remain true to it, but not even she could do such a thing anymore. It was beyond her, beyond me. Not even every little bit of the universe that I could give her could keep her here. She belonged to him.

My heart tore apart into miniscule little fragments. This pain was so much worse than any other time that I'd had to lose her. This wasn't just an immature crush. This was no shallow lust that I felt for her. I loved her, completely, entirely, absolutely. Every little thing about her, my heart and mind and body ached for. She was my everything. She was every little piece of my world, every stitch of my heart. Without her, I couldn't breathe. I was her sun, but she didn't need a sun. She didn't need the light that I provided, the warmth of my touch. But I did need her. I couldn't live without a world to reside. How could you live without a life? How could I ever live without Bella?

My fingers brushed against her cheek, taking in every angle, every soft curve that I could find on her face. I needed to commit this to memory, not that I hadn't already. I needed to hold onto everything that I could so that I could stay above the surface of the pool of agony sweeping in and trying to take me. I closed my eyes, pressing my lips against her forehead, lingering there, breathing in her scent. I couldn't get enough of her. I never could. I felt so much love for her that it actually hurt me. It hurt me to not have her skin against mine, to not feel the love from her hitting me like the gentle tides of the ocean. Any amount of distance - physical, mental, emotional - any amount stabbed me like the blades of a thousand-pronged knife. It was too much to handle, but I forced myself to stay afloat.

Edward stepped closer, sinking to the ground beside me. His eyes were on her hands. He blinked, his expression dazed and beyond depression. He looked empty, much like how I felt. It was impossible to believe that so much pain could be shared because of one small girl. But it was Bella, and she was much more than that, so I could understand. He drew in a long breath, his eyes tightening slightly, his nose faintly wrinkling against my smell. I pursed my lips, tears still escaping my eyes, and swallowed. I didn't know what to expect from him, whether he'd continue to try and murder me or whether he'd just scoop her up into his arms and carry her away into the night. I had no idea what to expect. I settled closer to the ground, crushing the pieces of my heart that were strewn below me.

"Jacob…" His voice was quite and velvet-like. There was no amount of anger in his tone, and it surprised me. Just a moment ago he'd had my throat in his hands, holding me in the air, intent on my death, and now he was using soft tones like I was an orphan child he felt obligated to comfort. He made no sense to me. "Jacob, I'm sorry." He murmured. There was so much pain in his voice, so much self-loathing. I didn't expect this at all.

He brushed his fingers along Bella's motionless arm, gazing at her face with a broken expression. Then, swiftly, his jaw flexing as he gazed one last time at her beautiful face, he stood and ran away, leaving me blinking and confused.


	31. Epiphany

**(Disclaimer- I own the entire united states, but I don't own twilight. whaaa?)**

_Phew. So. Do not shoot me because I've left so many questions unanswered. Bella doesn't have any of the answers  
either, and as of the moment, we're in her POV. So, you'll just have to be patient. Sorry. and we will be finding out more  
about Edward and we'll eventually get his POV in here, but there are some other things you need to know first.  
I've been holding information from you all. :) I hope you're surprised by the chapter after this. But like always, read  
and enjoy. This may be a bit boring, by the way. It isn't quite as dramatic. But anyway, leave reviews please.  
i can't thank you all enough for them. they've been very kind for the most part and I really appreciate it. Thank you.  
OH! Did everyone see the twilight movie sneak peek on MTV?! WOOOOO! Ballet Studio Scene! And Rob looked mighty fine.  
Cam, too. hahah. :P_

Epiphany

I stretched my hands out in front of me, reaching for him. I found his arms and pulled myself closer to him. The dirt was softer than I'd have thought it would be, but I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to see the scene around me. I waited for his mouth to press against mine, but it didn't. I frowned, testing the temperature of the skin that brushed along my fingers, making sure that this was the right set of arms. The heat was unbearable and amazing. It was Jacob.

I sighed contentedly, pressing against him. A little piece of my mind spouted questions, asking where Edward was, asking what had happened. I didn't want to know. I tried to ignore it, my hands blindly following the contours of his strong arms. I could tell by the subtle scraping of jeans against my bare legs that he was no longer bearing it all. I wondered where he'd found a pair of pants on the beach like this. My eyebrows pulled together and my eyelids slowly separated, finally curious enough to peer out at the world around me.

His dark eyes were there, the first things that I saw. They were sad and concerned, terrified and apologetic, but worst of all, they seemed lifeless. He looked as though he'd lost his best friend. I smiled weakly at him, trying feebly to cheer him up, and craned my neck so that I could kiss his frown away. He turned his head away from my lips, allowing me only a peck on the cheek. Then he smiled a tiny, polite smile at me. I pursed my lips, shaking my head at him. Why wouldn't he let me kiss him?

Confused and slightly irritated, I peeked at the beach around us, only…it wasn't the beach at all. We were in his room, lying on his bed, the plain white walls around us close, the bed comfortable and much too small for his large frame. He was wearing an old pair of jeans, his dresser drawer opened slightly, clothes hanging out in a messy disarray. I was wearing the same sneakers and pants, but with them I was wearing one of his oversized t-shirts. I raised an eyebrow. How had this happened? I blinked into the artificial light, thinking through the options.

With a sudden hope that knocked the breath away from my lips, my eyes widened, and I almost grinned at the new possibility. His eyes flickered to my face, noticing the new light in my eyes. Had it all been a dream? Had the entire chaotic series of events just been a figment of my subconscious? I prayed that it was, but his expression led me to believe that it was in fact reality.

But then why were we in his room?

As my eyes continued to explore the room, they locked with a rather contemptuous other familiar pair. Leah was standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, her ankles crossed. She smiled a tight half-smile as I stared at her in wonder. Jacob sat up in the bed beside me. I scrambled to mimic his movements, looking at him cautiously. He seemed so…cold. He wouldn't look me straight in the eyes. His jaw was tight.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly, peering back and forth between their faces. I didn't like the expression on his face. He seemed so distant, so…so much like he'd rather not be here. Like he'd rather be _anywhere_ but here...with anyone but me. I tried to swallow, but there was something blocking the path. I suddenly felt the urge to start crying. My hand clawed at his, trying to get him to take it. He didn't. He continued to stare in Leah's direction, moving his hand into his pant-pocket. The urge to cry became ten times stronger.

Did Jacob not want me anymore?

"Where's Edward?" I asked when my first question was rudely ignored. Jacob's expression shifted infinitesimally: his eyes narrowed, his lip quivered. His stare became more intent on the wall beside Leah's face. My heart was pounding in my chest. I was terrified of the distance he was putting between us. He still wouldn't take my hand. Rejected, it fell limply back onto the bed in the empty space beside me, the empty space that kept me from him.

"What do you mean, 'where's Edward'?" Leah asked, raising an eyebrow, crossing her arms. She always looked so mean. I thought that this had changed when she'd been kicked out, but apparently she'd just had a momentary lapse in malice. Why was she even back here? Didn't she live with Jen now? My eyes narrowed and I found myself wanting to smack her, but I didn't. I was too confused by her question.

"Where is he? How did we get here?" I looked back at Jacob, trying to make eye contact, but he was eyeing Leah with a confused and suspicious expression. My face puckered.

"You've been here. He's in Denali with his family." She told me coldly, as though this should be obvious to me. My eyebrows pulled together. I was mystified. What was she trying to say?

"What about Alice and Rosalie? What happened? He found out about me. He came here. He tried to kill you." I looked at Jacob with beseeching eyes, trying to pull some kind of recognition from him. Someone had better tell me what happened or I would scream. His glare evaded my face, focusing itself on his pack sister's face.

"What are you talking about?" Her voice was incredulous. "You seriously _are_ psycho. Stop confusing your dreams with reality. That never happened." She snorted, turning to leave the room with a look on her face that illustrated just how insane she thought I was. My heart beat slowed. It was a dream. It must have been a dream. But it'd seemed so real. My throat even hurt…like I'd yelled at him with every bit of power my body held. I remembered hitting the ground…my head still hurt. It didn't happen? I was safe?

I felt my body relax against the bed. Though puzzling as it was, it was good news. It meant that Edward wouldn't have to feel the pain. That the agony on his face as it was in my dream would never actually mar his perfect features. That I could live here, happily, easily with Jacob. That we could be at peace. This could work. I didn't have to choose anymore. I could stay. I could be happy. No one would be hurt. I closed my eyes, leaning back in relief, envisioning a life where Jacob and I lived together, loved each other, were happy. I saw the black headed children scurrying through the woods, saw my feet following them, eager to lift them into my arms and hear them squeal with joy. I saw his ring on my finger, his hand in mine. It would be perfect. A perfect life.

"Don't lie to her Leah." He growled suddenly. I froze. _What?_

"Follow our plan, Jacob. Don't be an idiot." Her snarled warning toyed with my head. I couldn't understand. Or maybe I did understand. Maybe I just didn't want to.

"You mean _your_ plan? I'm _not_ going to lie to her." His warm hand finally found mine, but I didn't want it this time. I knew what was happening, despite the fact that my mind tried very hard to keep me in my realm of serenity. I understood. Leah had lied to me. My perfect life came crashing down around me. My eyes opened, a sad gasp formed on my lips. I felt dizzy, Dorothy, spiraling through the air in a tornado of deceit and yearning. I wished Jacob would just follow Leah's plan. _Stick to the plan, Jacob_, I wanted to tell him. I couldn't release the words from my mind. They refused to flow from my mouth. He sighed, looking at me.

"He left. I don't know where he went." His eyes searched mine dully. I could tell that he was trying desperately to hide his emotions from me, to lessen the pain of the decision at hand. He didn't want me to see how much this was killing him. He didn't want to do that to me. I could feel it anyway. I stared at him, frowning sadly, as he continued to explain. "We'll find him. He might not talk to me, but we'll find him. I'll take you to him so that you can straighten things out. Or if you don't want me to take you…you can have any of us take you…or you can go alone. You're not a baby, I get that." His eyes leveled off to the floor and he sighed quietly. His pain was wild, no matter how hard he tried to conceal it. It cut me deep. "I've already got Embry calling Seth. I don't think Edward would push him away, but it's going to take a lot of persuading to get Seth to even come see us."

I gasped. "Seth is alive?!"

"Yes." He replied, his voice bleak. I could hear the new crisp remorse in his tone. It made me curious, but when I tried to make eye contact, he didn't return the stare. His eyes were still on the floor. There was an ant crawling by his dresser.

"What? How? Why didn't you tell me?" My body was stiff with surprise. I'm sure that the look on my face was a good display of my shock as well. His dark eyes flickered to my face, measuring my reaction before telling me anything else. He pursed his lips.

"He blames himself for your…death. For letting you leave the house. He's barely talked to any of us. The only time we ever even know that he's okay is when we're wolves and we can hear his thoughts. We'd all tried to console him and stuff, but surprisingly Edward was the only one who ever seemed to even get through to him a little bit." There was a painful edge to his voice when he said Edward's name.

I sat there for a moment, soaking it in. I remembered that night, tricking Seth into letting me leave. My eyes shifted to the ant on the floor by the dresser, suddenly feeling the same remorse that I'd heard in Jake's words. Only there was much more guilt than remorse. It wasn't Seth's fault. I was just stupid and well, an emotional wreck. It was smart of Sam to have given the orders that he had. I was just a stupid selfish little girl.

"But anyway…we'll find Edward so that you can talk and…whatever." His eyes went to the ceiling. Somehow it only widened the gap between us, but I could feel the gravitational pull seeping from his skin, pulling me to him. My eyes widened, the final piece of the puzzle slamming into place. I felt like I'd been driving lightning fast down a highway of confusion and had stepped down hard on the brakes, lurching forward into an epiphany. _This_ was the difference. "I won't bother you." He added. These words bothered me, but I couldn't focus on them.

All along I'd noticed that there was something different. There had always been a sort of tension between Jacob and me, but never before was it like this, not like now that I'd been reincarnated. I hadn't been able to figure it out since I'd realized who I was. Since I'd realized I was Bella Swan. But there was a difference. How could I have loved Edward so much more than Jacob before? How could it have been difficult, but at the same time, much easier to give up Jacob before? Before I had been so intent on staying with Edward. Though it hurt me, I was able to let go of Jacob. I'd have done anything to be with Edward. But something had changed. This time, the situation seemed reversed. I needed Jacob. There was gravity holding me to him.

What did that mean?


	32. Defying Gravity

**(Disclaimer- My name is Samantha. I'm sixteen. I'm not Stephenie Meyer. Thanks, though.)**

_Alrighty. So. Theres some stuff I'd like to get straight with all of you. I understand that there are still a ton of  
unanswered questions and I'm probably driving you insane, but you'll get it all next chapter- all the answers.  
And I know it seems like Jake's in a lot of pain. He is. But he can't read Bella's mind. He doesn't know what  
she was thinking in my last chapter. :P So he's doing what he feels is necessary. Don't fret about it. It'll  
all turn out okay. But there are a ton of different ways this could go. :D And there are more surprises to come.  
__Mwahaha. I love being cruel and making people anxious for things.  
I'm horrible. ahah. :D  
read, **review**, enjoy.  
thank youuuuuuuuu.  
oh and sorry this is so short. _

Defying Gravity

As I sat on the bathroom floor, my head in my hands, I was thinking about the night she'd told me she wanted to be with me. I shouldn't have let my thoughts wander in that direction, but I couldn't help it. That night I'd thought that I knew why she would have chosen me over him. I'd thought that the new connection I'd been longing to have with her was what had made her stay. But I hadn't been completely sure about it then, about my affect on her. I hadn't known whether even _that_ type of connection could have kept her from him. It should have been enough. She _should_ have wanted me, because I should have been her perfect match. No, I _was_ her perfect match. We fit together like a hand and a glove. But her relationship with him was strong. Maybe stronger than what her and I now had, if possible. It shouldn't be true. It shouldn't be able to be possible for her to leave me for him. But it was. I was beginning to see that.

I'd always expected that she'd leave. I didn't want to be the one to stop her when she changed her mind. I didn't want to hold her here. If he was what she wanted, I wouldn't want to keep her from him. Leah had told me from day one that I shouldn't care about him, about what Bella wanted, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't want to make her choose a life she didn't want. I knew how that felt. I'd never been given the option of being what I am. I hadn't been able to say "hey, you know, I think I'd like to continue being a normal kid, have a normal life." I'd never been given a choice. And it sucked. I didn't want to do that to her.

That was why I'd been so cruel to Embry that day. He'd heard so much in my head that night when we were wolves. He'd heard much more than I'd have ever wanted him to. He knew just what kind of connection was holding me to Bella this time around. And he wanted to tell her. I think he may have been more excited than me. But then again, I'd never really seen much of a reason to rejoice about it. I couldn't even tell her about it. I was too afraid that she'd feel bound to me. That she'd realize just how much it would kill me to lose her — even more so than ever before. She'd stay with me because of it. I didn't want her to stay because she felt she had to. So I'd had to pretend that it didn't happen.

But it did.

And it was killing me, pretending that it didn't. I could quite literally have died. I almost did. Not being able to look at her. Having to make my hand refuse hers, having to turn away when she tried to kiss me. I couldn't let myself _look_ at her. It was hard. I'd had to stare at the wall. I'd had to stare at anything but her. I couldn't get close to her. I had to keep my distance. It was so hard. So hard. But I'd kept my distance somehow. I think I'd convinced myself that she didn't need me as a lover. She needed me as something else. And I'd be whatever she needed me to be.

But even so, the distance was enough to put me to death

So I tried to block it out. I tried to block out the emotions. Maybe it would have worked a little better if I didn't know that it was more than even love that I had for her. Maybe it'd be almost okay if I didn't have Embry and Leah in my head, telling me that I was stupid not to tell her about it. That only made ignoring it that much worse. How can you ignore something when you have everyone that you know continuously reminding you of it? Because not only had Embry and Leah known, but _everyone_ knew. Except for Bella, anyway.

And I'd made them keep it to themselves. I'd threatened to slaughter any one of my pack brothers and sisters if they ever told her. But I wanted to tell her, and they knew that. They thought that if I told her, I could be happy, and they wanted me to be happy. But I couldn't. Not if I knew that the only reason she was staying was because she felt she had to. I shook my head to myself, leaning against the wall of the bathroom, truly feeling sick. Before I'd only pretended to feel ill so I could get away from her. But now I thought I might actually puke.

I could sense that she was just beyond the door, worried. I forced my eyes shut, turning on the hot water, trying to drown out my thoughts.

I heard Embry when I was fighting Edward as a wolf. He was too far away to get to us in time, but he was angry. He was sympathetic. He knew what it would be like for me to lose Bella this time. He knew that it would be so much worse than any other time. And now, so did Edward. I couldn't help but think about it out there on the beach. It'd popped into my mind as I'd stared at her face, thinking I would lose her, knowing I would lose her. I'd thought about how much it would kill me. I'd felt the pull that kept me to her, the electricity that emanated from her skin and straight into my heart. And he'd heard it all in my head. He knew. Edward knew what Bella didn't. And that terrified me.

Maybe I should tell her. Before he did.

No. She didn't need to know. Somehow I'd make it so he wouldn't tell her. _But how?_ I threw my head back against the wall, a loud noise reverberating throughout the small room. It probably wasn't smart to have done that. She'd probably heard it. She'd probably ask questions, worry more. I groaned quietly, knowing that she wouldn't be able to hear me. I couldn't have her talking to me. I couldn't hear her voice. I couldn't let myself look at her, let myself even so much as glance in her direction. The pain would be unbearable. I don't think I'd be able to take it. In all honesty, I actually think it would kill me. Like just one fleeting glimpse of her beauty would be pressing the button on the automatic time bomb in my heart.

Kaboom…Ka-Bella. And I'd be gone.

"Jacob?" Her voice drifted through the thick wood door. I cringed, clinging to my chest. _No, Bella. Go away!_

"Go home Bella." I said, trying hard to keep the love I felt out of my voice. The words tore at my disapproving heart, burning my throat. I was shaking. It took every bit of my strength to tell her this, to act like I didn't care. But right now, she needed me to be nothing more than just a fly on her wall. She needed me to leave her alone so that she could make her decision. Not that there was much of a decision to make anyway. She needed him. More than she needed me. I had to push her away. I had no choice.

It was quiet for a moment, but I could hear her breathing. It was shallow. I clenched my jaw, feeling like my skin and bones were trading places with my insides. "I am home…" She whispered quietly. I noticed the shock and the hurt in her voice. I bit my lip, trying not to scream at the new fire in my throat.

"No, Bella. This is my home. Please, Embry is waiting in the car. He'll take you there. I'll call you later, maybe."

There was silence on the other side of the door. The only sound was the thoughts that were pounding in my head, yelling profanities and trying to tear away from the rest of me, telling me that I was an idiot. It wasn't necessary for my thoughts to tell me this. I already knew.

I waited for several minutes, listening to nothing, but eventually, with shaking fingers that brushed along the old wood keeping me from her, I heard her footsteps lead her out the front door.

And I was alone.


	33. Forgetting Fears

**(Disclaimer- I sometimes pretend that I'm stephenie Meyer, but that's it.)**

_Boooooooolaahhhh. I don't know what that means either. But. This chapter is dramatic, but  
not nearly as dramatic as what I have in store for you all. mwahaha. I really am a very cruel person.  
it's slightly wonderful. but seriously, theres sooo much more dramaaaaaa! and did anyone pick  
up the hints in the last chapter? ANYONE? you might understand what I'm talking about when the  
next chapter rolls around.. which most likely will be very soon if it isn't already up when you read this.  
and i guess i was just kidding about all the answers being in this chapter. haha.  
hopefully next chapter i'll give you some answers. :)  
butttt as always, read, **review**, and enjoyyyyyy, dear loved ones._

Forgetting Fears

I couldn't take it anymore. It'd been only a couple of hours, but I didn't care. I couldn't take it anymore. I knew he'd have heard my truck coming. It was just as loud as my old one, the one I'd had when I was Isabella Swan the original. I knew he'd have heard it. In fact, it was pretty obvious that he had. As I pulled up to his driveway, the little glow coming from the kitchen window disappeared.

_So he was going to pretend he wasn't home, huh?_

I wasn't going to take that. No. I knew he was home, and he was going to talk to me. Where did he get off banning me from his house, telling me he'd _maybe _call me later. Screw that. I didn't do anything wrong. Why was he pushing me away? Did he really just not want me anymore?

No. I didn't believe that. It must be some kind of self-defense mechanism. But he had no reason to hide from me, to protect himself. He wasn't in danger. Of anything. Especially not me.

I checked myself out briefly in the rearview mirror. I looked horrible. My hair was twisted and snarled around my face, my eyes were stinging, red rimmed and glossy from the tears that still had yet to evade me. I'd been crying ever since I'd gotten into the car with Embry. He hadn't said a word to me. He'd just looked at me with this terrified and pitiful expression on his face. For a split second I thought I'd seen what appeared to be anger on his features. I could understand that. Jacob was an idiot.

My fingers dug in under my eyes, trying to swipe away the moisture left there. There were red splotches on my face. I scowled at the mirror for a few seconds longer before angrily throwing open the door. What was the point in even worrying about my looks? Jacob loved me. He wouldn't care if I looked like I'd been sleeping in a garbage can with a bag of rotten onions. And, on the other hand, if he actually didn't love me, which I'd never allow myself to believe, then it wouldn't matter anyway. Because, well, he wouldn't love me.

I trudged along the muddy path to his door, feeling the determination on my face. I knew he'd be expecting me now that he'd heard the roar of my truck. I knew he'd pretend he wasn't home. But I also knew that he _was_ home, and I was stubborn. I wasn't going to back down. He was going to let me into this house whether I had to hurt myself trying to break the door down or not.

I banged on the door with my right fist, grinding my teeth together. After a moment of this, my jaw was starting to hurt under the pressure, and my shirt was almost completely soaked through with the rain that poured down over my face, making seeing things much more difficult than it should have been. I opened my mouth to yell to him, but instead I wound up choking on the wave of water that spilled down my nose from the ruthless clouds above in the sky. I coughed, scooping the water back out into the night air with my tongue, and tried again.

"Jacob Gabriel Black, you open this door right now!" I shouted. I was using as much of the anger in me as I could force out, trying to sound stern and demanding. I knew that I wouldn't get the exact result that I wanted, so when my tone instead sounded amusing and pathetic, I wasn't surprised. I blew hot air from my nostrils, waiting with my hands on my hips for him to open the door.

He didn't.

"Dammit Jacob! Open the _door_!" My foot clacked against the little step in front of the entrance to his house as I stomped my foot. I was on the verge of tears again. Why was he being so entirely stupid? Did he really think that this would help things at all?

The door opened, stunning me. This was not the person I'd expected to see. A girl stood in the doorway. She had long blonde hair, green eyes, and full lips. Her figure was much like Rosalie's, the kind you'd see in a men's magazine. She was wearing pajama bottoms and a tank top. My angry expression collapsed in shock. She bit her lip, looking at me in concern. Like she was afraid I'd rip her face off or something.

It was smart of her to be cautious. I was outraged just by the sight of her.

Who was this beautiful woman in Jacob's house?!

I stepped closer to her, my eyes fixing into the most powerful glower I'd ever been able to produce before. I wouldn't be surprised if there was smoke billowing out from my ears. Smiling wickedly to myself, I pictured her golden locks balled into my fists, torn out at the roots. A chuckle escaped my lips as I watched her expression. She looked confused.

As I was about to reach out and slap her, someone stepped in front of me. I staggered back, my own hair swinging in front of my face, leaving trails of wetness behind. I blinked up at the tall boy who stood before me. He looked a little different, but I recognized him almost instantly.

Seth Clearwater.

He cleared his throat. "Hi, Bella." He said to me, a small apologetic smile on his lips. His eyes were narrowed as though anticipating some kind of beating. My eyebrows hooked together, wondering why he look so ashamed. And then I remembered. He blamed himself.

It was stupid, really. He shouldn't have blamed himself for something that wasn't his fault. I was the one who'd disobeyed, who'd discarded all of the valuable advice I'd been given about thinking before acting. I'd been the one who'd gone looking for Jacob even though I'd known that I would only be making things worse for everyone. He had no part in any of my evil doings. But he obviously didn't agree. It was plain on his expression. I wanted to hug him. So I did.

I threw myself at him, hugging him fiercely. He'd gotten taller. He looked slightly more grown up. His arms flew out to the sides as I attacked him, surprised by my spontaneous reaction, and he stepped back a bit. I realized his discomfort, but I remained there, my arms around his torso, my cheek pressing against his chest. I wanted to reassure him that I didn't blame him. I wanted to let him know that I wasn't mad. I hoped he could tell that he hadn't done anything wrong by seeing how much I'd missed him. And I had missed him. He'd always been like a little-Jacob—so innocent and pure. I liked that. I hoped he hadn't soured entirely in the years that I was gone.

Eventually, he hugged me back lightly, winding his arms around my back hesitantly. He was even smiling a little bigger when he finally shook me loose. I grinned at him, still wishing to convey all of my positive feelings. I didn't want him feeling all ashamed about something that was never his fault. I wanted to see him happy. He was like family.

At the thought of family, my heart dropped a little lower, remembering my reason for coming here. My eyes broke away from Seth's face, looking for the person I'd always considered family, more than family. He was sitting on the couch, his eyes on the floor. He had a sour, determined expression on his face. I glanced back at Seth and the blonde girl, pursing my lips. I needed to talk to Jacob alone, but I was still very curious as to who the floozy was that was standing in my man's house. My mouth twitched a little at how strange it was to think of him as that. As my man. It sounded so gross when it was put into that context. I made a face.

"Who are you?" I asked her. I tried to conceal the attitude that was rising inside of me, attempting to use a polite tone. It didn't work so well. I still sounded critical and snobby like one of the girls back from my high school who'd just encountered a threateningly prettier girl. A jealous high school head-cheerleader that wanted all of the attention and admiration for herself. I didn't like sounding like that.

"This is Melanie." Seth said timidly, gesturing toward the blonde. My eyes flashed to Jacob's face, trying to see what he thought of the introduction, trying to see if he looked worried or not by the fact that I was learning about the girl. But as I looked, I noticed that his expression hadn't changed at all. He was still staring at the corner of the room, tracing over the dust bunnies with his avoidant dark eyes. "She's a friend of mine."

"Oh." I breathed. I felt stupid. I didn't know why I'd thought that she'd be here for Jake. Jacob loved me. I didn't doubt that. But yet somehow I guess I _had_ doubted that, no matter how much I wanted to deny it. I was insecure. But Jacob would never go after someone else that quickly. I think. I pursed my lips again. "It's nice to meet you, Melanie." I held my hand out dumbly, waiting for her to shake it. It was a moment or two before the suspicious look left her face. Then she shook my hand carefully.

We stood there awkwardly in the doorway for a moment. Seth was looking down, his eyes rolling back and forth over the floor in front of him. Melanie stuck her hand in the pocket of her pajama pants, looking uncomfortably from me to Seth and back before peering out the door behind me like she saw something she was interested in. Her arm brushed against mine as she shuffled past and my eyes widened at the feel of it. She was human, like me.

I was about to attempt small talk when Seth noticed the little drops of water pitter-pattering off of my clothing and onto the floor with a plopping sound. His hand reached out, grabbing a hold of my sleeve lightly. Water spilled out from beneath his touch.

"Want a towel?" He asked, looking pointedly at Jacob, raising his eyebrows slightly. He was obviously trying to convey the real question at hand--'_Wanna talk to Jacob?'--_ though he still looked slightly ashamed of himself and very shy.

I nodded. "Yes, please." I watched as he dragged Melanie by the arm to the bathroom before I stepped tentatively ten baby steps in Jake's direction. He still wouldn't look at me. I inched closer, my head tilting further and further to the floor, trying to coax his face to peer up at mine. Nothing worked.

I plunked down beside him, pushing against his shoulder. No reaction. "Jacob. Look at me. Now." Nothing. I growled. "Jake!" When he still did not respond to me, my hands curled into fists and I pushed up from the couch. His lips tightened into a straight line, probably hoping I'd just march right out the door. If he thought that I was going to do that, he had another thing coming.

I hopped in front of him, getting down on my knees so my face was closer to his where he sat on the low couch. Then, with as much force as I could collect, I pushed my mouth to his, kissing him eagerly, roughly, trying to get a reaction out of him. This time, it worked. His eyes bulged out of his head, and for a second, he looked like he was going to push me away. I'm sure that he was going to. But I quickly took his hands in mine, holding them still. He could have pushed me away.

He didn't.

He kissed me back for a long moment as I melted against his chest, guiding him to lean back against the couch. As the kiss deepened, my heart stopped beating, my chest filling with a horrible burn. There was so much pain erupting in this kiss that I almost fell backwards. It was like there were shards of glass clinging to his warm lips, jabbing into me, cutting me open and making me bleed. He was hurting much more than I'd realized. The ache poured from him, devouring me. My eyebrows pulled together as I clung closer to him, trying to soothe him. I could feel his lips tremble beneath mine, afraid of me. Afraid I'd hurt him. I wasn't going to hurt him. I loved him. He was my Jacob. He was my sun.

He pulled away.

"No, Bella, please. Stop this. You need to go home." He breathed. His voice quivered as his fingers gently pulled mine away from his arms. His face was tortured and terrified. The pain…his pain…ate at me, causing my face to crumble and my breath to come out in a rush. I felt the tears rise in my eyes as I looked at his face. I'd never meant for him to be so afraid of me. I felt like a monster. I felt like some kind of villain that he was afraid to confront but even more terrified to give in to. Even so, I shook my head at him, the tear breaking free from my eye and dripping down my cheek, opening the floodgate. I lunged at him again, trying for another kiss. I would make him better. He didn't need to be afraid.

"Please. Don't do this to me." He whispered frailly. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, trying not to cry, failing miserably, leaning away from him. I needed to show him that he didn't have to be afraid of me. I needed him to let himself be with me again. I needed to make things better. I needed him. I needed Jacob.

"Jacob." My tone was firm, but quiet. I was still slightly aware of the two sets of ears in the other room, though only one of them could hear me. His jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring, trying not to break down. I was petrified by the mix of emotions in his fragile, deep, dark eyes. I stroked his face softly with the tips of my fingers, frowning when he flinched. "Please stop being so afraid of me." I begged, my hands grasping at the collar of his shirt. I probably looked ridiculous, but I couldn't worry about that. I needed to convince him. "I won't hurt you, I promise. Please trust me." My eyes filled to the rims with tears and pleading. "I love you, Jacob Black. I know that Edward came here. I know you think I'm going to leave you for him. But I'm not going to. I…_can't_. I honestly can't. I love you too much. So much."

His face crumpled further. I took his hand.

"Please Jacob. Don't be afraid of me."

_(**Author's note:** by the way. Jacob Gabriel Black is NOT his real name. I have no idea what the kid's middle name is.  
Stephenie Meyer never mentioned his middle name at all, so I just kind of gave him one. It might not fit well, but I  
just thought that a middle name was needed there. if anyone finds out what the kid's real middle name is, tell me.  
i'll change it gladly. haha. :D oh and get THIS. so as I was signing into fanfiction, it made me do that weird two word  
thing where you have to type the two words you see so they can make sure you're "human" and guess what two  
words show up. BEAUTIFUL. BLACK. what are the odds of that happening? seriously?!)_


	34. Failed Truths

**(Disclaimer- I've never really claimed to be Stephenie Meyer. I may claim to be Bella, however..)**

_I am so very sorry. I cannot seem to control myself. I am just so unbelievably cruel.  
Please do not hurt me. ahah. I WILL eventually get to the answers. I promise. Really.  
You'll understand my apologies when you finish this chapter. Please leave reviews. :)_

Failed Truths

I peered down at her tiny face, cradling her in my arms as she slept. She'd cried herself to sleep while I'd comforted her. It really didn't make much sense that she'd been crying. I guess she was just really upset with me for being such an idiot. But I'd really had no choice at the time. I could only be what she needed me to be. And before, I'd thought that she hadn't needed me very much at all. I'd thought she'd needed me only to disappear. But I could see now that I was wrong.

I was still petrified of the damage she'd cause me, still confused and still reluctant to give in, but I had to. I had to give in. Because she needed me. She needed me to be her lover _and_ her friend. And I had to be those things for her. I _wanted_ to be, but even if I hadn't wanted to be, I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter. I sighed soundlessly, my eyes refocusing on the pale wall in front of me, praying that she wouldn't hurt me. Praying that her relationship with him wouldn't be able to break through this mystical bond. If she stayed with me, if she truly loved me and wanted me, everything would be okay. It'd be more than okay. It'd be perfect. I'd be able to breathe again.

Her body shifted beneath my arms and I loosened my grip on her, giving her space to move around. Instead of moving away, though, she only snuggled closer, her heavy eyelids pulling apart with obvious effort. Her fingertips searched my face as she whispered my name groggily. I smiled warmly at her, feeling an explosion erupt in my chest, remembering the words I'd heard her mumble in her sleep. She'd been muttering her love for me, her fingertips unconsciously brushing against my arm all morning. She grinned back now, sleepily, her other hand grabbing at me, breaking my grip on her waist, her fingers looping through mine.

"Hey, Jake." She said. Her words were a little clearer now that she was awake. Her ear pressed against my shoulder, a smile spreading across her face. The explosion in my chest fell apart, spreading like wildfire through my veins. My heartbeat was quick, my breath slow and shaky. I couldn't get close enough. There was no _way_ to be close enough. I always needed to be closer to her, even when there was no gap between us. It was some kind of wild, wonderful torment, a sensation that filled me with longing and desire, but was too strong to ever be soothed. It was a fire, refusing collapse under the rush of water.

No amount of Bella would be enough for me. I wanted everything—I _needed_ everything, I needed forever. But even that was not enough. She was so amazing. I was so in love with her, _too_ in love with her. It was insanity at its finest. My fingers gently pushed hers aside, grabbing onto her waist and suspending her above myself.

I sat up straighter on the couch, never breaking eye contact with her. Her brown eyes stared at me in wonder, her pale, delicate face scrunching slightly at the distance I'd put between us. I squeezed her waist gently, lowering her to me, planting a kiss on her neck before settling her back on my lap. She inched closer, her arms wrapping around my neck. Her chin rested against my shoulder, her mouth sending wondrous smiles in my direction. I grinned back as she stretched closer, pressing her lips against my cheek. I closed my eyes, enjoying just having her close.

When the snoring in my bedroom came to a sudden stop, my eyelids flipped open. Seth had taken Melanie in there last night so that he wouldn't disturb Bella and me on the couch. I'd been listening carefully for his snoring to stop and for him to wake up, hardly aware of the fact that I was doing so. But he was up now. I fidgeted uncomfortably, not wanting to let go of her, but also feeling weird about him seeing me with her. Actually, it wasn't really him I was worried about; it was more so that I was worried about his "friend." She didn't seem to have much depth, much of a brain in that head of hers, and I was worried about what he'd told her. I wasn't sure how much she knew. He, of course, already knew everything. At least the _big _thing, anyway.

As the door in the hallway opened with a slow creak, Bella shifted on top of me, sitting up more, scooting to the side. Though I could tell that she was embarrassed, I wouldn't let her down. I kept her on my lap, denying her the attempts she was making to get to the couch below. She glared at me in alarm and mortification, but I only grinned back, my fingers smoothing her mahogany hair.

Melanie submerged from the shadows of the short hall, making eye contact with first me, then Bella. Her blonde hair was a mess, and her makeup was smudged. For someone who could pull off pure beauty in the day time, she sure didn't look the same when she woke up. I looked down at the girl in my arms, comparing the two of them. Bella's chocolate eyes were fixed on my face, measuring my reaction, suspicious. As if I could ever feel anything for Melanie. She had nothing on Bella. I snorted quietly.

"Oh, hi. Sorry." Melanie said, shock in her voice. She looked as though maybe she'd blush as she turned her face away shyly, but she didn't. Her cheeks remained a strange orange color, the result of a bottle of spray-tan gone bad. I raised an eyebrow. She hadn't looked so much like this last night, but I supposed it was just the lighting. There was no doubt that she was beautiful, all the while. But still, she didn't even fit into the same category as Bella. It was like comparing a beautiful, shiny red apple with a plastic one. "Seth wanted orange juice."

"He can't get it himself?" I chuckled sarcastically. Then I shook my head at her, my eyes scrunching up with the smile that took over my face. "Seth!" I called to him. "Get out here and get yourself some orange juice!"

I made sure that they were comfortable, Seth and his friend. Bella even cooked them pancakes. They looked much better than the ones I'd attempted to make for her and Embry that time, and they tasted just as good as they appeared. But the second that the food was gone and I had them seated on the couch in front of the television, I was in a rush to get out of there. I grabbed Bella lightly by the arm, pulling her into the dark confines of the hallway, pressing her against the wall and covering her mouth with mine. She melted against me.

"Let's go to the beach." I whispered when she finally let me go.

She smiled.

--

I bit my lip, hanging onto his neck as he ran full-speed to the crashing waves. I could feel the thump of his heart against mine as I tightened my legs around his waist, clinging like a spider monkey. His skin was hot and soft against mine. His laughter spilled into my ears, filling my insides with a warm, happy satisfaction. I was glad that he was back to his normal, exuberant self. It pained me to see him so sad. I didn't know what had happened to make him forget his fears so completely, but I was pleased with the change.

It was almost as though he had no control over it. Like my words of devotion and adoration had sealed the deal, shut the door on his pain and fear. I knew that it wasn't true, because I still sometimes caught little glimpses of hesitation in his eyes, but he'd changed so entirely after I'd said that to him that it left me feeling a little staggered, and much more than that, extremely confused. He seemed to accept my grappling, accept my apologies and my love for him. He appeared to have believed me. I hoped it wasn't just skin deep. I hoped he really did believe that I loved him, that he didn't just pretend to.

My thoughts closed in around me, my eyes breaking through the fog of my musing, seeing into the present, as I noticed with shock how close the sound of the water was becoming. Instead of sitting me on the white driftwood tree, Jacob was jogging past it, heading for the oversized waves. My eyes widened in alarm. What was he doing? My fingers dug into his neck, the cold water splashing up at me, soaking my back. I yelped.

"What are you _doing?_" I shrieked at him, peering down at the water as though it was some kind of monster bent on destroying me. I jumped, burying my face into his neck as the water shot up and hit me in the head. He snickered at me, his warm hands pulling at my waist, holding me out in front of him like a rag doll he wanted to test. For a brief, terrifying moment, I saw him as a younger boy, holding out an ugly looking doll above the crashing waves. "_Let's see if this'll float_," The little Jake in my head suggested excitedly. I gasped, glaring at the real Jacob in front of me, warning him with my eyes.

"If you even think about dropping me, Jacob Black, I swear…" I couldn't finish my threat. The anger rising in my throat was making it difficult to think. Plus, I'd never really been very creative when it came to being menacing. He laughed freely, throwing his head back. I watched, my eyes widening in awe as the sun glinted off of his dark skin. He was such a pretty boy.

"Do you really think I'd drop you?" He teased, his black eyes sparkling, pulling me closer to his chest. I clung to him quickly, grateful for the close proximity of his body, cherishing the protection his arms provided. My arms and legs enveloped his neck and waist hastily as he hugged my back, his mouth drawing to my hair, breathing sweet pine scents down to my face.

"Yes." I replied simply. He snickered again before doing an about-face, trekking back over to our tree. And then, once again, his mood swings left me bewildered. His face drooped abruptly, his eyes narrowing in contemplation, suddenly very serious. He placed me carefully on the natural bench, his eyes focused on the earth below us, before he quickly stepped away from me. He seemed jittery, nervous, unsure, as he paced back and forth in front of me. He wiped his hand across his forehead, pursing his lips, seeming to be having some kind of mental confrontation with himself. I raised an eyebrow, studying him warily. "Jacob?"

His eyes flickered back to my face and he blew out a large gust of air from his mouth as he hesitantly took the two necessary steps back to our driftwood tree. He sat beside me, a resolute expression on his face. He stared into my eyes intensely, taking my hands into his, holding them together between us, elevated in the air. For a moment, he sat staring at our hands together, his gaze leaving mine. Then he sighed. "Bella?" He started, sounding uncomfortable and afraid. I blinked at him, raising my eyebrows, waiting for him to continue as he met my curious eyes again.

As I sat gawking at him, his hands released mine, lying back against the tree in exasperation at himself. My eyebrows pulled together in confusion. What was going on with him? Why did he seem so distraught? Suddenly, shocking me, making me jump, he flew forward again, seemingly making up his mind about his internal battle. I watched cautiously as he grabbed a hold of my shaking fingers again.

"Okay, so, you love me, right?" He asked, his words spilling out in a rush. I raised my eyebrows incredulously. Hadn't I proved my love for him already? What did he want me to do, jump up and down on Oprah Winfrey's couch about it?

"Yes, Jake, of course. I've already told you-" He cut me off.

"Okay. There's something you should know." His stare was inescapable; his eyes were pleading and uncertain all at once. My heart started to stutter, my hands and feet shaking, cold chills spilling down my back despite the warmth he emitted, my own little personal furnace. I pursed my lips, my eye twitching in anxiety. What did he have to tell me that was making him act this way?

I gulped. "Okay. What is it?"

He opened his mouth, taking a big breath, ready to speak. But then suddenly, instead, the breath stopped short, and his teeth clicked back together. He blinked, shaking his head quickly. He swallowed. "Nevermind."

_(**Author's note:** MWAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH! sorry.  
oh and, SPIDERMONKEY! does anyone get the irony of that?)_


	35. Human Weakness

**(Disclaimer- Not Stephenie Meyer.)**

_Finally, an answer. Edward's POV. sorry this is so short. its supposed to be. review please._

Human Weakness

_What happened, Edward?_ Alice's thoughts swept down from her temporary room, Irina's room, hearing my entrance. She was the only one home. The others had gone hunting. I could sense that she was slightly afraid to approach me face to face after the way I'd behaved the last time she'd seen me, but there was no way around it if she expected a conversation.

I'd just gotten back from La Push. The weather change shouldn't have bothered me. Alaska had never really seemed cold to my granite skin. _Nothing_ ever seemed cold. Nothing ever seemed _hot_. It always was just neutral. But today was different. I was shivering.

I cringed at the thought of my new flaw, my face crumpling in pain. I sat on the couch, my hands grasping at my sides. I clenched my jaw. I hadn't thought that I'd ever be able to feel more human than when I was with Bella. I'd been wrong. I'd never felt so vulnerable and frail, so entirely emotional. The ache in my chest shouldn't have existed. I shouldn't have been able to feel the things that I felt, but I did. One of the bad things that'd come from spending time with a human was how weak it'd made me. I felt so very susceptible, so disposed. Like I had a heart. Like I wouldn't have one for long.

In my peripheral vision, I could see Alice sitting on the top step of the Denali clan's stairs. Her lips were pursed, her face twisted with guilt and sympathy. I could see the vision in her head, know that she knew what I'd done on my way over. Knew that she'd seen my breakdown in the woods not far from here. It was humiliating. I hated how weak I'd become. I flinched as I saw it in her head, saw myself sprawled on the ground, shaking and holding myself, terrified and broken. I shouldn't be able to be broken. Not by a human.

I shook my head in disgust at myself. This wasn't an ordinary human. It was Bella.

I sunk down into the couch, no longer worrying myself with acting tough. She'd already seen enough to know that I wasn't strong at all. I was pathetic. My mouth fell open, an absurd gasp escaping my cold lips. I longed for Bella's warm skin, her pink cheeks under my fingertips, her ever eager mouth on mine. My eyebrows pulled together, shadowing my stinging eyes, my lip starting to shake. I reached in front of me, for her, but she wasn't there. And she could have been. My face shriveled with pain and I collapsed to the side, Alice instantly there, her hand patting my head, trying to comfort me like she had at Bella's funeral.

How similar the two events were. Mourning her death, the death that took her from me, and mourning her rebirth, that just as her death, left me empty-handed and choking. Both times I'd lost her, both times I'd fought for control over the depression that pressed down on me. I hadn't been able to repress it before, and this time also would I not overcome it. The emotions were a rush, a waterfall held high above my face, smothering me. It wasn't fair. But yet, a part of me felt peace with the situation, while the other, bigger part, slowly, agonizingly, evaporated with grief.

In a way, I was happy for her. For him. He could give her everything that I couldn't. He could give her a long, normal, happy life. He could give her every single aspect of a relationship. Everything that I'd always been too afraid to give her. And he already had. My fingers curled into fists, remembering his thoughts, lingering on his thoughts. I couldn't get them to escape my mind. They clung there, stripping me of my sanity, dodging my attempts to banish them. They stayed there, stuck, killing me, trying to.

I knew that his thoughts were not meant to hurt me. I knew that he couldn't control them. I could hear his guilt at thinking such things, but he couldn't stop. He'd thought he was losing her. And it was so much for him. So much more than it ever had been. And I could understand it. I could almost feel the pain and the love flaming from his skin. The impact of his feelings for her, so much more than ever before, had hit me so hard in the chest that I'd staggered back. And he _had _always intended to tell me. She was the one who told him not to. She'd been taking her chance at a normal life, a life I knew that I should want for her. But I couldn't help the selfish part of me. I couldn't help but need her here. Right here. With me. Not with him. Why did she have to be with him? Why? I needed Bella. I needed her. But there was no longer anything that I could do. She was his. As Emily was Sam's.

My fingers wrapped around Alice's hand, needing the support for once in my unending life. My face dropped to her shoulder, letting her slight frame support me. How utterly pitiable I was. Her fingers brushed at my hair, hushing me.

"Edward, what happened?" She whispered to me gently. I was shaking. I couldn't breathe, and though I shouldn't have had to, I felt as though I needed to. I felt as though I wouldn't be able to live without a breath, as though my non-existent heart beat would stop and I'd fall lifeless into Alice's hands. I knew that none of this could happen. I knew. But I didn't trust it. There was so much pain…How could there be this much pain?

"He imprinted on her, Alice." I choked. And then I started to cry…pitifully, tearlessly. I was so breakable. I was so human. I was so alone. She gasped.


	36. Big Bang

**(Disclaimer-On sundays, I'm Bella. On mondays, I'm Jake. Tuesdays, I'm Alice. Wednesdays, Edward.  
Thursdays, Emmett. Fridays, Victoria. Saturdays, I'm me. But I've never claimed to be Stephenie Meyer.)**

_Alright, so FINALLY. This chapter is pretty boring, pretty basic. But don't think that the drama stops here.  
i have at least three other HUGE dramatic things that happen. they may surprise you. :D mwahahah.  
this story is no where near being finished even though i have 148 pages on my word thing including the title page.  
but there will be a definite ending. :)  
read, enjoy, reviewwwww._

Big Bang

It'd been a couple of days since Jake had really started to irritate me. He still wouldn't tell me what he'd begun to say that day on the beach. And I'd begged him. I'd literally gotten down on my knees, hands clasped together, and begged him. But he wouldn't tell me. He almost did, once, but he'd changed his mind. Whatever this was that he had to tell me, it must have been very hard for him to say. I wondered what it was, secretly hoping that it wasn't another marriage proposal. I tried very hard to be patient at first, to just let him tell me when he was ready to. That hadn't worked out so well, though. I was going insane with curiosity.

Today was another one of those days. Another day of begging and whining. We were sitting in the kitchen, our hands folded together in the center of the round, wooden table. His teeth were grinding together, his eyes narrowing, debating whether or not he should tell me. This didn't do much for me, however, because he always looked like he _might_ tell me. He never did, though.

Seth shifted on the couch, putting his arm around Melanie. I watched from the corner of my eye, allowing myself the minor distraction from my frustration, wondering why he wouldn't admit to her being more than just a friend. As I'd watched him over the days he'd spent with us, it became quite obvious to me that their relationship was more than just smiles and hellos. They really seemed to care for one another. But he still continued to deny it every day of his stay. And he'd been here ever since the night that I'd stumbled in from the rain. The both of them had. They'd been staying in Billy's old room.

Seth had been calling the Cullens frequently. He did it mostly at night when he thought that I was asleep. I was starting to get good at feigning unconsciousness. Even Jacob was fooled. I could tell that he was, because he'd always wait, his ear pressed to my chest, his fingertips following the length of my arm, my leg, for me to be asleep, before joining Seth in the living room with the telephone and the address book that held the Cullen's number in Alaska.

They'd always been too quiet for me to hear what they were saying, but from the tones of their soft voices I could tell that they weren't getting very far in trying to find Edward. Or maybe they _had_ found Edward. Maybe he was just so entirely disgusted with me that he refused to speak to any of us. My face twitched at the thought of this, threatening to collapse in shame. I felt horrible. I felt like I should be locked up for the crime of breaking in and vandalizing someone else's property. Someone else's heart.

I let my face fall anyway, hoping that Jacob would only think that it was because I was upset with his secrecy. "Jacob." I mouthed, my eyes big, sad, persuasive. His jaw flexed, his eyes narrowing further, little slits of black on his russet face. I bit my lip. He seemed to have made up his mind about telling me. He'd made up his mind _not_ to tell me.

If by some chance I was wrong, and he _was _going to tell me, he never was given the chance to answer, anyway. Melanie, who'd been sitting on the couch supposedly watching television with Seth, interrupted. Jacob sighed in relief at the sound of her voice, pleased with the fact that he was no longer under interrogation, and leaned back in his chair, a tiny smile on his full lips. I pursed mine, watching him.

"What's going on?" Melanie whispered to her friend, who was shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth, staring at the television as images of exploding vehicles colored the screen with red and yellow. He'd seemed to be feeling a little bit better now, more comfortable with me. I could still see the shame and the guilt in his eyes sometimes, but Jacob had informed me that this was a big improvement compared to his attitude prior meeting me…again. Seth's eyes contracted a bit, glancing at her from the corner of his eyes, looked a bit peeved. I watched as Jacob's smile became more pronounced. "What is it that Bella doesn't know?" She murmured.

Jacob's smile vanished, his mouth dropping open in surprise. He must have thought she was referring to the movie they were watching, amused with her ignorance of car crashes and explosives. My eyes widened as my heart pushed aside the irritation and impatience, making room for the piece of hope she'd given me. Did she know what it was that Jacob was keeping from me? Surely it wouldn't be hard to get _her_ to tell me what I wanted to hear. I pursed my lips, hiding the sneaky smile encompassing my mouth.

Seth's lips pulled together, forming a tight line, and his eyes became squinty and alarmed, warning her. He shook his head fractionally. This did nothing to stop her, though. "Is it the…well, you know. Is it the _werewolf _thing?" Her voice was hardly audible as she uttered the word, trying not to let me hear, just in case. Seth rolled his eyes, blowing air from his nose.

"No, Mel. Bella knows that we're werewolves." His bottom teeth slid along his top ones, his eyes meeting Jacob's. I raised an eyebrow at the expression he was making, looking over to see that Jacob was making the same one back. I knew exactly what their silent conversation was about. They were worried, Seth more so than Jacob. I could see the apologies hidden beneath Seth's frantic glare, the threat in Jacob's.

_'I'm gunna kill you.'_ Jacob mouthed to his pack brother through clenched teeth. Though no sound escaped him, I knew that his words would have been a growl. It wasn't hard to imagine with the way that his lips were twisted into a snarl over his teeth. My stare flipped back to Melanie, my eyes pleading with her to tell me everything that she knew—because she surely knew more than I did—as I was struck with an idea.

"Hey, Melanie." I greeted her like an old friend. I was very much aware of the alarmed glare Jake threw in my direction as I spoke to her. He knew that I had something up my sleeve. "I bet you've never seen my house in Forks. How would you like to take a ride down there with me?" Jacob sprung up from the table, grabbing me by the elbows and pulling me to him. He glared at me with wild eyes, his grip firm, but gentle. I pursed my lips, glowering back. I _would_ find out what his secret was, even if I had to play dirty to do so.

"Sure." She said, smiling, oblivious to Jake's reaction, standing to get her coat. Seth shook his head at her, gesturing for her to sit back down. She made a confused face at him, but she silently obeyed, settling herself back on the couch lightly, looking over at me with apologies in her eyes. I snorted in disbelief at the submission she'd shown. He must have had her well trained. Either that, or she was really just that stupid. I guessed on the latter, seeing as Seth didn't seem all that intimidating. He was still the same little boy I'd always known, only he was much taller now.

I refocused my attention back to Jacob, who was still glaring at me in alarm. He looked afraid, his quivering full bottom lip an inch from my face, his eyes indecisive once again. I guessed that he was reconsidering not telling me whatever it was he wouldn't say. It was probably smart of him to do this, seeing as I'd most likely find out from blondie in a second anyway. I narrowed my eyes in defiance, leaning in and pressing my lips to his eagerly as to prove that I wasn't afraid of him.

"What could I possibly know that she doesn't?" Melanie continued to question Seth. The poor thing sounded as confused as I felt. But she _did_ know what I didn't. That was the problem. I could tell that she knew by the way that Jacob and Seth had stared at each other, by the way that Jacob had hopped out of his seat at the thought of any kind of alone time I'd get with his friend's arm candy.

"Nothing, Melanie, shhh." Seth directed her warmly, placing a hand on hers. From the corner of my eye, I could see his other pointer finger cover his mouth, gesticulating the meaning of his words. I was also aware of the vacuous, dazed look on her face, and I knew instantly that nothing he'd just said to her would stop her now. She was going to say something. She was going to be the one to tell me. I could feel it. My heart pounded in my chest for more than one reason. The first reason was that I was still kissing Jacob. And he was warm. And he smelled good. The second reason was that I was finally about to discover his secret.

As I absorbed this excitement, something dawned on me. Whatever it was that Jacob was so hesitant to tell me was enough to put the fear back on his face, put the uncertainty into his usually eager mouth as it pushed against mine. So what if this was something bad? What if I didn't _want_ to know? Would this harm us? I blinked, pulling away from him, staring into his eyes again, searching for answers. He stared back with wide eyes, his face frozen in shock and consternation. He knew that it was coming. He knew that the cat was almost out of the bag. And he looked so completely petrified. I couldn't help but start to feel sick. What if this ruined everything?

One part of me no longer wanted to know, but my curiosity was too large; it covered the other part completely. I looked back at her, watching vaguely as she counted things off on her fingers that she knew about Jacob and me. The first couple of things out of her mouth were nothing new to me. I barely listened to them, impatiently waiting for the big bang, fidgeting with the sleeve of my shirt. I didn't really pay much attention. Until she came to number four.

"…werewolf. Four, their weird love connection thing. You never did tell me more about that imprinting thing, by the way, Seth." She glanced at him, her eyes accusing, before rushing back into her list. "Five, that thing about the vampires. I have to say though, Bella. I'm surprised that you could be with them without being afraid! I would have been terrified…" I stopped listening. I wasn't breathing anymore. My stare froze in place, my eyes unfocused, dazed, on the carpet in front of her feet. My bottom jaw was hanging low. I felt weak in the knees. Jacob's fingers tightened on my shoulders, supporting me. I could feel him watching me with his worried black eyes, horrified of my reaction. The room was blurry, her mumbled words slurring together and blending into background noise.

Did she say _imprinting?_


	37. Infatuation

**(Disclaimer- no ownership.)**

_Okay. Sorry this is so short. But this is basically just a little buffer before the drama. ahah.  
its mostly just about bella and jake and how they are together. and stufffffffffff. so. read, review. enjoy._

Infatuation

Seth and Melanie went home. Not that they shared a house. Actually, I didn't know if they shared a house. Jacob hadn't told me, and I hadn't asked. I had other things on my mind. But they were gone now. Seth had promised Jake that he'd keep tabs on Edward, that he'd continue calling him, but as of the moment, nothing was going to change in this situation. It didn't appear as though Edward would ever want to see any of us ever again. But then again, I only knew the part of the story that I imagined in my head. They didn't tell me much about their search for Edward, or his reactions, or if they'd even gotten in touch. I just kind of made my own assumptions and rolled with them.

Assumption number one: Edward hated me. It had to be true. I mean, I'd loved him. Completely, utterly, eternally. I'd promised to be with him forever, and I'd broken my promise. I'd left him, though I hadn't meant to. And I'd done what he'd been waiting for, too. I'd come back. And he'd probably thought that when I came back, we could be happy again. After all, he'd almost committed suicide when I'd…died. Jacob had had to save him, to tell him that I would return. The only reason that Edward was more or less alive today was because he'd been waiting for this return, for the love of his life to revisit his cold arms. But I hadn't. I'd found a new set of arms.

It killed me to think of this, because in all honesty, my heart was still with Edward. It really was. I wasn't saying that I didn't love Jacob, because that wouldn't be true. I was entirely devoted to Jacob. He _was_ my heart. He was my sun. But part of me still belonged to Edward. You can't break something like that. But I'd made up my mind. I'd chosen fire. And I couldn't back out now, I didn't want to. But it still killed me. It hurt me deeply to know that I'd been the one to cause Edward so much pain. And what made it so much worse was that I knew the outcome of his pain, and I had to live with the fact that I would be the one to either cause him his own suicide or cause him an eternity of loneliness and heartache. My jaw clenched, hiding a sob, one of many that'd been threatening me lately.

It was insane to think about. Insane to think that I'd once been so in love with this man, but that I'd come back with a different name, a different life, and I'd been able to neglect my feelings for him almost completely. But it was easier to believe when I considered the fact that Jacob had imprinted on me. He'd always been a close second to Edward. No, he'd equaled him. I'd always loved them both equally, I realized that now. But this new wolfy-bond had pushed me over the edge. Into the fire. And I didn't mind the burn.

I smiled at him now as he emerged from the waves of the ocean. The white driftwood tree was damp beneath me, but I didn't exactly care. Jacob had brown swim trunks on, his long black hair dripping down his bare back. His red-brown skin seemed to glow in the sunlight, contrasting perfectly with the pearl white of his teeth as he grinned back. I felt my heart sprint into my throat and my smile grew wider as he jogged quickly to my side.

The sky was a startling blue, a first. It'd been almost this shade before, but never was it this deep, this invigorating. It'd always just been a cheap imitation blue before. But this was real blue. Beautiful. There wasn't a cloud in sight, and the sun was bright yellow over the beach. It cast warm rays down to my face, but as Jacob sat beside me, I felt almost as though I should be laughing at it. _You call yourself a sun,_ I thought to the golden ball where it was submerged in the endless sky. _You're nothing compared to Jacob._

"How was the water?" I asked, grabbing for his hand. He gave it to me easily, smiling down at my joyful face. He shrugged, his face turning down, kissing my shoulder. It was finally nice enough to wear a tank top. "Okay then. What do you want to do?" His eyes sparkled as he glanced at me, his face developing an impish grin. I bit my lip to conceal my smirk.

"Wanna know?" He tugged the end of my ponytail lightly, dragging my face to his before sticking me with a kiss. I laughed, pulling away from him, pretending to glare. Crossing my arms over my chest, I nodded. "Okay." He said. And with that, he scooped me from the tree and into his hot arms, attacking my face with multiple little kisses as he ran to the water. I smacked him, realizing what he was trying to do. It hurt my hand. He kissed it, otherwise ignoring my efforts to get back to the sand, pushing further into the waves. "Swim with me."

He held me close to him, cradling me in the water. Where he was standing, the pool of aqua lapped at his shoulders. I knew that if he put me down, I'd be totally submerged. It made me think of my previous ant-comparison. I pursed my lips, clinging to him. He dipped my head back into the water, enough only to wet my hair; my forest-green tank top and black shorts were already soaked through. My hair glued to my back as he pulled my face back to his, cold drops slipping down over my eyes. His warm fingertips brushed them away.

I was utterly happy. Completely content. We both were. But somehow, in the midst of our happiness, there was also sadness. I didn't think that we'd ever be abandoned by this melancholy state of mind. He would forever be thinking of losing me, and I would forever have on my mind the pain that I'd cost so many people. But we had each other. Jacob and I. We had so much love for each other that it almost completely blocked the pain and the depth of agony. Almost, but not fully.

I'd come to realize that with love also comes sorrow. Even without such complications as we were forced to endure, there would always be despair. Something about being in love in general was sad. A blissful, peaceful kind of misery, but misery all the same. It was that feeling of being whole, of being complete, but of never being able to have enough of that entirety. Love was something that consumed you, something that was so deep, so powerful that it tortured and crippled you. That it brought you to your knees, caused tears to spring from your eyes. It was a heartbreaking emotion, though it was something that kept you alive as well.

It was bewildering.

I sat there in his arms, swallowing the several emotions, knowing that he was doing the same. The look on his face was soft, understanding, as he read the pain in my eyes. He knew what it was. He felt it too. He held my hand to his face, his other arm strapped securely around my waist, keeping me afloat. He smiled a tiny smile at me. I was infatuated with that smile alone.

"So, you're not staying with me because I've imprinted on you, right?" He confirmed for the hundredth time. I blinked, still reeling from the disorientation that my heart had caused me, and shook my head.

"No, Jacob. I love you. I've always loved you. It wouldn't matter if you'd imprinted on me or not. I'd still want you." I tried to make my voice sound certain, because I felt sure of my words, but my voice was shaky. He seemed convinced nonetheless, but I could tell that he was still going to argue me on that. He smiled.

"You wouldn't know. You've really had no choice. Ever since I imprinted on you, that's all you've known. How do you know that if I hadn't imprinted that you would have stayed with me? You can't know that." His voice was soft as he teased me, but I noticed the belief he held in what he said. I sighed.

"Yes I can know that." I said, leaning my head against his shoulder.

And I could.

_(**author's note:** beware that I have no idea what love is like. i have no knowledge of it. i only  
know what i imagine inside of my head. so if that sounds really stupid, i apologize. but when  
i think of love, that is kind of what happens to me. haha. :P so, sorry.)_


	38. Lemons

**(Disclaimer- I don't own anything.)**

_okay, first of all, i'd just like to apologize for this being tres long.  
its REALLY long, but I didn't see how I could make it any shorter unless I separated it into two chapters...and  
if i'd separated it into two chapters, the second chapter would have been extremely short. extremely short.  
but anyway, i hope that this isn't too boring. haha. read and review! more drama coming. and more edward  
for all of you who adore him. speaking of which, no matter what side your own, Team edward or team jacob, please  
do not hate me because of the outcome of my story. i will not say who she is going to end up with, but I can't  
make everyone happy, and remember, I'm just as much an Edward fan as all the rest of you are, but I love Jake too.  
So don't think I'm all team Jake. I'm definitely not. My storys just kinda runnin like that right now. :D  
oh. and just because i said "right now" doesn't make it a hint. theres no hints in here. im a tricky gal.  
:D mwahaha._

Lemons

My eyes widened as I stared at the object in my hands. _That couldn't be right. _The breath caught in my throat, my heart no longer pumping blood throughout my veins. I was half hoping that the oxygen would be hindered enough on its way to my brain that I'd pass out. Maybe if that happened I'd wake up and it'd have only been a dream. But unfortunately, even though I waited, breath never escaping my pale lips, I didn't lose consciousness. I'd been getting too good at holding my breath. I was almost vampire-like in my new ability. I'd been holding my breath so much lately due to all of the stress that it was almost as if my body no longer had any problem functioning without the constant flow of air. But that wasn't healthy. Because I _wasn't_ a vampire. And I needed to be healthy now more than ever.

I heard the door to the public bathroom open then, heard the soft footsteps shuffle into the stall beside mine. The shoes under the short wall were blue and old-lady like. My eye twitched while I stared at them, remembering with an uneasy stomach the old lady that we'd met at the hotel. _The hotel_. I blinked, my heart now busy with beating again, though much too fast, quietly shoving the piece of terror into the sanitary bin, flushing the toilet and hurrying to the sink. I washed my hands with impatience, not stopping for paper towels. I was wiping my hands on my jeans as I exited the room, my eyes darting swiftly around the white grocery store.

I was on the lookout for pests. By pests, I mean John Newton. It was incredible how very much he had in common with his ancestor. Mike had always been a tad bit subtler, but other than that, they were exactly the same. They both had so much hope built up inside of them, hope that really shouldn't have existed, because neither of them would ever have had the time of day with me. And, I couldn't forget, they were both excruciatingly nice and amiable, a quality that I liked. The only bad part about the fact that they shared a good quality was that they could both always _tell_ that I liked that. And that just fed into their foolish dreams. I scowled.

Of course, John was still at the cash register directly before the women's bathroom. He was chatting with a blonde girl. She was tall; four light bags were slung over her wrist. She seemed to be flirting a little, but he didn't look very interested. _Of course not_. I watched as the girl walked away, too afraid to move myself, praying silently that maybe, if I could muster the courage to move my legs at all, I could sneak by unnoticed. As I stood frozen there like an idiot, he took off the dark blue smock, getting ready to leave. His shift was over. He'd want to talk. There was no chance to move now. He turned and caught my horrified eyes, his jaw muscles working overtime to produce the biggest dopey grin I'd ever seen before.

I really had to work on my timing.

"Anna!" He greeted, his hand flopping around in the air like a frenzied fish. I continued to stare; I was too full of self-loathing, too busy cursing my immobile legs, to even smile back at him. He blinked, his eyebrows rising as I completely ignored him. We were still making full-on eye contact. That didn't make me very happy, seeing as I was making it completely obvious that I'd seen him, that I was _still_ seeing him, though I didn't want to. There was no point in trying to pretend like I hadn't noticed him now. I had no where to run. My lungs filled slowly with oxygen, my mind endeavoring in the act of getting my lips to curve, getting my legs to step forward. My mind wasn't having too good of a time with that.

The lady with the blue shoes stepped behind me now, her shopping bag jabbing into the back of my knee. My lips pursed themselves, finally managing to move a little as I turned my head to peer at her. The woman had blue-gray hair that matched her sneakers, too-bright red lipstick on her non-existent lips. Her shirt was a bright orange color. I gawked at her as she smiled genially at me.

"Excuse me." She said, her voice quivering with age, grinning. I stepped to the left, allowing her to pass me, mumbling apologies. I continued to stare as she walked away from me, noticing the sway of what could possibly be artificial hips. Yuck. Aging. This was not something that I would have a fun time with. I flinched as the image of myself, gray and waddling, came into my head, turning back to look at John. It surprised me when my eyes came up empty, when he wasn't there.

"Watcha doin?" His voice slid into my ear, suddenly right beside me. I jumped. "Sorry." He muttered, grimacing slightly. I blinked at him, not quite sure if my impatience would hold off long enough for me to have a polite conversation with him. It probably wouldn't. Maybe that would be a good thing, though. Maybe he would finally realize that I didn't want him or _any_ of his family members. _Maybe,_ I thought, trying to think on the positive side of things.

_Positive_. My face fell blank with shock and horror at the word.

John's eyebrows furrowed as he took in my expression, his mouth opening to utter the question burning in his eyes. He was too curious for his own good, rather nosey for someone who was mainly a stranger. Strangers didn't own the right to pry in on someone else's business unless they were offered the information. Someone ought to have told him that. My eyes narrowed as I cleared my throat quietly, banning the look from my face. I was almost to the point of hyperventilation. I needed to get my emotions under control, especially in front of the ever-observant John Newton, seeing as he was so poorly educated on the art of stranger-etiquette.

"I was just going to go meet my friend back at her car." I informed him, nullifying any chance of the question to pour from his mouth, answering his earlier question a little late instead. He nodded, a sour expression creeping onto his ivory skin. My eyebrows hooked together, wondering what had caused that to happen.

"That Jacob Young kid?" He asked, pouting. I could understand now why he was making the face, but the last name caught me off guard. My eyebrows rose high above my eyes, my mouth opening. I blinked.

"Jacob _Young_?"

"_Yeah_…" He said slowly as though talking to a moron. "That kid that was at your house the other day. His name is Jacob Young. Didn't you know that?" He stared at me for a moment like I was mentally challenged. I continued blinking rapidly, trying to understand. I could feel the correction burning on my tongue, feel myself itching to tell him that he was wrong, that Jacob's last name _wasn't_ Young, but something deep in my stomach told me to just go along with it. I'd ask Jacob about it later.

"Oh." I replied instead. "I didn't know his last name."

John snorted at this, looking away from me with a smug expression on his face. "Yeah, Jake's always got a girl on his arm. I'm not really surprised he's been trying to get at you." He paused shortly, his eyes flashing to my face, inspecting my reaction before continuing. Almost as if he was hoping that his words had disgusted me, had made me want to spend more time with him than the player he was making Jake out to be. Or like he was lying. Trying to see if I'd bought into his words. My eyes narrowed as he finished talking. "But is that him that you're talking about, waiting in the car?"

"No. It isn't." I told him curtly, turning my back to him and heading for the motion-detector doors. He followed me, of course, but I didn't stop. I continued on, quickening the pace, hoping I wouldn't trip over anything on the way. He was practically jogging to keep up. I was speed-walking in my determination to get away from his pathetic face. So the new Newton was a vindictive liar, was he? _Hmph_.

"So, uh, who is it?" He huffed, catching up with me. I scowled at him, making my way through the parking lot, headed for the blue car that was waiting for me. I could see Melanie sitting in the driver's seat, her blonde curls bobbing as she tossed her head to whatever music she was listening to. She'd stayed here while I'd snuck back into the store and bought the aspect of my future. She knew nothing about it. We'd already finished all of our shopping and were back to the car when I'd told her that I'd needed to go to the bathroom, that she should wait in the car. I didn't need a bathroom buddy. This wasn't high school anymore.

It hadn't been my main reason for going alone, but she didn't need to know that.

"None of your business." I shot at him. _Patience up_. His eyes widened at me as I glanced back at his face. Instead of trying to be diplomatic and polite, to correct my rude behavior, I smiled antagonistically at him before opening the car door and jumping in. I was getting to be more like Jacob. It made a genuine grin come to my face.

"All good?" Melanie asked, turning the volume of her car radio down with the little knob. I nodded, smiling, thanking her for being so patient, as she drove away.

--

After helping to unload the groceries, Jacob sat down on the couch, a lethargic look to his dark features. His arm twisted over the back of the couch as he slunk down into the cushion. He'd been out all night and early morning with his pack brothers and sisters, protecting the town. Though he was tired, Melanie had gone home already, eager to get back to Seth, and I knew that this was most likely the best time to tell him. I should tell him while we were alone. I felt the nausea building in my stomach, the acid eating a hole right through my flesh, as my breathing picked up. His tired eyes examined my face, tapping the cushion beside him.

I sat hesitantly, smiling shyly at him. I could feel the queasiness creeping onto my face, was aware of the fact that my skin had probably turned a little green. I closed my eyes, attempting to even the ragged breaths dodging my lips, as his hand found mine.

"What's wrong, Bella?" He whispered, lifting me from beside him and hugging me to his chest. It was so warm there. I eased at his touch, but not enough to completely forget my qualms. I sighed, my face breaking with the thoughts swirling around in my head. Groaning into his neck, I let myself collapse there in his arms. I was so tense lately.

Ignoring his question, I shot one of my own. "Why does John Newton think that your name is Jacob Young?" I asked. His eyes narrowed slightly, but he answered me.

"It's a name that I use sometimes. I'm always changing my last name. It's just to be safe." As he said this, he shifted me on his lap, making it easier for him to see my face. I bit my lip. "Now stop avoiding my question. I know that isn't what's bothering you. Tell me." My heart thumped in my chest. "C'mon, Bells." I panicked, my eyes focusing on one of the yellow lemons displayed in the center of the table.

"Jacob, how do you feel about…lemons?" I asked him. I knew that it was a really horrible analogy, but I could think of nothing else, and I didn't want to actually tell him quite yet. I was pining for another way of informing him, a way that consisted of well, not really having to tell him at all. I wished I was a werewolf, that I could transform with him and send him my thoughts. There'd be so much less stress involved. My fingers toyed nervously with the belt loop on his jeans. He raised his eyebrows.

"What?" He looked at me like I was a lunatic, his eyebrows pulling together over his confused black eyes. I pursed my lips.

"How would you feel if I _gave_ you a lemon?" I insisted.

"What_?_ Bells, what do lemons have to do with anything?" He shook his head at me incredulously. He looked so confused that I would have laughed if I hadn't been so distraught. I really felt like I was going to puke. I needed a bucket. A barf-bag.

"Jacob…" I had no idea what I was saying. I was becoming delusional with leftover shock from the image that'd been displayed before me in the ladies bathroom. The image of blue. Blue. I'd seen so many blue things today. I hated the color blue. I despised it. My heart spattered like a jackhammer in my chest. I started to hyperventilate. My words were mixing around in my head. It was so hard to think. I couldn't get it straight in my head. "Jake, I'm pregnant. We're having a lemon."

_(**author's note:** ahahahah! wooo. so uh, edward fans, don't hate me. read more before you attack. and please  
be kind in your reviews, even if you have critical remarks. everyone seems to have been being careful about this,  
no one's really been very mean, but i just want to warn people. haha. i hate confrontation. but anywayyyy!  
props to wideeyedmonkey who totally guessed that this would happen, and also to megavamp, who, too, said  
a LOOOONG time ago that she'd thought this would happen. It was so hard lying to her about it! :D)_


	39. The Mother Load

**(Disclaimer- I own nothing, nor do i have anything even remotely entertaining to falsely claim that I do.)**

_Alrighty now. this is a little long. sorry that it came so late and that it wasn't my average speedy update.  
it was just way too hot to even move this weekend. if i don't get to alaska or antarctica soon, i swear I'm  
going to go insane. i hate heat. rahhh.. well. unless its coming from jacob. :D but thats another thing  
entirely. so anywayyyy, i hope that you enjoy this. i've provided all of you lovely people with another cliffy.  
i know how much you enjoy those. :P but theres a little more drama in the next chapter, the one coming up.  
can't say how soon that'll be up, seeing as i have a ton of homework to attend to. :( oh well.  
i hope you like it. leave reviews! byee!_

The Mother Load

"We're having a baby." Jacob's bleak, monotone voice repeated for the eightieth time in the last three minutes. His expression was blank with shock, gazing vacuously at me. I could think of only two reasons for this response. I gulped, watching him, my heart sprinting in my chest. Was this the extent of his reaction? Was he really that repulsed by the idea of me having his baby? Or did he really just not yet understand the words coming from his mouth?

I let my head drop, hiding, my hair swinging over my face, covering the tears swelling in my eyes. Maybe it was just the hormones, but I felt like crap, like I'd been neglected. There was a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach as the silence stretched on. I sighed shakily, my hands weakly trying to push me from the couch, trying to escape to his bedroom. _Jacob didn't want our baby._

Before I could even finish standing, I was flying through the air, Jacob's strong arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I choked as the air was knocked out of me, my eyes bulging. My hands beat against his back, attempting to make him put me down. As he loosened his death-grip, my head swung backwards so that I could look at him, and I saw happiness on his face. Taking in his expression, my lips curved into a smile, my heart melting at the enormous grin on his pretty mouth.

"We're having a baby!" He shouted, his voice expressing much more enthusiasm this time. I guess he really just needed to let it sink in before he actually responded. My heartbeat returned to its normal rhythm, completely satisfied with his obvious elation as his lips met mine in euphoria. There was so much joy in this kiss. He _did_ want me to have his baby; he wasn't repulsed in the slightest. I sighed happily. So this wouldn't be bad news after all.

But yet, it _was_ bad news. My grin slowly evaporated as he pulled away.

I was vaguely aware of Jake's expression becoming worried as he tapped on my shoulder, trying to wake me from my trance, but I didn't respond to it. I was thinking about my mother, about my life. My mother was, at the very moment, sitting at her home in Houston, waiting for a telephone call from me. She was waiting to hear about school, about _college _life_._ She'd been constantly asking me when it would be the right time for her to visit, getting entirely too enthusiastic about the idea of visiting her only child's college dorm, checking out the place. I had a hard enough time trying to think about what I'd do to break the news of _that_ lie to her, the one about using all the money she'd given me to practically throw my life away. Now I had to tell her about the baby growing in my stomach. The baby_. _The _baby_!? I wasn't married. My mother didn't even know I'd started _dating_ yet. I'd bet she never even expected me to be slightly interested in any male until I was at least ninety or older. With all that she knew about me, all that I was when I was living with her, it would have been true. I'd had no interest in anyone. But that was before Jacob. Before I was Bella.

What was I going to do?

"Jacob." I said slowly, quietly. He cocked his head to the side, smiling encouragingly at me. His eyes were sparkling. I couldn't give in to my urge, though. I couldn't kiss him. I had to focus. This was going to be a problem. I watched as, slowly, his face became concerned again. I swallowed. "My mother." I muttered elusively.

"Your mother?" He shook his head in confusion, smiling kindly again, not able to keep the ecstatic smirk from his face. My mouth twitched in its effort to smile back, but that was all I could manage. My nose curled up and I pouted instead.

"My mother wants to visit." Though I spoke through clenched teeth, a scowl on my face, his grin expanded at my words, oblivious to the problem at hand. I pursed my lips, trying to convey the seriousness of the situation with my eyes. After a moment of this, he still seemed unaware. I sighed.

"Okay. She can stay in Billy's old room." He interrupted my sighing, pulling me to him, his strong fingers grabbing at my shoulders. He kissed me on the mouth. I blinked. "Wow. A baby." He whispered. The clock on the wall ticked loudly, ringing in my ears. It was the only sound as he held me against him. The heat was enough to calm me instantly, to take away my fears and to absorb all of my attention.

I shook my head to regain control, my eyebrows furrowing in determination. He was making it increasingly difficult to spotlight my problems rather than my need to kiss him again. I kept my face a safe distance from his, my hand held close by for precautionary reasons. I supposed I could slap him if need be. "No, Jake. She wants to visit me. In _college._" My voice was dull. I clenched my jaw. How was this going to work? What was I going to do?

Jacob pulled away further then, staring at me with a stunned expression. "Oh." He murmured. "Well, crap."

--

I was sitting on the couch, chewing on my fingernail. My right leg was bouncing in impatience and worry, my other one curled underneath me, keeping me at a dangerously unsteady angle on the cushion. Though I knew it impossible, I kept half-expecting to see my mother barge right through the front door, her finger jabbing in my face. My leg bounced a little quicker, my eyes darting from Jake's face to the door. As I drew my hand up to my mouth again to continue the nasty habit, Jacob reached out and grabbed it, placing it back on my leg. He gave me a disapproving look.

"Stop worrying. Calm down." He mouthed, his eyes narrowing. I raised an eyebrow at him incredulously. Who was he to be telling me to calm down when he was standing there shaking like a little girl? He waited for a moment, the white phone attached to the side of his head, the cord wrapped around his fist. I sucked in a deep breath as finally his eyes flashed in attentiveness, obviously reacting to the pleasant "hello" that I imagined him hearing on the other end of the line. "Hello Mrs. Hensley." His voice was polite, calm, but there was fear in his eyes. I bit my lip, gesturing for him to go on with my waving hand. He shot me a warning look.

"My name is Jacob Black." He continued warmly. There was a pause. I held my breath in my mouth, puffing my cheeks out in anxiety. My fingers drummed along the couch. Jacob remained quiet, listening intently to my mother as she replied, but his hand shot out rapidly, clasping my fingers in his tight grip, holding me there. His mouth formed a tight line. I could tell that I was annoying him, but I couldn't help it. I was a wreck. A pregnant, lying _wreck._ The air leaked slowly from my lips.

"No, no. I'm not a salesperson." He paused there, throwing me an exasperated look, rolling his eyes before chuckling good-naturedly. "No, I'm actually calling to speak with you about your daughter, Bella." My mouth popped open, a loud gasp consuming my throat. Jacob's eyes widened, realizing his mistake as I smacked him on the shoulder. His mouth fell ajar, stuttering. "Be-be-bella Anna." He cleared his throat, shaking his head, his large hand covering his face. "She's _bella_." He repeated, mimicking a Spanish accent. "Very beautiful. That's why I call her Bella. One lovely creation you've made."

I covered my mouth to hide my giggle as his russet cheeks darkened in humiliation. He threw his head back on the couch. I grabbed his hand, holding it on my lap, nodding in encouragement when his dark, frustrated eyes met mine. He sighed.

"Yes, I know her from…" He looked back at me then, his eyes widening, his fingertip covering the mouth piece on the phone. "Where did I meet you?" He asked me, his voice husky and anxious. My hands flew forward, my palms rising to the roof. I shrugged, collapsing against his chest. This was never going to work. "I'm sorry about that. I was talking to my brother." He fell silent for a moment, allowing my eager fingers to tilt the phone so that I could share it with him. I stuck my ear against the edge of the white phone, listening to both sides of the conversation now. "Uh…where was I? Oh. Yes, I know her from school. I don't go there, but I was visiting their bookstore, checking the place out…"

Oh God. First he screws up my name, stutters like a fool. Now he was over-explaining things. She was never going to believe this. We were done for. Goners. I made a face at him, sticking my bottom lip out, pouting. Dramatically, I waved him goodbye, sighing. His eyes narrowed at my idiocy, tapping me lightly on the back of the head.

"_What is wrong with you?"_ He mouthed to me, shaking his head, frowning. I chuckled, pressing my ear against the phone again, rolling my eyes. On the other end of the phone I caught my mother's suspicious voice mid-sentence and started biting my lip.

"-good that you know my daughter, I guess…but why are you calling me, exactly?" I pursed my lips. It was just like my mother, Lana Hensley, to get right to the point. Jacob twitched uncomfortably next to me on the couch, his eyes calculating. He raised an eyebrow, thinking about his answer. Sighing, I grabbed the phone from his hand, ignoring the stern look that he gave me when I did so.

"Hey, mom." I said genially. There was silence on the other end of the line. I stood, pacing, knowing exactly what she was thinking: _Who is Jacob Black and why on earth is my daughter with him?_ I twirled my hair around my finger as Jake's hands crept onto my shoulders, massaging them gently in comfort. I was going to need a lot more than just a little back rub to save me from this kind of anxiety. How was I supposed to tell my _mom _that I was _pregnant _when the last and _only_ boy that I'd ever liked was my old dog, Periwinkle?

The conversation was long. Not much was accomplished. But, at least, in the very end, Jake had convinced my mother that she should come here and meet him, that I no longer had a dorm, and that he'd bought me a house. We decided not to tell her that I was living with him, though. She seemed peeved enough by the fact that I hadn't even mentioned him once during our weekly conversations. '_You've been living there for over a month and you're just telling me about this boy _now?!" And even more so, she was outraged that I'd accepted a gift as large as a _house_ from a man that I'd only just met.

I snorted now, thinking it over. If only she knew what else I'd accepted from him. Yeah. We'd shared a lot more than just a couple of gifts. We'd shared a house, a bed, clothes, pants—in more ways than one…and now a kid. _Wonderful. _I went through all of the possible ways she might think of to kill me as I waited for Jacob to return from the garage.

The door swung open then, interrupting my musing, and in strolled Jacob, tall, lean, and wondrous. My eyes twitched, taking in the muscles in his arms, the subtle, manly sway of his hips. I bit my lip, concealing my smile, trying hard to forget my previous worries. _Focus on Jacob_, I commanded myself. _Only Jacob._ I patted the couch beside myself, conveying with my eyes that I wanted him to come to me. He shook his head, making a face.

"Nope."

Then, swiftly as ever, he grabbed me, swinging me over his shoulder, and ran back out the door. After squirming vigorously for several minutes, he finally placed me down in the passenger seat of his Rabbit, leaving the door open, turning me sideways so that I faced him where he sat on a red plastic crate. I looked around the garage, memories piling up in my head like a mini-explosion. I remembered the beautiful red-brown boy that'd introduced me shyly to his friends, that'd shared warm sodas with me while he worked on our bikes. I smiled at him now, narrowing my eyes in suspicion as he left the crate, wandering to the little fridge in the corner, pulling out two familiar warm cans of soda. He grinned, handing me one.

I had trouble opening it, but when I finally managed to crank the little tab up, the warm soda fizzed out all over my hand. I quickly caught the drizzling liquid on my shirt before it could pool on the seat of his car, smiling apologetically. He just smirked back at me, his eyes soft. Then suddenly, without even seeming to think about it, he placed his can of soda, still unopened, back on the concrete beneath him, kicking the plastic crate backwards, and walked slowly to the back door of the car. He opened the door unhurriedly, offering his hand to me.

I took it hesitantly, my eyebrows pulling together, wondering what he was doing, but he didn't present an explanation. Instead, he lifted me onto the backseat, lowering himself on top of me, gently grabbing the can from my fingers, placing it in the cup holder. He half-smiled, his eyes still warm. His breath was hot on my face.

"You're having my kid." He told me, as though I didn't know. I grinned sheepishly, suddenly feeling shy, and nodded, burying my face in my own hair. He brushed it away, not allowing me a hiding place. I pursed my lips. "I love you, Isabella." He whispered. I blinked, shocked by his use of my full first name, feeling the heat rise on my face. I gulped.

"I love you too, Jacob." I said. His little smile opened into a magnificent grin, taking up most of his face. Beautiful as it was, I scowled, realizing that he was not going to be very happy when I told him what I needed to. "We're going to have to tell her, you know." I reminded him softly, taking a strand of his hair between my pointer finger and thumb, gazing at it rather than his expression. No matter how hard I tried to look away, I could see his face fall a bit in my peripheral vision.

"We'll get through it." He assured me anyway. He sounded so sure. I wished that I could be that certain. Instead, I was left feeling terrified and anxious. Somewhere deep in my heart, I could sense something- something bad. It was like an ominous cloud of fear, of terrified anticipation that resided in my chest, slowly and surely claiming all that lived beside it. Something was going to happen, and it wouldn't be pretty. But what would it be? Would it be my mother, finding out about my pregnancy, my lack of a wedding band? Or would it be something else entirely, something that I'd been trying hard to ignore?

It wouldn't take long to figure it out. I could tell by the feeling of nausea now proclaiming its presence in my stomach. The danger was approaching quickly, a hurricane on the rise. But just how hard would it hit me? How much damage would it cause? I breathed deeply, realizing instantly the truth. It would hit hard. And it would hit soon.


	40. Strawberry Blonde

**(Disclaimer- I own a jungle cat and a navy blue elephant named Lexie.)**

_Hola amigos/amigas. So I do apologize for this having taken FOREVER. I've been extremely busy  
and bombarded with work for school. Not to mention that I've started a different book, one that is original,  
one that isn't a fanfiction. I'm pretty psyched about it. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to tend to this one..  
And thankfully, schoool ends next week, so I'll have more time to  
update both of them once finals are through with. Anyvaaayyy. so uh.  
Read and enjoy, little wondrous friends. Oh, and this is from eddypussss's point of view. :D  
"Instead of eating _you_ I'd have my oreos.. and my cookie crunch" mwahah.  
"you ate my cookies!"_

Strawberry Blonde

I'd been living all over the place. I hadn't been able to stay at home. There were just too many thoughts there, too much whispered pity, too many sidelong glances. There were too many distant memories, peaking in everyone's subconscious. Even in a house she'd never been, there was a presence that clung to its walls, signaling she had been. It was ridiculous. Completely insane. I'd had to escape it.

I'd been out in the woods most of the time, just hunting constantly, running. I'd thought of the Volturi, but every time I'd think about it, Alice would show up where I was, glaring at me, her little finger jabbing into my chest. _You'll be okay. You don't need to go kill yourself. Think about Esme, Carlisle. What about me? Don't leave us. We need you. _I scoffed to myself now, looking back on it. She'd had so many things wrong when she'd thought it all to me. I wouldn't be okay. I would _not_ be okay. I was going to disappear all together. I'd make myself into a real, movie-vampire. Turn to ashes in the sun. I almost wished that such idiocies were true. No, not almost. I _did _wish that they were true. Then maybe I'd be only hundreds of specks of emptiness scattered on the golden ground, instead of one big pathetic slab of shame.

I was on my way back now. I'd gotten a call from Alice. She'd told me that they needed me, that we had a visitor from Forks. At first, I'd thought it was _her_, that it was Bella. I'd gone quiet and my lifeless heart had seemed to, for a moment, start to beat again. My hands had started to shake and my breath had started to flow smoothly. It was what I'd been trying not to think about, for sake of keeping sane, but something that I'd always hoped for. It'd soon been crushed the second Alice spoke the name.

I could hear their thoughts now. Carlisle was in frenzy because of the change of our visitor. I could hear him in the living room. _Oh my, _he was thinking. _Why would she do that to her family? Why would she forget all of our morals? What happened to her?_ I swallowed a gust of air, blocking him out. I was hardly interested at all in the motives for her change of heart. I was hardly interested in any way why she was here at all. But there was someone deep inside of me who wondered. That person was silenced abruptly by the thoughts flaring in her skull, and I had an intense urge to spin around and speed away. My feet stopped short on the walkway.

"Edward." Tanya stood on the porch steps. Her red-blonde hair was tugging at the roots, threatening to fly away with the wind. A smile filled half of her pale white face; her eyes were a deep burgundy, the change Carlisle had been so hysterical about. I blinked at her, listening to the combustion of words buzzing in her head, some much louder than others. I flinched at the vehemence I found there. "So you're finally back, huh?" She chuckled. The sound was ominous, her thoughts were the same. My nostrils flared, instantly furious. How dare she think such things? How dare she think of Bella? My fingers curled in on my palms, desperate for battle, for her death. My teeth sunk into my bottom lip. "Oh come on," She said nonchalantly, stepping forward. "You can't be that mad at me."

"Go to hell, Tanya. You're not touching her." The words curled off of my tongue, forming hot flames that licked at her face. I hoped they burned her. I hoped she felt the pain, my pain.

"Oh come _on._" She repeated, smiling. "She's just a human." As my teeth clicked together, my face stretching into a snarl, I closed the distance between us, grabbing her hand and squeezing it hard between my fingers when she tried to hold me. Her eyes twitched, contracting with very subtle pain. Her jaw was hard. "She's _just a human."_ She repeated through her teeth. This time, her smile was wiped clean.

"Don't you even think about getting anywhere near her, Tanya." I threatened, letting loose my grip on her hands, pushing, watching with tight eyes as she flew back into the house with a loud crashing sound. I heard the alarmed thoughts flicker like light bulbs inside the log cabin home. Alice's eyes peeked through the curtains. _It's going to happen, _she screamed into my head. I knew what she meant. She was referring to the vision she'd had, the vision that had played out everything Tanya had been thinking exactly the way that Tanya had wanted it to. How could Alice have seen that? Where was Jacob? My eyes widened. _No,_ the word formed on my lips, but didn't spit free. I felt like I was being choked.

When I finally was able to look back at Tanya, she was on her feet again, a wicked smile playing around her full lips. Her red eyes were glowing in the sunlight, glitter on her skin. I lowered my head, ready to attack again. She raised her hands in surrender, but the smug expression stayed planted on her face. Alice had said it would happen. That Tanya would do it. Oh no. Oh Bella. I couldn't blink anymore.

"What's really so special about this girl, Edward?" She questioned, stepping to me. There was pure curiosity in her smooth voice, but her thoughts gave away her true intent. I watched her carefully. "I mean, hell, you don't even know if it's really her. What if this Jacob _brat" _She sneered the word, looking like she'd like to break something into millions of tiny pieces. Something that resembled a 6'7" Indian male. I could relate. "was just desperate for her, just picked some random chick out of a crowd and called it good? You don't know for sure that it's her." She was so certain of herself. I shook my head, grinning tightly.

"No, Tanya. It was her. She looks the same. She smells the same. I can't hear her thoughts…it's her." Feeling like I'd been kicked hard in the stomach, the memory played in my head. The time I'd seen her. I'd fallen to my knees, frozen by the scent teasing my nostrils. It'd caused every bone in my body to quiver, the monster in me to wake from its nap. Most of all, it'd caused my heart to ache. It'd caused me an undying pain that struck me harder and harder as time went by. And her eyes, her soft skin. The enigma of her mind… I closed my eyes, shaking my head, fighting. It would be only moments before I crashed to the ground, exhausted with grief, keeling over, curling in on myself. I was so weak lately. Tanya could tell. She snickered.

"Look at you. It's pathetic."

I glared at her. Alice's thoughts erupted in my head. _I hate her! Take her down, Edward! What a bitch!_ My eyes opened a little wider at Alice's zeal. It wasn't like her to swear. I almost smiled, but that was something I hadn't been able to do in ninety years. I glided over to where Tanya stood, standing still, frozen with disgust as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. _You could be with me._ Her thoughts trickled into my mind like desperate puddles of hope. I snorted, breaking free from her grip easily. She glowered at me, her red eyes getting darker.

"I'm going to destroy her." She snarled.

My arms started to shake as I glared at her defiance. I growled at her, crouching, ready to pounce. She would never get to Bella. I would never allow it. Jacob would never allow it. Pain cascaded down on me, leaving me momentarily blinded and dazed. That was where she was. With Jacob. With the man she'd chosen. I stopped breathing, feeling like I'd randomly detonate with the force of my misery.

"What's the big deal? She _left_ you. She doesn't want you. Not like I do." She paused to smile hugely at me, her teeth white and dangerous. I swayed a little on my feet before lunging at her. She caught me mid-air, stronger now than I was. It must have been the human blood. "Yeah, that's right. I'm stronger now. You should try it." She chuckled. "Oh, and don't think you can stop me. I have all of my family behind me. We're tired of staying away from the wolves. Irina's tired of waiting for revenge. And hell, I just want to kill that little pet of yours."

I glowered into her eyes, feeling sick to my stomach. I had to keep her away from Bella. I had to do something. But she was determined. I could tell by the smug thoughts that crept along the wire from her mind to mine, dragging me into her intimate, hopeless fantasies, her murderous plans. I flinched at the sight of Bella sprawled on the floor, broken and bloody. How dare she think of that? I sprung from the ground, lunging at her cold neck. She threw me to the ground again.

"Bella's going to die, Edward."

_It's going to happen_, Alice had thought. I let out a horrified gasp, clutching at my chest. Then I toppled to the ground.


	41. Countdown

**(Disclaimer- No ownage.)**

_Hello. so uh.. if you're reading this chapter, and you haven't reviewed the last one, please make sure  
to review BOTH of them. haha. i'd really like to know what your reactions are to that last one. annnnd uhm.  
this is bellas pov.. and its obviously happy and such because neither her nor jake know anything that just happened  
over in denali. so just wait for it. :D read and review. _

Countdown

As the days went by, the ominous feeling crept closer, clutching me in its powerful grasp. I could barely concentrate on anything else. I tried to hide my worrying, but I couldn't. Lately nothing seemed to be able to get by Jacob's intent, watchful eyes. He noticed my fretful behavior and continued to parade around me, inspecting my every move, making sure that I didn't hurt myself. Every time I'd frown, sigh, or even look at a piece of toast the wrong way, he'd swear that there was something wrong with the baby. It was becoming tedious and downright annoying.

"Jake, the baby's fine." I assured him for the fifth time today. I shook my head, sighing into my palms. We'd just visited the doctor yesterday, done a sonogram. The black and white work of art was now beautifully displayed on the side of Jacob's bedroom wall, tucked into a dark blue picture frame, the other copy dangling from the fridge. Though neither Jacob nor I could tell if anything was wrong by looking at the photo, the doctor had told us that the baby was fine, and he was the expert.

Jacob plunked down onto the sofa beside me, squeezing me up against the arm. His hand swept over his face, his eyes buried under his eyebrows. I could tell that he was stressing. He'd been just as much a wreck lately as I was, only for different reasons. I had no suspicions at all of the treacherous something having to do with my baby. Our baby. It was something else entirely. I just wished I knew what. I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes at the baby bottle that was propped on the circular table. Then suddenly, my head popped back like I'd been smacked across the face. And I was, metaphorically.

"Why is there a baby bottle on the table?" I asked Jacob, staring at him, my eyes narrowed and chary. He smiled a sheepish grin, his big brown fingers tugging at a string on his jeans, his eyes inspecting it. I couldn't help but smile at his expression. He looked so innocent and beautiful. I pressed my hand against his shoulder, feeling the warmth of it.

"We're having a baby, _obviously_." He said to me like I was mentally disabled. I glared at him playfully as he continued, tracing the contours of his bicep with my fingertips. "I stopped at the store this morning while you were in bed and picked it up." A huge smirk wrapped itself around his mouth. I raised an eyebrow.

"Jake, I'm only, well…one month pregnant. We still have eight months to wait out." I shook my head at him, patting his arm. He was so impatient. I could just see it now, one week from this time, him asking me if the baby was ready to come out yet. _Yeah, Jake. The baby just kind of felt like popping out and saying hi. Who cares about being under developed?_ I rolled my eyes.

"Why can't I get a bottle _now_? Or are you afraid they're going to come out with some kind of future gadget within the next eight months where you press a button and there's the milk, inside the kid's stomach just like that?" He stared at me incredulously. "Even if they _did_ make something like that, we'd still be able to return the bottle. What's the big deal?"

"There _is _no big deal. Just a question." I pushed my lips together, smiling. Jacob was so excited. It made the worrying a little better, knowing that I'd have him beside me for as long as I lived. I stared at him, feeling the breeze from the window brush my hair across my back. Jacob's dark eyes flickered, watching it, and his head dipped to the side. I took advantage of the moment, plunging forward, molding my lips to his. His fingers formed fists around the locks of my hair, holding me there. His mouth moved with mine slowly, comfortably. Kissing him was like leaving behind reality, dipping my foot into a puddle of pure emotion. It was the ticket to a sea of feeling, every aspect of a person's heart all wrapped into one singular action. I felt his anger, his courage, his bliss, his fear. He felt everything of mine. His lips were like the secret connection that linked our one divided soul. Maybe that's where the term soul mates came from.

I sighed, my knees dragging against the seat cushion, bringing me closer to him, and I plopped into his lap. His fingers supported my waist, as his lips trailed from my mouth to my shoulder and back. His hand found mine, bringing it to his face, and he kissed it. I smiled warmly at him as he lifted me, curling me into his arms, and carried me to his room. No one spoke.

My hand was still in his, our fingers twined and engaged in a dance, his foot reaching out to kick the door shut behind him. He raised my fingers gently to his mouth once more to kiss them, and I closed my eyes, waiting for the feel of his warm lips on my skin. Instead, I felt hard teeth. My eyes popped open, glaring at him in alarm as he softly bit my finger. He chuckled.

"Don't bite me, you idiot." I told him. "What do you think you are, some kind of vampire?" I was only joking, trying to be ironic, but it obviously wasn't the right thing to have said. The smile evaporated from his face and he swallowed, looking away. He shook his head. My fingers grazed his cheek. "I was joking." I whispered.

"Me too." He said, a laugh exploding from his mouth suddenly as he dropped me to the bed. "I _am_ a vampire. Werewolves? Ha!" He grinned wildly, pressing his teeth against my neck, his lips warm and soft around them. I shook away from him, giggling, slapping playfully.

"Cut it out, Jake!" I squealed. He stopped, pulling away from me, and beamed, his white teeth reflecting the sunlight that greeted us from the window. He lowered himself on top of me, resting his elbows on either side of my head, placing his face in his palms.

"You love me." He stated. I rolled my eyes at his playful narcissism, nodding my head. Then I stretched my neck, craning it until my mouth reached his once more. "How much do you love me?"

"This much." I extended my arms as far as they'd go, grinning brightly at him. He smirked back, snickering. My heart melted at the adoration in his eyes. He was perfect and beautiful and lovely and _such_ a jerk. But I loved him. This time it was his turn to roll his eyes.

"You're a dork." He muttered. And then he flipped to the side suddenly, tugging on my hands, dragging me over him so that I was lying on his chest. "And, well, I hope you still feel that way after I tell you this." He paused, looking at me warily. My eyebrows met together in confusion. I didn't understand. What would he have to tell me that would hinder my love for him? An idea popped into my head, and suddenly I was stuck inside of an absurd image that had been fabricated by my silly mind. I was suddenly sitting across the circular table in Jacob's kitchen, my hand in his. Across from us sat Edward. We were eating macaroni and cheese. My features jacked up, all of them meeting in the center of my face as it scrunched up in bewilderment. I shook my head, releasing myself of the strange scene. When I looked back at Jacob, he was still watching me.

Then he spoke. "I'm selling our kid on ebay. I've already got bidders."

My eyes narrowed, my lips forming a tight line. I smacked him hard on the back of the head, injuring myself in the process. "You are _such _an idiot. Seriously. It isn't even funny." As I said this, a giggle formed on my lips, and I couldn't reel it back in. He grinned.

"Liar." He accused, pulling me so tightly against him that, for a second, I couldn't breathe. He let go quickly, leaving me gasping for air. I coughed. "Sorry." He chuckled. "But the real news is that, well, I talked to your mom today."

"You did?!" My eyes bugged out of my head. I had no idea what expression was on my face. How could he not have told me this until now? Where was I to not have heard the phone ring? Why was my mother even _calling _here? None of it made any sense. Even though we called her from here the other day, she still shouldn't have been able to track us down. She wouldn't have known Jake's number. She didn't have caller ID. My eyebrows were stuck together at the center, holding a private discussion of the matter at hand, seeing as my brain was numb with shock.

"Yup. She got caller ID, you know." _Oh._ "And uh…well, we might want to bring some of your stuff back to your house for a little while, because she's going to be there Thursday." The words fell from his mouth like little rain drops, each one hitting the floor with a certain, loud, unusual plop. It ricocheted off the walls of the room, a thunderstorm. My mind felt like it'd been flooded with those drops of moisture, and I couldn't get my mouth to close.

"Two days? _Two days?!"_ My mom was going to be here in two days. That was the countdown. Two days. No. I wasn't ready for this! What was I going to tell her? Jacob's hand smoothed back my hair.

"It's okay." He assured me. "If your stomach grows in two days, which it probably won't, we'll just tell her you really like the food here."


	42. Crashing

**(Disclaimer- I am Stephenie Meyer. No. I'm not.)**

_Alas, me mateys! I've finally updated, thanks due to megavamp for that. So, here are two new ones.  
I'll keep updating more and more, but I only have ten chapters left, including these, that you haven't seen.  
then. I'M DONE! my story is finished. i've completed it. congratulations to me for actually finishing something!  
wooot! go sampire! :D  
yeah. read, review, and enjoy. thanks for being so patient. :)_

Crashing

"Talk to me." I ordered her. It'd been two hours since she'd spoken to me. I couldn't take it. Her eyebrows hooked together, the haggard grimace askew on her lovely face. She sighed, blowing air from her puffed, wan cheeks, slumping onto the brown couch. Her hands fell to her face.

"Jacob." She muttered, her voice a bleak monotone. My eyes narrowed, not into a glare, just so that I could see her better. The sun filtered in through the open window awkwardly, creating a streak of gold across the right side of her face. Her eyes were closed. "Did you seriously just steal my sandwich off of the table?" Her accusation caught me off guard. My mouth dropped open.

"No…" I snapped, my tone twisting into an incredulous guise. I threw the sandwich back on the plate behind me, wondering how she'd known. Then I waited for a few moments, hopeful. I figured since she'd said that much, she might actually have had more to say. When the silence continued, my mouth pulled down at the corners. "Talk!" I repeated. She shook her head against the arm of the couch, rolling into the fabric of it, pressing her face into the back. The sudden change in position had her hair swinging across her back like someone had tried to rip it from her skull. I stomped over to her, my mouth tight over my teeth.

Though she didn't mutter a word about it, I could tell she was annoyed with me. It was a tacit irritation. I wish she'd just be stark with me, just smack me across the face and tell me to shut up or something. It'd be better than her just acting sulky. If this was how it was going to be for the next eight months, I would go insane. I really would. I picked up a piece of paper that I'd dropped earlier from the carpet, crushing it between my fingers. After a second, I opened my hand, exposing the now neatly balled scrap in my palm. I smirked, chucking it at her. It bounced off the back of her head.

"Jake! Cut it out!" She shrieked, hopping from the couch, standing in front of me. Even on her tiptoes, leaning in toward me, her face snarled into a scowl that was meant to be intimidating, she was tiny. I grinned wider. Her eyes flickered to the paper ball that was already back in my hand, held snugly there, waiting for launch number two. If she wouldn't talk, then I'd annoy her until she did. My smile turned antagonistic. Her face bunched closer, truly acerbic now. "Give me that!" She demanded, her fingers tugging hopelessly at the tip of paper peeking out from between my fingers.

I chuckled, raising my eyebrows suggestively. "Jeez, Bells. At least grab it like you mean it." I laughed freely this time, my head falling back, and skipped backwards, dodging the smacks her hands had attempted. She stumbled after me, intent on the attack. Her lips pursed as she finally got a hold of me, glaring up into my eyes. I could feel my own eyes turning soft as I watched her, and I couldn't control it. She did that sort of thing to me. Still, I kept my expression strictly playful, provoking, and stood still, allowing her to inch closer, her fingers wrapped around my wrists.

"Must you be a pig?"

"What?" I pulled a false look of confusion over my face, trying to hide my amusement. "Bella!" My tone turned reprimanding as understanding falsely dawned on me. She glared. "Get your mind out of the gutter, would you?" I teased. She scowled at the face I was making, shaking her head, her eyes rolling back, and sighed. Her hand went to her face, dragging down over her features in aggravation.

I smiled, holding firmly onto her sides, suspending her from the ground in front of my face. I pulled her to me then, pressing my lips against her forehead. Her childish protests were silenced when I covered her mouth with mine. She stopped kicking instantaneously, melting against me, hanging there. I could feel every one of her muscles relax against me, letting me fully support her. It was almost as though she'd passed out, but her response to my actions was silently eager against my mouth, so I knew she hadn't. I stretched my hand out, letting it glide along the length of her hair, curling it into the locks at the base of her neck.

Then, as I should have expected, there was a knock on the door.

Bella's eyes fluttered open, her fingers prying my hands from her, trying to get back to the floor. I placed her squirming body on the ground before walking slowly to the door. With one frantic glance back at her face, I turned the knob. Bella's eyes were huge, her hands working hard to rid her hair of the gnarls my clutching fingers had created. She cleared her throat quietly as the view of her mother standing in the doorway clouded her eyes. I pursed my lips, offering my hand to the woman before me.

"Hello. I'm Jacob." She took my hand, her eyes widening, flashing down to my palm. She looked only slightly similar to her daughter, same brown hair and eyes, but features different, harsher. Her hair was curled. I blinked, listening intently as Bella's breath caught in her throat. It was silent, but I could hear it. Her heart picked up in speed. I realized what had happened as I watched Mrs. Hensley watch my hand in hers, stuttering to take her mother's attention off of my skin. "You must be B-Anna's…uh, mother." I took a deep breath, withdrawing my hand, throwing it behind me, gesturing her entrance. She remained rooted in place, gawking at me. Abruptly, her eyes readjusted their focus on Bella, her eyebrows knitting together, trying to convey a message. I understood it clearly as if she'd said it out loud. '_What is _wrong_ with this boy?'_

"Anna?" She said aloud this time. Her voice was confused. Bella pursed her lips as her eyes locked onto mine. I felt a small fluttering in my chest while she gazed at me. My jaw tightened when she opened her mouth to speak.

"Jake! What are you doing? Go put your hand under cold water!" Bella ordered me, giving me a loaded look. I blinked once, but quickly hurried to the sink, flicking back the blue handle, and stuck my hand beneath the rush of moisture. "He just burned himself on the stove a second ago." She continued to her mom, rolling her eyes. Mrs. Hensley mouthed an "oh" and nodded, apparently understanding the male tendency to be idiotic. I made a face, rushing to the stove to turn that on, too, and chucked the sandwich in the garbage in the same second, knowing that Bella wouldn't get around to eating it. Had to make it look convincing, right? I guess I'd have to be more aware of my own heat for the time being. No hand shaking. I sighed. Dang it. I hated having to be careful.

--

Three days was a lot longer than I'd expected. My mother had been watching us very carefully, much more observant than I'd remembered her to be. Her narrowed eyes stayed locked on Jacob, on his hands, where they were at my sides, in mine, brushing my hair—everywhere that he placed a finger, her quick eyes would flash, ready to pounce on any opportunity she could find that would maybe allow her to yell at him. I could tell that seeing me with a boy—or anyone, for that matter—was going to be tough for her. It was just something she'd have to get used to.

It was hard for me, too, having her here, having her see me as this other person. It made me emotional, especially added onto the fact that my hormones were already all discombobulated. The little collisions of bumper cars I'd been experiencing since I'd met Jacob were nothing compared to this. This was a head on crash. Past and present and future all rolled into a nauseating and head spinning explosion. It was a blur of colors and sensations in my mind—still images and soft voices ringing in my head, slow motion, getting closer, meeting at the center where they smacked together, sending little sparkling particles flying throughout each empty, aching piece of me. I could feel the deceit on my tongue as I lied to my mother, feel the heat rush to my face as I experienced my intense self-loathing. There would be so many lies. So many more than I'd ever imagined having to force on her. I wasn't big on lying before, but I had no choice now. I was Bella Swan again, whether I was able to flaunt the identity or not, and Bella Swan had no choice but to be a liar. It made my heart hurt.

I'd sat patiently with my mother as we talked out every single question burning in her mouth. She asked why we couldn't go and see the school. I'd had to lie. I told her that they'd shut the school down for the week. She'd asked why. _Electrical problems, _I'd told her. Jacob had squeezed my hand, feeling my grief. My mother had given him a stern look. He'd removed his fingers from mine, scooting over. She'd later asked me—when she thought he couldn't hear—how deep the relationship was, whether I planned on getting further involved with him. I'd debated telling her every single bit of truth rocketing like a ping pong ball in the back of my throat, but Jake's firm eyes made me swallow them, feeling them scratch along the tender insides of my neck and chest. I'd told her that I didn't know, happy when Jacob came back to sit with us before she could press further on the subject. I'd hopped off to bed as quickly as I could just to escape it all.

That was where I was now, lying in my faded blue room. I was lying sideways in the middle of the bed, my knees to my chest, arms around them. I could feel my eyebrows furrowing over my stinging eyes, but I couldn't manage to straighten them out.

I pictured Jacob lying on the couch downstairs, my mother in the "guest" room—Charlie's room. My chest filled and emptied of air as I breathed deeply in and out. I let the wind pass through my parted lips slowly, trying to focus on the sensation of inhaling and exhaling rather than what was really flickering in my head. It didn't work. It couldn't. I couldn't get it off my mind. The danger. It was closer now—I knew it. I could feel it, like a storm cloud overhead, chasing me, running after me, catching up. The rain was inches from my face, and I had nowhere to go anymore. I didn't have an umbrella. It would soon enough pour down over me and swallow me whole. There was no escaping it. I was doomed. But the question was: what _was _the real danger? I could feel it, but I couldn't make sense of it. It was like having a wonderful dream, sensing that it would soon be done for. I was hoping that it wouldn't be what I thought it would be. But hoping normally proved itself useless to me.

I couldn't help but think about my life, either. It made me anxious, terrified, and uncomfortable to think of myself. I felt like someone who'd just recovered from amnesia, but who'd learned of her life from a stranger, who didn't have her own real memories or any kind of comprehension. I felt like I'd been pushed from one dimension to another completely, hanging by threads from both, sitting dumbly, wide eyed and smiling foolishly, idiotic and blinking. It was all too easy to just come here and be this Bella Swan. It made me queasy. It was such a quick U-turn, such a spontaneous turn around, to go from Anna to Bella, to spin the wheel on the present and drive myself down a new and familiar road of past. Sometimes I wondered how I could just sit here with these old and new people and just accept it. To look at myself in the mirror and to see two wholly different reflections, to push one behind the other and head out into the world with a name that was both mine and someone else's. It was hard not to question. Not to ask myself what I was doing here, what I was doing pretending to be someone I wasn't. But the hardest thing was that I _was_ that person. I was both people. And it frightened me. I couldn't help but think of turning the car back around, dashing back into the more sane of my selves, back to my life as Anna.

But then I'd think of Jacob. And I'd forget that urge completely.

My door opened then, and Jake's pretty head popped into view. I blinked at him, feeling the drops of moisture hit my cheeks when I did so. His face collapsed in sympathy and he was at my side in an instant, the door already closed behind him. He took my face in his hands, and like he so often did, he brushed my tears away, throwing with them all of my doubts onto the wooden floor. He smiled softly, his lips touching mine. And I started to cry. Hard.

"This sucks, Jake." I sobbed, my voice raspy and broken. He nodded against my neck, murmuring his genuine understanding. The warmth was emanating from his skin nicely. I buried my face into his shoulder, letting the heat of his skin dry my tears.

"Its okay, Bella, honey," He whispered.

He hugged me, pulling us both under the sheets, and he held me like that, telling me stupid, nonsensical jokes, trying to make me laugh, kissing me softly—my shoulder, my hand, my hair, my cheek—until I fell asleep. I didn't know what I'd do without Jacob. He was my air and my sun, my life support. I needed him to survive. It was plain and simple. Just like that. But still, somewhere deep in the back of my mind, I felt my two selves separating, tearing back into the two lives in which they existed.

I was still Anna. And I was confused.


	43. Overreacting

**(Disclaimer- I wish very much so that I was Stephenie Meyer. No, wait. Scratch that.  
I want to be Annabelle Hensley.)**

_Mwahaha. Another new one. I'm so happy that I can actually update.  
Read, review, and enjoy.  
oh, and that thing that happened with edward DID happen and is still going on,  
its just that we haven't heard from his point of view quite yet, so we, like bella and  
our dear old jacob, have no idea whats going on.  
by the way, I might be adding chapters a little quickly, so I would really  
appreciate it if those of you who are reading it would review each chapter, instead  
of just waiting until you get caught up to review, because I still really like to know  
what you think of each individual one. :) thank you verrry very much.  
i'll be updating tomorrow, no doubt. tomorrow is sunday.  
it may be considered today for some of you.. it depends on when you're reading this.  
but yeah. okay. im done with my rant. reeeead!  
_

Overreacting

She left not too long after her mother did. We'd only just gone back to my house, our house, and she was already leaving. She'd looked up at me, her eyes warm and assuring. Her eyelashes had brushed along her cheeks as she'd looked down at her hands, which were holding onto the handle of her small bag. She'd taken a deep breath. I stood before her in the doorway of my house, my lips parted slightly in shock, my mouth drying. I didn't breathe. I just stood there, staring at her staring at me. Her eyes had narrowed apologetically, her pale face displaying a small wince. She'd then set the black bag on the ground at her feet for a quick moment, shifted her weight to her tiptoes, leaned in to me, waited for my lips to meet hers in goodbye. _Goodbye_.

It was meant to be only a short goodbye. She'd said she just needed some time to herself. She'd said it was nothing to worry about, and that I didn't need to get all weird about it. She just wanted to stay at her house for a day or two. She'd be back. Nothing had changed. She still felt the same way for me. But she needed some time.

It was meant to be only a short goodbye. But it felt so final.

My lips had pressed against hers lightly, feeling the smooth texture of them, the soft skin that was so much cooler than my own. I couldn't help but think then that it would be the last time I'd kiss her. I didn't understand it. My eyes were wide in alarm despite all of the reassuring she'd done. I'd watched as she turned around, tugging the little case to her black truck. I'd watched as she threw it onto the passenger seat, and as she settled herself there behind the wheel. Then I watched the back of her head as she drove away, her truck groaning in protest as she pressed the gas.

She didn't look back.

My stomach lurched as I pictured it all in my head again. I was feeling queasy. I sat straighter on the couch, my elbows on my knees, popping my knuckles. My teeth dug anxiously into my bottom lip. I didn't understand. She'd tried very hard to make it easy for me to follow. I could tell how hard she was trying to assure me of her love, of her commitment. But even so, even though I believed her, soft of, I couldn't shake the feeling of unease. It was more than that I was afraid that she'd change her mind. I was afraid of that, of course, because even though my ties to her were very much binding, very hard to break through, I was still insecure. I still wasn't sure of my hold on her. What was gravity to a girl like Bella? Bella was the type of girl who could turn the world upside down with the wave of her hand. She had power. I didn't understand it, but she could do things. She could break it.

But no. That wasn't the worst of my worries. It was more than that, because I didn't _really_ believe that she'd change her mind. I really was just worried about her safety. I inhaled deeply, trying to remind myself that she would be okay for the eightieth time. There hadn't been one single threat since…well, ninety years ago. Everyone who wanted her dead was long gone. Sure, there were still vampires here, but those were friends of the Cullens. They were "vegetarians." The Denali clan was not a threat to us. We'd been assured of this. And Victoria, Laurent, James…they were all dead. Well, they were always dead. But they were gone now. They couldn't harm her. And there weren't any hunters anymore. No wolves had been spotted in a long while. We'd been careful about that. Nothing could hurt her now. She was safe.

Right?

My leg bounced, my heel colliding with the carpet below me over and over again. I blew air out of my mouth, sounding like an anxiety-prone horse. I worked hard to keep myself planted on the couch, to keep my legs from pushing me up, to keep my feet from carrying me out of the house and into the garage to my car. I worked hard to resist the crazy urge to track her down and make her come home with me. It was difficult. Very, very difficult.

The door swung open then. Embry was in the doorway, the light of the afternoon falling around him in puddles around his feet. His shadow stretched far and covered me in darkness. I pursed my lips as he watched me. He blinked. When he stepped inside, I saw the rest of them, all filing in the way that school students might follow a teacher. It was easy to see that he was their leader, after me.

Leah, Seth, Jen, Craig… Each pair of eyes flickered from my face to the carpet uncomfortably. I wiggled my jaw, gnashing my teeth together.

"We got your call." Embry said, his voice subdued like somebody'd died. I flinched at the comparison I'd made. Nobody was dying today. Bella was safe. _Bella was safe. _I took a deep breath. _You're overreacting,_ I reminded myself.

"I told you." Leah grumbled, her lip curling up as she scowled at me. My lips tightened, forming a straight line under my nose. I knew what she was talking about. I knew that she meant she'd told me Bella would leave. She was so smug. I wanted to hit her. Jen glared at her. It was an unusual thing to see Jen glaring. She was usually very timid. My eye twitched.

"Want some lemonade?" I asked them suddenly, hopping from the couch, happy as a Stepford Wife to be able to move. I flung the decanter out of the refrigerator and onto the table, smiling tightly at them. Then I bounded over to the cupboard, grabbing a bunch of glasses as they watched me with scrutinizing eyes. One of the cups I grabbed dropped, and Embry was there quickly, scooping it out of the air and placing it lightly on the table. They all regarded me warily as I sunk into the kitchen chair, defeated and pathetic. I sighed. "She left." I finally admitted.

"But she'll be back." Jen stated. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she sat across from me. The others gathered around her casually, Craig sitting on the edge of the table looking morosely at the ground, Leah standing behind everyone, Embry beside her, their shoulders touching. I nodded, looking down at the cup in my hands. "She _will _be back, Jake." Jen said again.

"And there're no rangers out there with guns, right?" I checked. My voice sounded hopeless even to me, though I tried hard to disguise my fears as a joke. I was taking this all way too far, but I was unnaturally afraid. But I didn't want to tell her no, to restrict her. I didn't want to be like _him. _I didn't want her to feel like she had to run away from me just to go where she wanted. I had no choice but to let her leave. But I felt foolishly, unnecessarily afraid. My fingers drummed along the table top.

"No rangers. No guns." Embry guaranteed. I sighed in relief, but the feeling of fear never left. They continued to watch me, their expressions varying from incredulity and alarm to sardonic and humored. Leah's face carried both the last two emotions. She snorted, her arms crossing over her chest.

"Jeez. No wonder the girl left you, Jake. You're even more psychotic than she was." Her voice was sarcastic and cruel. My nostrils flared.

Before I could even realize what I was doing, my hand swung back, grabbing a spoon from the counter and flinging it at her like a torpedo. Embry caught it before it could damage her face, backhanding her shoulder scornfully for me instead. She rolled her glaring eyes as I sat back down, pinching the bridge of my nose to keep from launching more kitchen paraphernalia her way.

Embry must have ushered everyone out of the room while my eyes were closed, because when I opened them again, he was the only one before me. I blinked at the almost vacant room. He breathed deeply, slowly, and let the air release from his mouth in a gust.

"I'm sorry I brought everyone. I'd only done so because Melissa—you remember Melissa, right?" He paused as I nodded. Melissa was the blonde girl that Craig had imprinted on only a few months before. I'd never told Bella about her. I'd forgotten to.

At the thought of Bella, my heart sped up, my stomach twisting uncomfortably inside. I inhaled deeply.

"Well, her father died today." He continued. My mouth fell open. "Yeah…we were on our way to her house, to keep her company, to help with things. I was going to invite you, but then I got your message." Embry looked down, taking a pencil from the counter between his fingers and twirling it. His eyes locked on the pencil as he went on. "I guess now isn't really such a good time for you, huh?"

I felt bad. I'd met Melissa, and I'd met her father. They were very nice people. Her father had always smelled of orange juice, having had his own little business in making it. He had a deep, constant chuckle, laugh lines around his eyes and mouth. He reminded me very much of Charlie. And he adored his daughter, and she adored him. They were a close family. Melissa's mother had died a year before, so her relationship with her father had come to be even stronger after that. And now she'd lost him too…

I was sure that Craig was upset, but I had been so focused on my worries for Bella that I hadn't even really noticed. That must have been why they'd all looked so sad. _Like somebody'd died, _I'd thought before. I bit my lip, feeling a pit of guilt growing in my stomach as the realization of my narcissism sunk in.

"I'm sorry." Was all my lips could produce. I frowned at him, trying to express my apologies further. He didn't seem disgusted with me or anything like he should have been. He just nodded once, understanding, and walked to the door. Then, with his hand on the knob, he paused, his torso turning so that he could look back at me.

"Should I stay here with you? I mean, do you want company?" Embry's eyebrows were hooked together, his features unsure. I could tell that he was torn between staying with me and going with the others. He had for some reason seemed to have taken on the father role for me ever since Billy. But I didn't want to keep him here. Bella was fine. There was nothing to worry about. I was being stupid, wrapped up in my own ridiculous worries while my friend—no. Not my friend. My _brother_'_s _girlfriend was mourning the death of her father. The _death _of her father. And here I was moping because Bella needed _space_. I sighed.

"Naw. You go. Everything's good here. Tell Mel…" I paused, trying to think of what to say. What do you tell a person when someone they love is gone for good? From past experiences, I knew that no words could take away from the pain of the loss. I sat there, struggling for something to say for a long moment. Finally, giving up, I frowned. "Just tell her I'm sorry that I couldn't be there." I said.

Embry nodded before ducking out the door, but his expression was still torn, afraid to leave me the way that I was. And he had every right to be afraid. I was afraid, too. I was afraid that if he left me, I wouldn't be able to control myself.

And I was right.


	44. Time and Space

**(Disclaimer- I am Isabella Marie Swan. That is all.)**

_So uhhh. yeah, i love my mythical men. but. heres another chapter for you. :)  
i hope you like it, please leave reviews. this is jake's pov. and for all of you who hated  
jake and now actually like him, well then...YAY! i've shown you the light. :) but edward  
is still beautiful and just as wonderful. don't forget about him! _

Time and Space

I couldn't help myself. I was weak and pathetic and a total baby. I just couldn't stand being away from her. Ninety years of waiting could not be repeated or forgotten. I couldn't wait anymore. My knuckles tapped on her front door three times. I held my breath, knowing that I was being stupid, but not being able to step away from that spot. I needed to see her. And it'd only been two hours. Talk about clingy.

The door opened and she stood there, looking up at me from the corners of her chocolate brown eyes, one matching eyebrow raised. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun, one strand falling into her eye, and she had a gray sweatshirt on. Her jeans were ripped. I pursed my lips, looking her over. She would have been beautiful in a paper bag.

I took a deep breath, realizing what I was actually doing for the first time. My eyes widened. I was actually here, at her house, not even a day after she'd told me she needed _space_. Would she realize how pathetic I was and no longer want to be with me? Would the space she felt compelled to put between us for the time being become _permanent_? Had I pushed it too far? Probably. I was an idiot. My mouth twitched once, and I spun on my feet, heading back to the car without having said a word.

"Hey, wait!" She called after me, dashing out onto the steps. Her foot caught a slippery silver puddle on the top step and she tripped there, her hands flailing out in front of her face, protective, as she plummeted toward the concrete. I was back in an instant, my arms wrapping around her waist and holding her there, restricting her face from reaching the step that was now only an inch from her nose. I could feel her chest rising and falling quickly under my grip. She blinked rapidly as I pulled her to her feet.

I let go of her when she was steady, apologies spilling hurriedly, quietly, from my mouth, and I continued to make my way to my car. She made a face before charging after me again.

"Jacob!" Her voice shouted. I paused, one foot in the air, and waited. I couldn't have taken another step if I'd wanted to. If I was Superman, she would be my kryptonite. She was my weakness. The one thing that could make or break me. I clenched my teeth. Her fingers caught the skin of my forearm and she swung herself in front of me, blocking my path, though I'd already stopped. She looked at me with a confused expression, but her hands smoothed the front of my shirt, which was still half tucked in and half hanging out of my sweatpants due to the rush I'd been in to get here. It was obviously a mistake, coming here like that.

"Jake, what're you doing here?" She asked. I looked away.

"Wrong house?" I tried. Bella looked at me dubiously, pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes. An eyebrow lifted the left side of her lovely face. I fidgeted with my own fingers, wishing I hadn't come. It was stupid, stupid, stupid. Stupid me. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"Come inside with me." She insisted, tugging on my hands. She looked at me with worry in her eyes. I felt like a child. Sighing, I followed her, allowing her to tow me through the door.

The second the wooden door was shut, she was pushing me against it. She wouldn't have succeeded in moving me if I hadn't been stunned enough to have stumbled backwards. I fell back against the door, watching with wide eyes as she glued herself to me. Blinking, I let her guide my hands with hers to her waist, lifting her so that her face was equivalent with mine. Her arms wrapped around my neck and she secured her lips to my mouth. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I was too full of shock.

She kissed me wildly for a long moment, her lips moving eagerly. My hands pushed her hard against me, no longer waiting for my brain to give them commands, but acting on their own. Her legs wrapped around my back, and soon enough I was carrying her to the couch. I dropped us both there, our mouths still moving together in chorus. She pulled away from me for a short moment, her fingers brushing delicately over the plains of my face. She smiled warmly, sympathetically. I watched her in wonder.

"I told you I wouldn't change my mind. I just need time. Why are you worrying?" She shook her head, her eyes turning scornful as her lips attacked mine once more. My eyes widened further, but my lips reacted better. I kissed her back. My lips found her neck as she broke away for air, my fingers hungrily searching her sides, inching up her arms and back around, following the buttons of her shirt. She grabbed my hands just as I was about to undo the second button, and I froze, breathing hard. "I still need time, Jake." She murmured. She kissed me again, gently this time, the fervor gone. I stared vacantly at the ceiling, still a little stunned, and tried to control myself.

"Right." I breathed. She snickered, still shaking her head at me, and sighed, sitting up. She was still on top of me, and I had to purse my lips to keep from smiling. I was so immature sometimes. It shouldn't have been this way, seeing as I was much older than her now, but _she_ seemed older than _me _still. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on breathing again.

"You need to go home." She said. I could feel the frown on my face as I digested her words, and my stomach twisted familiarly. I didn't want to go home. I wanted to stay with her. It was so hard to stay away. So nerve-racking. How would I know that she'd be safe? She almost killed herself just trying to get down the stairs. I sighed, realizing how difficult it must have been for Edward to have let her come to see me so many years ago. But it was sort of different now. She wasn't going to see someone, to see one of her friends, to see me. She was here alone. _Alone. _I shuddered.

The fingers of my left hand were still tight around her waist, and I squeezed her side gently once, finally letting the impish grin break out over my mouth, trying to distract myself from my worries. Her eyes flashed away from mine, embarrassed, color rising in her cheeks, and a small smile lit her face as well.

"Sure, sure." I said, answering her a beat late. "Is tomorrow morning good for you?" And I pulled her mouth back to mine. She laughed against my lips, trying to push away from me, but it was useless. Realizing this, she wound her fingers into my hair again and kissed me back for a little while, passionately and seriously. I didn't want to let her go, but eventually, I had to, and we both fell back, gasping for air. Her hand flew over her chest, her palm pressing down above where her heart was visibly jumping, trying to contain it. I smiled to myself. I loved her so much.

"You really should leave, Jake." She said again. Her voice was raspy and shaken, her lungs still lacking the proper amount of air. I smirked, nodding. I was glad to have been able to have had that affect on her. But I was still afraid. I was still reluctant to leave. My eyes darted around the room, trying to come up with some sorry excuse to stay. Why did she need time away from me?

That seemed like a good distraction. A good hindrance. It was bound to take a little while of explaining. I could buy myself some time with that question. I sucked in a deep breath before asking her.

"Why do you need space…or, time…or whatever you call it? Why do you need to be away from me?" I tried hard to conceal it, but the pain broke into my voice on the last question. I pursed my lips. She stopped breathing all together, her eyes widening, surprised by the sudden subject change, and rolled up into a sitting position, scrambling from my chest and sitting on the floor in front of me. I rolled onto my side, my hand supporting my head, and raised an eyebrow, waiting. She took a deep breath.

"I just need time to myself." She whispered. Then she turned around, facing me, and looked into my eyes sadly. "Jake. I'm having your _baby. _I just moved here, as Anna. I was _Anna._ And then I came here, and I met you…again. And now I'm Bella again. I never really took the time to get used to it. I just hopped into that old role. I didn't even think about it. But I should have thought about it. And it's catching up to me. The surprise, the confusion…everything I'd skipped before. I need time to deal with it. Do you understand that?" She studied my face, and I realized, while looking at her, that she was right. She really hadn't had that much of a reaction when she'd found out what had happened. She'd just gone back to being Bella without even so much as a second thought. I looked away from her, knowing that what she said was true, and that I should and _did_ understand. She needed time. But I didn't want to be away from her. I was selfish.

But I wouldn't let her see that.

"I understand." I said instead. And with one last kiss, I left her there. Alone. And I felt alone. So alone. And I was terrified. But I did as she wished, leaving her there in her house by herself so that she could think. I climbed into my car reluctantly, my eyes flickering back to the door where she stood watching more than they should. With one more, sad glance at her apologetic, worried face, I drove away from her, feeling my heart imploding in my chest. Why did this feel so permanent?

_Goodbye, Bella. _

_**(Author's note:** sniff. i love jacob black.**)**_


	45. Escape

**(Disclaimer- No ownage of anything.)**

_Hey. So, this took a while, sorry. I've been stuck reading the Host for the past two days.  
I really hadn't been reading it much at all, but I managed to finish it in those two days. :D and it made me cry  
like eight gazillion times. seriously. i was even swearing at one point. it was horrible. but i loved it. so you should read it.  
i have more advertising to do, too. everyone reading this should go to my friend queenoftheviciousvines' profile and read her story.  
its a fanfiction for twilight, yes it is. I don't know the name yet, but I read the first two chapters at her house and they  
were AMAZING. so you should DEFINITELY go and read them. you know you want to. :)  
alright, now. heres another chapter. we've only got like...seven chapters left. i added more.  
i just can't seem to be able to let go of this. buuuutttttt. yeah. So. enjoy it, read it, review it, and then  
be sure to go read queenoftheviciousvines'. thank you very much. you're all wonderful.  
OH. and uhmmm. don't kill me. please._

Escape

I was moping. I'd needed time away from him, from Jacob, but I didn't really want to be away from him at all. It was hard to make him leave, to tell him to go. I'd had to force the words from my mouth, even though my brain was the only thing that was okay with him leaving me. The rest of me wanted to hold on, to make him stay right where he was. But I couldn't do that. I needed to think. I couldn't just keep pushing all of the emotions aside just so that I could have him beside me.

I took a deep breath, leaning back into the grass. The wind was blowing cold against my skin and little pelts of rain were hitting me hard in the face. I didn't mind, though. I liked it. I stretched my arms out, letting my fingertips sweep over the moist blades of green, and looked into the gray blanket that lay perfectly covering the small town that I'd grown to love. I could smell the fresh scent of newly cut grass, the scent of the rain. It was peaceful, lying here in the front yard of my old home, but I still felt antsy.

I was trying to think. I was trying hard to get out of the way all of the thoughts that _needed_ to be out of the way. I thought about me, about Annabelle Hensley. I thought about all of the childhood games I'd never really enjoyed, all the friends I'd never made. I thought about all the school dances I'd never attended, minus the one or two that had left me shaking my head and pondering the intelligence of the others my age. I thought about the few boys who'd ever shown me any interest, the way I'd rolled my eyes and side stepped them. I thought about all of the visits to the therapist I'd needed due to all of the nightmares I'd had…

I spent most of my time thinking about those nightmares.

They wouldn't have really been nightmares at all, if I hadn't woken up feeling so completely empty and hollow that I'd needed to roll myself into a ball. They were mostly just strange, nonsensical dreams that seemed to be more like reality than anything I'd faced in my entire tedious, teenage life. But they'd been so completely impossible to me at the time. I'd seen wolves, big, big wolves of every shade. I'd seen sparkling, pale skin, gold eyes, red eyes. I'd seen a silver car, a Volvo, a red Rabbit. I'd heard the monstrous grumbling of a dying engine, felt green mush squishing familiarly under my feet. I'd dreamt of the rain, of the aching sunny days that had left me lonely. I'd dreamt of drowning, of the sensation of lungs on the verge of collapse. I'd felt the lack of air in my chest, saw a beautiful, pale face that left my arms and legs still in the freezing water. I felt a burning so intense that I'd woken with a scream in my throat, clutching my delicate hand. I'd seen so many things that had never quite made sense to me.

But they'd just been memories. My brain, trying feebly to tell me who I was, to remind me of a life that I had yet to finish, of two roads, two paths that had been left behind. Two hearts, one cold and still, one warm and beating, that were waiting for my return.

And I was back now.

I was Isabella Marie Swan. And it was insane. I didn't know who was really me. Anna, or Bella? Which was I more? Was I always just Bella Swan, only with a new name, a new family, new home? Or was I Anna, who'd just taken on the soul of Bella Swan? I couldn't decide. The hands stretched before me in the grass, pale and thin, they were the hands of Bella Swan. There was a line, a crescent, there on the one hand. It had always intrigued me, but I'd never known what it was. I'd been born with it, a birth mark. But it wasn't cold, it didn't sparkle in the sun. It was just a scar. And I knew now that it was the mark of teeth. Did that mean that I was Bella, always Bella? That it was more than just that her soul had invaded me?

The face in the mirror looked like hers, the slight frame, the varied expressions. They were hers, but they were mine, too. There were subtle differences, the eye color not quite as brown as before, hair not as full. My face was a little rounder now; I'd lost the willow's peak. There were several new things that marked me as Anna. But I was still Bella. And it confused me. Was I a mixture of the two?

The faint variations in my reflection were not the only changes, either. My decisions, the paths I'd chosen, were different now. Before, as Bella, I'd chosen a path that was never-ending, a path that would have left me cold and hard, eternally happy at the side of my true love, Edward Cullen. This time, I'd chosen Jacob. I'd chosen a life that had an ending, like every other human life. A life with years that passed by and changed me and those around me, that colored my hair in white and sagged my skin. A life that left generations behind me, my children to their children, their children to _more_ children. A life that colored the world with more little werewolves.

I smiled, my hand automatically resting on my stomach, at the thought of a little son or daughter, waiting eagerly for his or her father to come through the door after a long morning out with the pack, saving the town from near destruction. I saw Jacob in my head, sauntering into our little brown living room, flinging our child into the air and plastering the small face in kisses before taking my hand in his and kissing me softly on the mouth. I felt the warmth lingering on his skin.

And this was the life I'd chosen. I'd chosen fire.

But hadn't I been so entirely intent on choosing ice before? Hadn't I not been able to remove myself from my cold vampire's side? What did it mean if I was able to choose differently this time around? Did that change me? Or was this something that would have happened eventually had I not died? Was this the path I'd always been meant to take, with Jacob, but just hadn't known? And why was Jacob able to imprint on me now? Was it only because of a new name? Or was I really just someone new?

I closed my eyes, sighing. It was hard to think about, especially knowing that I would never have the answers. No one would be able to tell me. Jacob didn't know, I didn't know…no one knew these answers. It terrified me in an odd way. I could feel my heart heaving in my chest, my eyes thick with liquid pain as my fingers strangled the strands of delicate green between them. Thinking about this made my stomach churn. Seeing his face, tasting the love I'd once shared with Edward, the intensity of my devotion…it burned me now. Like fire set to my heart. A cold, icy fire that was meant to destroy me, wrap me in my own murderous guilt and longing. My eyelids disjoined for a moment, a huff escaping my lips. I threw my wrist over my eyes in aggravation, but an image standing before me had my arm pausing mid-air. My eyes widened and I sat up straight in the grass.

He was there.

Standing there, his shadow cast me in the dark. I felt my throat close around my breath, and I couldn't breathe. My muscles locked into place, and I couldn't move, either. He stood there, his eyes on my face, watching me with uncertainty and torment. His face was calm except for his eyes. His full lips were a pale pink, just above the squared line of his lovely jaw. His nose was straight in the center of his face, thin and long, leading up to the wide circles of honey beneath the fringe of long, dark lashes. He blinked at me, his nostrils flaring slightly with the emotion I could feel emanating from his cold skin. The breeze blew a strand of copper hair into his golden eye; he left it there, staring at me. His jaw tightened.

"Bella." The word was liquid and serene, calm, but pained. I sucked in a deep breath, and the atmosphere was filled with his scent. A beautiful, sweet mirage, here only to destroy me. I held the breath there, trying to dislodge the sensation from my nose and mouth. It clung there, stubborn, swirling around me. The air was uneven, compacted pools of sweet smells and old memories. I felt the blood pump quickly through my veins, my heart running wildly in my chest. I couldn't tear my eyes from Edward's face.

"Bella, it isn't safe for you here. You need to leave. Go to Jacob." He instructed me. His voice was urgent, but his eyes were reluctant. I could almost see the yearning he felt, see his arms reach to me as I knew they wanted to. And I wanted it too, though I shouldn't. I needed to go to Jacob. I was in danger. I knew Edward wouldn't lie about this, even if he _was _only a hallucination, but I couldn't seem to get myself to move, to obey. I sat staring at him in wonder as he breathed deeply, his eyes aimed on mine, intense and dazzling. I felt myself beginning to sway under the morning sky, felt the ground bowing beneath me, rocking me like a child. My lids fell limp, and soon I was seeing only half of the hazy world.

"Bella?" He said again, his voice soft and afraid. I watched vaguely as his eyes widened, his head whipping from left to right, peering into the distance for unseen dangers that surely were coming. And so I was right. The storm was close. My life was in jeopardy. And even though I could feel the fear swelling inside of me, it was muddled and unclear. The words, the truth of the situation, couldn't get to my brain. Instead, it settled along the outskirts of my mind, denied complete access, squirming. I continued to stare, swaying in the sea of green grass as his expression became terrified and impatient.

In one swift movement, he fell to me, scooping me into his cold arms. They were tight and hard against my fragile human's skin, and they made me dizzy. A confusing whirl of memories hit me hard in the chest, and while he ran, I escaped to another time, ninety years before.


	46. Cold Chills

**(Disclaimer- I am not Stephenie Meyer. But I do wish that I could be. Or at least that I could properly and  
legally claim Jacob Black and Edward Cullen and Ian O'Shea.)**

_Alright, I couldn't help myself. I've been trying to even them out, update rarely, so that I could drag this on a bit,  
but I just can't control myself any longer. the updates are going to be coming quicker now, I think. AND GUESS WHA?!  
i have FOUR HUNDRED book pages. FOUR HUNDRED. and I have like 200 something in microsoft word.  
YEAAAAAAAH. i'm sorry, but that seriously makes me SO freaking happy. i can't even stand it. but yes,  
here is my update, and DO NOT KILL MEEEEEE. don't. i love you all. )  
mwahahaha.  
read and review, because I've worked hard on this story and I love when you tell me what you think.  
pleeeease and thank you, so much._

Cold Chills

I was in the middle of the meadow. In my mind and in my reality, I was there. In my mind, I was a lifetime away. Inside of my head, it was the first time, the most frightening and equally exquisite time, that I'd been with Edward in the beginning of our relationship. He sat with me, here. The Edward of my memory lay on the cool grass, the wild flowers blowing delicately around his glowing form. Inside of his white skin were a billion little lights, sparkles of every beautiful shade, flickering inside of him like teensy lightning bugs threatening to break loose of their cage, of his hands, his face, his lips. I could feel my fingers tracing the air where his arms would have been, had this scene been real at all.

"Bella." Edward said to me now, breaking me of the past. My eyes fluttered open and scavenged the landscape for something that once meant something to me. I could feel my heart sink in my chest as the image before my eyes closed the door on my yester life, felt myself flinch as reality settled in around me, soft and feathery, painful and jagged. Edward breathed deeply, watching my face.

It wasn't nearly as beautiful, the meadow, as it had been in my memory. The sky was a pale gray, the sun hidden. The flowers on the ground were wilted with the weather, and the wind no longer carried the fresh scent of floral, of the yellow and purple buds that had bloomed in my mind. Now, in reality, came a constant mist with the rough winds. My hair lapped at my face, leaving slick moisture behind. His cold fingers caught the streak of brown, gently pulling it from my face, and brushed it behind my ear. His eyes were hesitant, shy. His face was working hard to stay even, calm, but he was having trouble. He couldn't hide his pain from me anymore.

I knew that I should have had questions. I knew that I should have been thinking of the danger that I was in, asking him what it was exactly, what this crazy feeling that had been eating me alive for so many days was. Because this day would be the end of me. I could feel it. I should have been focusing on that, asking him why he'd brought me here, where the danger was coming from. I should have been. I should have been trying to apologize for the pain that I could see in his caramel eyes, telling him why, explaining to him why I needed to be with Jacob. I should have told him that Jacob was the one that I loved and needed. Jacob was the one that I wanted.

I should have been thinking of Jacob, but I wasn't thinking at all.

My brain was no longer functioning. I had no control.

My hands reached for him, and I was crying. I could feel my warm tears colliding with the cool drops of rain on my cheeks. I could feel the expression on my face, and it was sad, and it was greedy. I wanted him. I wanted them both. I wanted my old self. I wanted my new self. I wanted it all, everything. I was selfish. So selfish. I reached for him, and I pulled him to me. He resisted, his eyes wary and devastatingly morose. I pushed closer, hugging myself to him, to his cold chest, and I was in his arms. He crushed me to him, and I felt him shaking with tearless cries. And I was there, with Edward, cold and shivering, sad and crying, happy and horrified and angry with myself all at once. I inched closer, leaving no space between us to be interrupted by the cold morning air, and I pressed my lips to his. His fingers tightened against my back, in my hair. They were cold. His lips were cold, and they were smooth. I was shivering, quaking with cold chills, but I didn't mind. I didn't mind the chill.

It took only a minute. It took only a minute and I was on the ground, pressed into the puddles of the earth, the backs of my clothes completely drenched through, my hair soaked. He was above me, his mouth moving eagerly, happily on mine. Despite the joy of his actions, he was sad. And I was, too. We knew it was wrong. I knew it was wrong. But my mind had escaped me, it'd dropped down from its place in my head the moment I'd seen his face, and I lay here now, able only to stare and cry and brush the ice of his face with my sporadic fingers. My breathing was irregular, hardly a breath at all, far too shallow. My heart was beating too quickly, matching the rhythm of the dance our lips were performing.

His cold hands held me, gliding along the sides of me, remembering, brushing the skin of my stomach beneath my shirt. His breath was arctic and intense in my mouth, and my tears stained his face where it touched mine. I lay limp beneath him, too overwhelmed with incredible sorrow and delight to even blink. I lay there, letting him kiss me, letting him remember. My eyes flashed with colors—beautiful, pale colors of memories and whispers and love. Every single moment we'd ever spent, every moment found me, tugging at my heart, screaming terrible songs of pity in my head. His words, his devotion, my love, my promises, they echoed throughout me, hard and mauling, choking me on everything I'd ever wanted, choking me on the image of his face.

His mouth found my neck, and no longer was I feeling his lips _now_, but his lips _every time_. I felt every kiss, every touch, every ounce of love and contentment he'd ever provided me with. I felt my entire life, my entire dream, my entire being…all draining away—gone from here, from me. My heart beat was the only beat, my skin was so very cold against his. And I missed the warmth, I missed the sound of Jacob's heart, I missed the heat of his mouth, his arms. But the cold was so nice. So very nice. My chest contracted, and a lump built in my throat. His lips continued down my shoulder, his fingers pulling gently at my shirt. I'd wanted this once, I'd wanted this always, even now. But Jacob…Jacob…

My brain was slowly taking over, taking its place.

And, wildly, I started to sob.

Tears poured from my eyes, sobs shaking me crazily again and again, and I couldn't breathe. My eyes were so clouded that I couldn't see, only feel as he tore himself away from me, frightened, anguished, astonished. I could hear him say my name, but the pain was too strong, and I hated myself. I hated myself more than I'd ever hated anything in my entire life. More than anything I wished that I could disappear, that I'd been more of a masochist to have ended myself already. I wished that I could leave here, leave it all, just one more time. Just let myself start over again, start from scratch, take away the pain. Take it from them, from me, from all of us. Because I wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth any of our pain. And I was stupid and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. Every scream that ruptured from my chest had a name, and it had more than one. I screamed for me, for Edward, and I screamed for Jacob, for the pain I'd caused my Jacob. My poor, poor Jacob. I'd promised…I'd promised.

But I loved Edward.

No. Not as much as Jacob.

I screamed, louder, louder.

"Get off of her!" Jacob's voice. Angry, murderous, close. But wait. Why was Jacob here? He was at the funeral. He was with Embry. How was he here? I needed to see.

But I couldn't see, I couldn't see! My fingers dug at my eyes, but they were not quick enough to rid of the steady flow of tears. I couldn't see. My sobs deepened, and the ground was rocking, throwing me into the air, pulling me back. My fingers dug into the dampened soil, dirt entering beneath my short nails. My teeth dug into my lip, threatening to break the skin. The puddles sloshed into my face, choking me.

A growl erupted from somewhere around me. I couldn't tell which direction it'd come from. It echoed throughout the entire meadow—angry, terrified, betrayed. Jacob, or Edward? Who? I wiped at my eyes again, and it was better. I could almost see. I could make out the colors, but the shapes blurred. It was a water painting, abstract, full of grief and anger.

"_Get the fuck off of her!"_ Jacob yelled, protective. He'd misunderstood what he'd walked in on. And I couldn't stop screaming, I couldn't get myself to stop screaming. I was making it worse, so much worse. Stupid me. Stupid, horrible, selfish me. And then Edward attacked. I could see it now, the collision of white and russet. Edward snarled, thrusting Jacob in the stomach with a cold hand. Jacob's breath whooshed out from between his lips and he crashed against a tree. My baby's father, my baby's father. I struggled to get to my feet, but I couldn't.

"I would never hurt her!" Edward yelled. He was sad. I could tell. He was sad, angry, resentful. And it was my fault. All my fault. He glared as Jacob pushed himself from the ground, rising to his feet. Jake's jaw was hard, the muscles there protruding from his skin, flexing. His nostrils flared under his fiery, angry eyes. They would kill each other. This was no longer about me, this was about them. The hate emanated from them equally, and I could feel myself beginning to drown in its murky depths. I fought still forward, trying feebly to get them to stop. My knees ached as I dragged them through the pools of rain, scratching them on the hidden rocks and twigs buried under the water that was flooding my once-paradise. It was so hard to breathe. Still so hard to breathe. I reached out to them as they approached each other, feinting. I shrunk in my skin at the sound of their snarls. My pleadings swept from my lips in whispers—agonized, terrified whispers.

And then someone appeared, entering from the thick stroke of trees surrounding the nightmare gone true. Her strawberry blonde hair blew with the wind, and her walk reminded me of someone. A different kind of chill flew down the length of my spine, one single, horrifying word attacking my mind and striking me motionless in the middle of the downpour. _Victoria._ But this wasn't her. No, this was someone else. But the look of her face…this was the look I'd always imagined on the face of the red-headed female that'd once been intent on destroying me. I'd always dreamt of Victoria's vindictive smile, the wicked glint of her red eyes, the slight snarl of her dainty nose. But Victoria had never truly appeared to me in such a way.

This girl, this vampire, _did_ wear that face. Her lips were curled into a wicked grin, her burgundy eyes glowing and deadly. She brought the nightmares to life, and, with a startling jolt of truth, I realized that my dreams had never been for Victoria at all. I'd always been dreaming of Tanya. Tanya was always the one with that face. I'd never realized, all those years…and I'd never realized. Tanya would be the one to end my life. Tanya was here for my blood, my empty heart. She was here to kill me. The breath on my tongue dispersed quickly, and my heart stopped. I couldn't move.

Tanya.


	47. Darkness

**(Disclaimer- I own tout le monde!)**

_BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! okay. i truly am...not...sorry.  
i love harrassing people with cliffhangers. SOOOO. dun dun dunnn.  
read it, review it. and that last one is a TOTAL ORDER! i need to see how you're  
feeling when you finish reading this, children! :D wooo.  
oh, and go read Alive, by queenoftheviciousvines. _

Darkness

Even here, on the cold ground, before the woman who would surely kill me, I couldn't keep my heart from breaking for them. For Edward and for Jacob. I couldn't keep my eyes off of them. I couldn't hold my heart together. It broke, separating into two different sections, matching the two lives now flashing before my eyes. I'd been saved so many times, because of them, only them. I'd come back, I'd been given a second chance. And it was because of them. There was no need for my existence, no real need…only for them. Only if they wanted me. That was the only thing that made me valuable. Them. Without them, I was nothing. Nothing. Nothing at all. I didn't matter. Only they mattered. I loved them. I loved them so much. I watched them, horror on my face, in my heart. And my life didn't matter. Only they mattered.

They were both too focused, still unaware of the guest. My eyes stayed on them, on the only two things in my life that meant anything at all. They continued still to fight, and I realized, with a pang of guilt and horror, that I would lose them. This was no longer a fight for glory, but a fight for death. My heart squeezed its way into my throat, and I stood, wobbly and breathless. They rammed into each other once more, and Edward was the one to fly into the mud this time. Within seconds, he was on his feet, and charging the love of my life—_this _life, this life that soon would be no more. I was shaking. His fingers ripped at Jacob's skin, and pulled away flesh. My eyes widened and my mouth opened, but I felt nothing. I felt no scream. But I was screaming. I could hear it. The piercing sound filled the forest, striking the sky, sinking into the rain around us, falling from the clouds as it ricocheted back to the earth.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't control myself. My heart was bursting inside of my chest, a chemical explosion, the mixing of two lives, of two loves. I couldn't feel my feet as I ran to them. Edward's terrorizing, agonized eyes were focused on Jacob's determined face. I shook. Hard. Fast. I couldn't catch my breath. _Oh no._

People would die here today. People would die, whether their blood lay hot and red on the ground before me, or their cold limbs lay scattered throughout the place. People were going to die. And I was one of those people.

My heart beat was too loud. Much too loud.

Tanya looked at me again, her gaze wild and blackened with rage. My vision flickered back to Edward and Jacob where they stood, crouched before each other, feinting in various directions, maneuvering themselves for the full-on kill. My heart pounded, looking back at my attacker. The sky seemed to be caving in on me, closing me inside the target of her eyes.

"Tanya, _no!"_ Edward shouted at her, breaking away from the dance he was sharing with the father of my child, reading the demented woman's thoughts for the first time. Jacob's head whipped around, frantically trying to understand the reason behind Edward's delirious command. I didn't need to be a mind reader to understand the expression on her face. I cowered in the corner, frozen in place, shivering madly.

Even as Edward yelled, Tanya didn't move. She continued still to stare at me, her eyes wild and evil. But she didn't move. She didn't step any closer to me. Instead, her dark red eyes flickered behind Jacob, expectant, and mine followed. There, in the shadows of the trees, stood another. Another vampire. _Irina, _I knew intuitively. But why? This vampire's eyes were black, focused entirely on Jacob. Jacob didn't seem aware of this. His eyes were only for me. Only for me. But I could see it happen. Before it even happened, I saw her attack. She wanted Jacob. She wanted Jacob dead. I screamed.

"_No!" _I cried. Edward was looking anxiously back and forth, confused as of who to save. Me, or Jacob? Tanya stepped closer to me, but she was still so far away. Irina flew through the air, closer now, mouth open, ready for the kill. She was going to kill my Jacob. Oh no! My Jacob! "_Jacob_! Edward, save Jacob!" I screeched into the air. It was an earth shattering sound that sliced through all of the colors before my eyes, leaving a slick pinging behind my eyes, in my ears. It continued, the pain in my chest, in my throat. I continued to scream, wildly, terribly, feeling as the sound pulled with it every ounce of my strength. I was so afraid. Would Edward save him, would he do that for me? Or would saving me be too important to him? I'd die either way. I couldn't live without Jacob. Would he make that mistake?

My scream stretched on.

Edward's eyes widened, slow motion, and he listened. He actually listened. Our eyes met for one, never-ending split second, and I could feel both of our pain, combining into one. He flailed around, spinning himself between Jacob and the murderous vampire, Irina. She landed on Jacob just before Edward could stop her, and I heard a horrible cry escape Jacob's lips. My heart broke, five thousand little pieces stabbing into the earth. I felt so alone. My voice stretched through the night, mixing into the snarls and the growls, uniting. Every inch of me ached for Jacob. Blood splashed at the ground.

Jacob's blood.

"NO!" I bellowed.

Edward caught Irina as her mouth lowered to Jacob's neck, her fingers ready to plunge through his chest. Abruptly she was in the air, colliding with a rock on the other side of the meadow. Edward continued to charge her, ripping bits and pieces and tossing them into the woods. Hard, scraping noises scratched at my ears, my fingers covering them feebly.

I could see Tanya in the corner of my eye, closer now, intent on me, at the same time that this was happening. I could see her crazy black eyes, her fingers curled in front of her, desperate for my death. And I could feel my death, so very, very close. And there was nothing I could do. Nothing at all. My eyes wouldn't break from the bloody lump that was Jacob. And I couldn't stop the screaming. I could hardly see at all now through my tears. My heart was missing. It was on the ground in the bloody water.

Tanya feinted closer to me, using Edward's distraction wisely. Her smile blinded me in fear, and I couldn't move. I couldn't move. Jacob was dying. Jacob was dying. She launched herself at me.

"No!" Edward screamed suddenly, reading her thoughts. But he couldn't get away. He couldn't get away from Irina. He continued to shred at her pale skin, and the metallic sound rocketed through me, dazed as I was. He ripped at her neck, and her head was no longer attached. He ran to me, slowly. Everything seemed so very slow. I was no longer sure if the piercing scream was my own. I couldn't think under all of the haze. I could only think of one thing. And it was Jacob.

The two men from my dreams screamed for me, eyes widening in fear and anger. The whole scene swiveled around me in slow motion. My eyes were weak with exhaustion. I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't get myself to move.

"_No_!" Jacob's scream belted from his chest as he tried desperately to push from the ground, the sound of his cries flying throughout the compacted waves of tension and terror and death. His sad eyes met mine.

But it was too late. Not even Edward was quick enough. She was too close, too insane. Tanya's hand struck my side with such force that I felt as though I'd fall into two pieces where her hand had caught my skin. I could feel my ribs snapping like twigs. It hurt. So bad. _Oh no, my baby._

And then I was flying through the air.

I crashed into a tree on the other side of the space, sliding to the ground like a depleted raindrop on a windowpane. The pain hit me hard. _No._ I clutched at my stomach. _Oh God, no._

_"NO!"_ Jacob roared again, turning his glare on Tanya, insanity flashing in his eyes. "Look what you've done to her!" Tears left his murderous eyes as he screamed. "Look what you've _done!"_ Edward's eyes changed as he watched my Jacob; they had been terrified before—angry. Now they showed plain shock and despair. And I knew what Jacob was thinking, and I understood Edward's surprise.

Edward's mouth opened. "I didn't know…" He whispered. He looked as though he'd be crying, paused there in the middle of the field. He was horror struck as he flipped around, searching. It was still all so slow, too very slow. The anger melted from Jacob as he gripped at the ground, his scarred arms and legs feebly trying to push him to me. "Bella, Bella." He whimpered. "My baby."

Edward's anger returned quickly as he looked from Jacob to Tanya. In only a second's time he was next to the beautiful vampire. His fingers curled around her red-blonde hair, yanking her face back toward his. Her features crumpled in shock and in pain as he lowered his mouth close to hers. He smiled one last, mocking, hate-filled smile at her resentful face before his teeth caught her neck. A loud ripping noise cut through the hazy atmosphere around me. I felt sick, unstable. The air became too thick, and I couldn't breathe. Jacob continued to crawl to me, broken and bloody. He looked close to death. I felt close to death.

I choked, feeling dizzy. The world around me seemed to be spinning in multiple directions. The people before me broke apart, forming two identical versions of themselves. Two identical, terrifying versions. I was seeing doubles. They surrounded me, the noise echoing in my head. In my mind I replayed every moment with him, with Jacob. I remembered his warm kiss, his protective arms, his beautiful laugh. In my unseeing eyes, I saw his mouth soften as he stretched his face to mine, eyes gentler than the clouds that covered us. I felt his hot breath on my neck, his hands searching me. I felt the beat of his heart against mine, the feel of his body beneath me as I slept. I felt the ocean, lapping at us, pulling us together, the pain and the love and the agony. The confusion. I felt the sun, him, hot on my face, the passionate red that had filled my every thought.

I felt Jacob. I saw Jacob. I loved Jacob. My stomach ached, my arms surrounding it weakly, protectively. _Oh no._ Blood trickled from my mouth, a different kind of red now clouding my vision, swallowing me into a metallic darkness.

"_No!"_ I heard Jacob bellow once more, closer this time. He had such a lovely voice. Such a beautiful, lovely voice. I was going to miss him. I was really going to miss him. My love, my Jacob. _I love you, Jacob, _I thought to him.

And then I was gone.


	48. Conclusions

**(Disclaimer- I am not Stephenie Meyer. But I am ... uh. nevermind.)**

_SOooooo uhh..for everyone that thought that the last chapter was THE LAST chapter, you're wrong.  
i have a couple left still, so don't stop reading! okayyyyyy. and uhhh. this, again, isn't the end either. so.  
deal with it, gain some patience. ) alright so uhhh, read, review, and read queenoftheviciousvines' story Alive.  
thank you for all of the wonderful reviews. )  
do not kill me for what you are about to read. please and thanks._

Conclusions

_Parting is such sweet sorrow. –Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet._

I'd always believed that nothing could be worse, or better, than dying. But I was wrong. I was so very, very wrong.

My eyes fluttered open, my heart feeling weak and unstable, but somehow, still intact. I could hear an odd noise, high pitched, monotone, horrible, chirping away. My eyes struggled to see the cause of the noise, my mind bending with all its might to understand. Was this heaven, or was this hell?

My eyes met someone else's, and the horrible noise stopped for a moment. My breath caught in my throat, and my eyes opened wide. I felt dizzy. Very dizzy. Because Edward was there. Right there. Had Edward died, too?

He was beside me, his fingers reaching up to brush my face with cold, cold fingers. I stared at him dumbly. His eyes were sad and soft, black with thirst, his lips pursed, eyebrows pushed together.

"Hi." He whispered. It was a strangled sound. And then he started to sob. Little, tearless sobs of misery. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."

My eyes widened, the white hospital room expanding before me, shrinking again. I felt like I was on a boat. My stomach hurt. I moaned. My hand was in his. It was cold. My eyes slipped closed, fighting off the horrible pain.

"No," I whispered, ordering my eyes open once more. It was so hard to do. When they obeyed, I saw Edward's eyes, terrified and anguished, sitting in front of my face. He looked so utterly sorry, so full of grief. I felt the hot tears bubbling in my eyes as I watched him. I wasn't dead, I realized. I was alive. But I didn't know how I felt about it. Should I be happy, or sad? It depended on one thing entirely. Only one thing. My heart squeezed tight, preparing itself. I felt like I might vomit.

"Where's Jacob?" I breathed. I knew the answer, and it killed me. It killed me.

His expression collapsed even further into misery. My heart pounded, evaluating his reaction, taking it as a confirmation. Oh no. Oh no. _Oh no. _Where was Jacob? _Please, God, no, where was Jacob?_ "Where is he, Edward?" I insisted, my voice was small and sad. Full of knowledge, of understanding. _No, please_. The sobs enveloped me, causing a terrible pain to ricochet in my hollow stomach. My hollow stomach. No. My stomach. My baby. Where was my baby?

"Bella," He started, shaking his head. He looked so sad, so sorry. My lungs filled with an air that was too heavy, too suffocating. "I'm so sorry. He's not-" I cut him off with an unearthly whimper. It hurt every inch of me. No, Jacob. _No, God, _I shouted in my head. _No! You can't take Jacob! You cannot have Jacob! _

"No!" I screeched, clinging to my stomach. It hurt so much. It felt like knives were embedded into my skin, my intestines. I started to sway on the hospital bed, dry heaves pulling me forward. The earth was crumbling around me, and I didn't care. I didn't care. Nothing mattered without Jacob. Jacob couldn't be gone. He couldn't be gone. He wouldn't leave me. No!

I continued to scream, my soul trying to escape my battered body through the treacherous cry, trying to get back to Jacob. I wanted to go to Jacob.

Oh no.

Edward's hand caught my face, holding me down, his other hand smoothing my hair. He hushed me with terrified, agonized eyes. I cried.

I had been used to the isolation. It'd been a constant companion of mine. But that was before Jacob. And I didn't know how to be alone now. I couldn't be alone. I couldn't be without Jacob. I refused to be without Jacob. I wouldn't live, wouldn't want to. He'd been the only thing that'd ever mattered. Where would I go now that he was gone? Who would save me? I wouldn't do this. How was I supposed to do this? I needed Jacob. I need Jacob! No! I would _not_ live without him. I wouldn't do it. He filled me with something so wonderful. He'd filled me with sunshine, with love, warmth. I was dead without him. I wanted to be dead without him. Please somebody give him back. I'd do anything, I'd promise the world, I'd never hurt anyone ever again. I'd make it right. Please, I'd make it all right!

Tell me how to make it right!

Jacob can't be gone. Not because of me. Not ever. Oh God. Please God, don't do this to me. How could you do this to me?! How could you take him!?

I was shaking, horribly shaking. I hoped I'd shake myself free of this wretched life, shake to death. I wanted Jacob. I needed Jacob. How could I be here, alive, without him? It didn't make sense. I felt suddenly hot, like I was sitting in the sun. It hurt me, knowing that I'd never really feel the heat. I'd never feel my Jacob. Never again. My sobs worsened as Edward held me to the bed. Oh, no. Jacob was gone. Jacob was gone. Jacob was _dead._ I screeched, murderous cries forming on my lips. I couldn't stop the thoughts from their terrifying circle in my mind. They played, over and over again, broken record of misery and wishes of death.

"No! No, Bella, stop!" He ordered me, his hand covering my mouth. I couldn't. I couldn't stop. I'd lost Jacob. I'd lost my baby. Everything was gone. Everything was done for. And I was still alive. I was still alive, but I had nothing. I had nothing to live for. _Please, God, what have you done to me?_ No. What have I done to myself? "Bella! Stop, _now_! You're going to hurt yourself!"

I didn't listen to him. I was quaking with sobs, shaking with such a delirious sadness that I couldn't feel anything but the rocking anymore. His strong hands gripped the sides of my face, making me look at him. I could hardly see him through the tears. I was going insane.

Jacob was dead.


	49. Reality

**(Disclaimer- I own everything I see. But I'm blind.)**

_this is the last chapter. the very ending. this is how my story ends.  
THIS IS THE END! i'm finished. its insane. BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.  
you may hate me. no. i'm pretty sure that you'll hate me.  
so this won't be my last update. though this IS the end of the story,  
I have an alternate ending. that's right. alternate ending, because i like  
you all way too much to just leave it at this. but this IS the end of my story.  
and i'll be giving little epilogues too..for both endings. SO READ!  
and review. :)  
oh, and uhh.. in case you haven't noticed, i've changed the name of this story  
to Sunrise, because it is the rise of Jacob. :D makes sense, right? and i really  
despised the title new beginnings. D:_

Reality

My eyelids fluttered open once more. Had I fallen asleep? I looked around the dark room, trying to locate Edward's pale face in the deep black that pressed against me. This room smelled familiar, but not the same as the hospital. It no longer held that sterile, hospital smell. Where was I? My fingers tightened around the sheets, and they were softer. My head felt light, disconnected from the rest of me. Nothing was making sense.

Suddenly, with an impact worse than anything I'd ever felt, memories of what had happened began to flood my mind. Jacob and Edward fighting. Tanya nearly killing me. Jacob. Jacob, dead. My baby, dead. A horrible pain clutched my chest, freezing me in the center of the warm bed, but somehow, my arms found my stomach, hugging it. It felt small, empty, but not hollow. Just as if there was nothing there to begin with. Blood pounded in my head, and I felt like I was falling through the air.

"Edward?" I called. My voice was weak, and I was scared. My hands were shaking. Abruptly, something occurred to me. I was able to move my arms, and I didn't feel the tug of wires.

Cautiously, blindly, my fingers felt along my arms, searching. They came up empty. The beeping noise was also gone, I noticed. I took a deep breath, blinking into the dark air.

Was I actually dead?

I rolled to the side, slowly, carefully, trying not to disrupt my broken ribs. But there was no pain. My eyebrows pulled together as I stood from the bed, completely fine. But I wasn't completely fine. Nothing was making sense. I didn't understand. My head lolled back, and I was dizzy. I fell to the floor, my hand clutching the side of the bed. And the bed was real. This was no hospital bed. My head clonked onto the wooden floor. Vomit rose in my throat. I felt so sick.

I needed Jacob.

But if I was dead, would Jacob be here?

I reached before me, calling for him, begging for him, for anyone. But no one was there. No hand waited for me, buried in the black fog of this horrifying room. I was alone. So alone. Where were they? Where was Jacob? I was gasping, swallowing gulps of air much too big for my throbbing chest. I was choking.

A swell of remorse pulled me under, and my eyelids drooped. I started to cry. The sobs took over me, flinging me back and forth on the cold floor. There was a little slit of light calling from beneath the door, not too far from me. I crawled to it, feeling my heart shatter as my fingers clawed at the ground. I couldn't hear anything but the sound of Jacob's cries echoing inside of me, and I wanted him. I begged for him to be behind the door, for him to be there, waiting. My head hurt. I was spinning. I was spinning.

The door opened before I could reach it. The light flicked on.

Was it Jacob? My heart stopped in my chest, but I couldn't see past the tears. I wiped them roughly, filled so entirely with hope that I felt as though I'd burst apart, my feeble body no longer able to contain my many emotions, my vast confusion and longing.

And then I shattered.

"Annabelle?" My mother stood before me, her pink robe tucked in around her waist. Her hair was in curlers, her face covered in a green facial mask. She looked at me oddly, her mouth popping open in shock at the sight of my sobbing figure sprawled on the floor. I clung to myself, staring at her motionless form in the doorway of the revolving room. I could taste blood in my mouth from biting my tongue when I hit my head. I was dizzy from the smell of it. The taste of it. The room blurred. "Anna, what are you _doing?"_ She asked, incredulous.

I looked around, a pit in my stomach. My eyes widened. My heart dropped. The dimly lit room closed in around me, and it was mine. Anna's. Anna's room. Anna Hensley. I couldn't breathe. How did I get here? I felt so sick. My head slumped back against the cool floor, and I pressed my cheek against it, trying to lessen the dizziness. _Put your head between your knees, _Edward had once told me, long, long ago. I wanted Jacob.

My heart ached.

"Where is Jacob?" I whispered, my voice breaking with subtle, quiet sobs. My mother's eyebrows met in the center of her green face, and she cocked her head to the side. Quickly, she was on the floor beside me, pulling my head into her lap. She stroked my hair, hushing me when the shrieks took over, throwing me forward. I couldn't stop crying. She shook her head, bewildered. "How did I get here?!" I demanded.

"Honey, who is Jacob?" She seemed honestly confused. How could she not remember him after meeting him just a week or so before? What was going on here? My heart hurt. My head hurt. Where was Edward? He was with me just a moment ago…

"What happened to my baby?" I cried. My mother's head shot back like she'd been smacked. Her eyes grew wider than I'd ever seen. She looked angry, appalled.

"What baby!?" She exclaimed. Then, drawing in a deep breath, she plucked my face from her lap, holding it firmly between her hands. They weren't warm or cold enough to please me. I continued to weep. "Anna. What is going on with you? What are you talking about? Jacob, babies? You never had a baby, sweetie."

As she said this, something dawned on her, and suddenly, as though someone had whispered it into her ear, her head tilted to the side, and comprehension softened her face. She blinked, smiling understandingly at my horrified expression. Tears still marked my cheeks. I couldn't hold myself together. I didn't understand.

"Did you have another bad dream, Anna, honey?" She whispered. I stopped crying, my eyes opening wide. My mouth hung open, and my throat felt dry. What did she mean, a dream? I started shaking again. "It's okay, sweetie. I'll make you another appointment with Dr. Mondrin."

Her arms tugged at me, lifting me, with some effort, from the ground, and she placed me back in my bed. My bed. Anna's bed. I wasn't breathing. Comprehension evaded me. I reached out to her, but I was looking for someone else. I was looking for a warm, russet colored hand. Was Jacob dead? Was I? Was this some kind of insane hell? I supposed I deserved it. But where was Edward? He'd been with me…Had I died after that? I shook my head, rocking myself in the center of the orange sheets. My mother draped the comforter over my shoulders, hushing me once more, though I was eerily silent.

What did she mean, a dream? Was this some kind of cruel trick? What was happening? This couldn't have been a dream. No, I wouldn't believe that. I'd had him, right here in my arms, so many times. I'd had the two of them. I'd felt them, smelled them, touched them. They'd been so close. What was going on? How could she say that? What was wrong with her? With me?

"Wait!" I cried as she stepped back through the doorway. My fingers clawed at the bed set, tearing the sheets from their places, shoving them to the floor as I tried to get to her. I was going mad. Insane. I couldn't handle it. What was happening?! What was going on!? "No! No, I'm Bella! I'm not Anna!" I blubbered. "Somebody believe me! Tell me! Where is Jacob!? Edward?" My shouting burned off into merciless whimpers.

Her jaw tightened as she shook her head in bafflement. Her lips were pursed and her eyes were full with pity. She bit her lip, her hand resting lightly on the doorknob. She looked afraid. My fists slammed against the mattress. I screamed for Edward, Jacob, anyone. I didn't understand. It wasn't making sense. My fingers found my hair, and I tugged on it, dangerously close to ripping it from the sides of my skull, trying feebly to force the truth from my pores.

Nothing was making sense.

I wanted to go back. I wanted to go back to Jacob. What had happened? What was going on? Please, God, put it all back the way it was!

"What is going _on_?!" I screeched.

"It was _just a dream_. Just a bad dream." She said sternly. Her face was worried. I could tell that she didn't know what to do with me. She shook her head at me once more, hopelessly this time, and closed the door.

_Just a dream_, she'd said. _Just a bad dream._

_And dreams in their development have breath,  
__And tears, and tortures, and the touch of joy;  
__They leave a weight upon our waking thoughts,  
__They take a weight from off our waking toils,  
__They do divide our being; they become  
__A portion of ourselves as of our time  
__And look like heralds of eternity._

—_Lord Byron, "The Dream"_

_**(Author's note:** look for the next ending. it'll be up soon :D oh, and uh...for all of you who are like I HATE YOU  
because of the jake thing, please don't! haha. i knew most of you would be like that, but you have to understand  
that i hated myself for this entire ending! thats mostly why i have an alternate ending. i don't think that i could  
possibly live with myself if I just let it end like this. the only reason i AM ending it like this, even if it isn't the  
only ending, is because i think that its good. i like this ending. i mean, it isn't the happiest ending by far, but it  
is pretty cool, i think. :P and uhhh.. just to let you know, jake didn't really die. because it was all a dream to begin  
with. there was no jake to kill off...but anyway. like i said. i'll be posting another ending. keep on the lookout**)**_


	50. alternate ending

**(Disclaimer- me no own.)**

_this is for all you happy go-lucky folks who wanted to kill me for ending my fanfic that way.  
and just to clear it up, bella DID die. she died, and Anna has been having dreams for a long time,  
but that entire thing was just ANOTHER one of her dreams. so she doesn't know if she's really the reincarnation  
of bella or not. it could all have just been a mindless dream, a dream that had no truth to it. or DID it have truth  
to it? DUN DUN DUNNNN. :D i'm doing a sequel to that. yeah. that ending..has a sequel. mwahah.  
but uh. here's the other ending. they'll both have epilogues.  
happy reading, lovely people._

Alternate Ending

"Jacob is _fine_, Bella! Stop it, _now!"_ Edward's confusing words made my breath catch in my throat, the sobs jam up in my chest. He wiped the tears from my eyes, allowing me to see him. My chest ached. I wanted Jacob. _Jacob was fine?_ "Jacob isn't here right now. He is, but he's with…he's with your baby." I blinked at his broken face, flinching when I noticed the untainted devastation in his eyes.

"Ja—Ja…cob….my, m-my baby?" I was stuttering, overwhelmed. I broke into tears again. Edward simply nodded, his fingers stroking my cheek once more, pulling away from me, standing, walking slowly to the door.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He whispered. Then he disappeared.

I stayed there, lying on the bed with a blank expression on my face, when all of a sudden, the door reopened. My eyes widened, straining to see the russet face, but when the person emerged from the shadows, the face was much lower to the ground than I'd have thought. And it was pale.

"Hey, Bella." Alice slithered into the room uncomfortably, looking around. Her pale pink lips formed a teensy smile as she sat beside me in the chair. She took my hand gently in hers, careful not to disturb the many wires. I bit my lip, taking in the needle imbedded in the crevice of my arm.

"Hi." I said, sounding a little dazed. I felt a little dazed, too. The room flickered around me, my eyes drooped. Alice's grip tightened on my hand and I heard her intake of breath.

I opened an eye, and we were no longer alone. Jasper and Esme now brightened the room, their pale skin slightly glowing under the artificial lighting. My eyes widened as I stared at them, and they smiled kindly back. I looked back at Alice.

She had her lips pursed; her eyes were wary and intent on my face. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I wish I could have done something to stop it. But it took forever to even see what Tanya was planning. She just…disappeared. And then she kept changing her mind. And when I finally saw it happen…" She trailed off, eyes on the floor. "I don't know how she found you. I guess she heard you screaming…I would have been there, but her family…We had to stop them, first. They would have helped Tanya, like Irina did, you know. They were mad at the wolves still…They didn't even care. They're gone now. We had to…" She stopped her hurried rant there, shaking her head, lost in her thoughts. I stroked the back of her hand with my finger, completely at ease now that Jasper was making me that way—no doubt that he was, either. I'd never seen Alice struggle with her words like this. "Is there anything you need? Anything I can get you?" She asked suddenly, changing the subject, sounding nervous.

There was only one thing that I could think of. I sucked in a breath of air; it hurt.

"Jacob." I said simply. I watched, my fingertips toying with the scratchy fabric of the sheet that was draped over me, as Alice's eyes twitched with subtle pain and rejection. I bit my lip, realizing my mistake, and squeezed her hand again, happy when her expression smoothed, thanks to Jasper, but still feeling the need to apologize. "No, no. I don't mean that I don't need you, too, Alice. I love you. I do. I'm sorry."

"No… don't apologize, I understand that. I'm sorry." Her eyes were still sad, but she let out a shaky, musical laugh. "I'm not very good at the comforting thing today." She pursed her lips, looking away from me, back at her family. Esme placed a hand on her shoulder, her other hand finding mine.

"It's okay. You're doing fine." I assured Alice. She murmured quiet thanks, smiling unenthusiastically, before her eyes went wide and blank. I knew that look. I watched her, my eyes narrowing as her lips curled softly upward. Her lids contracted slightly as she came back to the present. My empty stomach felt fiery hot as I watched her smile widen. Her slight legs bent then, pushing up from the chair.

"We'll be back in a little while." Jasper murmured to me, watching his little wife with adoring eyes. Then quickly, the Cullens filed out of the room. Alice was the last to leave.

"Bye." She said, kissing my cheek before flitting from the room behind the rest of them. Just as she was exiting, Emmett and Rosalie appeared. My eyes widened. His hand was wrapped around hers, both of their mouths stretched open over their teeth, beaming down at me. Rosalie's golden eyes glistened as she nodded her head my way.

"Hey, wolf girl." Emmett greeted me, grinning and chuckling as they reached the side of my bed. It reminded me of the time Embry had greeted me so many years ago, only he'd said the opposite. I'd been vampire girl then. I felt my heart flip in my chest, feeling kind of dizzy. I smiled back weakly, trying to hide the weird feeling in my stomach, thankful that Jasper wasn't here to feel it.

"Hey, Emmett." He took my hand in his, chuckling at how shaky my voice was, giving the wires in my arm a weird look. I tried not to think about those. I turned my stare to Rosalie instead, flashing my teeth to her, too. "Rosalie." I greeted tentatively. She blinked at me, her smile growing lovingly. My head felt detached from my body, like it'd float away.

"So. I just saw your kid." Emmett informed me, a huge smirk on his face. Rosalie bit her lip; her smile was just as large. I felt my eyes expand out of my head, my breath sucked into my mouth. My kid? My baby was alive? I blinked.

"You did?"

"Yeah, he's beautiful, Bella." He shook his head, his eyes distant, focusing on the side of my pillow. A dozen emotions drowned my mind. I felt like I was back in the water, sinking, almost a century ago, the water lapping at me, pulling me under. _He's beautiful_, He'd said. He. _He._

"_He?_ It's a _boy_?"

Emmett's face dropped in shock and guilt. His eyes widened, chuckling nervously. "Oops. Jacob probably should have been the one to tell you that." A guilty smile broke loose on his face. Rosalie watched me from the corner of the room, her eyes warm. I could see something behind the warmth of her stare. Something that resembled jealousy. My mouth twitched, and I stared at the ceiling.

"A boy." I whispered, a smile on my mouth. I couldn't believe it. "What's he look like, Emmett?"

"He's beautiful" He repeated. "A little small, well, hell, more than a little small. He's tiny—still super premature. He shouldn't have been able to have survived this young." He paused once to flinch at the thought, much like Rosalie and I did, before continuing playfully. "But the werewolf gene helped, I guess. I don't think that gene should have kicked in this early, but, then again, the kid was _born_ around vampires…" He stopped to snicker, shaking his head.

Did that mean my baby was already a werewolf? That was impossible.

"He's a werewolf?!" I started to panic, imagining the looks of the people viewing the nursery. How would they react to a teensy baby, a baby with razor sharp teeth, covered in fur? Would he even have teeth at all yet? The beeping noise of the heart monitor increased in speed, but Emmett only chuckled.

"No! Calm down before you give yourself a heart attack. That isn't really something that anybody needs right now. I just said the gene is keeping him alive, helping him grow quicker. I don't think he'll turn into a werewolf now. He's not in the nursery, either, though, because, well, there'd be too many questions. But don't worry. Carlisle won't let anything happen to that baby."

He paused then, looking at his hands, which were folded on his lap, thinking to himself. Then he sighed.

"You know, in a weird way, we all feel like it's our baby, too. I mean, we know he's yours, but you're _our_ Bella." His eyes met mine again, and they were soft. "Nothing will change what you mean to us. No matter what decisions you make. You're always our Bella."

And I could tell that he was completely sincere. They both were. He'd meant everything that he'd said, and I could tell then that both of them, all of them, loved me. They always would. But even with that knowledge, I couldn't forget the pain. There would always be pain. I had hurt their brother, and there was nothing that I could do about it. There was no second option, unless I wanted to leave Jacob. And leaving Jacob just wasn't plausible, especially after the pain of almost losing him, which I still wasn't quite over, and wouldn't be, not until I saw him. I couldn't deal with that. I just couldn't. I couldn't leave him. I loved him too much.

I closed my eyes, thinking to myself for a minute. I had no idea how I would work around the misery that I'd caused Edward. It was cruel of me to have kissed him, to have forgotten my common sense like that. It was cruel to tease him, even if I didn't mean to. I was horrible for doing that to him, horrible for doing that to myself. Because in truth, I knew that I would always love him. It was a strong, unending emotion. And I knew that as long as he lived, so would my love for him live, even after my own death. But I'd made my decision, and there was no turning back. I didn't want to turn back.

But would I see them again? The Cullens? Could I be selfish enough to wish for that, knowing that it would hurt Edward further? Was there any way for us all to be civilized? Or would I have to choose, finally, between the two sets of my mythical friends? I didn't want to have to choose. I hated choosing. But, already, sitting here, trying not to choose, I knew the choice that I'd make. It was my only choice, really. I couldn't live without Jacob.

"Thanks, Emmett." I smiled at him, opening my eyes, watching as his mouth mimicked mine. He didn't mind that my answer was a little late. "I love you all very much." I told him. And I meant it.

"We know. We love you, too." He chuckled, punching my shoulder lightly, playfully. Then he stood and walked to the door, waiting for his wife. She hurried to my side, her arms wrapping around me gently, careful not to cause me any pain.

"Congratulations. You finally made the right choice. I'm so happy for you, Bella." She whispered into my ear, a pretty smile on her face. She kissed my forehead, leaving me wide-eyed and open-mouthed, before turning back to Emmett. His hand reached out for hers and she stepped forward, a beautiful blonde strand of hair swinging into her face. His fingers caught it and shoved it behind her ear before they turned and walked slowly to the door, about to leave.

My brother and sister.

"Emmett," I called to him, making him pause in the doorway. He looked back at me, a curious expression on his face.

"What's my baby's name?" I asked. Emmett smiled, his eyes leaving me for a second, focusing on something beyond the door. I gazed at him, waiting for an answer, but he didn't respond. Instead, his hands flew out in front of him, gesturing the right of way to whoever was on the other side of the doorframe.

"You don't seriously think I'd name him without you?" His voice entered before he did. It was warm and beautiful and sarcastic. My heart plummeted in my chest, my mouth stretching into a grin, my eyes glued to his russet colored face as he sauntered into the room, his hands in his pockets, swaying like a cool kid. My breath caught in my throat, a giggle popping out of my mouth at his silly swagger. He smiled at me, watching for a split second as Rose and Emmett exited the room, smiling warmly at the both of us. It shocked me a little, seeing them express such affection for him. It made me happy.

"Jacob." I whispered.

"I knew you'd wake up the second I left." He accused. "What's up with that?" His voice was soft and teasing as he sat in the chair beside my bed, a wide, wondrous grin on his face. We sat there, the two of us smiling, staring at each other, for a long while. It felt so nice, so wonderfully nice, being close to him, feeling this heat. I almost choked on my own happiness as it overflowed inside of me, gushing from my chest and leaking out of every single one of my pores. It seemed as if the world was on fire. I couldn't get enough.

Then, finally, his expression changed, becoming soft, sad. "Oh, Bells." He whispered, planting kisses all over my face. "I was so worried."

Hot tears splashed along my forehead, and they felt nice. He snorted at his flood of emotion, wiping his face, and gently brushed the moisture from mine. His eyes raked over my still form, wincing when they passed over my chest. I knew what he was thinking about. I could feel it. And even though it hurt, bad, it wasn't _as_ bad this time. I'd had broken ribs before.

His fingertips trailed along my arms, my face, my hair. His eyes were soft and sad. Jacob sighed, his eyes leaving mine to focus on the ceiling. They were tight, and I knew why. My heart beat slowed, too slow, and I ached for a rewind button, longed to be able to go back and not do what I did, not kiss Edward. Be faithful to Jake like he'd always been to me.

"How did you find me?" My voice was almost inaudible as I stared at his hand, unable to make eye contact. Guilt washed over me, remembering what he must have seen. He sucked in a deep breath.

"I never went to the funeral. I couldn't get myself to leave." I could see the small, embarrassed smile curve its way onto his warm lips out of the corner of my eye. "I called you, three times. You didn't answer…so I got worried. I went there, looking for you, but you weren't home. You were no where. I thought about going back to La Push, looking there…but for some reason…I just kept thinking about the meadow. I couldn't get that horrible feeling out of my stomach. And then, when I was close…I heard you screaming." He broke off there, cringing as the sound echoed in his head. For a split second, his face was murderously angry again. I bit my lip, my eyebrows furrowing.

"It wasn't like that Jacob…" I told him, defending Edward. Edward would never do anything to me that I wouldn't want…and that was the sad thing. I _had_ wanted that. I'd wanted all of it. I was a horrible, horrible person. I _should_ have died. I really should have. "Edward didn't—"

"I know." He interrupted. His voice and eyes were tight, curt. He let out a long breath through his nose, forcing his expression to soften. "I know that now…" He pursed his lips.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, my hands sliding over his, ignoring the tug of the wires, trying to soothe him. I was so horrible. I didn't deserve him. Not now, not ever. But I couldn't exist without him. I wouldn't. I was so selfish.

His fingers caught my hands and he brought them to his mouth. He kissed them almost roughly, eying me with an odd combination of relief, joy, agony, and lethargy. I opened my mouth to apologize again, but he cut me off, changing the subject, letting the conversation leak out into a happier note.

"So we've got ourselves a baby." He grinned widely, mimicking a southern accent, trying to lighten the mood. I looked at him funny, snorting, clutching my ribs when the pain struck wildly. I bit my lip as I nodded. He grimaced, placing his hot hand tenderly on my side. Somehow, the pain lessened beneath his gentle fingers. "What're we going to name him?" He asked quietly.

I pressed my lips together, thinking about it. I really had no idea what to name him at all. I swept my hand across my forehead, feeling a little under the weather for decision making. My throat felt scratchy and sore, and my own lethargy was making it hard to think.

"Taha Aki?" I croaked jokingly. It was obvious to the both of us that I was only half conscious by this time. I couldn't feel anything but his warm fingers on my skin, brushing at my hair. I could smell only the pine scent of his breath, see the warm red of his face. He cocked his head to the side, smiling at me, shaking his head.

"Are you insane?" He asked, playfully incredulous. "You're out of your mind if you think I'm naming my kid _Taha Aki._" He snorted then, rolling his eyes. I just smiled sleepily, my eyelids working hard to stay apart. Already, looking at him was beginning to feel more like watching a slide show of still shots. My eyes refused to stay open for more than a second.

Jacob's quiet laugh filled the air around me, and it was a soothing sound. I was so lucky not to have lost him, in death of in rage. I honestly didn't know what I'd do without him. He truly was my everything. Just thinking about how close I'd come…how I'd been so sure that my future with him had been lost, that his heart had stopped before mine, that I'd never be able to feel his sweet warmth again… It was unbearable. I shook my head infinitesimally, groggy and barely there at all anymore, lingering only with the sound of his laughter, his hushed voice.

"We'll decide later, then." He whispered to me, his warm lips pressing tenderly against mine. "But no crazy Indian names, got it?" Jacob laughed again, quiet, gentle wisps of laughter that swept against my skin—intimate, comforting, beautiful sounds. "I love you, Bells." He murmured. And I knew he did. And I loved him, so much. I'd never hurt him again. Never. Not once more would my actions, my words, cause a look of pain or anger to mar his beautiful face. I'd kill myself first. I loved him so much. My Jacob, my beautiful Jacob.

And with the deep, pretty sound of his voice echoing throughout me, I drifted off to sleep.


	51. author's note READ

Author's note:

**Author's note:**

Okay, so I'm not doing an epilogue for the first ending. I will be doing an epilogue for the second, alternate ending, but not at this very moment. It'll probably be up sometime soon, and the second that it is up, I'll remove this little author's note. But, in the mean time, I'm doing a sequel to this story. The sequel goes with the first ending of this book, the dream ending. The sequel is called Nightfall. It should be up like…right now. 

So yeah, go read Nightfall! Please and thank you!


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